What’s the end game plan for a cheating husband?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My plan was to have sex with someone who wanted to have sex with me. Yes, to have my cake and eat it too. There was no plan, it was short-term pleasure and filling a need that wasn't filled in my marriage.

it's not complicated.

So why not just divorce?

Really? You can't think of a reason people don't divorce? Especially with kids?

I mean, whether it's right or wrong, every man has a dream of stability at home and sex with new women outside the marriage. Doesn't mean it's ethical but it's a normal desire. That's why most men say the reason they don't cheat is fear of getting caught, not that they don't want to.

[Anonymous]

It’s not mental illness, it’s libido and wanting sex and knowing how to get it and not getting caught. Period. That’s all it is.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^^^ for the PP above, you keep arguing for men in sexless marriages to keep the wife's feelings as his primary concern but men who are sexually cut off really don't feel that need to protect and honor their wives. Make sense?

And if you men and women in true sexless marriages describe being "betrayed" there isn't the sense of anger you imagine. The marriage is long over by that point

This thread was “cheating men”, not “cheating men in sexless marriages”. A huge number of cheating men have regular weekly sex with their wives.

Sorry, but No. The overwhelming majority of married men who cheat do NOT “have regular weekly sex with their wives”. Men who are sexually satisfied at home are not motivated to do all the ridiculous work necessary for a married man to cheat.

By far most men who cheat are in sexless marriages. They are motivated and will do whatever it takes. This isn’t really cheating at all, it is the practical and accepted way to save a sexless marriage.

I would guess the majority of cheating men are in between - not completely sexless but not regular weekly sex either. Perhaps something like 6-12 times a year. I am a woman and I don't consider this frequency to be acceptable if both spouses are under 50 without major health issues.

Some people cheat getting lots of sex, have a very high sex drive and some never cheat even when sex is almost non-existent.

Nobody knows. Many, many men cheat in very good marriages. Most of the people I know had healthy sex lives when an affair was discovered--at least weekly--and when it was a ONS even more had normal sex lives at home.

It's a justification many use for their actions.

Do you think J-Lo never had sex with A-Rod, Aniston with Pitt, or Beyonce with Jay-Z or Jackie with JFK? It's ludicrous to blame the victims. Yes, men having regular sex with their wives cheat. And men with dysfunction and very high sex drives cheat even when they have healthy marital sex lives.

Tiger had 2 children in the short span he was with Uchitel. Some people are just pigs.

I’m going to go out on a limb regarding Tiger. Maybe this applies to other cheaters too. I think Tiger respected his wife too much to treat her like the over the top porn star type he for some reason craved. I think a lot of those high powered types are so used to excitement and drama, they need that circus in their personal lives as well. But on the home front, they need to maintain normalcy to maintain their public persona of respectable individual. So these two dynamics clash until it reaches a scandalous breaking point. There’s no amount of beauty, goodness or fame on the part of the betrayed wife that would have prevented this train wreck.

Look, this is true for men that have attachment issues and grew up in dysfunctional households with alcoholic or cheating parents, or even just neglect. They compartmentalize and are hollow on the inside. They may appear successful, good-looking, happy, etc., but they need they CRAVE external validation and flattery from other women to fill that void, numb that pain. Their wife could be g-damn Mother Theresa, Jenna Jameson in the sack and total hottie, and they will still cheat on her. They can 'love her' and never want to hurt on her and STILL cheat on her. A lot of you COMPLETELY miss that cheaters cheat because of what is wrong inside. It's a ME problem, not a them.

And all the OW willing to screw them think he's doing it because of their feminine wiles. No- any warm hole will do. There is no end game. Just sex.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not mental illness, it’s libido and wanting sex and knowing how to get it and not getting caught. Period. That’s all it is.

It really is that simple.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^^^^^ for the PP above, you keep arguing for men in sexless marriages to keep the wife's feelings as his primary concern but men who are sexually cut off really don't feel that need to protect and honor their wives. Make sense?

And if you men and women in true sexless marriages describe being "betrayed" there isn't the sense of anger you imagine. The marriage is long over by that point

This thread was “cheating men”, not “cheating men in sexless marriages”. A huge number of cheating men have regular weekly sex with their wives.

Sorry, but No. The overwhelming majority of married men who cheat do NOT “have regular weekly sex with their wives”. Men who are sexually satisfied at home are not motivated to do all the ridiculous work necessary for a married man to cheat.

By far most men who cheat are in sexless marriages. They are motivated and will do whatever it takes. This isn’t really cheating at all, it is the practical and accepted way to save a sexless marriage.

I would guess the majority of cheating men are in between - not completely sexless but not regular weekly sex either. Perhaps something like 6-12 times a year. I am a woman and I don't consider this frequency to be acceptable if both spouses are under 50 without major health issues.

Some people cheat getting lots of sex, have a very high sex drive and some never cheat even when sex is almost non-existent.

Nobody knows. Many, many men cheat in very good marriages. Most of the people I know had healthy sex lives when an affair was discovered--at least weekly--and when it was a ONS even more had normal sex lives at home.

It's a justification many use for their actions.

Do you think J-Lo never had sex with A-Rod, Aniston with Pitt, or Beyonce with Jay-Z or Jackie with JFK? It's ludicrous to blame the victims. Yes, men having regular sex with their wives cheat. And men with dysfunction and very high sex drives cheat even when they have healthy marital sex lives.

Tiger had 2 children in the short span he was with Uchitel. Some people are just pigs.

I’m going to go out on a limb regarding Tiger. Maybe this applies to other cheaters too. I think Tiger respected his wife too much to treat her like the over the top porn star type he for some reason craved. I think a lot of those high powered types are so used to excitement and drama, they need that circus in their personal lives as well. But on the home front, they need to maintain normalcy to maintain their public persona of respectable individual. So these two dynamics clash until it reaches a scandalous breaking point. There’s no amount of beauty, goodness or fame on the part of the betrayed wife that would have prevented this train wreck.

Look, this is true for men that have attachment issues and grew up in dysfunctional households with alcoholic or cheating parents, or even just neglect. They compartmentalize and are hollow on the inside. They may appear successful, good-looking, happy, etc., but they need they CRAVE external validation and flattery from other women to fill that void, numb that pain. Their wife could be g-damn Mother Theresa, Jenna Jameson in the sack and total hottie, and they will still cheat on her. They can 'love her' and never want to hurt on her and STILL cheat on her. A lot of you COMPLETELY miss that cheaters cheat because of what is wrong inside. It's a ME problem, not a them.

And all the OW willing to screw them think he's doing it because of their feminine wiles. No- any warm hole will do. There is no end game. Just sex.

I'm dying to know - are you the same angry, bitter, scorned lady who posts this phrase on every thread about cheating? Or are there a couple of you? It's just such a memorably misogynistic way of putting it.

[Anonymous]

^ it’s cheating, not misogynistic. It’s two willing parties and the OW’s catch phrase is “if it wasn’t me it would have been someone else.” So they know that. That’s essentially what that phrase means.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^ it’s cheating, not misogynistic. It’s two willing parties and the OW’s catch phrase is “if it wasn’t me it would have been someone else.” So they know that. That’s essentially what that phrase means.

DP. Several men have said it’s libido and wanting sex. Period. This poster is phrasing it crudely, but it’s what they are thinking.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It’s not mental illness, it’s libido and wanting sex and knowing how to get it and not getting caught. Period. That’s all it is.

When you're living a double life. Willing to put yourself and family at risk with a stranger it means there's a mental problem afoot. Stable people know how to address problems, not create more.

Yes it's a form of mental wellness. Sorry cheaters - you are the problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not mental illness, it’s libido and wanting sex and knowing how to get it and not getting caught. Period. That’s all it is.

When you're living a double life. Willing to put yourself and family at risk with a stranger it means there's a mental problem afoot. Stable people know how to address problems, not create more.

Yes it's a form of mental wellness. Sorry cheaters - you are the problem.

You don’t get to define what mental illness is just because you got cheated on. You got cheated on. So did I. Get over it.

[Anonymous]

Does it matter what his end game is? Now that you know, you get to decide YOURS. Either put up with it or get out, I did the latter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not mental illness, it’s libido and wanting sex and knowing how to get it and not getting caught. Period. That’s all it is.

When you're living a double life. Willing to put yourself and family at risk with a stranger it means there's a mental problem afoot. Stable people know how to address problems, not create more.

Yes it's a form of mental wellness. Sorry cheaters - you are the problem.

You don’t get to define what mental illness is just because you got cheated on. You got cheated on. So did I. Get over it.

Sorry you're still having difficulty from being a cheater. Therapy might help. Cheating affects the mental health of the cheater and their victim fyi. This has been well written about, and a good therapist could explain it to you as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not mental illness, it’s libido and wanting sex and knowing how to get it and not getting caught. Period. That’s all it is.

When you're living a double life. Willing to put yourself and family at risk with a stranger it means there's a mental problem afoot. Stable people know how to address problems, not create more.

Yes it's a form of mental wellness. Sorry cheaters - you are the problem.

Even the most stable person can't solve the unsolvable any more than he/she can turn water into wine.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not mental illness, it’s libido and wanting sex and knowing how to get it and not getting caught. Period. That’s all it is.

When you're living a double life. Willing to put yourself and family at risk with a stranger it means there's a mental problem afoot. Stable people know how to address problems, not create more.

Yes it's a form of mental wellness. Sorry cheaters - you are the problem.

You don’t get to define what mental illness is just because you got cheated on. You got cheated on. So did I. Get over it.

Sorry you're still having difficulty from being a cheater. Therapy might help. Cheating affects the mental health of the cheater and their victim fyi. This has been well written about, and a good therapist could explain it to you as well.

Being in a sexless marriage for years had a real affect on my mental health. Cheating greatly improved my mental health in so many ways. No regrets at all. I only regret I didn't do it years earlier.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s not mental illness, it’s libido and wanting sex and knowing how to get it and not getting caught. Period. That’s all it is.

When you're living a double life. Willing to put yourself and family at risk with a stranger it means there's a mental problem afoot. Stable people know how to address problems, not create more.

Yes it's a form of mental wellness. Sorry cheaters - you are the problem.

You don’t get to define what mental illness is just because you got cheated on. You got cheated on. So did I. Get over it.

Sorry you're still having difficulty from being a cheater. Therapy might help. Cheating affects the mental health of the cheater and their victim fyi. This has been well written about, and a good therapist could explain it to you as well.

But cheaters don't always cheat with strangers. Cheaters cheat with friends, colleagues, exes. As well as strangers. I'd say most start as somebody known.

[Anonymous]

Isn't there something about living a double life that intrigues you??? It does me.