No Kids at Wedding - Why So Much Anger?!

[Anonymous]

I had an evening wedding, adults only. Way before instagram. I was paying, so didn't want rando kids. We provided babysitting. It wasn't a problem for anyone as far as I know. My sister got mad because "her kids love weddings and they are well behaved". It was really her DH who wanted them there because he can't converse with adults and uses the kids as a crutch. He ended up in the bar watching the ballgame the whole reception anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it brings up a lot of complicated feelings. Weddings have always been traditionally family event with two families coming together and a new family starting. But a few years ago, there was a change to make everything perfect, Instagram worthy and aspirational so out with imperfect kids. I also think it goes hand-in-hand with parents, not parenting their kids which is a huge incentive to not have kids at a wedding.

Personally, I would rather have kids at my wedding, then have a perfect wedding, and I would definitely rather be inclusive of kids than lose and alienate family members.

Likewise family members should understand when a couple chooses to only have an adult only ceremony and not break relationships because they can’t bring their kids

The bigger shift is the couple paying for the wedding. If mom is paying, the grand kids and nieces and nephews are part of the deal because wedding have traditionally been family reunions

That is also a very good point. Adding to that, people are spending more than they can afford on a wedding and many times that goes to make things picture perfect even if it’s over budget and it takes precedence over inviting relatives.

The interesting thing to me is picture perfect would totally include kids. Some adorable kids in their little tuxedo or a dress that is modeled after the bridesmaids... with their little bouquet or ring on a pillow... dancing on daddy's feet... it's so cute! That's so much more fun than super-posed adult pictures.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

But yeah, I wanted it to be a grown-up affair (e.g., open bar, live band). I didn't understand the kid thing.

At Italian weddings they always have these things plus lots of kids.

+1 Indian weddings too

[Anonymous]

First it should only be immediate family brothers sisters of bride and groom that have this expectation. The first cousin with 3 kids under the age of five should not be expecting to bring their little ones.?? Nor the work colleague with 4 kids and spouse, right? To that end at the time we got married we had all of like 3 kids / toddlers at our wedding. It was cute and not a distraction and we had an evening event, bar, dancing etc.

[Anonymous]

A wedding is and should be whatever the two people getting married want it to be. That said, they must be gracious if people decline to attend for any reason, including child care.

But no, "two families" are not getting married; two individuals are. So it's whatever they want. If you don't like it, decline. No one owes you a family reunion. If you want a family reunion, plan, pay for and host one. The end.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I had an evening wedding, adults only. Way before instagram. I was paying, so didn't want rando kids. We provided babysitting. It wasn't a problem for anyone as far as I know. My sister got mad because "her kids love weddings and they are well behaved". It was really her DH who wanted them there because he can't converse with adults and uses the kids as a crutch. He ended up in the bar watching the ballgame the whole reception anyway.

Nieces and nephews are different. If any of our sisters didn't invite our kids, I likely would not show up and it would start a war in our families. It's such a show of disrespect. We only have one sister each though. I think people expect nieces and nephews to be invited even when no other kids are.

[Anonymous]

Well, sometimes it's because to include kids would mean having an unmanageable quantity of kids. If you are youngish or late to marry relative to your cousins and friend group, it can really add up. And of course adds to the cost as well. I did invite kids to mine, but it was 30 kids total which is not an insignificant number.

Or it's because some people don't manage their kids well but they aren't receptive to feedback on that, so the easier thing is to not invite kids.

[Anonymous]

I usually don't participate in silly debates about who is invited to weddings, and certainly never get hot under the collar about these things. But I'll just state here that I can't particularly relate to people who exclude kids at their weddings.

We have West European and East Asian families, and no one has even thought about having kid-free weddings. The point is to celebrate as one big family, and kids have always been cherished guests. I've never seen a kid have a tantrum or be otherwise disruptive at any wedding I've been to. My oldest went to plenty of weddings when he was a toddler and preschooler (that was our time for multiple weddings), and he sat in silence for the ceremony, ate his meal, laughed, danced on the dance floor, and then slept like a log. Like all the other kids!

I believe the kid-free wedding concept to be a mostly Anglo one (US, UK, Australia, NZ). The rest of the world tends to be a lot more family-friendly.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I usually don't participate in silly debates about who is invited to weddings, and certainly never get hot under the collar about these things. But I'll just state here that I can't particularly relate to people who exclude kids at their weddings.

We have West European and East Asian families, and no one has even thought about having kid-free weddings. The point is to celebrate as one big family, and kids have always been cherished guests. I've never seen a kid have a tantrum or be otherwise disruptive at any wedding I've been to. My oldest went to plenty of weddings when he was a toddler and preschooler (that was our time for multiple weddings), and he sat in silence for the ceremony, ate his meal, laughed, danced on the dance floor, and then slept like a log. Like all the other kids!

I believe the kid-free wedding concept to be a mostly Anglo one (US, UK, Australia, NZ). The rest of the world tends to be a lot more family-friendly.

Every other country is more family friendly than the US

[Anonymous]

I think not inviting close relatives of any age is a dumb idea. Family is family, not matter the age and a wedding (to me) is an important family event. I can understand not inviting all the kids of your current friends or less close relations, because not all weddings are for kids.

But some people get so blinded by "NO KIDS" they alienate their sister for life over a 12 year old's attendance. It's silly.

[Anonymous]

Some of you people really do need to read or listen to the audiobook of "Let Them" by Mel Robbins, and it shows.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think not inviting close relatives of any age is a dumb idea. Family is family, not matter the age and a wedding (to me) is an important family event. I can understand not inviting all the kids of your current friends or less close relations, because not all weddings are for kids.

But some people get so blinded by "NO KIDS" they alienate their sister for life over a 12 year old's attendance. It's silly.

Like someone said above, they want a family reunion they can plan and pay for one. End of. The couple gets to choose, no questions asked. You can decline, no questions asked.

[Anonymous]

Are these people also fine with guests decline because their kids are not invited. The ppl getting married can do whatever they want but if that's the prevailing attitude then same goes for guests even close family. Attend if it suits you or don't.

[Anonymous]

We are South Asian and of course had kids at our wedding. But my cousin's kid wailed throughout my ceremony and my cousin didn't have the sense to take the kid outside of the hall. Years later, that same cousin's other kid almost ruined a couple's first dance bc the parents couldn't be bothered to keep their kid away from the dance floor for a few minutes.

This is to say, I understand why people exclude kids from weddings. It's not about the kids, it's about the entitled/clueless parents of said kids that don't remove their kid or correct their behavior.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had an evening wedding, adults only. Way before instagram. I was paying, so didn't want rando kids. We provided babysitting. It wasn't a problem for anyone as far as I know. My sister got mad because "her kids love weddings and they are well behaved". It was really her DH who wanted them there because he can't converse with adults and uses the kids as a crutch. He ended up in the bar watching the ballgame the whole reception anyway.

Nieces and nephews are different. If any of our sisters didn't invite our kids, I likely would not show up and it would start a war in our families. It's such a show of disrespect. We only have one sister each though. I think people expect nieces and nephews to be invited even when no other kids are.

Bigotry and intolerance are worth breaking up a family over; parties are not. Your priorities are out of whack. Imagine how you would feel getting the phone call that one of your sisters had died, and you had wasted time and emotions and squandered the gifts of family and sisterhood over a party. A party.