No Kids at Wedding - Why So Much Anger?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

There have been examples in this very thread of bride/groomzillas getting very angry and having tantrums because people politely declined.

So you ignore them and go about your life. Like a normal adult would do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

Why would someone send a gift in this case? Sending a gift is for when you feel really bad that you couldn’t attend the wedding, not that the bride snubbed you. Just decline and that’s it. You don’t need to comment about it but certainly don’t need to send a gift.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

Why would someone send a gift in this case? Sending a gift is for when you feel really bad that you couldn’t attend the wedding, not that the bride snubbed you. Just decline and that’s it. You don’t need to comment about it but certainly don’t need to send a gift.

You feel snubbed because your kids can't go? How weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So back to the thread title- why so angry? I do agree that the angriest people seem to be the people whose children are not invited and that is puzzling.

From what I can tell, BG accept the declines graciously.

Has anyone actually been harangued by a BG for declining a wedding invite? I certainly have not.

Yes, I have. I didn’t decline because of kids but because of the expense of the travel involved, which was prohibitively expensive at the time. Bride was very angry, relationship never recovered.

The only time I've heard of this is after the bride shelled out $$$ to host an expensive bachelorette party, bought a $500 dress to be a bridesmaid, and flew to some rural place to attend the decliner's wedding. They are pissed the favor wasn't returned after all they did for that person. So, PP did you get married before your friend?

No. In fact she knew my financial situation, but when I declined, said some awful things about how I was too lazy to get another job to pay to attend her wedding. Her wedding was paid for entirely by her very wealthy parents, while I had to pay for most of my own, later wedding because my parents aren’t wealthy. I did not invite her to my wedding years later, of course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

Exactly!

And if they truly care, they would call you and discuss "hey I know it's 18+ and you have two cute toddlers. We'd love for both of you to attend and I've gotten a list of amazing sitters from my friend/sfamily/coworkers and would love to help arrange sitters for you if you are able to come".

I would leave my kid with a stranger and spend a fortune on travel and a sitter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So back to the thread title- why so angry? I do agree that the angriest people seem to be the people whose children are not invited and that is puzzling.

From what I can tell, BG accept the declines graciously.

Has anyone actually been harangued by a BG for declining a wedding invite? I certainly have not.

Yes, I have. I didn’t decline because of kids but because of the expense of the travel involved, which was prohibitively expensive at the time. Bride was very angry, relationship never recovered.

The only time I've heard of this is after the bride shelled out $$$ to host an expensive bachelorette party, bought a $500 dress to be a bridesmaid, and flew to some rural place to attend the decliner's wedding. They are pissed the favor wasn't returned after all they did for that person. So, PP did you get married before your friend?

No. In fact she knew my financial situation, but when I declined, said some awful things about how I was too lazy to get another job to pay to attend her wedding. Her wedding was paid for entirely by her very wealthy parents, while I had to pay for most of my own, later wedding because my parents aren’t wealthy. I did not invite her to my wedding years later, of course.

Well that sucks but sounds like you weren't very good friends for her to turn so easily on you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

There have been examples in this very thread of bride/groomzillas getting very angry and having tantrums because people politely declined.

There are far more of people getting mad their own kids aren't invited. Curiously all those examples are second hand so may be very exaggerated. Not a single poster has said they were mad someone didn't attend.

Nobody believes they are a groom/bridezilla so they aren’t going to post about the tantrum they threw because people declined their wedding invitation. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, and there have been multiple posters who have talked about very angry brides/grooms who threw tantrums and worse when the poster declined.

If you believe no bride is a bridezilla, you may need to look at your own behavior.

My own behavior? Or maybe I and everyone I know is normal. People who know bridezillas probably have a lot of drama in their lives. Look at your own behavior, friend.

What behavior? Politely declining an invite, and sending a gift? That’s what I did, and the bride freaked out.

It is weird how you want to put forth this myth that all brides are fully rational and polite people when the term “bridezilla” exists for a reason. Your refusal to believe that some brides have appalling manners is weird.

[Anonymous]

Somewhere along the generations, parents started lugging their kids everywhere. In the 20th century parents left kids with family and went to places like Hawaii on their own, lol.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So back to the thread title- why so angry? I do agree that the angriest people seem to be the people whose children are not invited and that is puzzling.

From what I can tell, BG accept the declines graciously.

Has anyone actually been harangued by a BG for declining a wedding invite? I certainly have not.

Yes, I have. I didn’t decline because of kids but because of the expense of the travel involved, which was prohibitively expensive at the time. Bride was very angry, relationship never recovered.

The only time I've heard of this is after the bride shelled out $$$ to host an expensive bachelorette party, bought a $500 dress to be a bridesmaid, and flew to some rural place to attend the decliner's wedding. They are pissed the favor wasn't returned after all they did for that person. So, PP did you get married before your friend?

No. In fact she knew my financial situation, but when I declined, said some awful things about how I was too lazy to get another job to pay to attend her wedding. Her wedding was paid for entirely by her very wealthy parents, while I had to pay for most of my own, later wedding because my parents aren’t wealthy. I did not invite her to my wedding years later, of course.

Well that sucks but sounds like you weren't very good friends for her to turn so easily on you.

lol okay bridezilla. We’ve got you identified now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So back to the thread title- why so angry? I do agree that the angriest people seem to be the people whose children are not invited and that is puzzling.

From what I can tell, BG accept the declines graciously.

Has anyone actually been harangued by a BG for declining a wedding invite? I certainly have not.

Yes, I have. I didn’t decline because of kids but because of the expense of the travel involved, which was prohibitively expensive at the time. Bride was very angry, relationship never recovered.

The only time I've heard of this is after the bride shelled out $$$ to host an expensive bachelorette party, bought a $500 dress to be a bridesmaid, and flew to some rural place to attend the decliner's wedding. They are pissed the favor wasn't returned after all they did for that person. So, PP did you get married before your friend?

No. In fact she knew my financial situation, but when I declined, said some awful things about how I was too lazy to get another job to pay to attend her wedding. Her wedding was paid for entirely by her very wealthy parents, while I had to pay for most of my own, later wedding because my parents aren’t wealthy. I did not invite her to my wedding years later, of course.

Well that sucks but sounds like you weren't very good friends for her to turn so easily on you.

Holy victim-blaming. Found the bridezilla!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

There have been examples in this very thread of bride/groomzillas getting very angry and having tantrums because people politely declined.

There are far more of people getting mad their own kids aren't invited. Curiously all those examples are second hand so may be very exaggerated. Not a single poster has said they were mad someone didn't attend.

Nobody believes they are a groom/bridezilla so they aren’t going to post about the tantrum they threw because people declined their wedding invitation. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, and there have been multiple posters who have talked about very angry brides/grooms who threw tantrums and worse when the poster declined.

If you believe no bride is a bridezilla, you may need to look at your own behavior.

My own behavior? Or maybe I and everyone I know is normal. People who know bridezillas probably have a lot of drama in their lives. Look at your own behavior, friend.

What behavior? Politely declining an invite, and sending a gift? That’s what I did, and the bride freaked out.

It is weird how you want to put forth this myth that all brides are fully rational and polite people when the term “bridezilla” exists for a reason. Your refusal to believe that some brides have appalling manners is weird.

You questioned my behavior, with no provocation. So, now yours is up for debate. Dramatic people tend to know dramatic people. Birds of a feather.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So back to the thread title- why so angry? I do agree that the angriest people seem to be the people whose children are not invited and that is puzzling.

From what I can tell, BG accept the declines graciously.

Has anyone actually been harangued by a BG for declining a wedding invite? I certainly have not.

Yes, I have. I didn’t decline because of kids but because of the expense of the travel involved, which was prohibitively expensive at the time. Bride was very angry, relationship never recovered.

The only time I've heard of this is after the bride shelled out $$$ to host an expensive bachelorette party, bought a $500 dress to be a bridesmaid, and flew to some rural place to attend the decliner's wedding. They are pissed the favor wasn't returned after all they did for that person. So, PP did you get married before your friend?

No. In fact she knew my financial situation, but when I declined, said some awful things about how I was too lazy to get another job to pay to attend her wedding. Her wedding was paid for entirely by her very wealthy parents, while I had to pay for most of my own, later wedding because my parents aren’t wealthy. I did not invite her to my wedding years later, of course.

Well that sucks but sounds like you weren't very good friends for her to turn so easily on you.

lol okay bridezilla. We’ve got you identified now.

Lol. I had 50 people at my local wedding. No kids. Planned it in less than 3 months. You have no clue what you're talking about.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So back to the thread title- why so angry? I do agree that the angriest people seem to be the people whose children are not invited and that is puzzling.

From what I can tell, BG accept the declines graciously.

Has anyone actually been harangued by a BG for declining a wedding invite? I certainly have not.

Yes, I have. I didn’t decline because of kids but because of the expense of the travel involved, which was prohibitively expensive at the time. Bride was very angry, relationship never recovered.

The only time I've heard of this is after the bride shelled out $$$ to host an expensive bachelorette party, bought a $500 dress to be a bridesmaid, and flew to some rural place to attend the decliner's wedding. They are pissed the favor wasn't returned after all they did for that person. So, PP did you get married before your friend?

No. In fact she knew my financial situation, but when I declined, said some awful things about how I was too lazy to get another job to pay to attend her wedding. Her wedding was paid for entirely by her very wealthy parents, while I had to pay for most of my own, later wedding because my parents aren’t wealthy. I did not invite her to my wedding years later, of course.

Well that sucks but sounds like you weren't very good friends for her to turn so easily on you.

Holy victim-blaming. Found the bridezilla!

So very good friends end great friendships over weddings? That's your belief?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Somewhere along the generations, parents started lugging their kids everywhere. In the 20th century parents left kids with family and went to places like Hawaii on their own, lol.

I am a millennial, and maybe it's because we were just regular ole middle class, but I don't know anyone whose parents did this growing up. Now I see my peers doing this all the time! My parents used babysitters for date nights and adult-only events pretty regularly, but trips? Not a chance.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it's fine for random friends' kids, but my 12 year old would be sad if she was not invited to her uncle's wedding.

And it's alright for her to be sad. Not everything is about her. 12 is a fine age to learn that.

A 12 year old should be invited. Or, she learns she isn't family. Hope this uncle doesn't expect the 12 year old to babysit his kids or have a relationship.

Is she not family if a dinner is hosted at a bar? Or if you attend an 18+ comedy show? There is no rule that "12 year olds should be invited".

Not inviting a 12 year old to an 18+ comedy show: normal.
Not inviting a 12 year old to an immediate (or near immediate) family members church wedding and dinner/ dancing reception: not normal.

See that is where you are wrong. It is normal for the B/G to decide how they want their reception and wedding to be. If they chose adults only, that is normal. Or they can choose infants to 100+, once again their choice.

They can choose what they want, but for example, choosing not to invite elderly relatives, or only blood relatives but not spouses, would not be normal. In some communities, the idea of not inviting your nieces and nephews is equally strange, though apparently this concept is normal in some places