Dating for 4 months and he said "not ready" for relationship- I walked away, now what?

[Anonymous]

I think a call vs a text is a weird hill to die on. I hate talking on the phone. I suppose if someone threated to break up with me if I didn't I might call them, or I might consider us incompatible.

OP, time to move on. I hope you find what you are looking for, but it won't be easy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op: update. I replied with a nice final (I thought) message that said:

“I shared my feelings about everything last week when we spoke. It’s a shame we want different things right now, but I totally respect what you told me. I’m not interested in going forward with the status quo.”

He said he appreciated my honesty.

Now, 3 days later, he wrote, “there’s got to be something I can do…”

I truly don't understand. If he cared, wouldn’t he call? And wouldn’t he say what would be different? It feels like he’s just trying hard to get me to agree to maintain our previous “situationship” (which was NOT bf/gf).

I thought you said you blocked his number?
Troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I've been dating a guy for 4 months and it's been amazing. We are both 42 years old and divorced. A few days ago, I told him that I would like to be in a committed relationship, and if he is not ready, that's okay, but I will need to move on because that's important to me. He said I might be a step ahead of him and that it might turn into a relationship if I could give him more time.

I said no and then ended contact. The next day he texted me to say he thought I was being too harsh. I didn't respond. Then yesterday, he asked if I could meet for coffee that afternoon. I said no. He asked if there was some other time and I thought I'd go to hear him out.

We are meeting this afternoon. Obviously I'm going to stick to what I said, but how do you think this is going to go? Any advice?

I do not understand you. He seems nice. You do not. Imposing and narrow minded. I hope he runs away.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You want what you want. Good for you for sticking to it. I don't think that 4 months is a long time, but it really depends on what has been happening for that four months. I would be interested in what a committed relationship means to him and what about it he feels unready for. I would do a lot of listening. The point is for you to get information to process, not convince him or explain yourself.

OP: Yes that makes sense. I'll go into it listening with an open mind. For the past 4 months we've been going out 2-3x/week. We spend the night at each other's places. He's met my friends.

That sounds like a relationship to me What are you asking him for that he is not into? As someone who divorced in my 40s there are so many possibilities
-he is being responsible about moving slow
-he's not that into you
-he is into you but also wants to see other people
-you are overly focused on BEING IN A RELATIONSHIP
-you know what you want and he is showing that he can't give you want you want

This.