We are separating, telling kids on Saturday

[Anonymous]

Your kids will be okay if you're okay, OP. And the neighbors will follow suit - they'll take their cues from you. Never let them see you sweat. As far as karma goes, everyone will see that scarlet A - you won't need to do a thing. And people will admire the hell out of your grace and class.

As hard as it is, it's better for your kids if they have a decent relationship with her. They too will admire the hell out of you someday when they look back and see what you did for them.

The OW is awful - ultimately she has to live with the fact that she wreaked such pain and havoc - this is her legacy.

I know you're going to be okay, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your kids will be okay if you're okay, OP. And the neighbors will follow suit - they'll take their cues from you. Never let them see you sweat. As far as karma goes, everyone will see that scarlet A - you won't need to do a thing. And people will admire the hell out of your grace and class.

As hard as it is, it's better for your kids if they have a decent relationship with her. They too will admire the hell out of you someday when they look back and see what you did for them.

The OW is awful - ultimately she has to live with the fact that she wreaked such pain and havoc - this is her legacy.

I know you're going to be okay, OP.

Just to add - she is a wretched mother-f^*#er.

[Anonymous]

You need to tell your ex he needs to do whatever needs to be done to keep her from moving into his kids neighborhood and doing this to them. He is probably the only one who has any sway here. And I would really put the fear of God in him over this.

[Anonymous]

Do you think your ex is the one driving this? Do you think telling him this will make her kids' lives very difficult would help? I think alot of guys would be clueless as to how this could end up impacting them.

[Anonymous]

OP, I'm pretty sure I know you IRL (we're acquaintances more than anything but you have given me great advice a few times), and you're a rockstar.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell the other husband. I would appreciate it. The two cheaters are living a fantasy and you two need to protect yourselves.

yes tell the other husband for sure. And I would tell my kids the truth and why dad is leaving the family.

[Anonymous]

Too much identifying information. I don't know you because I don't live anywhere near DC, but I am guessing there will be people who do know you based on your posts. Ask Jeff to take down the thread.

[Anonymous]

Honestly OP, I wouldn't be surprised if your DH thought she should move there. Presumably he liked the neighborhood, and likes the school your children are at. Not only that, but if he marry's this lady, and her children are at the same school as your kids, it makes logistics TONS easier for him - cause now he can live in the same neighborhood, and all the kids go to the same school/s.

I know that you will be OK, so I would meditate on it (if the house is bought there's no use telling them not to move in - if its a rental that's different) and go about your life. Yes, it will be annoying, but it shouldn't be life altering.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tell the other husband. I would appreciate it. The two cheaters are living a fantasy and you two need to protect yourselves.

yes tell the other husband for sure. And I would tell my kids the truth and why dad is leaving the family.

It's a 19 page thread. At least read the last page before posting. The kids were told months ago.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here. Thanks people. I'm just having a freak-out moment about how awful, awful, awful this is for all the obvious reasons.

I told her husband my concerns about having the children all mixed together at the same elementary school - in the neighborhood where most of the other parents know who she is (she has a distinctive last name) and will know who her children are. He totally understands how that could be really harmful for his kids.

I don't know him well enough to know how much he'll fight her on this. He seems to care about how his children will be affected.

I'm just taking deep breaths, trying to be as calm as I can be. I'd honestly move away if I could, but that's also disruptive to the children to tear them away from their neighborhood home.

I want to plaster her door with a giant scarlet A. I want to confront her and gouge her eyes out. I want to find her in the grocery store and follow her around ringing a bell shouting "shame! shame! shame!"

I will do none of these things because I am not unhinged. But this it really, really testing my soul.

Neither she nor your STBXH give a damn about their children, and that is awful.

I am so sorry.

[Anonymous]

Jesus. So sorry op. What in the actual f???? Just hope it all works out for you and your kids. Keep us posted.

[Anonymous]

Wow, shes an unbelievably shitty parent. Can you imagine deliberately choosing to send your children to a school where they will likely be ostracized for her behavior? I'm sure it's going to make school awesome for them when they hear someone gossiping about how their mother is a whore.

I'm sorry you're facing this, OP. I hope she comes to her senses and sends the kids to school near their dad.

[Anonymous]

Any update?

[Anonymous]

OP here. No update. When I confronted my ex, all he said was "you are projecting influence i do not have over this situation. Why would I do anything to undermine our coparenting relationship?"

I took that as a rhetorical question. I put the fear of God in him.... he had been getting free after school care from my parents.... that's done. Now he has to pay. He doesn't like that at all. I'm also renegotiating our settlement, which hadn't been finalized. No promising to keep kids in this school pyramid.

So either he is lying (most likely) or she's some kind of psycho stalker. knowing him, he thinks they are going to move in and we will all be like sister wives with potlucks and shared children and some other fantasy Brady bunch crap. He's that thick.

I did tell him to at least warn her that the whole neighborhood knows about her, and that is probably going to hurt her social life here and also probably hurt her kids. I doubt he'll do it, though.

[Anonymous]

Man she is dumb. I am trying to put myself in her shoes and attempt to figure out what her game plan here but it doesn't make sense to move onto your boyfriends ex-wife's turf, at all. Like at all.