We are separating, telling kids on Saturday

[Anonymous]

Good for you, OP!! I was rooting for you. This update made my day--thanks for sharing!

[Anonymous]

Rooting for you OP! You can do this.

[Anonymous]

This is awesome, OP. You're a rock star. I'm pregnant and not getting along with my husband, and I'm going to bookmark this in case I divorced later on.

[Anonymous]

Good job OP!

You deserve a great life!

[Anonymous]

People are rooting for the OP as if she is an athlete at an event, but the story is still sad.

[Anonymous]

I teared up reading your update OP. So many tough moments... but you made it through each and every one.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the update. Further proof that most of what we worry about never happens and is a waste of energy. And, I hope that you will continue to move forward and feel certain you will. I also hope that your children will heal until they reach the best place possible. Kudo's to you for providing their professional help.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:People are rooting for the OP as if she is an athlete at an event, but the story is still sad.

OP took a horrible experience not of her own making and managed to come out of it ok. That definitely deserves a congratulations.

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the update, OP! I'm so glad you're doing okay. I hope therapy has helped the kids. It's tough but what a better life you're making!

[Anonymous]

OP- You go Girl! So glad you are doing well.

What happened with the OW?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. I wanted to provide a 6 month update for those of you who followed my story earlier.

Things are actually going very, very well for me. Weekly therapy has helped me get through the worst of it, and now I'm down to going about once a month.

The kids have struggled, so I'm not going to sugarcoat that. The youngest refused to talk about or even acknowledge the divorce (he just turned 8), and started exhibiting lots of anger at home and at school. The older one (he is 10) started having discipline problems in school. While my STBXH insisted that it was all in my head, I insisted on getting them in to counseling.

During one of the early sessions, the therapist had the younger one draw a picture of his family. He drew a rocky mountain (which she said is a child's way of depicting lots of instability) with me and himself standing at the top of the mountain holding hands, with rainbows and flowers and big smiles. Daddy was drawn in black at the bottom of the mountain, laying down with his eyes x'd out, dead. His brother was half-drawn as an afterthought. When the therapist showed it to my STBXH and I, you should have seen his face . . . he was like "I don't think it means anything." It is really hard to see the kids struggling with this, but they have to go through it. They really do.

On the fear and anger side, things are better for me. I've learned I can do this on my own - I can cover the mortgage, pay all the bills, run the household, etc., and it's totally fine. In fact, doing all of this has made me feel so free and unburdened - it's like I'm flying! I can do this, I really can.

I don't cry very much anymore, but on occasion I'll be triggered by something like the song we played at our wedding, or on Facebook the "memory" feature that shows you things that you posted years ago on any given day.

The STBX isn't doing as well, shockingly. He's complaining of financial woes, how poor he is now that he's only on a single salary (we are both GS-15s, we make identical salaries, so no sympathy from me).

All in all, things are ok. I'm ok. The kids are going to be ok. It isn't the life I imagined, but it is what we have, and it is pretty darn amazing.

They may not be, but who cares as long as you're happy right? I mean you were totally cool with ruining the holidays for them so why act like you care now. Go You!

[Anonymous]

Good for you! So glad to read this today. I met with a divorce attorney for the first time this afternoon. We have an 11 year old. Also a cheating husband scenario.

[Anonymous]

OP here. As far as I know, they are still working together. They have adjacent offices, he's her direct supervisor. My soon to be ex MIL asked him if they are still together, and all he told her was that he still hopes they will end up together, but that the OW is working on her marriage. STBXH has alienated his whole family - neither of his siblings are talking to him, and his mother has made it clear that she loves him as her son, but that she disapproves of what he's doing, what he's done, and that she can never be more than just civil to the OW if she is in his life for the long term.

I ended up sending the OW's husband a message on FB. We aren't FB friends, so I don't know if he got it or not. I simply told him that the relationship between OW and my STBXH led to the dissolution of my marriage, and that if he had any questions I gave him information on how to contact me. Done. Never heard a word.

Doing that helped me sleep at night. Not out of revenge... I was feeling burdened with this secret that I never agreed to have. Like I was somehow complicit in their affair, and that I was no better than all the coworkers who probably knew what was going on and never said a word. I didn't do it lightly - this was after months of struggling with the issue and discussing it in therapy. It was the right decision for me, and I realize I don't care or need to know if he ever even read it - I'm not burdened with this destructive secret anymore.

As for the troll above - yes, I ruined the holidays. I didn't have much choice, though, did I? My STBX had already signed lease on a new place and scheduled movers without telling me. I suppose I could have not told the kids and let them be surprised when they came home from school to have daddy gone with no explanation.

That's just the thing that people don't get. I didn't get it myself until it happened to me. Sometimes you don't have any choice at all. He decided he was done and checked out of the marriage before we even started therapy.

[Anonymous]

OP, props to you. You should be so proud of yourself. I may be in your shoes soon as DH and I are discussing separation/divorce. It's sad, not what I want, but doesn't look like he wants to stay married. I have hopes I can work through the storm and come out with a rainbow on the other side. I have young kids and worry about them as well.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is awesome, OP. You're a rock star. I'm pregnant and not getting along with my husband, and I'm going to bookmark this in case I divorced later on.

Do people really live like this? Wow.