Dating for 4 months and he said "not ready" for relationship- I walked away, now what?

[Anonymous]

Troll. What is a 42 year old divorced man with no kids doing with a woman his age who has kids? I'd be all over the 30 year olds if I were him.

[Anonymous]

I guess I’m an outlier. You had been together 4 months, it was “amazing” and he’s willing to build on things. That seems worth a try.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Troll. What is a 42 year old divorced man with no kids doing with a woman his age who has kids? I'd be all over the 30 year olds if I were him.

But would they be all over you? The answer is no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: his text last night, “I think we should give this another chance…”

Me (tonight): "I'm feeling confused about what you actually want..."

Him: (a few minutes later): "You've been helping me figure it out...the last few months have been so beautiful!"


What does this even mean- is he being purposefully vague?

seriously OP? As a guy let me translate - he is trying to be suave about it, but he's essentially telling you that he wants to continue to sleep with you. nothing more.

OP: thank you. You're right. I wrote back and said I'd like to make a clean break. He wrote back and said he wanted to "keep building on what we have" but I didn't respond (and don't plan to respond anymore).

Time to block his number, OP. This guy is a turnip. The smell will only get worse over time.
Keep looking. You have good instincts. You will find that great guy. GL!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: his text last night, “I think we should give this another chance…”

Me (tonight): "I'm feeling confused about what you actually want..."

Him: (a few minutes later): "You've been helping me figure it out...the last few months have been so beautiful!"


What does this even mean- is he being purposefully vague?

seriously OP? As a guy let me translate - he is trying to be suave about it, but he's essentially telling you that he wants to continue to sleep with you. nothing more.

OP: thank you. You're right. I wrote back and said I'd like to make a clean break. He wrote back and said he wanted to "keep building on what we have" but I didn't respond (and don't plan to respond anymore).

Time to block his number, OP. This guy is a turnip. The smell will only get worse over time.
Keep looking. You have good instincts. You will find that great guy. GL!

OP: I didn't respond to him saying he wanted to keep building and then deleted his number. He sent me an email saying he would like to go away together after Christmas (that was one of my issues). Do you think there's ANY way he's a sincere guy? Or am I being taken advantage of?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: his text last night, “I think we should give this another chance…”

Me (tonight): "I'm feeling confused about what you actually want..."

Him: (a few minutes later): "You've been helping me figure it out...the last few months have been so beautiful!"


What does this even mean- is he being purposefully vague?

seriously OP? As a guy let me translate - he is trying to be suave about it, but he's essentially telling you that he wants to continue to sleep with you. nothing more.

OP: thank you. You're right. I wrote back and said I'd like to make a clean break. He wrote back and said he wanted to "keep building on what we have" but I didn't respond (and don't plan to respond anymore).

Time to block his number, OP. This guy is a turnip. The smell will only get worse over time.
Keep looking. You have good instincts. You will find that great guy. GL!

OP: I didn't respond to him saying he wanted to keep building and then deleted his number. He sent me an email saying he would like to go away together after Christmas (that was one of my issues). Do you think there's ANY way he's a sincere guy? Or am I being taken advantage of?

I mean this with all the kindness in the world, OP. You have to STOP thinking about this idiot. He just wants to bang you, nothing else.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: his text last night, “I think we should give this another chance…”

Me (tonight): "I'm feeling confused about what you actually want..."

Him: (a few minutes later): "You've been helping me figure it out...the last few months have been so beautiful!"


What does this even mean- is he being purposefully vague?

seriously OP? As a guy let me translate - he is trying to be suave about it, but he's essentially telling you that he wants to continue to sleep with you. nothing more.

OP: thank you. You're right. I wrote back and said I'd like to make a clean break. He wrote back and said he wanted to "keep building on what we have" but I didn't respond (and don't plan to respond anymore).

Time to block his number, OP. This guy is a turnip. The smell will only get worse over time.
Keep looking. You have good instincts. You will find that great guy. GL!

OP: I didn't respond to him saying he wanted to keep building and then deleted his number. He sent me an email saying he would like to go away together after Christmas (that was one of my issues). Do you think there's ANY way he's a sincere guy? Or am I being taken advantage of?

“I’d like to go away after Christmas” is literally nothing.

“Are you free the weekend of MLK day, I want to book us at Salamander resort for a couple of days” might make me think he had taken anything you said to heart.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: his text last night, “I think we should give this another chance…”

Me (tonight): "I'm feeling confused about what you actually want..."

Him: (a few minutes later): "You've been helping me figure it out...the last few months have been so beautiful!"


What does this even mean- is he being purposefully vague?

seriously OP? As a guy let me translate - he is trying to be suave about it, but he's essentially telling you that he wants to continue to sleep with you. nothing more.

OP: thank you. You're right. I wrote back and said I'd like to make a clean break. He wrote back and said he wanted to "keep building on what we have" but I didn't respond (and don't plan to respond anymore).

Time to block his number, OP. This guy is a turnip. The smell will only get worse over time.
Keep looking. You have good instincts. You will find that great guy. GL!

OP: I didn't respond to him saying he wanted to keep building and then deleted his number. He sent me an email saying he would like to go away together after Christmas (that was one of my issues). Do you think there's ANY way he's a sincere guy? Or am I being taken advantage of?

Yes. I think it is very possible he’s sincere and your fear of being used has you pushing him away the minute you have feelings. Listening to a lot of other people online peanut gallery this without knowing either of you is not going to help you figure this out. You need to set aside your anxieties and look at this more calmly. Is he responsive when you talk about the relationship? Does he seem to be avoiding the conversations?

Personally my impression is that you have different communication styles and cultural differences that may have created a miscommunication. The fact that he’s coming back to you and saying he wants to do this stuff is significant. Do you have to have someone who initiates all the forward motion or are you ok if he’s willing to do it after you suggest? Either way you just need to be clear and concrete about what you want and what it means. If he’s down with that I am not sure you will find a lot of guys who can do better. Over time he might even learn to initiate.

[Anonymous]

Not every relationship is meant to go the distance. You enjoyed this one, it’s done, get back out there and find the one who wants what you want when you want it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: his text last night, “I think we should give this another chance…”

Me (tonight): "I'm feeling confused about what you actually want..."

Him: (a few minutes later): "You've been helping me figure it out...the last few months have been so beautiful!"


What does this even mean- is he being purposefully vague?

seriously OP? As a guy let me translate - he is trying to be suave about it, but he's essentially telling you that he wants to continue to sleep with you. nothing more.

OP: thank you. You're right. I wrote back and said I'd like to make a clean break. He wrote back and said he wanted to "keep building on what we have" but I didn't respond (and don't plan to respond anymore).

Time to block his number, OP. This guy is a turnip. The smell will only get worse over time.
Keep looking. You have good instincts. You will find that great guy. GL!

OP: I didn't respond to him saying he wanted to keep building and then deleted his number. He sent me an email saying he would like to go away together after Christmas (that was one of my issues). Do you think there's ANY way he's a sincere guy? Or am I being taken advantage of?

He is still at 80%. He wants to keep going the way it is right now to discover the other 20% which will never come based on his dating records.
OP, you know what you want, but you don't follow through.

I think you're lonely (or desperate for some company during holiday season), so go ahead and give him another chance and report back with another thread in 4 months "Dating for 8 months and he said "not ready" for relationship again- I walked away, now what?"

[Anonymous]

Why the heck are you deleting his number as if he’s some jerk who wronged you? And PPs are encouraging this? Why such a black-and-white, extreme response?? You have been with him four measly months! He may just be a guy who prefers to take things a bit slower (an equally valid need!).

You expressed your feelings, he gave you an honest response and wanted to continue to conversation and then you shut things down and deleted his number. I don’t get it.

Of course he might be sincere. He obviously wants to try to find a happy medium (which is appropriate at 4 months; you have not been dating a year+, which is a point where it’s more reasonable to break off a relationship like this). I think it’s worth a try.

Deleting his number is so extreme and makes no sense to me in this context. What exactly has he done wrong? Geez.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why the heck are you deleting his number as if he’s some jerk who wronged you? And PPs are encouraging this? Why such a black-and-white, extreme response?? You have been with him four measly months! He may just be a guy who prefers to take things a bit slower (an equally valid need!).

You expressed your feelings, he gave you an honest response and wanted to continue to conversation and then you shut things down and deleted his number. I don’t get it.

Of course he might be sincere. He obviously wants to try to find a happy medium (which is appropriate at 4 months; you have not been dating a year+, which is a point where it’s more reasonable to break off a relationship like this). I think it’s worth a try.

Deleting his number is so extreme and makes no sense to me in this context. What exactly has he done wrong? Geez.

She’s scared of being hurt and it’s clouding her judgment. This all started when she started getting feelings for him. I think his response wasn’t whatever ideal she had in her head, but at some point relationships are about working out what the other person means. Crucially with guys the issue is not what they say but what they do. I would be inclined to see whether he follows through with the trip.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Why the heck are you deleting his number as if he’s some jerk who wronged you? And PPs are encouraging this? Why such a black-and-white, extreme response?? You have been with him four measly months! He may just be a guy who prefers to take things a bit slower (an equally valid need!).

You expressed your feelings, he gave you an honest response and wanted to continue to conversation and then you shut things down and deleted his number. I don’t get it.

Of course he might be sincere. He obviously wants to try to find a happy medium (which is appropriate at 4 months; you have not been dating a year+, which is a point where it’s more reasonable to break off a relationship like this). I think it’s worth a try.

Deleting his number is so extreme and makes no sense to me in this context. What exactly has he done wrong? Geez.

It's a sign of an emotionally unavailable man if he's not moving the relationship forward, for no good reason. Also, he never calls even after she's asked- only texts. That's lazy communication.

[Anonymous]

OP ask him for specifics. Say, what did you have in mind in terms of dates and location?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP: his text last night, “I think we should give this another chance…”

Me (tonight): "I'm feeling confused about what you actually want..."

Him: (a few minutes later): "You've been helping me figure it out...the last few months have been so beautiful!"


What does this even mean- is he being purposefully vague?

seriously OP? As a guy let me translate - he is trying to be suave about it, but he's essentially telling you that he wants to continue to sleep with you. nothing more.

OP: thank you. You're right. I wrote back and said I'd like to make a clean break. He wrote back and said he wanted to "keep building on what we have" but I didn't respond (and don't plan to respond anymore).

Time to block his number, OP. This guy is a turnip. The smell will only get worse over time.
Keep looking. You have good instincts. You will find that great guy. GL!

OP: I didn't respond to him saying he wanted to keep building and then deleted his number. He sent me an email saying he would like to go away together after Christmas (that was one of my issues). Do you think there's ANY way he's a sincere guy? Or am I being taken advantage of?

“I’d like to go away after Christmas” is literally nothing.

“Are you free the weekend of MLK day, I want to book us at Salamander resort for a couple of days” might make me think he had taken anything you said to heart.

I know you are trying to decide if it’s worth starting over if there really is a chance that this might go somewhere. If you need the peace of mind, you need to talk on the phone or FaceTime etc and say you need for him to spell out what would be different and his willingness to change. Is he upset that you are upset and truly didn’t realize and wants to make it right, or has he enjoyed not having to do the boyfriend/girlfriend thing for whatever reason and this last ditch effort would delay the inevitable breakup.

I’ve seen these things go both ways - where that 2nd chance just delayed the inevitable and where the 2nd chance worked out. I don’t know if there is hard and fast rule to know which path it will take but I think the key might be did the person change their behavior because of a realization that whatever they where holding onto was not as important as the other person and they believe it’s a good change or did they only change to hold onto the other person. Deep down, if you are going against something you truly believe is important/want to hold onto just to keep someone else happy, I don’t think you will truly be happy or be able to sustain that in a relationship.