Why are some parents so cold and unfriendly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I just don't get it. This post is not about wanting people to invite me or my kids places (truly unnecessary, not the point) or wanting other people's kids to be friends with my kids. I'm not trying to force anyone to do anything.

But so often when I'm at school events or activities, and forced into situation with other parents, I will turn to the person next to me and just introduce myself, ask about their kid, whatever, and they are so antisocial. Like one word answers, look uncomfortable or annoyed. I will read the room and drop it or move away, but I think it's weird. Even if I'm had a stressful day at work or am just in a bad mood, I will smile and be pleasant in those situations because, hey, we're all in the same boat to some degree and I just think being pleasant to fellow parents is part of the gig. I also just find it useful to be able to put parent faces/names with their kids, and to get to know the other families enough to be cordial during pick up/drop off or whatever.

If this is you, why can't you just be pleasant for a few moments? Why the cold shoulder?

Sounds like a public school. This is another reason why parents pay for private; for the community aspect. Nobody would ever leave you hanging like that at a Catholic primary school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I just don't get it. This post is not about wanting people to invite me or my kids places (truly unnecessary, not the point) or wanting other people's kids to be friends with my kids. I'm not trying to force anyone to do anything.

But so often when I'm at school events or activities, and forced into situation with other parents, I will turn to the person next to me and just introduce myself, ask about their kid, whatever, and they are so antisocial. Like one word answers, look uncomfortable or annoyed. I will read the room and drop it or move away, but I think it's weird. Even if I'm had a stressful day at work or am just in a bad mood, I will smile and be pleasant in those situations because, hey, we're all in the same boat to some degree and I just think being pleasant to fellow parents is part of the gig. I also just find it useful to be able to put parent faces/names with their kids, and to get to know the other families enough to be cordial during pick up/drop off or whatever.

If this is you, why can't you just be pleasant for a few moments? Why the cold shoulder?

Sounds like a public school. This is another reason why parents pay for private; for the community aspect. Nobody would ever leave you hanging like that at a Catholic primary school.

LOL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I can absolutely be “pleasant for a few moments,” but a lot of times, clingy or overly extroverted people want more, more, more. In your post, you say “a few moments,” but if I start giving you one-word answers and start putting up very heavy-handed social cues, it’s because it’s been at least a solid 5 minutes, and after I’ve dropped subtle social cues and you are still coming at me, I need to freeze you out.

I’m friendly and engaged…to a point. But if we’re not friends, maybe I just want a little peace and quiet after a long day, and I’m just not into a long conversation.

To be honest, I’m also not looking to make new friends at this point in my life. Friendly acquaintances? Sure. New friends, no. I barely have time for my friends and family and I simply don’t have the capacity right now.

All of this, right here. But something tells me OP and all her supporters aren’t here aren’t actually looking for a few moments of friendly exchange; they are looking for friends, friends, friends to collect. Got to fill every moment of quietude with chatter.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can absolutely be “pleasant for a few moments,” but a lot of times, clingy or overly extroverted people want more, more, more. In your post, you say “a few moments,” but if I start giving you one-word answers and start putting up very heavy-handed social cues, it’s because it’s been at least a solid 5 minutes, and after I’ve dropped subtle social cues and you are still coming at me, I need to freeze you out.

I’m friendly and engaged…to a point. But if we’re not friends, maybe I just want a little peace and quiet after a long day, and I’m just not into a long conversation.

To be honest, I’m also not looking to make new friends at this point in my life. Friendly acquaintances? Sure. New friends, no. I barely have time for my friends and family and I simply don’t have the capacity right now.

All of this, right here. But something tells me OP and all her supporters aren’t here aren’t actually looking for a few moments of friendly exchange; they are looking for friends, friends, friends to collect. Got to fill every moment of quietude with chatter.

+1. This forum is full of elbowy strivers who want to social climb via parents at their kids' school. We all know the type. If you give them an inch of politeness, they see that as a green light to be pushier and super invasive. Then you factor in what public information is at their fingertips and it's not a stretch that these weirdos are cyberstalking other parents and know exactly who you are before they try to force some small talk. Too many weirdos out there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen this dynamic in my own neighborhood. We have six third‑grade boys on our street who all played rec basketball together for the first two years. They’re all friendly, and the parents generally get along.

One dad, though, has always been very selective about who he interacts with. He’ll chat warmly with a few families but gives the rest of us short, dismissive responses. It’s not hostile, just very cold and closed‑off.

This year he created his own fourth‑grade rec team but only informed the families he’s close to. The rest of us found out afterward, once the boys were already divided. It left several families feeling excluded and unsure what we had done wrong.

It really highlighted how some parents operate in tight social circles and unintentionally (or intentionally) make others feel unwelcome.

I have also seen this dynamic in our neighborhood and school (Capitol Hill, public school). It's not everyone. There is a variety of levels of friendliness based on personality (some people are outgoing, some are not) but most people are not being obviously selective about only being friendly to the "right" people. But some people are.

Recently we had the experience of another family who was new to the neighborhood first befriending us (our DC got along well with their DC at school and it was the first "friend" I think their DC made at school) and then dropping us. At first I was baffled and wondered if I'd done something wrong, or there had been a problem at school. Then I noticed they were very selectively socializing with families who I knew to be wealthy or have influential jobs and put 2 and 2 together. Fortunately our kid did not care at all (there's a reason DC was one of the first kids to get to know the new kid -- very social, friendly kid in general) and after the sting of realizing what had happened past, I moved on. But it was a reminder of how ruthless some people are. I can't imagine trying to influence my kids' friends based on how rich or powerful their parents are. What an awful way to live.

This is nuts. Define "befriended." I doubt you were actually friends with this couple at all. Your kid was friends with their kid and they were cordial to you. That is being friendly, it doesn't make you friends. Friends socialize together, family dinners together, vacation together, are in group chats together. Then you said you didn't care that they "dropped you" (dropped you from what, exactly?), but you have hyper-analyzed the friends they have made? You don't think it's creepy to analyze the makeup of someone's friends? Maybe they just organically have more in common with those other parents? You think they're quickly conning every wealthy parent at their kid's school to be their friend? Nuts and cynical to think that way. Are you envious of their social prowess because you have not been able to penetrate the same clique over a longer period of time?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am married to an introvert and he would never behave as some people here describe. It's an excuse. Introversion has become this out for people to just act boorishly. Dear introverts, no one cares. Engage in basic human interactions and if you can't manage, stay home.

Respectfully, get it through your thick skull: You are not entitled to be my new friend. You are not entitled to small talk. You are not entitled to a darn thing. You are literally a freaking stranger. Wow just wow at the psychotic delusions of grandeur on here.

Honestly this all sounds like an echo chamber of creepy men in the office who won't take no for answer from a disinterested female colleague. Keep pushing and pushing and get it in your head that you all are perfect for each other and have so much in common. And then she's a b-word because she avoids your delusional behind or turns you into HR when you won't let up.

DP. Ok, first, saying "respectfully" and then using the term "thick skull" is oxymoronic.

Second, no one wants to be your new friend. This thread specifically noted that the OP is not looking for new friends or trying to establish they are "perfect" for someone. Perhaps get it through your "thick skull" that talking to someone in a public space with our kids in order to contribute to a friendly and supportive environment for out kids is not an overture to be BFFs. It's entirely likely I will leave the conversation and not think about you at all other than maybe having a pleasant general impression of you and your family.

And third, have you asked yourself why you view having pleasant, mild interactions with people you see regularly at your kids school (they can be short, they don't have to involve small talk) is such an imposition for you? We're talking about simply having the ability to exchange a quick wave or smile, or exchange to sentences, with people you see nearly daily for years. You made the comparison to work. Yes, a man hitting on you at work every day would be really inappropriate. But I want you to imagine that you had a colleague you worked with for years who refused to make eye contact or even acknowledge your existence when you passed each other in the hall or wound up sitting next to each other while waiting for a meeting to start.

No one wants to be your new boyfriend. No one. We are just trying to make the experience of being parents with minor children mildly less alienating and awkward, by having basic social skills and not greeting everyone we see with hostile stares.

It's perfectly natural for people to have their guard up. You, after all, are a random total stranger.

Question for yappers like yourself: Why can't you just not compulsively yap at total strangers? Why can't you just enjoy whatever event you're at with your spouse and kid without socially elbowing others? Why don't you know anyone at your kid's school? That in itself is a little weird and that's likely why strangers are skittish. I don't think just because we're randomly 1 of 1,000 on up to 1 of 4,000+ (depending on enrollment size) moms and dads with a child in the same school means I'm obligated to talk with you or associate with you in any way. It's as silly as thinking you're entitled to small talk with random shoppers at a Nordstrom because you're both at the same store. It's pushy and weird.

A parent of a child in your kid's class or in the same after school activity is, by definition, NOT a random total stranger.

That seems to be the disconnect here. My feeling is "oh, I see this person every day/week at pick up and it's weird we don't acknowledge each other -- I will introduce myself and then greet and exchange a few words with this person because otherwise it's kind of weird." Your feeling is "WHY would this totally random person try to talk to me?! They should leave me alone, how dare they burden me int his way?"

I truly don't get your response. I'm not asking you to coffee or dinner, asking about your personal or family life (or job or house or anything personal because I truly don't care). I am, at most, asking a few questions like "oh how long has Larla been doing gymnastics?" or similar. I'm talking two minutes, tops, of interaction and just putting a name with a face. And this is seen, bizarrely in my opinion, as "needy" or invasive. This is so strange to me. I just don't want to spend months or years standing next to a person I recognize and whose kid is classmate/teammate/even friends with my kid, without creating a very baseline level of communication.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen this dynamic in my own neighborhood. We have six third‑grade boys on our street who all played rec basketball together for the first two years. They’re all friendly, and the parents generally get along.

One dad, though, has always been very selective about who he interacts with. He’ll chat warmly with a few families but gives the rest of us short, dismissive responses. It’s not hostile, just very cold and closed‑off.

This year he created his own fourth‑grade rec team but only informed the families he’s close to. The rest of us found out afterward, once the boys were already divided. It left several families feeling excluded and unsure what we had done wrong.

It really highlighted how some parents operate in tight social circles and unintentionally (or intentionally) make others feel unwelcome.

I have also seen this dynamic in our neighborhood and school (Capitol Hill, public school). It's not everyone. There is a variety of levels of friendliness based on personality (some people are outgoing, some are not) but most people are not being obviously selective about only being friendly to the "right" people. But some people are.

Recently we had the experience of another family who was new to the neighborhood first befriending us (our DC got along well with their DC at school and it was the first "friend" I think their DC made at school) and then dropping us. At first I was baffled and wondered if I'd done something wrong, or there had been a problem at school. Then I noticed they were very selectively socializing with families who I knew to be wealthy or have influential jobs and put 2 and 2 together. Fortunately our kid did not care at all (there's a reason DC was one of the first kids to get to know the new kid -- very social, friendly kid in general) and after the sting of realizing what had happened past, I moved on. But it was a reminder of how ruthless some people are. I can't imagine trying to influence my kids' friends based on how rich or powerful their parents are. What an awful way to live.

This is nuts. Define "befriended." I doubt you were actually friends with this couple at all. Your kid was friends with their kid and they were cordial to you. That is being friendly, it doesn't make you friends. Friends socialize together, family dinners together, vacation together, are in group chats together. Then you said you didn't care that they "dropped you" (dropped you from what, exactly?), but you have hyper-analyzed the friends they have made? You don't think it's creepy to analyze the makeup of someone's friends? Maybe they just organically have more in common with those other parents? You think they're quickly conning every wealthy parent at their kid's school to be their friend? Nuts and cynical to think that way. Are you envious of their social prowess because you have not been able to penetrate the same clique over a longer period of time?

Hi. This response assumes a lot.

"Befriended" means that we became friends and yes, our families socialized together. And then the invites and accepted invites tailed off and they moved on to other families. Sure, maybe they had more in common with those families. But also, yes, they definitely dropped us and there is no question that the people they now socialize with are wealthier and higher status than we are. Those are just the facts. Because no explanation was provided for the sudden change in status, I do in fact speculate that they decided they wanted to limit their socializing to higher status families. You can make of that what you will, but my family is intentionally not cliquish and it's never been my goal to be part of a group like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I can absolutely be “pleasant for a few moments,” but a lot of times, clingy or overly extroverted people want more, more, more. In your post, you say “a few moments,” but if I start giving you one-word answers and start putting up very heavy-handed social cues, it’s because it’s been at least a solid 5 minutes, and after I’ve dropped subtle social cues and you are still coming at me, I need to freeze you out.

I’m friendly and engaged…to a point. But if we’re not friends, maybe I just want a little peace and quiet after a long day, and I’m just not into a long conversation.

To be honest, I’m also not looking to make new friends at this point in my life. Friendly acquaintances? Sure. New friends, no. I barely have time for my friends and family and I simply don’t have the capacity right now.

All of this, right here. But something tells me OP and all her supporters aren’t here aren’t actually looking for a few moments of friendly exchange; they are looking for friends, friends, friends to collect. Got to fill every moment of quietude with chatter.

+1. This forum is full of elbowy strivers who want to social climb via parents at their kids' school. We all know the type. If you give them an inch of politeness, they see that as a green light to be pushier and super invasive. Then you factor in what public information is at their fingertips and it's not a stretch that these weirdos are cyberstalking other parents and know exactly who you are before they try to force some small talk. Too many weirdos out there.

I've literally never looked up another parent online to find out their social status and I have no idea what people's jobs or income levels are unless they go out of their way to tell me. But I do think it's nice when parents make a little effort to learn each other's names and be friendly because it makes a million things easier. But trust me, if you send me all your "DON'T TALK TO ME, ELBOWY STRIVER!!!!" messages, I will read them and leave you alone. I will also judge you as stuck up, which you may or may not care about.

I hope you never need help or support from the parent community around you because god forbid one of those "elbowy strivers" who don't even know who you are beyond "Timmy's mom" nor why it matters be in a position to help. Good luck, enjoy your silent phone scrolling.

[Anonymous]

I can’t say I saw this conversation taking a sharp turn down climber lane. It is an interesting angle that confirms that the ice you get is not always the ice you give and you should definitely not take it personally. People may misinterpret your intentions based on their previous experiences with people. There are definitely profiles and social engineering level behavioral patterns that I have personally noticed. The saddest ones move their children around like pawns…happens very often in this area…and it is so sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am married to an introvert and he would never behave as some people here describe. It's an excuse. Introversion has become this out for people to just act boorishly. Dear introverts, no one cares. Engage in basic human interactions and if you can't manage, stay home.

Respectfully, get it through your thick skull: You are not entitled to be my new friend. You are not entitled to small talk. You are not entitled to a darn thing. You are literally a freaking stranger. Wow just wow at the psychotic delusions of grandeur on here.

Honestly this all sounds like an echo chamber of creepy men in the office who won't take no for answer from a disinterested female colleague. Keep pushing and pushing and get it in your head that you all are perfect for each other and have so much in common. And then she's a b-word because she avoids your delusional behind or turns you into HR when you won't let up.

DP. Ok, first, saying "respectfully" and then using the term "thick skull" is oxymoronic.

Second, no one wants to be your new friend. This thread specifically noted that the OP is not looking for new friends or trying to establish they are "perfect" for someone. Perhaps get it through your "thick skull" that talking to someone in a public space with our kids in order to contribute to a friendly and supportive environment for out kids is not an overture to be BFFs. It's entirely likely I will leave the conversation and not think about you at all other than maybe having a pleasant general impression of you and your family.

And third, have you asked yourself why you view having pleasant, mild interactions with people you see regularly at your kids school (they can be short, they don't have to involve small talk) is such an imposition for you? We're talking about simply having the ability to exchange a quick wave or smile, or exchange to sentences, with people you see nearly daily for years. You made the comparison to work. Yes, a man hitting on you at work every day would be really inappropriate. But I want you to imagine that you had a colleague you worked with for years who refused to make eye contact or even acknowledge your existence when you passed each other in the hall or wound up sitting next to each other while waiting for a meeting to start.

No one wants to be your new boyfriend. No one. We are just trying to make the experience of being parents with minor children mildly less alienating and awkward, by having basic social skills and not greeting everyone we see with hostile stares.

It's perfectly natural for people to have their guard up. You, after all, are a random total stranger.

Question for yappers like yourself: Why can't you just not compulsively yap at total strangers? Why can't you just enjoy whatever event you're at with your spouse and kid without socially elbowing others? Why don't you know anyone at your kid's school? That in itself is a little weird and that's likely why strangers are skittish. I don't think just because we're randomly 1 of 1,000 on up to 1 of 4,000+ (depending on enrollment size) moms and dads with a child in the same school means I'm obligated to talk with you or associate with you in any way. It's as silly as thinking you're entitled to small talk with random shoppers at a Nordstrom because you're both at the same store. It's pushy and weird.

A parent of a child in your kid's class or in the same after school activity is, by definition, NOT a random total stranger.

That seems to be the disconnect here. My feeling is "oh, I see this person every day/week at pick up and it's weird we don't acknowledge each other -- I will introduce myself and then greet and exchange a few words with this person because otherwise it's kind of weird." Your feeling is "WHY would this totally random person try to talk to me?! They should leave me alone, how dare they burden me int his way?"

I truly don't get your response. I'm not asking you to coffee or dinner, asking about your personal or family life (or job or house or anything personal because I truly don't care). I am, at most, asking a few questions like "oh how long has Larla been doing gymnastics?" or similar. I'm talking two minutes, tops, of interaction and just putting a name with a face. And this is seen, bizarrely in my opinion, as "needy" or invasive. This is so strange to me. I just don't want to spend months or years standing next to a person I recognize and whose kid is classmate/teammate/even friends with my kid, without creating a very baseline level of communication.

But you are just one parent in the class. Should everyone make the rounds and give everyone 2 minutes at every pick up? Lest they be accused of ignoring, dropping or ghosting? Sometimes people just have stuff on their minds at pick up and don't want to make 14 minutes of idle chit chat with 7 parents. Then the 8th one is like "that B doesn't have time for me but does for everyone else?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am married to an introvert and he would never behave as some people here describe. It's an excuse. Introversion has become this out for people to just act boorishly. Dear introverts, no one cares. Engage in basic human interactions and if you can't manage, stay home.

Respectfully, get it through your thick skull: You are not entitled to be my new friend. You are not entitled to small talk. You are not entitled to a darn thing. You are literally a freaking stranger. Wow just wow at the psychotic delusions of grandeur on here.

Honestly this all sounds like an echo chamber of creepy men in the office who won't take no for answer from a disinterested female colleague. Keep pushing and pushing and get it in your head that you all are perfect for each other and have so much in common. And then she's a b-word because she avoids your delusional behind or turns you into HR when you won't let up.

DP. Ok, first, saying "respectfully" and then using the term "thick skull" is oxymoronic.

Second, no one wants to be your new friend. This thread specifically noted that the OP is not looking for new friends or trying to establish they are "perfect" for someone. Perhaps get it through your "thick skull" that talking to someone in a public space with our kids in order to contribute to a friendly and supportive environment for out kids is not an overture to be BFFs. It's entirely likely I will leave the conversation and not think about you at all other than maybe having a pleasant general impression of you and your family.

And third, have you asked yourself why you view having pleasant, mild interactions with people you see regularly at your kids school (they can be short, they don't have to involve small talk) is such an imposition for you? We're talking about simply having the ability to exchange a quick wave or smile, or exchange to sentences, with people you see nearly daily for years. You made the comparison to work. Yes, a man hitting on you at work every day would be really inappropriate. But I want you to imagine that you had a colleague you worked with for years who refused to make eye contact or even acknowledge your existence when you passed each other in the hall or wound up sitting next to each other while waiting for a meeting to start.

No one wants to be your new boyfriend. No one. We are just trying to make the experience of being parents with minor children mildly less alienating and awkward, by having basic social skills and not greeting everyone we see with hostile stares.

It's perfectly natural for people to have their guard up. You, after all, are a random total stranger.

Question for yappers like yourself: Why can't you just not compulsively yap at total strangers? Why can't you just enjoy whatever event you're at with your spouse and kid without socially elbowing others? Why don't you know anyone at your kid's school? That in itself is a little weird and that's likely why strangers are skittish. I don't think just because we're randomly 1 of 1,000 on up to 1 of 4,000+ (depending on enrollment size) moms and dads with a child in the same school means I'm obligated to talk with you or associate with you in any way. It's as silly as thinking you're entitled to small talk with random shoppers at a Nordstrom because you're both at the same store. It's pushy and weird.

A parent of a child in your kid's class or in the same after school activity is, by definition, NOT a random total stranger.

That seems to be the disconnect here. My feeling is "oh, I see this person every day/week at pick up and it's weird we don't acknowledge each other -- I will introduce myself and then greet and exchange a few words with this person because otherwise it's kind of weird." Your feeling is "WHY would this totally random person try to talk to me?! They should leave me alone, how dare they burden me int his way?"

I truly don't get your response. I'm not asking you to coffee or dinner, asking about your personal or family life (or job or house or anything personal because I truly don't care). I am, at most, asking a few questions like "oh how long has Larla been doing gymnastics?" or similar. I'm talking two minutes, tops, of interaction and just putting a name with a face. And this is seen, bizarrely in my opinion, as "needy" or invasive. This is so strange to me. I just don't want to spend months or years standing next to a person I recognize and whose kid is classmate/teammate/even friends with my kid, without creating a very baseline level of communication.

But you are just one parent in the class. Should everyone make the rounds and give everyone 2 minutes at every pick up? Lest they be accused of ignoring, dropping or ghosting? Sometimes people just have stuff on their minds at pick up and don't want to make 14 minutes of idle chit chat with 7 parents. Then the 8th one is like "that B doesn't have time for me but does for everyone else?"

Way to move the goalposts. The PP didn't say you have to make the rounds and talk to everyone. They're talking about exchanging pleasantries with the person you're standing next to. I'm an introvert, but holy cow, some of you people are so weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’ve seen this dynamic in my own neighborhood. We have six third‑grade boys on our street who all played rec basketball together for the first two years. They’re all friendly, and the parents generally get along.

One dad, though, has always been very selective about who he interacts with. He’ll chat warmly with a few families but gives the rest of us short, dismissive responses. It’s not hostile, just very cold and closed‑off.

This year he created his own fourth‑grade rec team but only informed the families he’s close to. The rest of us found out afterward, once the boys were already divided. It left several families feeling excluded and unsure what we had done wrong.

It really highlighted how some parents operate in tight social circles and unintentionally (or intentionally) make others feel unwelcome.

I have also seen this dynamic in our neighborhood and school (Capitol Hill, public school). It's not everyone. There is a variety of levels of friendliness based on personality (some people are outgoing, some are not) but most people are not being obviously selective about only being friendly to the "right" people. But some people are.

Recently we had the experience of another family who was new to the neighborhood first befriending us (our DC got along well with their DC at school and it was the first "friend" I think their DC made at school) and then dropping us. At first I was baffled and wondered if I'd done something wrong, or there had been a problem at school. Then I noticed they were very selectively socializing with families who I knew to be wealthy or have influential jobs and put 2 and 2 together. Fortunately our kid did not care at all (there's a reason DC was one of the first kids to get to know the new kid -- very social, friendly kid in general) and after the sting of realizing what had happened past, I moved on. But it was a reminder of how ruthless some people are. I can't imagine trying to influence my kids' friends based on how rich or powerful their parents are. What an awful way to live.

This is nuts. Define "befriended." I doubt you were actually friends with this couple at all. Your kid was friends with their kid and they were cordial to you. That is being friendly, it doesn't make you friends. Friends socialize together, family dinners together, vacation together, are in group chats together. Then you said you didn't care that they "dropped you" (dropped you from what, exactly?), but you have hyper-analyzed the friends they have made? You don't think it's creepy to analyze the makeup of someone's friends? Maybe they just organically have more in common with those other parents? You think they're quickly conning every wealthy parent at their kid's school to be their friend? Nuts and cynical to think that way. Are you envious of their social prowess because you have not been able to penetrate the same clique over a longer period of time?

Hi. This response assumes a lot.

"Befriended" means that we became friends and yes, our families socialized together. And then the invites and accepted invites tailed off and they moved on to other families. Sure, maybe they had more in common with those families. But also, yes, they definitely dropped us and there is no question that the people they now socialize with are wealthier and higher status than we are. Those are just the facts. Because no explanation was provided for the sudden change in status, I do in fact speculate that they decided they wanted to limit their socializing to higher status families. You can make of that what you will, but my family is intentionally not cliquish and it's never been my goal to be part of a group like that.

These levels of delusion and clinginess are crazy. You were not friends with those new parents.

Your child was spontaneously the first social branch at a new school. That’s nice. But that is totally random based on where they sit first thing period, a bus ride, or a school organized chaperone. It is frankly a desperate need to just not be alone and very often not a good match. Whatever the case, it is natural for his or her parents to surface level vet you all and be cordial with you. But it mostly certainly doesn’t mean your kid, let alone you as a parent, are locked in to be long-term besties with this family. New kids of course broaden their social orbit from just that first pseudo pal as they get comfortable, join school clubs, sports, travel sports, talk to more peers in their classes, maybe their parents join a country club. New parents also get comfortable and broaden their network. It’s CRAZY to think because you chit-chatted with them and your kid maybe sat with them at lunch a few times when they first moved here they’re “yours”. Safe assumption you’re giving major clinger and ick vibes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I am married to an introvert and he would never behave as some people here describe. It's an excuse. Introversion has become this out for people to just act boorishly. Dear introverts, no one cares. Engage in basic human interactions and if you can't manage, stay home.

Respectfully, get it through your thick skull: You are not entitled to be my new friend. You are not entitled to small talk. You are not entitled to a darn thing. You are literally a freaking stranger. Wow just wow at the psychotic delusions of grandeur on here.

Honestly this all sounds like an echo chamber of creepy men in the office who won't take no for answer from a disinterested female colleague. Keep pushing and pushing and get it in your head that you all are perfect for each other and have so much in common. And then she's a b-word because she avoids your delusional behind or turns you into HR when you won't let up.

DP. Ok, first, saying "respectfully" and then using the term "thick skull" is oxymoronic.

Second, no one wants to be your new friend. This thread specifically noted that the OP is not looking for new friends or trying to establish they are "perfect" for someone. Perhaps get it through your "thick skull" that talking to someone in a public space with our kids in order to contribute to a friendly and supportive environment for out kids is not an overture to be BFFs. It's entirely likely I will leave the conversation and not think about you at all other than maybe having a pleasant general impression of you and your family.

And third, have you asked yourself why you view having pleasant, mild interactions with people you see regularly at your kids school (they can be short, they don't have to involve small talk) is such an imposition for you? We're talking about simply having the ability to exchange a quick wave or smile, or exchange to sentences, with people you see nearly daily for years. You made the comparison to work. Yes, a man hitting on you at work every day would be really inappropriate. But I want you to imagine that you had a colleague you worked with for years who refused to make eye contact or even acknowledge your existence when you passed each other in the hall or wound up sitting next to each other while waiting for a meeting to start.

No one wants to be your new boyfriend. No one. We are just trying to make the experience of being parents with minor children mildly less alienating and awkward, by having basic social skills and not greeting everyone we see with hostile stares.

It's perfectly natural for people to have their guard up. You, after all, are a random total stranger.

Question for yappers like yourself: Why can't you just not compulsively yap at total strangers? Why can't you just enjoy whatever event you're at with your spouse and kid without socially elbowing others? Why don't you know anyone at your kid's school? That in itself is a little weird and that's likely why strangers are skittish. I don't think just because we're randomly 1 of 1,000 on up to 1 of 4,000+ (depending on enrollment size) moms and dads with a child in the same school means I'm obligated to talk with you or associate with you in any way. It's as silly as thinking you're entitled to small talk with random shoppers at a Nordstrom because you're both at the same store. It's pushy and weird.

A parent of a child in your kid's class or in the same after school activity is, by definition, NOT a random total stranger.

That seems to be the disconnect here. My feeling is "oh, I see this person every day/week at pick up and it's weird we don't acknowledge each other -- I will introduce myself and then greet and exchange a few words with this person because otherwise it's kind of weird." Your feeling is "WHY would this totally random person try to talk to me?! They should leave me alone, how dare they burden me int his way?"

I truly don't get your response. I'm not asking you to coffee or dinner, asking about your personal or family life (or job or house or anything personal because I truly don't care). I am, at most, asking a few questions like "oh how long has Larla been doing gymnastics?" or similar. I'm talking two minutes, tops, of interaction and just putting a name with a face. And this is seen, bizarrely in my opinion, as "needy" or invasive. This is so strange to me. I just don't want to spend months or years standing next to a person I recognize and whose kid is classmate/teammate/even friends with my kid, without creating a very baseline level of communication.

Respectfully disagree. Issue is you scorned whiners refuse to look at this from other parents’ POV: To them, you are in fact are a pushy total stranger trying to yap, ask invasive questions, and orbit me and my husband. It’s not rude or offensive that they simply don’t want to engage with you. This is especially true at public schools which pull in 500+ to 2,000+ random non-vetted families from all over the region - including scammer parents committing residency fraud.

[Anonymous]

So we are attending events as mutes in order to people watch and eavesdrop on other people’s interactions…is that what we are doing now? I get going to a school event to support your kids and be involved with what is going on at the school. But I don’t understand the angst directed at people who want to stay on and socialize and casually converse with the “community” that they may one day need to rely on…it’s not just other parents…it’s the teachers and staff. That’s the bizarre tone of the trolls regurgitating the same weak argument throughout this thread.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I am married to an introvert and he would never behave as some people here describe. It's an excuse. Introversion has become this out for people to just act boorishly. Dear introverts, no one cares. Engage in basic human interactions and if you can't manage, stay home.

Respectfully, get it through your thick skull: You are not entitled to be my new friend. You are not entitled to small talk. You are not entitled to a darn thing. You are literally a freaking stranger. Wow just wow at the psychotic delusions of grandeur on here.

Honestly this all sounds like an echo chamber of creepy men in the office who won't take no for answer from a disinterested female colleague. Keep pushing and pushing and get it in your head that you all are perfect for each other and have so much in common. And then she's a b-word because she avoids your delusional behind or turns you into HR when you won't let up.

DP. Ok, first, saying "respectfully" and then using the term "thick skull" is oxymoronic.

Second, no one wants to be your new friend. This thread specifically noted that the OP is not looking for new friends or trying to establish they are "perfect" for someone. Perhaps get it through your "thick skull" that talking to someone in a public space with our kids in order to contribute to a friendly and supportive environment for out kids is not an overture to be BFFs. It's entirely likely I will leave the conversation and not think about you at all other than maybe having a pleasant general impression of you and your family.

And third, have you asked yourself why you view having pleasant, mild interactions with people you see regularly at your kids school (they can be short, they don't have to involve small talk) is such an imposition for you? We're talking about simply having the ability to exchange a quick wave or smile, or exchange to sentences, with people you see nearly daily for years. You made the comparison to work. Yes, a man hitting on you at work every day would be really inappropriate. But I want you to imagine that you had a colleague you worked with for years who refused to make eye contact or even acknowledge your existence when you passed each other in the hall or wound up sitting next to each other while waiting for a meeting to start.

No one wants to be your new boyfriend. No one. We are just trying to make the experience of being parents with minor children mildly less alienating and awkward, by having basic social skills and not greeting everyone we see with hostile stares.

It's perfectly natural for people to have their guard up. You, after all, are a random total stranger.

Question for yappers like yourself: Why can't you just not compulsively yap at total strangers? Why can't you just enjoy whatever event you're at with your spouse and kid without socially elbowing others? Why don't you know anyone at your kid's school? That in itself is a little weird and that's likely why strangers are skittish. I don't think just because we're randomly 1 of 1,000 on up to 1 of 4,000+ (depending on enrollment size) moms and dads with a child in the same school means I'm obligated to talk with you or associate with you in any way. It's as silly as thinking you're entitled to small talk with random shoppers at a Nordstrom because you're both at the same store. It's pushy and weird.

A parent of a child in your kid's class or in the same after school activity is, by definition, NOT a random total stranger.

That seems to be the disconnect here. My feeling is "oh, I see this person every day/week at pick up and it's weird we don't acknowledge each other -- I will introduce myself and then greet and exchange a few words with this person because otherwise it's kind of weird." Your feeling is "WHY would this totally random person try to talk to me?! They should leave me alone, how dare they burden me int his way?"

I truly don't get your response. I'm not asking you to coffee or dinner, asking about your personal or family life (or job or house or anything personal because I truly don't care). I am, at most, asking a few questions like "oh how long has Larla been doing gymnastics?" or similar. I'm talking two minutes, tops, of interaction and just putting a name with a face. And this is seen, bizarrely in my opinion, as "needy" or invasive. This is so strange to me. I just don't want to spend months or years standing next to a person I recognize and whose kid is classmate/teammate/even friends with my kid, without creating a very baseline level of communication.

But you are just one parent in the class. Should everyone make the rounds and give everyone 2 minutes at every pick up? Lest they be accused of ignoring, dropping or ghosting? Sometimes people just have stuff on their minds at pick up and don't want to make 14 minutes of idle chit chat with 7 parents. Then the 8th one is like "that B doesn't have time for me but does for everyone else?"

Way to move the goalposts. The PP didn't say you have to make the rounds and talk to everyone. They're talking about exchanging pleasantries with the person you're standing next to. I'm an introvert, but holy cow, some of you people are so weird.

It's almost like you're brand new. If you want to talk then initiate the conversation. If the person doesn't then lean to read social cues.