Reply to 19 year gap - Will everything be okay?

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]The trouble with the plan to divorce him when he's old and sick is-- he's going to be OP's children's father. Can she really do that and look her children in the eye? And if she does, it's her children with him who will have to step up and care for him as young adults, because his first batch of kids will be busy with their own families and maybe pretty alienated by that point.[/quote]

+1.

This is a terrible plan. And divorcing him might not relieve her from being his caregiver. As PP rightly noted, he will be her children's father. Look at how The Grey's anatomy actor's almost ex wife is taking care of him as he has struggling with ALS. She has had to rearrange her life to be there for him and the kids even though they were in the process of getting a divorce before he was diagnosed. Look at Demi Moore's current relationship with her Bruce Willis now that he is struggling with illness.

Once you have children with someone, you are tied for life - they are always a part of your family. This is even more so in age gap relationships, because the children might be young enough to need help in taking care of parents. [/quote]

I think OP’s children would actually be too young to fill that role and it'd have to fall back to his older kids. Aren't they teens now? My inlaws are divorced and my mother-in-law does still do a lot for my father-in-law to protect their kids from having to deal with him, but it’s clear she’s happy to be able to go home to her own place and any help she gives him is gratuitous not expected.  They are the same age and only have kids together. The dynamic is going to be so much different with step kids. Many women will not feel the same need to protect their stepkids from the challenges of caring for their father and their own kids are too young to do it.  And people don’t usually get divorced that late in life without good reason, like they have years of resentment that leads them to the point where they can no longer stand each other anymore.[/quote]

No. He's 46 now and they aren't married or expecting yet. So he'd be 50 or more by the time OP has had two kids. So the younger set will be about 20-25 when he hits 70 and health problems become much more likely. His own kids will be around 40 years old and they'll be married and have elementary or middle school aged kids of their own. The younger set will be old enough to deal with it and not yet burdened with their own kids, and their mother will be more able to convince/coerce them into doing it.[/quote]

yeah, but if their mother divorces him, she’s not gonna encourage her kids to be his caretaker. It will fall on the 40 somethings.  I’m around enough 20 somethings at work to know that they’re not taking care of anyone. They are all about themselves at that age. Plus, he probably wouldn’t accept help from a kid in their 20s. He’d expected from the 40-year-olds.[/quote]

He can expect whatever he wants, but if he and his new wife don't maintain a strong relationship with the first set of kids, he won't get much from them. They know perfectly well that OP and her kids are walking off with what would have been theirs.[/quote]

Lol. Can we conclude here that men who overextend themselves with wives and kids often die alone, having spread themselves thin letting everyone down? [/quote]

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