No Kids at Wedding - Why So Much Anger?!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So back to the thread title- why so angry? I do agree that the angriest people seem to be the people whose children are not invited and that is puzzling.

From what I can tell, BG accept the declines graciously.

Has anyone actually been harangued by a BG for declining a wedding invite? I certainly have not.

Yes, I have. I didn’t decline because of kids but because of the expense of the travel involved, which was prohibitively expensive at the time. Bride was very angry, relationship never recovered.

The only time I've heard of this is after the bride shelled out $$$ to host an expensive bachelorette party, bought a $500 dress to be a bridesmaid, and flew to some rural place to attend the decliner's wedding. They are pissed the favor wasn't returned after all they did for that person. So, PP did you get married before your friend?

No. In fact she knew my financial situation, but when I declined, said some awful things about how I was too lazy to get another job to pay to attend her wedding. Her wedding was paid for entirely by her very wealthy parents, while I had to pay for most of my own, later wedding because my parents aren’t wealthy. I did not invite her to my wedding years later, of course.

Well that sucks but sounds like you weren't very good friends for her to turn so easily on you.

Holy victim-blaming. Found the bridezilla!

So very good friends end great friendships over weddings? That's your belief?

Narcissists like that bride do, yes. My guess is you’re angry about this because you’re one of the narcissistic nightmares, and I say that as someone who doesn’t care about kids at weddings. You are kind of demonstrating that the people who are adamantly pro child free weddings are horrific narcissists, though.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

so why invite someone if you don’t actually care if they’ll be there? Are they props for you photos?

Adults realize that invitations are not summons.

That’s not the question. The question is why you invite people to your wedding if you are indifferent to whether or not they come.

The deeper issue is people turning weddings into absurdly expensive and inconvenient multi-day shows that are “all about the brideeee!!!”

Yes, it’s all so ridiculous. All over events that are often tedious!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So back to the thread title- why so angry? I do agree that the angriest people seem to be the people whose children are not invited and that is puzzling.

From what I can tell, BG accept the declines graciously.

Has anyone actually been harangued by a BG for declining a wedding invite? I certainly have not.

Yes, I have. I didn’t decline because of kids but because of the expense of the travel involved, which was prohibitively expensive at the time. Bride was very angry, relationship never recovered.

The only time I've heard of this is after the bride shelled out $$$ to host an expensive bachelorette party, bought a $500 dress to be a bridesmaid, and flew to some rural place to attend the decliner's wedding. They are pissed the favor wasn't returned after all they did for that person. So, PP did you get married before your friend?

No. In fact she knew my financial situation, but when I declined, said some awful things about how I was too lazy to get another job to pay to attend her wedding. Her wedding was paid for entirely by her very wealthy parents, while I had to pay for most of my own, later wedding because my parents aren’t wealthy. I did not invite her to my wedding years later, of course.

Well that sucks but sounds like you weren't very good friends for her to turn so easily on you.

Holy victim-blaming. Found the bridezilla!

So very good friends end great friendships over weddings? That's your belief?

Narcissists like that bride do, yes. My guess is you’re angry about this because you’re one of the narcissistic nightmares, and I say that as someone who doesn’t care about kids at weddings. You are kind of demonstrating that the people who are adamantly pro child free weddings are horrific narcissists, though.

My guess is you’re an ego maniac who cant imagine someone who doesn’t think exactly like you do. Maybe get help for your main character syndrome.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

Exactly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

There have been examples in this very thread of bride/groomzillas getting very angry and having tantrums because people politely declined.

There are far more of people getting mad their own kids aren't invited. Curiously all those examples are second hand so may be very exaggerated. Not a single poster has said they were mad someone didn't attend.

Nobody believes they are a groom/bridezilla so they aren’t going to post about the tantrum they threw because people declined their wedding invitation. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, and there have been multiple posters who have talked about very angry brides/grooms who threw tantrums and worse when the poster declined.

If you believe no bride is a bridezilla, you may need to look at your own behavior.

My own behavior? Or maybe I and everyone I know is normal. People who know bridezillas probably have a lot of drama in their lives. Look at your own behavior, friend.

+1 That previous poster seems to be majorly projecting and having some kind of personal beef which they can't separate from how the majority of weddings actually work in real practice. There have not been multiple posters talking about very angry brides/ grooms "throwing tantrums". This is not happening on the regular. I think this is personal to this poster, which is sad. They need to let it go.

Why do you think the term bridezilla was invented?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

This. The anger is on both sides. If someone declines because travel with kids and then unknown babysitter in a new place is undesirable, the the bride/groomzillas need to accept that.

Frankly if I were having a distance wedding with travelers with young kids I’d 1) have a reception open to kids (maybe not ceremony); and 2) I’d either provide babysitting or make a list for guests.

bride/groomzillas?
As has been pointed out, THEY DON'T CARE IF YOU DECLINE. Why do you think you're so special? Just send a gift and decline. Done.

There have been examples in this very thread of bride/groomzillas getting very angry and having tantrums because people politely declined.

There are far more of people getting mad their own kids aren't invited. Curiously all those examples are second hand so may be very exaggerated. Not a single poster has said they were mad someone didn't attend.

Nobody believes they are a groom/bridezilla so they aren’t going to post about the tantrum they threw because people declined their wedding invitation. That doesn’t mean it didn’t happen, and there have been multiple posters who have talked about very angry brides/grooms who threw tantrums and worse when the poster declined.

If you believe no bride is a bridezilla, you may need to look at your own behavior.

My own behavior? Or maybe I and everyone I know is normal. People who know bridezillas probably have a lot of drama in their lives. Look at your own behavior, friend.

+1 That previous poster seems to be majorly projecting and having some kind of personal beef which they can't separate from how the majority of weddings actually work in real practice. There have not been multiple posters talking about very angry brides/ grooms "throwing tantrums". This is not happening on the regular. I think this is personal to this poster, which is sad. They need to let it go.

Why do you think the term bridezilla was invented?

This is the same as assuming every housewife is like the RHOBH or whatever. They are the exception, not the norm.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So back to the thread title- why so angry? I do agree that the angriest people seem to be the people whose children are not invited and that is puzzling.

From what I can tell, BG accept the declines graciously.

Has anyone actually been harangued by a BG for declining a wedding invite? I certainly have not.

Yes, I have. I didn’t decline because of kids but because of the expense of the travel involved, which was prohibitively expensive at the time. Bride was very angry, relationship never recovered.

The only time I've heard of this is after the bride shelled out $$$ to host an expensive bachelorette party, bought a $500 dress to be a bridesmaid, and flew to some rural place to attend the decliner's wedding. They are pissed the favor wasn't returned after all they did for that person. So, PP did you get married before your friend?

No. In fact she knew my financial situation, but when I declined, said some awful things about how I was too lazy to get another job to pay to attend her wedding. Her wedding was paid for entirely by her very wealthy parents, while I had to pay for most of my own, later wedding because my parents aren’t wealthy. I did not invite her to my wedding years later, of course.

Well that sucks but sounds like you weren't very good friends for her to turn so easily on you.

Holy victim-blaming. Found the bridezilla!

So very good friends end great friendships over weddings? That's your belief?

Narcissists like that bride do, yes. My guess is you’re angry about this because you’re one of the narcissistic nightmares, and I say that as someone who doesn’t care about kids at weddings. You are kind of demonstrating that the people who are adamantly pro child free weddings are horrific narcissists, though.

My guess is you’re an ego maniac who cant imagine someone who doesn’t think exactly like you do. Maybe get help for your main character syndrome.

Aren’t you the person who victim-blamed a friend who distanced herself from a bride that had a fit about a polite decline to a destination wedding? Your behavior is the weird behavior.

Maybe look in a mirror, friend.

[Anonymous]

Weddings are usually about celebrating a happy event with friends and family - so when you say except you - we don't want you at our wedding, we don't want you to be here, we don't want to celebrate with you, we want family pictures without you - you aren't invited....that hurts - be it adult or older child. Knowing your family member wants to exclude you from their wedding ceremony and dinner tells you a lot about what they think of you and none of it good.

We had that happen recently. Tween excluded from a wedding of someone they thought they were close to and thought that person liked them. Everyone else in the family was invied and going (tween is youngest). They were very confused as to why they weren't wanted especially as they hadn't been to a wedding before and had been very very excited about it all...and said family member had been telling them details and showing them pictures. At first family member said it was financial so we offered to cover the cost. Then they said it was numbers and space but given their venue, that didn't make sense. Eventually they gave in reluctantly and tween went. Tween is basically an adult in terms of behaviour, sat quietly, ate properly, didn't run around. We kept tween from going up to talk to bride to avoid any perception that she was being annoying. Now family member acts like she always wanted her there...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But yeah, I wanted it to be a grown-up affair (e.g., open bar, live band). I didn't understand the kid thing.

At Italian weddings they always have these things plus lots of kids.

Not just Italian weddings. Weddings all over the world! This no children phenomenon seems to be a very American thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So back to the thread title- why so angry? I do agree that the angriest people seem to be the people whose children are not invited and that is puzzling.

From what I can tell, BG accept the declines graciously.

Has anyone actually been harangued by a BG for declining a wedding invite? I certainly have not.

Yes, I have. I didn’t decline because of kids but because of the expense of the travel involved, which was prohibitively expensive at the time. Bride was very angry, relationship never recovered.

The only time I've heard of this is after the bride shelled out $$$ to host an expensive bachelorette party, bought a $500 dress to be a bridesmaid, and flew to some rural place to attend the decliner's wedding. They are pissed the favor wasn't returned after all they did for that person. So, PP did you get married before your friend?

No. In fact she knew my financial situation, but when I declined, said some awful things about how I was too lazy to get another job to pay to attend her wedding. Her wedding was paid for entirely by her very wealthy parents, while I had to pay for most of my own, later wedding because my parents aren’t wealthy. I did not invite her to my wedding years later, of course.

Well that sucks but sounds like you weren't very good friends for her to turn so easily on you.

Holy victim-blaming. Found the bridezilla!

So very good friends end great friendships over weddings? That's your belief?

Narcissists like that bride do, yes. My guess is you’re angry about this because you’re one of the narcissistic nightmares, and I say that as someone who doesn’t care about kids at weddings. You are kind of demonstrating that the people who are adamantly pro child free weddings are horrific narcissists, though.

My guess is you’re an ego maniac who cant imagine someone who doesn’t think exactly like you do. Maybe get help for your main character syndrome.

Aren’t you the person who victim-blamed a friend who distanced herself from a bride that had a fit about a polite decline to a destination wedding? Your behavior is the weird behavior.

Maybe look in a mirror, friend.

It's not victim blaming to point out the obvious that a friend who would berate you like that is no friend. It's obvious. Are you always a doormat?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But yeah, I wanted it to be a grown-up affair (e.g., open bar, live band). I didn't understand the kid thing.

At Italian weddings they always have these things plus lots of kids.

Not just Italian weddings. Weddings all over the world! This no children phenomenon seems to be a very American thing.

Americans are individuals. Many don't like meddlesome aunties and cousins who dictate their life or constantly shame them for not doing their bidding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

But yeah, I wanted it to be a grown-up affair (e.g., open bar, live band). I didn't understand the kid thing.

At Italian weddings they always have these things plus lots of kids.

Not just Italian weddings. Weddings all over the world! This no children phenomenon seems to be a very American thing.

Americans are individuals. Many don't like meddlesome aunties and cousins who dictate their life or constantly shame them for not doing their bidding.

Actually, Americans are individuals and don't all think alike just because they have the same nationality as one another. I'm sure there are "Americans" on both sides of the thread right here, for example. These sweeping generalizations are false, or we'd never have "Americans" arguing with each other. Which DCUM makes very obvious we do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think not inviting close relatives of any age is a dumb idea. Family is family, not matter the age and a wedding (to me) is an important family event. I can understand not inviting all the kids of your current friends or less close relations, because not all weddings are for kids.

But some people get so blinded by "NO KIDS" they alienate their sister for life over a 12 year old's attendance. It's silly.

Like someone said above, they want a family reunion they can plan and pay for one. End of. The couple gets to choose, no questions asked. You can decline, no questions asked.

On the one hand, sure. On the other hand, families and cultures with an attitude of lol-who-needs-the-rugrats-around are more likely to die out, and thus there is some level of pushback engrained.

[Anonymous]

I think an adult only wedding is most common. The only gripe I have as many people is when they say no kids, BUT they let one family member bring theirs. That is tacky IMO

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an evening wedding, adults only. Way before instagram. I was paying, so didn't want rando kids. We provided babysitting. It wasn't a problem for anyone as far as I know. My sister got mad because "her kids love weddings and they are well behaved". It was really her DH who wanted them there because he can't converse with adults and uses the kids as a crutch. He ended up in the bar watching the ballgame the whole reception anyway.

Nieces and nephews are different. If any of our sisters didn't invite our kids, I likely would not show up and it would start a war in our families. It's such a show of disrespect. We only have one sister each though. I think people expect nieces and nephews to be invited even when no other kids are.

If it's an adult wedding then no one should be mad if ALL the kids aren't invited. My niece invited my sibling's kids, and not mine. That is a big faux pas.