How to handle this with DD?
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Anonymous
| I was 15 when my mom married my step-father. He had a lot more money than my mom and between the two of them there were 5 of us kids. I was the oldest. It was never a question. We all got the same $ spent on us. There were no second class citizens. I didn't think to question or appreciate that at the time, but looking back (and definitely in contrast to OPs situation) I am SO THANKFUL that my parents didn't put us in the position of some of the kids getting less than the others. It would have lead to lifelong resentments and alienation. |
Anonymous
I mean, yes. You are exactly right. She is ripping her own dd apart for what? 17-year dd fibbed and she is disappointed in her own child? For not being super nice to her stepsisters? For not being understanding how in the same family kids get to go wherever and she is an ungrateful brat, according to op, for not taking loans for local in-state school? OP is a selfish douche who put her own needs before the needs of her child. She is blaming the victim! Who is her own child! Appalling lack of any motherly affection, care, or understanding. |
Anonymous
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TLDR all of this but this is not the mother's fault. The DD who is such a good student should be using those big brains to identify private colleges that offer merit aid.
FWIW, my mother remarried when I was a teen (eldest of my bio and step siblings). We were very poor from the divorce and my father's bad job and cheap ways. My stepfather enabled us to have a much nicer house, cars, and trips. She and I paid for my college education, but I did find a school that offered me a large scholarship. I never expected my stepfather to pay for my college. He DID often send me money, though, which I really appreciated. I never asked for it, though. |
Anonymous
| Ok but it sounds like even if step dad offers 10-20k a year, that is STILL not enough for the schools DD wants and she’ll still be bitter and resentful about having to go to UMD when her steps go to better schools. |
Anonymous
The daughter is learning an important life lesson. Nothing in life is free You can’t pick your birth dads (many of us have f’d up parent(s)) Divorce happens. Remarriages happen. Pick your major and hardest well paying career path possible. Male or female. She needs to get some maturity and coping skills. Life isn’t fair and fair isn’t handouts. |
Anonymous
You mean she should have thought ahead and strategically delayed any marriages in order to have her daughter apply from a lower income family? People do that? Or get divorced to ramp up aid and welfare? Nice! |
Anonymous
30K plus the maximum in federal loans which is 27K, would pay for 2 years at UMD. Maybe if she did 2 years at community college, living at home, and 2 years at UMD, living at home, she could graduate with only federal loans. I'm guessing that this kid lives in a neighborhood where the norm is for kids in the public school who perform the way she has to go off to 4 year schools and lie on campus. So, she's not just watching siblings have an experience she can't have, she's watching her friends and classmates do that too. |
Anonymous
Yeah. Then she can pay for half or more of her own kids college plus any teens she marries into. Surprise! |
Anonymous
Most people who get married after they have children, choose people who will care for their child and treat them like family. But yes, if you want to marry someone who isn't going to care for your children, you should wait until your children are launched. |
Anonymous
I work for a college access program. Sometimes we make exceptions to our income guidelines, but it's usually for something like the young person is homeless after being kicked out and parents won't pay, or the young person was sent to the US to stay with a relative who has guardianship but that person has never had financial responsibility for the kid. OP's kid is in a terrible situation, but it's outside of what we do. My off the record advice would be to build a paper trail that dad is the custodial parent and apply using his info. With the current lookbacks, that might be a couple year process. |
Anonymous
I'm not sure how I come out on this whole thing, but I am wondering, if the bio father was the one with the money, and your mom had married someone with much fewer resources and children (stepsiblings to the DD in this case), would anyone expect the bio father of the DD to pay for the college of DD's stepsiblings? And if not, doesn't that mean that some kids will get less than others? |
Anonymous
It sounds like they got married pretty recently. I would absolutely have the conversation with my future spouse that we would need to wait until the kid was through college if we couldn't find a shared way to get the kid through college, or have Dad claim the kid and set up a paperwork trail that dad was the primary parent. |
Anonymous
m NP. I actually do think it’s entitled and bratty to have such a bad attitude about attending an in state school. I’m surprised so many posters are overlooking this. Mom messed up by not considering the financial implications of marrying and signing a prenup. But DD should be grateful if they pay for her to go to UMD. |
Anonymous
But they aren’t actually offering to pay for her to go to UMD. Mom has saved about 1 year. |
Anonymous
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Why hasn't your daughter applied for scholarships?
Not all of them are need based. Many are based on grades , activities, hobbies volunteering, ethnics heritage etc. |