What’s the end game plan for a cheating husband?

[Anonymous]

^^^^^ for the PP above, you keep arguing for men in sexless marriages to keep the wife's feelings as his primary concern but men who are sexually cut off really don't feel that need to protect and honor their wives. Make sense?

And if you men and women in true sexless marriages describe being "betrayed" there isn't the sense of anger you imagine. The marriage is long over by that point

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^^^^^ for the PP above, you keep arguing for men in sexless marriages to keep the wife's feelings as his primary concern but men who are sexually cut off really don't feel that need to protect and honor their wives. Make sense?

And if you men and women in true sexless marriages describe being "betrayed" there isn't the sense of anger you imagine. The marriage is long over by that point

This thread was “cheating men”, not “cheating men in sexless marriages”. A huge number of cheating men have regular weekly sex with their wives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^^^ for the PP above, you keep arguing for men in sexless marriages to keep the wife's feelings as his primary concern but men who are sexually cut off really don't feel that need to protect and honor their wives. Make sense?

And if you men and women in true sexless marriages describe being "betrayed" there isn't the sense of anger you imagine. The marriage is long over by that point

This thread was “cheating men”, not “cheating men in sexless marriages”. A huge number of cheating men have regular weekly sex with their wives.

Sorry, but No. The overwhelming majority of married men who cheat do NOT “have regular weekly sex with their wives”. Men who are sexually satisfied at home are not motivated to do all the ridiculous work necessary for a married man to cheat.

By far most men who cheat are in sexless marriages. They are motivated and will do whatever it takes. This isn’t really cheating at all, it is the practical and accepted way to save a sexless marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^^^ for the PP above, you keep arguing for men in sexless marriages to keep the wife's feelings as his primary concern but men who are sexually cut off really don't feel that need to protect and honor their wives. Make sense?

And if you men and women in true sexless marriages describe being "betrayed" there isn't the sense of anger you imagine. The marriage is long over by that point

This thread was “cheating men”, not “cheating men in sexless marriages”. A huge number of cheating men have regular weekly sex with their wives.

Sorry, but No. The overwhelming majority of married men who cheat do NOT “have regular weekly sex with their wives”. Men who are sexually satisfied at home are not motivated to do all the ridiculous work necessary for a married man to cheat.

By far most men who cheat are in sexless marriages. They are motivated and will do whatever it takes. This isn’t really cheating at all, it is the practical and accepted way to save a sexless marriage.

I would guess the majority of cheating men are in between - not completely sexless but not regular weekly sex either. Perhaps something like 6-12 times a year. I am a woman and I don't consider this frequency to be acceptable if both spouses are under 50 without major health issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^^^ for the PP above, you keep arguing for men in sexless marriages to keep the wife's feelings as his primary concern but men who are sexually cut off really don't feel that need to protect and honor their wives. Make sense?

And if you men and women in true sexless marriages describe being "betrayed" there isn't the sense of anger you imagine. The marriage is long over by that point

This thread was “cheating men”, not “cheating men in sexless marriages”. A huge number of cheating men have regular weekly sex with their wives.

Sorry, but No. The overwhelming majority of married men who cheat do NOT “have regular weekly sex with their wives”. Men who are sexually satisfied at home are not motivated to do all the ridiculous work necessary for a married man to cheat.

By far most men who cheat are in sexless marriages. They are motivated and will do whatever it takes. This isn’t really cheating at all, it is the practical and accepted way to save a sexless marriage.

I would guess the majority of cheating men are in between - not completely sexless but not regular weekly sex either. Perhaps something like 6-12 times a year. I am a woman and I don't consider this frequency to be acceptable if both spouses are under 50 without major health issues.

Some people cheat getting lots of sex, have a very high sex drive and some never cheat even when sex is almost non-existent.

Nobody knows. Many, many men cheat in very good marriages. Most of the people I know had healthy sex lives when an affair was discovered--at least weekly--and when it was a ONS even more had normal sex lives at home.

It's a justification many use for their actions.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^^^ for the PP above, you keep arguing for men in sexless marriages to keep the wife's feelings as his primary concern but men who are sexually cut off really don't feel that need to protect and honor their wives. Make sense?

And if you men and women in true sexless marriages describe being "betrayed" there isn't the sense of anger you imagine. The marriage is long over by that point

This thread was “cheating men”, not “cheating men in sexless marriages”. A huge number of cheating men have regular weekly sex with their wives.

Sorry, but No. The overwhelming majority of married men who cheat do NOT “have regular weekly sex with their wives”. Men who are sexually satisfied at home are not motivated to do all the ridiculous work necessary for a married man to cheat.

By far most men who cheat are in sexless marriages. They are motivated and will do whatever it takes. This isn’t really cheating at all, it is the practical and accepted way to save a sexless marriage.

I would guess the majority of cheating men are in between - not completely sexless but not regular weekly sex either. Perhaps something like 6-12 times a year. I am a woman and I don't consider this frequency to be acceptable if both spouses are under 50 without major health issues.

Some people cheat getting lots of sex, have a very high sex drive and some never cheat even when sex is almost non-existent.

Nobody knows. Many, many men cheat in very good marriages. Most of the people I know had healthy sex lives when an affair was discovered--at least weekly--and when it was a ONS even more had normal sex lives at home.

It's a justification many use for their actions.

Do you think J-Lo never had sex with A-Rod, Aniston with Pitt, or Beyonce with Jay-Z or Jackie with JFK? It's ludicrous to blame the victims. Yes, men having regular sex with their wives cheat. And men with dysfunction and very high sex drives cheat even when they have healthy marital sex lives.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^^^ for the PP above, you keep arguing for men in sexless marriages to keep the wife's feelings as his primary concern but men who are sexually cut off really don't feel that need to protect and honor their wives. Make sense?

And if you men and women in true sexless marriages describe being "betrayed" there isn't the sense of anger you imagine. The marriage is long over by that point

This thread was “cheating men”, not “cheating men in sexless marriages”. A huge number of cheating men have regular weekly sex with their wives.

Sorry, but No. The overwhelming majority of married men who cheat do NOT “have regular weekly sex with their wives”. Men who are sexually satisfied at home are not motivated to do all the ridiculous work necessary for a married man to cheat.

By far most men who cheat are in sexless marriages. They are motivated and will do whatever it takes. This isn’t really cheating at all, it is the practical and accepted way to save a sexless marriage.

I would guess the majority of cheating men are in between - not completely sexless but not regular weekly sex either. Perhaps something like 6-12 times a year. I am a woman and I don't consider this frequency to be acceptable if both spouses are under 50 without major health issues.

Some people cheat getting lots of sex, have a very high sex drive and some never cheat even when sex is almost non-existent.

Nobody knows. Many, many men cheat in very good marriages. Most of the people I know had healthy sex lives when an affair was discovered--at least weekly--and when it was a ONS even more had normal sex lives at home.

It's a justification many use for their actions.

Do you think J-Lo never had sex with A-Rod, Aniston with Pitt, or Beyonce with Jay-Z or Jackie with JFK? It's ludicrous to blame the victims. Yes, men having regular sex with their wives cheat. And men with dysfunction and very high sex drives cheat even when they have healthy marital sex lives.

Tiger had 2 children in the short span he was with Uchitel. Some people are just pigs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^^^ for the PP above, you keep arguing for men in sexless marriages to keep the wife's feelings as his primary concern but men who are sexually cut off really don't feel that need to protect and honor their wives. Make sense?

And if you men and women in true sexless marriages describe being "betrayed" there isn't the sense of anger you imagine. The marriage is long over by that point

This thread was “cheating men”, not “cheating men in sexless marriages”. A huge number of cheating men have regular weekly sex with their wives.

Sorry, but No. The overwhelming majority of married men who cheat do NOT “have regular weekly sex with their wives”. Men who are sexually satisfied at home are not motivated to do all the ridiculous work necessary for a married man to cheat.

By far most men who cheat are in sexless marriages. They are motivated and will do whatever it takes. This isn’t really cheating at all, it is the practical and accepted way to save a sexless marriage.

I would guess the majority of cheating men are in between - not completely sexless but not regular weekly sex either. Perhaps something like 6-12 times a year. I am a woman and I don't consider this frequency to be acceptable if both spouses are under 50 without major health issues.

Some people cheat getting lots of sex, have a very high sex drive and some never cheat even when sex is almost non-existent.

Nobody knows. Many, many men cheat in very good marriages. Most of the people I know had healthy sex lives when an affair was discovered--at least weekly--and when it was a ONS even more had normal sex lives at home.

It's a justification many use for their actions.

Do you think J-Lo never had sex with A-Rod, Aniston with Pitt, or Beyonce with Jay-Z or Jackie with JFK? It's ludicrous to blame the victims. Yes, men having regular sex with their wives cheat. And men with dysfunction and very high sex drives cheat even when they have healthy marital sex lives.

Tiger had 2 children in the short span he was with Uchitel. Some people are just pigs.

I’m going to go out on a limb regarding Tiger. Maybe this applies to other cheaters too. I think Tiger respected his wife too much to treat her like the over the top porn star type he for some reason craved. I think a lot of those high powered types are so used to excitement and drama, they need that circus in their personal lives as well. But on the home front, they need to maintain normalcy to maintain their public persona of respectable individual. So these two dynamics clash until it reaches a scandalous breaking point. There’s no amount of beauty, goodness or fame on the part of the betrayed wife that would have prevented this train wreck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^^^ for the PP above, you keep arguing for men in sexless marriages to keep the wife's feelings as his primary concern but men who are sexually cut off really don't feel that need to protect and honor their wives. Make sense?

And if you men and women in true sexless marriages describe being "betrayed" there isn't the sense of anger you imagine. The marriage is long over by that point

This thread was “cheating men”, not “cheating men in sexless marriages”. A huge number of cheating men have regular weekly sex with their wives.

Sorry, but No. The overwhelming majority of married men who cheat do NOT “have regular weekly sex with their wives”. Men who are sexually satisfied at home are not motivated to do all the ridiculous work necessary for a married man to cheat.

By far most men who cheat are in sexless marriages. They are motivated and will do whatever it takes. This isn’t really cheating at all, it is the practical and accepted way to save a sexless marriage.

I would guess the majority of cheating men are in between - not completely sexless but not regular weekly sex either. Perhaps something like 6-12 times a year. I am a woman and I don't consider this frequency to be acceptable if both spouses are under 50 without major health issues.

Some people cheat getting lots of sex, have a very high sex drive and some never cheat even when sex is almost non-existent.

Nobody knows. Many, many men cheat in very good marriages. Most of the people I know had healthy sex lives when an affair was discovered--at least weekly--and when it was a ONS even more had normal sex lives at home.

It's a justification many use for their actions.

Do you think J-Lo never had sex with A-Rod, Aniston with Pitt, or Beyonce with Jay-Z or Jackie with JFK? It's ludicrous to blame the victims. Yes, men having regular sex with their wives cheat. And men with dysfunction and very high sex drives cheat even when they have healthy marital sex lives.

Tiger had 2 children in the short span he was with Uchitel. Some people are just pigs.

I’m going to go out on a limb regarding Tiger. Maybe this applies to other cheaters too. I think Tiger respected his wife too much to treat her like the over the top porn star type he for some reason craved. I think a lot of those high powered types are so used to excitement and drama, they need that circus in their personal lives as well. But on the home front, they need to maintain normalcy to maintain their public persona of respectable individual. So these two dynamics clash until it reaches a scandalous breaking point. There’s no amount of beauty, goodness or fame on the part of the betrayed wife that would have prevented this train wreck.

Look, this is true for men that have attachment issues and grew up in dysfunctional households with alcoholic or cheating parents, or even just neglect. They compartmentalize and are hollow on the inside. They may appear successful, good-looking, happy, etc., but they need they CRAVE external validation and flattery from other women to fill that void, numb that pain. Their wife could be g-damn Mother Theresa, Jenna Jameson in the sack and total hottie, and they will still cheat on her. They can 'love her' and never want to hurt on her and STILL cheat on her. A lot of you COMPLETELY miss that cheaters cheat because of what is wrong inside. It's a ME problem, not a them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^^^ for the PP above, you keep arguing for men in sexless marriages to keep the wife's feelings as his primary concern but men who are sexually cut off really don't feel that need to protect and honor their wives. Make sense?

And if you men and women in true sexless marriages describe being "betrayed" there isn't the sense of anger you imagine. The marriage is long over by that point

This thread was “cheating men”, not “cheating men in sexless marriages”. A huge number of cheating men have regular weekly sex with their wives.

Sorry, but No. The overwhelming majority of married men who cheat do NOT “have regular weekly sex with their wives”. Men who are sexually satisfied at home are not motivated to do all the ridiculous work necessary for a married man to cheat.

By far most men who cheat are in sexless marriages. They are motivated and will do whatever it takes. This isn’t really cheating at all, it is the practical and accepted way to save a sexless marriage.

I would guess the majority of cheating men are in between - not completely sexless but not regular weekly sex either. Perhaps something like 6-12 times a year. I am a woman and I don't consider this frequency to be acceptable if both spouses are under 50 without major health issues.

Some people cheat getting lots of sex, have a very high sex drive and some never cheat even when sex is almost non-existent.

Nobody knows. Many, many men cheat in very good marriages. Most of the people I know had healthy sex lives when an affair was discovered--at least weekly--and when it was a ONS even more had normal sex lives at home.

It's a justification many use for their actions.

Do you think J-Lo never had sex with A-Rod, Aniston with Pitt, or Beyonce with Jay-Z or Jackie with JFK? It's ludicrous to blame the victims. Yes, men having regular sex with their wives cheat. And men with dysfunction and very high sex drives cheat even when they have healthy marital sex lives.

Tiger had 2 children in the short span he was with Uchitel. Some people are just pigs.

I’m going to go out on a limb regarding Tiger. Maybe this applies to other cheaters too. I think Tiger respected his wife too much to treat her like the over the top porn star type he for some reason craved. I think a lot of those high powered types are so used to excitement and drama, they need that circus in their personal lives as well. But on the home front, they need to maintain normalcy to maintain their public persona of respectable individual. So these two dynamics clash until it reaches a scandalous breaking point. There’s no amount of beauty, goodness or fame on the part of the betrayed wife that would have prevented this train wreck.

Look, this is true for men that have attachment issues and grew up in dysfunctional households with alcoholic or cheating parents, or even just neglect. They compartmentalize and are hollow on the inside. They may appear successful, good-looking, happy, etc., but they need they CRAVE external validation and flattery from other women to fill that void, numb that pain. Their wife could be g-damn Mother Theresa, Jenna Jameson in the sack and total hottie, and they will still cheat on her. They can 'love her' and never want to hurt on her and STILL cheat on her. A lot of you COMPLETELY miss that cheaters cheat because of what is wrong inside. It's a ME problem, not a them.

And it's why pretty, successful, good mothers that never denied sex (enjoyed it!) end up in Therapist's office crying and saying "I did everything right. I don't understand why he cheated." It was never about them. Women will come on these forums and insist it's something lacking in the marriage or the person because it's too scary to learn you don't have control over another person and they may have demons or repressed hurt that rears it's ugly head when they feel down or unhappy with themselves.

[Anonymous]

Yup simple: cake and eat it. Denial that they will be caught. Denial that they are hurting anyone. Denial that they are responsible for their own actions (It’s because my wife XYZ or doesn’t XYZ”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^^^ for the PP above, you keep arguing for men in sexless marriages to keep the wife's feelings as his primary concern but men who are sexually cut off really don't feel that need to protect and honor their wives. Make sense?

And if you men and women in true sexless marriages describe being "betrayed" there isn't the sense of anger you imagine. The marriage is long over by that point

This thread was “cheating men”, not “cheating men in sexless marriages”. A huge number of cheating men have regular weekly sex with their wives.

Sorry, but No. The overwhelming majority of married men who cheat do NOT “have regular weekly sex with their wives”. Men who are sexually satisfied at home are not motivated to do all the ridiculous work necessary for a married man to cheat.

By far most men who cheat are in sexless marriages. They are motivated and will do whatever it takes. This isn’t really cheating at all, it is the practical and accepted way to save a sexless marriage.

I would guess the majority of cheating men are in between - not completely sexless but not regular weekly sex either. Perhaps something like 6-12 times a year. I am a woman and I don't consider this frequency to be acceptable if both spouses are under 50 without major health issues.

This exactly describes me and two of my friends who I know have cheated. It would almost be easier to be sexless since I wouldn't worry about exposing my wife to a disease when we have sex between 2-10x a year. Plus, if you are sexless, it's easy to see that you are biding time till the kids leave. Having sex on rare occasions gives you reason to stay married on the glimmer of hope that sex might one day come back (or I lose my libido as I age and don't care anymore).

I am sure there are men who have great sex at home and still cheat but it's not the norm. Of course, celebrities like Tiger may be the exception because they have women literally throwing themselves at them, that temptation plus travel can be hard to resist.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^^^ for the PP above, you keep arguing for men in sexless marriages to keep the wife's feelings as his primary concern but men who are sexually cut off really don't feel that need to protect and honor their wives. Make sense?

And if you men and women in true sexless marriages describe being "betrayed" there isn't the sense of anger you imagine. The marriage is long over by that point

This thread was “cheating men”, not “cheating men in sexless marriages”. A huge number of cheating men have regular weekly sex with their wives.

Sorry, but No. The overwhelming majority of married men who cheat do NOT “have regular weekly sex with their wives”. Men who are sexually satisfied at home are not motivated to do all the ridiculous work necessary for a married man to cheat.

By far most men who cheat are in sexless marriages. They are motivated and will do whatever it takes. This isn’t really cheating at all, it is the practical and accepted way to save a sexless marriage.

I would guess the majority of cheating men are in between - not completely sexless but not regular weekly sex either. Perhaps something like 6-12 times a year. I am a woman and I don't consider this frequency to be acceptable if both spouses are under 50 without major health issues.

This exactly describes me and two of my friends who I know have cheated. It would almost be easier to be sexless since I wouldn't worry about exposing my wife to a disease when we have sex between 2-10x a year. Plus, if you are sexless, it's easy to see that you are biding time till the kids leave. Having sex on rare occasions gives you reason to stay married on the glimmer of hope that sex might one day come back (or I lose my libido as I age and don't care anymore).

I am sure there are men who have great sex at home and still cheat but it's not the norm. Of course, celebrities like Tiger may be the exception because they have women literally throwing themselves at them, that temptation plus travel can be hard to resist.

All those women he threw away his family for were all loser town bicycles.

It certainly demonstrated he had some mental problems for sure. I think his dad was the same way, but now he has health problems. Karma certainly came back around in this situation. A cheaters end is usually not good.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My plan was to have sex with someone who wanted to have sex with me. Yes, to have my cake and eat it too. There was no plan, it was short-term pleasure and filling a need that wasn't filled in my marriage.

it's not complicated.

So why not just divorce?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As others have stated, every person is different and so is every marriage and every cheater.

From a woman, Alice Walker, that has written two books after interviewing countless users of Ashley Madison:

"Where a lack of sexual satisfaction at home motivates women to seek out affairs, men crave the emotional connection and support their spouse neglects to provide. For married women, their own orgasms and sexual pleasure motivated them, while for men hearing praise for their sexual prowess made men feel worthy and manly. It is the cry for external validation, particularly at a low point in middle age. Articulating that feeling of under-appreciation and asking, “Why aren’t you interested in me anymore?” can be a very hard thing to do. How did it come to this? An inequality of the division of household labor results in some long-held resentment on the part of their wives. Possibly it’s simply that household chores, her job and childcare dominated their wives’ time and energy, leaving nothing left for their husbands. Regardless, these men internalized the dynamics in those relationships as a condemnation of them and their masculinity. To them, their wives treat sex as a chore and lack all enthusiasm about it. Men internalize that disinterest as, “I’m not good enough” and “I’m a disappointment.” They feel undervalued not only as a sexual partner, but as a person. Their outside partners function as the person to whom they go for that praise and recognition. And more often than not, just one “monogamous” affair partner is all they need, unlike studies that show many married women, prefer to maintain several concurrent affairs."

A total disinterest in changing their home life exists as a common understanding between affair partners. That is, they prefer the life they share with their spouse. As I mentioned, these men carry a deep love for their wife and 96% of them have absolutely no interest in leaving the marriage. One participant says:

“[My outside partner and I] know that we do not desire a change in our primary partners. We are not ‘in love.’ We enjoy each other, thank each other, and go back to our lives. My wife is my best friend. I enjoy her immensely. Our personalities match well. Our goals are well aligned, as I believe are the goals of my outside partner.”

These men were in real pain before they decided to cheat, both from the neglect they were facing and the realization that the reality of marriage didn’t line up with their expectations. For many, part of that pain persists knowing that the woman who’s now satisfying their needs isn’t the one woman they ultimately want that satisfaction from: Their wife.

Would these men be happiest with just their wife? Contrary to the common “men can’t resist temptation” narrative, yes, they would be (most men actually enjoy monogamy and are often far less interested in the idea of an open marriage than women are). But circumstances change and reality sets in.

What I see here isn’t men who are victims. It’s men who cannot stand the discomfort of emotional vulnerability. “Asking ‘why aren’t you interested in me anymore’ is a very hard thing to do.” Well no shit. It’s hard for everybody! Grow up and do hard things. Go to therapy and talk to your wife. And if that doesn’t work evaluate whether or not the relationship is working for you.

This is assuming that women are all open to having those difficult conversations and/or making changes in the relationship. And that's just not true. In fact, there is the woman up thread who talks about how she clammed up because she was going through a lot and "iced out" her husband. Doesn't excuse what he did, but also doesn't suggest that all he had to do was raise his concerns.

Haven't read all the pages, but why do we assume what the men say is really correct? Men lie. They lied when they cheated. Even when they open up it's from the mind of a sociopath. This is what I don't get. We know these people have mental illness of some sort otherwise they would just divorce. So why do we take their word as gospel? It's their projection of their internal world, but it's not reality.