Dating for 4 months and he said "not ready" for relationship- I walked away, now what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op: update. I replied with a nice final (I thought) message that said:

“I shared my feelings about everything last week when we spoke. It’s a shame we want different things right now, but I totally respect what you told me. I’m not interested in going forward with the status quo.”

He said he appreciated my honesty.

Now, 3 days later, he wrote, “there’s got to be something I can do…”

I truly don't understand. If he cared, wouldn’t he call? And wouldn’t he say what would be different? It feels like he’s just trying hard to get me to agree to maintain our previous “situationship” (which was NOT bf/gf).

You are ignoring him…why the hell would he call?!! He is literally asking what he can do and you are icing him out and you expect him to call? I’m a woman and you’re crazy because you just blew up a perfectly decent relationship because you wanted “more” for that means when you were already acting like boyfriend and girlfriends. it’s nuts. You’re very immature for being in your 40s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op: update. I replied with a nice final (I thought) message that said:

“I shared my feelings about everything last week when we spoke. It’s a shame we want different things right now, but I totally respect what you told me. I’m not interested in going forward with the status quo.”

He said he appreciated my honesty.

Now, 3 days later, he wrote, “there’s got to be something I can do…”

I truly don't understand. If he cared, wouldn’t he call? And wouldn’t he say what would be different? It feels like he’s just trying hard to get me to agree to maintain our previous “situationship” (which was NOT bf/gf).

OP, he's not willing to give you want you want and deserve. He's trying to convince you to accept the status quo. It worked well for him. He doesn't seem to care at all that it didn't work for you.

+2 he’s trying to maintain the situation as it was, but that’s not working for you and that’s ok. I’m sorry he can’t let it go.

[Anonymous]

A BF/GF worth spending time with is someone you can call for help if you are sick and need help picking up medicine, a car breaks down or any other issue like that. Someone you would help in those situations without any resentment. The trips, the planning, the calls are not the issue IMO. I don’t think he wants to be that. And I am one who would want to know if we are on the road to that or not. Also, when you meet someone you really like, all your can think of is how you can spend MORE time with them, now and in the foreseeable future. This ia true for non-romantic relationships as well. If one doesn’t feel that, then there’s no much to do about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op: update. I replied with a nice final (I thought) message that said:

“I shared my feelings about everything last week when we spoke. It’s a shame we want different things right now, but I totally respect what you told me. I’m not interested in going forward with the status quo.”

He said he appreciated my honesty.

Now, 3 days later, he wrote, “there’s got to be something I can do…”

I truly don't understand. If he cared, wouldn’t he call? And wouldn’t he say what would be different? It feels like he’s just trying hard to get me to agree to maintain our previous “situationship” (which was NOT bf/gf).

Reply with:

The status quo is texting and not calling. I’m sorry, I’m done with this.

[Anonymous]

I know a couple going through something similar, the guy said he wasn't ready for a long-term committed relationship, the girl definitely was so she broke it off. Then she dated other guys and posted pics on FB of them at a baseball game, etc. which he saw because they remained friends. It didn't take long for him to change his mind. Within a year they were engaged and are now married.

Might not work that way for you OP but maybe it's worth a try. Worse case scenario you're having fun dating other guys.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op: update. I replied with a nice final (I thought) message that said:

“I shared my feelings about everything last week when we spoke. It’s a shame we want different things right now, but I totally respect what you told me. I’m not interested in going forward with the status quo.”

He said he appreciated my honesty.

Now, 3 days later, he wrote, “there’s got to be something I can do…”

I truly don't understand. If he cared, wouldn’t he call? And wouldn’t he say what would be different? It feels like he’s just trying hard to get me to agree to maintain our previous “situationship” (which was NOT bf/gf).

You are ignoring him…why the hell would he call?!! He is literally asking what he can do and you are icing him out and you expect him to call? I’m a woman and you’re crazy because you just blew up a perfectly decent relationship because you wanted “more” for that means when you were already acting like boyfriend and girlfriends. it’s nuts. You’re very immature for being in your 40s.

Another woman here and I agree with this. OP you’ve already invested 4 months. I’m really not sure why you wouldn’t give it another month or 2 to see what happens.

[Anonymous]

OP, what exactly does being BF/GF look like to you that’s different from what you had?

[Anonymous]

You keep on telling him that you’re not happy with status quo and he keeps reaching out with nothing substantial to offer. Do you see a pattern? Don’t waste your time like I did, the minute I had somewhat moved on, which took a long time despite no contact, he came back, said that he loved me, and that he wanted a relationship. I couldn’t do another BS cycle.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You keep on telling him that you’re not happy with status quo and he keeps reaching out with nothing substantial to offer. Do you see a pattern? Don’t waste your time like I did, the minute I had somewhat moved on, which took a long time despite no contact, he came back, said that he loved me, and that he wanted a relationship. I couldn’t do another BS cycle.

He does seem like the kind of guy who in ten years, OP will be saying: "He's a kind and loving husband, but he won't buy me a gift unless I send him the exact link and tell him he must buy it for me now and then he just puts the cardboard box under the Christmas tree." "I ask him to help around the house and he says he doesn't know what to do or how to do it." "He babysits the kids rather than actively parenting them."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You keep on telling him that you’re not happy with status quo and he keeps reaching out with nothing substantial to offer. Do you see a pattern? Don’t waste your time like I did, the minute I had somewhat moved on, which took a long time despite no contact, he came back, said that he loved me, and that he wanted a relationship. I couldn’t do another BS cycle.

This. The guy misses the status quo of their situationship. If OP gets sucked back in it’s going to be more of the demoralizing same. OP has been very clear this wasn’t working for her and she was not happy, but this guy keeps breaking past that boundary to get back to the way it was. He sounds incredibly selfish.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You keep on telling him that you’re not happy with status quo and he keeps reaching out with nothing substantial to offer. Do you see a pattern? Don’t waste your time like I did, the minute I had somewhat moved on, which took a long time despite no contact, he came back, said that he loved me, and that he wanted a relationship. I couldn’t do another BS cycle.

He does seem like the kind of guy who in ten years, OP will be saying: "He's a kind and loving husband, but he won't buy me a gift unless I send him the exact link and tell him he must buy it for me now and then he just puts the cardboard box under the Christmas tree." "I ask him to help around the house and he says he doesn't know what to do or how to do it." "He babysits the kids rather than actively parenting them."

Well, let’s start with OP having kids and the guy doesn’t, which to me is a perfect to reason to keep things slower.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You keep on telling him that you’re not happy with status quo and he keeps reaching out with nothing substantial to offer. Do you see a pattern? Don’t waste your time like I did, the minute I had somewhat moved on, which took a long time despite no contact, he came back, said that he loved me, and that he wanted a relationship. I couldn’t do another BS cycle.

This. The guy misses the status quo of their situationship. If OP gets sucked back in it’s going to be more of the demoralizing same. OP has been very clear this wasn’t working for her and she was not happy, but this guy keeps breaking past that boundary to get back to the way it was. He sounds incredibly selfish.

He keeps reaching out because it’s uncomfortable for him to not have her in his life but he doesn’t miss her enough to commit. OP must be disappointed every time he contacts her for nothing. The next step for OP is to not respond no matter what, but I have a feeling she broke up so to force him into a relationship, otherwise she wouldn’t answer. You can’t make a man do anything he doesn’t want to.

The next step is to do not respond, block, snd go back to dating other people.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op: update. I replied with a nice final (I thought) message that said:

“I shared my feelings about everything last week when we spoke. It’s a shame we want different things right now, but I totally respect what you told me. I’m not interested in going forward with the status quo.”

He said he appreciated my honesty.

Now, 3 days later, he wrote, “there’s got to be something I can do…”

I truly don't understand. If he cared, wouldn’t he call? And wouldn’t he say what would be different? It feels like he’s just trying hard to get me to agree to maintain our previous “situationship” (which was NOT bf/gf).

Is he dumb or just not emotionally intelligent? I don't think most me would keep trying to continue a situationship. They'd be onto the next

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op: update. I replied with a nice final (I thought) message that said:

“I shared my feelings about everything last week when we spoke. It’s a shame we want different things right now, but I totally respect what you told me. I’m not interested in going forward with the status quo.”

He said he appreciated my honesty.

Now, 3 days later, he wrote, “there’s got to be something I can do…”

I truly don't understand. If he cared, wouldn’t he call? And wouldn’t he say what would be different? It feels like he’s just trying hard to get me to agree to maintain our previous “situationship” (which was NOT bf/gf).

You are ignoring him…why the hell would he call?!! He is literally asking what he can do and you are icing him out and you expect him to call? I’m a woman and you’re crazy because you just blew up a perfectly decent relationship because you wanted “more” for that means when you were already acting like boyfriend and girlfriends. it’s nuts. You’re very immature for being in your 40s.

He would call because she specifically said she would like a phone call instead of a text sometimes. Had he listened to her, he would have called. So she “expected” that he might show he listened to her by calling.

OP, please block him already. Just be done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op: update. I replied with a nice final (I thought) message that said:

“I shared my feelings about everything last week when we spoke. It’s a shame we want different things right now, but I totally respect what you told me. I’m not interested in going forward with the status quo.”

He said he appreciated my honesty.

Now, 3 days later, he wrote, “there’s got to be something I can do…”

I truly don't understand. If he cared, wouldn’t he call? And wouldn’t he say what would be different? It feels like he’s just trying hard to get me to agree to maintain our previous “situationship” (which was NOT bf/gf).

You should have texted back "Who is this?"