Why are some parents so cold and unfriendly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So we are attending events as mutes in order to people watch and eavesdrop on other people’s interactions…is that what we are doing now? I get going to a school event to support your kids and be involved with what is going on at the school. But I don’t understand the angst directed at people who want to stay on and socialize and casually converse with the “community” that they may one day need to rely on…it’s not just other parents…it’s the teachers and staff. That’s the bizarre tone of the trolls regurgitating the same weak argument throughout this thread.

They may "one day need to rely on..." is a bit odd here. That would never be why I introduce myself or make casual conversation. What do you need them for exactly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can absolutely be “pleasant for a few moments,” but a lot of times, clingy or overly extroverted people want more, more, more. In your post, you say “a few moments,” but if I start giving you one-word answers and start putting up very heavy-handed social cues, it’s because it’s been at least a solid 5 minutes, and after I’ve dropped subtle social cues and you are still coming at me, I need to freeze you out.

I’m friendly and engaged…to a point. But if we’re not friends, maybe I just want a little peace and quiet after a long day, and I’m just not into a long conversation.

To be honest, I’m also not looking to make new friends at this point in my life. Friendly acquaintances? Sure. New friends, no. I barely have time for my friends and family and I simply don’t have the capacity right now.

All of this, right here. But something tells me OP and all her supporters aren’t here aren’t actually looking for a few moments of friendly exchange; they are looking for friends, friends, friends to collect. Got to fill every moment of quietude with chatter.

This response and the previous one make me sad. No wonder there are so many children with mental health issues if their parents are so antisocial, negative and unkind.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we are attending events as mutes in order to people watch and eavesdrop on other people’s interactions…is that what we are doing now? I get going to a school event to support your kids and be involved with what is going on at the school. But I don’t understand the angst directed at people who want to stay on and socialize and casually converse with the “community” that they may one day need to rely on…it’s not just other parents…it’s the teachers and staff. That’s the bizarre tone of the trolls regurgitating the same weak argument throughout this thread.

They may "one day need to rely on..." is a bit odd here. That would never be why I introduce myself or make casual conversation. What do you need them for exactly?

You don’t understand why it’s good to be involved in your community and get to know people? It’s the same reason you want a professional network. It also makes life interesting taking to others and getting to know people! To act as though you need absolutely nothing from anyone is ignorant.

Do you work in the public sector?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we are attending events as mutes in order to people watch and eavesdrop on other people’s interactions…is that what we are doing now? I get going to a school event to support your kids and be involved with what is going on at the school. But I don’t understand the angst directed at people who want to stay on and socialize and casually converse with the “community” that they may one day need to rely on…it’s not just other parents…it’s the teachers and staff. That’s the bizarre tone of the trolls regurgitating the same weak argument throughout this thread.

They may "one day need to rely on..." is a bit odd here. That would never be why I introduce myself or make casual conversation. What do you need them for exactly?

You don’t understand why it’s good to be involved in your community and get to know people? It’s the same reason you want a professional network. It also makes life interesting taking to others and getting to know people! To act as though you need absolutely nothing from anyone is ignorant.

Do you work in the public sector?

Sorry if you just want to hit me up to give your kid a ride someday you can't move on down to the next person. Thanks for making it perfectly clear your community is all about what others can do for you. I have parents I talk to, it's a small group and we aren't just asking each other things as favors. Our kids aren't even friends, but we the parents have mutual and common interests.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So we are attending events as mutes in order to people watch and eavesdrop on other people’s interactions…is that what we are doing now? I get going to a school event to support your kids and be involved with what is going on at the school. But I don’t understand the angst directed at people who want to stay on and socialize and casually converse with the “community” that they may one day need to rely on…it’s not just other parents…it’s the teachers and staff. That’s the bizarre tone of the trolls regurgitating the same weak argument throughout this thread.

Not having any mutuals (read social "ins") at your kid's school sets off red flags. A lot of parents are feds, trained to be extremely wary around randoms trying to chat. Bottom line, we don't know you and we're frankly not interested in knowing you. That's not a me/us problem, it's a you problem for being offended. This thread is full of deeply presumptuous people with a lack of self awareness. Stop trying to force yourself on others. We just want to be left alone and associate with people we know and have vetted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am married to an introvert and he would never behave as some people here describe. It's an excuse. Introversion has become this out for people to just act boorishly. Dear introverts, no one cares. Engage in basic human interactions and if you can't manage, stay home.

Respectfully, get it through your thick skull: You are not entitled to be my new friend. You are not entitled to small talk. You are not entitled to a darn thing. You are literally a freaking stranger. Wow just wow at the psychotic delusions of grandeur on here.

Honestly this all sounds like an echo chamber of creepy men in the office who won't take no for answer from a disinterested female colleague. Keep pushing and pushing and get it in your head that you all are perfect for each other and have so much in common. And then she's a b-word because she avoids your delusional behind or turns you into HR when you won't let up.

DP. Ok, first, saying "respectfully" and then using the term "thick skull" is oxymoronic.

Second, no one wants to be your new friend. This thread specifically noted that the OP is not looking for new friends or trying to establish they are "perfect" for someone. Perhaps get it through your "thick skull" that talking to someone in a public space with our kids in order to contribute to a friendly and supportive environment for out kids is not an overture to be BFFs. It's entirely likely I will leave the conversation and not think about you at all other than maybe having a pleasant general impression of you and your family.

And third, have you asked yourself why you view having pleasant, mild interactions with people you see regularly at your kids school (they can be short, they don't have to involve small talk) is such an imposition for you? We're talking about simply having the ability to exchange a quick wave or smile, or exchange to sentences, with people you see nearly daily for years. You made the comparison to work. Yes, a man hitting on you at work every day would be really inappropriate. But I want you to imagine that you had a colleague you worked with for years who refused to make eye contact or even acknowledge your existence when you passed each other in the hall or wound up sitting next to each other while waiting for a meeting to start.

No one wants to be your new boyfriend. No one. We are just trying to make the experience of being parents with minor children mildly less alienating and awkward, by having basic social skills and not greeting everyone we see with hostile stares.

It's perfectly natural for people to have their guard up. You, after all, are a random total stranger.

Question for yappers like yourself: Why can't you just not compulsively yap at total strangers? Why can't you just enjoy whatever event you're at with your spouse and kid without socially elbowing others? Why don't you know anyone at your kid's school? That in itself is a little weird and that's likely why strangers are skittish. I don't think just because we're randomly 1 of 1,000 on up to 1 of 4,000+ (depending on enrollment size) moms and dads with a child in the same school means I'm obligated to talk with you or associate with you in any way. It's as silly as thinking you're entitled to small talk with random shoppers at a Nordstrom because you're both at the same store. It's pushy and weird.

A parent of a child in your kid's class or in the same after school activity is, by definition, NOT a random total stranger.

That seems to be the disconnect here. My feeling is "oh, I see this person every day/week at pick up and it's weird we don't acknowledge each other -- I will introduce myself and then greet and exchange a few words with this person because otherwise it's kind of weird." Your feeling is "WHY would this totally random person try to talk to me?! They should leave me alone, how dare they burden me int his way?"

I truly don't get your response. I'm not asking you to coffee or dinner, asking about your personal or family life (or job or house or anything personal because I truly don't care). I am, at most, asking a few questions like "oh how long has Larla been doing gymnastics?" or similar. I'm talking two minutes, tops, of interaction and just putting a name with a face. And this is seen, bizarrely in my opinion, as "needy" or invasive. This is so strange to me. I just don't want to spend months or years standing next to a person I recognize and whose kid is classmate/teammate/even friends with my kid, without creating a very baseline level of communication.

Respectfully disagree. Issue is you scorned whiners refuse to look at this from other parents’ POV: To them, you are in fact are a pushy total stranger trying to yap, ask invasive questions, and orbit me and my husband. It’s not rude or offensive that they simply don’t want to engage with you. This is especially true at public schools which pull in 500+ to 2,000+ random non-vetted families from all over the region - including scammer parents committing residency fraud.

These PPs make me sad for humanity. So glad my public elementary school has a sense of community and friendly parents (at least a good chunk) and not a view that people are random and maybe even scammers.

[Anonymous]

https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/180/1320062.page

The same mean girl was all over this thread too. “Normal successful people have thriving social lives and don’t want to be friends with you losers. Expect me to ignore you even if we see each other every day for a decade because my solid friend group is closed to new applicants. Thanks”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So we are attending events as mutes in order to people watch and eavesdrop on other people’s interactions…is that what we are doing now? I get going to a school event to support your kids and be involved with what is going on at the school. But I don’t understand the angst directed at people who want to stay on and socialize and casually converse with the “community” that they may one day need to rely on…it’s not just other parents…it’s the teachers and staff. That’s the bizarre tone of the trolls regurgitating the same weak argument throughout this thread.

this thread isn't isolated, the same theme comes up constantly on DCUM; parents whining that they can't use their kids to make a new social circle

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:https://www.dcurbanmom.com/jforum/posts/list/180/1320062.page

The same mean girl was all over this thread too. “Normal successful people have thriving social lives and don’t want to be friends with you losers. Expect me to ignore you even if we see each other every day for a decade because my solid friend group is closed to new applicants. Thanks”

And you show how this totally doesn't bother you by following threads on the topic so intently.

[Anonymous]

You transactional trolls are a trip. “What do you need them for exactly?” Where is your warped mind going, exactly? I was referring to commiseration, emotional support for life’s curveballs and things like that. The high and mighty do fall at least once in their lives. That person who was too beneath you or didn’t fall within your introversion matrix, could be just the person who (or whose child) helps you or yours.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am married to an introvert and he would never behave as some people here describe. It's an excuse. Introversion has become this out for people to just act boorishly. Dear introverts, no one cares. Engage in basic human interactions and if you can't manage, stay home.

Respectfully, get it through your thick skull: You are not entitled to be my new friend. You are not entitled to small talk. You are not entitled to a darn thing. You are literally a freaking stranger. Wow just wow at the psychotic delusions of grandeur on here.

Honestly this all sounds like an echo chamber of creepy men in the office who won't take no for answer from a disinterested female colleague. Keep pushing and pushing and get it in your head that you all are perfect for each other and have so much in common. And then she's a b-word because she avoids your delusional behind or turns you into HR when you won't let up.

DP. Ok, first, saying "respectfully" and then using the term "thick skull" is oxymoronic.

Second, no one wants to be your new friend. This thread specifically noted that the OP is not looking for new friends or trying to establish they are "perfect" for someone. Perhaps get it through your "thick skull" that talking to someone in a public space with our kids in order to contribute to a friendly and supportive environment for out kids is not an overture to be BFFs. It's entirely likely I will leave the conversation and not think about you at all other than maybe having a pleasant general impression of you and your family.

And third, have you asked yourself why you view having pleasant, mild interactions with people you see regularly at your kids school (they can be short, they don't have to involve small talk) is such an imposition for you? We're talking about simply having the ability to exchange a quick wave or smile, or exchange to sentences, with people you see nearly daily for years. You made the comparison to work. Yes, a man hitting on you at work every day would be really inappropriate. But I want you to imagine that you had a colleague you worked with for years who refused to make eye contact or even acknowledge your existence when you passed each other in the hall or wound up sitting next to each other while waiting for a meeting to start.

No one wants to be your new boyfriend. No one. We are just trying to make the experience of being parents with minor children mildly less alienating and awkward, by having basic social skills and not greeting everyone we see with hostile stares.

It's perfectly natural for people to have their guard up. You, after all, are a random total stranger.

Question for yappers like yourself: Why can't you just not compulsively yap at total strangers? Why can't you just enjoy whatever event you're at with your spouse and kid without socially elbowing others? Why don't you know anyone at your kid's school? That in itself is a little weird and that's likely why strangers are skittish. I don't think just because we're randomly 1 of 1,000 on up to 1 of 4,000+ (depending on enrollment size) moms and dads with a child in the same school means I'm obligated to talk with you or associate with you in any way. It's as silly as thinking you're entitled to small talk with random shoppers at a Nordstrom because you're both at the same store. It's pushy and weird.

A parent of a child in your kid's class or in the same after school activity is, by definition, NOT a random total stranger.

That seems to be the disconnect here. My feeling is "oh, I see this person every day/week at pick up and it's weird we don't acknowledge each other -- I will introduce myself and then greet and exchange a few words with this person because otherwise it's kind of weird." Your feeling is "WHY would this totally random person try to talk to me?! They should leave me alone, how dare they burden me int his way?"

I truly don't get your response. I'm not asking you to coffee or dinner, asking about your personal or family life (or job or house or anything personal because I truly don't care). I am, at most, asking a few questions like "oh how long has Larla been doing gymnastics?" or similar. I'm talking two minutes, tops, of interaction and just putting a name with a face. And this is seen, bizarrely in my opinion, as "needy" or invasive. This is so strange to me. I just don't want to spend months or years standing next to a person I recognize and whose kid is classmate/teammate/even friends with my kid, without creating a very baseline level of communication.

Respectfully disagree. Issue is you scorned whiners refuse to look at this from other parents’ POV: To them, you are in fact are a pushy total stranger trying to yap, ask invasive questions, and orbit me and my husband. It’s not rude or offensive that they simply don’t want to engage with you. This is especially true at public schools which pull in 500+ to 2,000+ random non-vetted families from all over the region - including scammer parents committing residency fraud.

These PPs make me sad for humanity. So glad my public elementary school has a sense of community and friendly parents (at least a good chunk) and not a view that people are random and maybe even scammers.

When I think of a community I don't think of how these people can some day help me. It's pretty far from my mind. If anything I will chat just to pass the time or to put a face with a name. But clearly some PPs have ulterior motives and other people have rightly picked up on that and raise their hackles. People have been burned before, it's not like this is anyone's first rodeo. If you're stuffily to find your community, some self reflection might be in order.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we are attending events as mutes in order to people watch and eavesdrop on other people’s interactions…is that what we are doing now? I get going to a school event to support your kids and be involved with what is going on at the school. But I don’t understand the angst directed at people who want to stay on and socialize and casually converse with the “community” that they may one day need to rely on…it’s not just other parents…it’s the teachers and staff. That’s the bizarre tone of the trolls regurgitating the same weak argument throughout this thread.

Not having any mutuals (read social "ins") at your kid's school sets off red flags. A lot of parents are feds, trained to be extremely wary around randoms trying to chat. Bottom line, we don't know you and we're frankly not interested in knowing you. That's not a me/us problem, it's a you problem for being offended. This thread is full of deeply presumptuous people with a lack of self awareness. Stop trying to force yourself on others. We just want to be left alone and associate with people we know and have vetted.

This actually explains a lot. Professionally successful people are friendly and outgoing. I can see a government worker not being able to get alone with or see any value in other people, which is why they struggle to find new jobs post DOGE.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am married to an introvert and he would never behave as some people here describe. It's an excuse. Introversion has become this out for people to just act boorishly. Dear introverts, no one cares. Engage in basic human interactions and if you can't manage, stay home.

Respectfully, get it through your thick skull: You are not entitled to be my new friend. You are not entitled to small talk. You are not entitled to a darn thing. You are literally a freaking stranger. Wow just wow at the psychotic delusions of grandeur on here.

Honestly this all sounds like an echo chamber of creepy men in the office who won't take no for answer from a disinterested female colleague. Keep pushing and pushing and get it in your head that you all are perfect for each other and have so much in common. And then she's a b-word because she avoids your delusional behind or turns you into HR when you won't let up.

DP. Ok, first, saying "respectfully" and then using the term "thick skull" is oxymoronic.

Second, no one wants to be your new friend. This thread specifically noted that the OP is not looking for new friends or trying to establish they are "perfect" for someone. Perhaps get it through your "thick skull" that talking to someone in a public space with our kids in order to contribute to a friendly and supportive environment for out kids is not an overture to be BFFs. It's entirely likely I will leave the conversation and not think about you at all other than maybe having a pleasant general impression of you and your family.

And third, have you asked yourself why you view having pleasant, mild interactions with people you see regularly at your kids school (they can be short, they don't have to involve small talk) is such an imposition for you? We're talking about simply having the ability to exchange a quick wave or smile, or exchange to sentences, with people you see nearly daily for years. You made the comparison to work. Yes, a man hitting on you at work every day would be really inappropriate. But I want you to imagine that you had a colleague you worked with for years who refused to make eye contact or even acknowledge your existence when you passed each other in the hall or wound up sitting next to each other while waiting for a meeting to start.

No one wants to be your new boyfriend. No one. We are just trying to make the experience of being parents with minor children mildly less alienating and awkward, by having basic social skills and not greeting everyone we see with hostile stares.

It's perfectly natural for people to have their guard up. You, after all, are a random total stranger.

Question for yappers like yourself: Why can't you just not compulsively yap at total strangers? Why can't you just enjoy whatever event you're at with your spouse and kid without socially elbowing others? Why don't you know anyone at your kid's school? That in itself is a little weird and that's likely why strangers are skittish. I don't think just because we're randomly 1 of 1,000 on up to 1 of 4,000+ (depending on enrollment size) moms and dads with a child in the same school means I'm obligated to talk with you or associate with you in any way. It's as silly as thinking you're entitled to small talk with random shoppers at a Nordstrom because you're both at the same store. It's pushy and weird.

A parent of a child in your kid's class or in the same after school activity is, by definition, NOT a random total stranger.

That seems to be the disconnect here. My feeling is "oh, I see this person every day/week at pick up and it's weird we don't acknowledge each other -- I will introduce myself and then greet and exchange a few words with this person because otherwise it's kind of weird." Your feeling is "WHY would this totally random person try to talk to me?! They should leave me alone, how dare they burden me int his way?"

I truly don't get your response. I'm not asking you to coffee or dinner, asking about your personal or family life (or job or house or anything personal because I truly don't care). I am, at most, asking a few questions like "oh how long has Larla been doing gymnastics?" or similar. I'm talking two minutes, tops, of interaction and just putting a name with a face. And this is seen, bizarrely in my opinion, as "needy" or invasive. This is so strange to me. I just don't want to spend months or years standing next to a person I recognize and whose kid is classmate/teammate/even friends with my kid, without creating a very baseline level of communication.

Respectfully disagree. Issue is you scorned whiners refuse to look at this from other parents’ POV: To them, you are in fact are a pushy total stranger trying to yap, ask invasive questions, and orbit me and my husband. It’s not rude or offensive that they simply don’t want to engage with you. This is especially true at public schools which pull in 500+ to 2,000+ random non-vetted families from all over the region - including scammer parents committing residency fraud.

These PPs make me sad for humanity. So glad my public elementary school has a sense of community and friendly parents (at least a good chunk) and not a view that people are random and maybe even scammers.

When I think of a community I don't think of how these people can some day help me. It's pretty far from my mind. If anything I will chat just to pass the time or to put a face with a name. But clearly some PPs have ulterior motives and other people have rightly picked up on that and raise their hackles. People have been burned before, it's not like this is anyone's first rodeo. If you're stuffily to find your community, some self reflection might be in order.

Struggling, not stuffy, dang autocorrect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we are attending events as mutes in order to people watch and eavesdrop on other people’s interactions…is that what we are doing now? I get going to a school event to support your kids and be involved with what is going on at the school. But I don’t understand the angst directed at people who want to stay on and socialize and casually converse with the “community” that they may one day need to rely on…it’s not just other parents…it’s the teachers and staff. That’s the bizarre tone of the trolls regurgitating the same weak argument throughout this thread.

Not having any mutuals (read social "ins") at your kid's school sets off red flags. A lot of parents are feds, trained to be extremely wary around randoms trying to chat. Bottom line, we don't know you and we're frankly not interested in knowing you. That's not a me/us problem, it's a you problem for being offended. This thread is full of deeply presumptuous people with a lack of self awareness. Stop trying to force yourself on others. We just want to be left alone and associate with people we know and have vetted.

This actually explains a lot. Professionally successful people are friendly and outgoing. I can see a government worker not being able to get alone with or see any value in other people, which is why they struggle to find new jobs post DOGE.

Successful people don't worry about finding a community at school to help them. They have enough money to pay for whatever support they need outside of school. They are self reliant and can throw money at problems.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:So we are attending events as mutes in order to people watch and eavesdrop on other people’s interactions…is that what we are doing now? I get going to a school event to support your kids and be involved with what is going on at the school. But I don’t understand the angst directed at people who want to stay on and socialize and casually converse with the “community” that they may one day need to rely on…it’s not just other parents…it’s the teachers and staff. That’s the bizarre tone of the trolls regurgitating the same weak argument throughout this thread.

this thread isn't isolated, the same theme comes up constantly on DCUM; parents whining that they can't use their kids to make a new social circle

No one in this thread wants to "make a new social circle" with parents at school.

People just think it's weird to ignore and refuse to even meet and learn the name of a person you see on a regular basis for many months or years. I agree this is deranged.

I will continue to introduce myself and strike up short conversations with parents who I see regularly in order to get to know the parents in our school and activity communities because I think it is strange and depressing not to do so. If you hate this, maybe home school and put your kid in private 1:1 classes so your family can completely isolate itself? I'm not going to alter my behavior.