Why are some parents so cold and unfriendly?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Do people really think about this topic this much on either side? The people who think someone saying “hi” to them means they are trying to get an “in” are beyond help - I’ve never read anything more delusional. But the people who get upset at parents being cold - who cares? Write them off as a jerk and move on. How can this topic spur 23 pages?!

It’s just one weirdo incel troll guy over and over again pretending to be a cool girl.

[Anonymous]

Yes, I think there must be a troll here that is rage baiting people. At least I really hope that there isn’t a real person who is that weird.

People in this area are definitely the least friendly people I have ever been around. When I first moved here, I made a mistake of trying to make small talk at the grocery store because it was so normal to do that where I had lived previously. After a couple of weird looks, I stopped. It makes me sad. It’s easy to get sucked into being judgmental and mean around here because that is the culture.

It is really awkward to be around the same parents frequently and some of them act like they have never met you. Not everyone is like this, but there’s enough of it to create an unfriendly vibe in so many settings. Now that I think about it, some of the coldest people I have met here are white women who grew up in the area.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1. I've got nothing left. I spent all day having to talk to people.
2. I'm not there to chat with you. You are from the South or Midwest and think you're being friendly. I'm from NY and think you're like an annoying gnat - inconsequential and irrelevant. I'm there to see my kid, meet with teachers, etc.

Seeing other human beings as inconsequential actually makes you a horrible one. Hope this helps!

And get over yourself with the "I'm from New York crap". My husband is a born and bread New Yorker and nice to people. You're just an ahole.

I don't really care what you think of me. That's what I mean by inconsequential. Your opinions don't matter to me. Because I'm not at the school to make friends with you.

+1.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think the main people who do this are grown up mean girls who still think life is a competition and don’t want to associate with you in case you are not in the right crowd. I rarely get this reception when I am wearing full makeup and a nice outfit and probably sending signals I’m successful and have some money. I don’t think it happens a lot when I’m WAH and wearing no makeup with my hair natural and I’m in leggings. I just shrug and move on. Can you imagine still thinking like that in your 40s?

I'm the furthest thing from a mean girl. I only became cold after what I thought were innocuous pleasantries with chatty people quickly segued into where about do we live, to precisely what street. Plus very prodding questions about my career.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the main people who do this are grown up mean girls who still think life is a competition and don’t want to associate with you in case you are not in the right crowd. I rarely get this reception when I am wearing full makeup and a nice outfit and probably sending signals I’m successful and have some money. I don’t think it happens a lot when I’m WAH and wearing no makeup with my hair natural and I’m in leggings. I just shrug and move on. Can you imagine still thinking like that in your 40s?

I'm the furthest thing from a mean girl. I only became cold after what I thought were innocuous pleasantries with chatty people quickly segued into where about do we live, to precisely what street. Plus very prodding questions about my career.

I don’t know why they are staring at your LinkedIn profile at this very second. It’s classic DMV native crabalitious behavior and it must stop!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think there must be a troll here that is rage baiting people. At least I really hope that there isn’t a real person who is that weird.

People in this area are definitely the least friendly people I have ever been around. When I first moved here, I made a mistake of trying to make small talk at the grocery store because it was so normal to do that where I had lived previously. After a couple of weird looks, I stopped. It makes me sad. It’s easy to get sucked into being judgmental and mean around here because that is the culture.

It is really awkward to be around the same parents frequently and some of them act like they have never met you. Not everyone is like this, but there’s enough of it to create an unfriendly vibe in so many settings. Now that I think about it, some of the coldest people I have met here are white women who grew up in the area.

I’m always taken by surprise when I’m back in NY and people talk to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think there must be a troll here that is rage baiting people. At least I really hope that there isn’t a real person who is that weird.

People in this area are definitely the least friendly people I have ever been around. When I first moved here, I made a mistake of trying to make small talk at the grocery store because it was so normal to do that where I had lived previously. After a couple of weird looks, I stopped. It makes me sad. It’s easy to get sucked into being judgmental and mean around here because that is the culture.

It is really awkward to be around the same parents frequently and some of them act like they have never met you. Not everyone is like this, but there’s enough of it to create an unfriendly vibe in so many settings. Now that I think about it, some of the coldest people I have met here are white women who grew up in the area.

I have lived all over the US. Nobody is taking to strangers at the grocery story on the regular are you from Mayberry? Because this is not an everywhere but here thing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the main people who do this are grown up mean girls who still think life is a competition and don’t want to associate with you in case you are not in the right crowd. I rarely get this reception when I am wearing full makeup and a nice outfit and probably sending signals I’m successful and have some money. I don’t think it happens a lot when I’m WAH and wearing no makeup with my hair natural and I’m in leggings. I just shrug and move on. Can you imagine still thinking like that in your 40s?

I'm the furthest thing from a mean girl. I only became cold after what I thought were innocuous pleasantries with chatty people quickly segued into where about do we live, to precisely what street. Plus very prodding questions about my career.

Yep they quickly start asking probing questions designed to figure out your class. It's weird how they don't realize people are on to them. Especially asking where one went to college within the first few minutes of meeting. Get lost.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think the main people who do this are grown up mean girls who still think life is a competition and don’t want to associate with you in case you are not in the right crowd. I rarely get this reception when I am wearing full makeup and a nice outfit and probably sending signals I’m successful and have some money. I don’t think it happens a lot when I’m WAH and wearing no makeup with my hair natural and I’m in leggings. I just shrug and move on. Can you imagine still thinking like that in your 40s?

I'm the furthest thing from a mean girl. I only became cold after what I thought were innocuous pleasantries with chatty people quickly segued into where about do we live, to precisely what street. Plus very prodding questions about my career.

I don’t know why they are staring at your LinkedIn profile at this very second. It’s classic DMV native crabalitious behavior and it must stop!

Between the delusion, the sockpuppeting and the repeat weird references to crabs that don't make any sense at all I am so amused by this thread.

I need more crab-related putdowns!

[Anonymous]

I ask about people's jobs because sometimes they're interesting? I'm not likely to ask many questions to most lawyers (no offense, I am one myself), but if you're like a cartographer or an arborist or something? That's cool! I want to hear about that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I ask about people's jobs because sometimes they're interesting? I'm not likely to ask many questions to most lawyers (no offense, I am one myself), but if you're like a cartographer or an arborist or something? That's cool! I want to hear about that.

I bet you don’t carry on extended conversations with custodians.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask about people's jobs because sometimes they're interesting? I'm not likely to ask many questions to most lawyers (no offense, I am one myself), but if you're like a cartographer or an arborist or something? That's cool! I want to hear about that.

I bet you don’t carry on extended conversations with custodians.

You'd lose that bet.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask about people's jobs because sometimes they're interesting? I'm not likely to ask many questions to most lawyers (no offense, I am one myself), but if you're like a cartographer or an arborist or something? That's cool! I want to hear about that.

I bet you don’t carry on extended conversations with custodians.

You’re the same person who says “you’re not trying to befriend the apartment dwellers.” If they are clean and nice looking then yes I am. If the janitor is some toothless weirdo then I’m not. Shocking I know.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I think there must be a troll here that is rage baiting people. At least I really hope that there isn’t a real person who is that weird.

People in this area are definitely the least friendly people I have ever been around. When I first moved here, I made a mistake of trying to make small talk at the grocery store because it was so normal to do that where I had lived previously. After a couple of weird looks, I stopped. It makes me sad. It’s easy to get sucked into being judgmental and mean around here because that is the culture.

It is really awkward to be around the same parents frequently and some of them act like they have never met you. Not everyone is like this, but there’s enough of it to create an unfriendly vibe in so many settings. Now that I think about it, some of the coldest people I have met here are white women who grew up in the area.

I’m always taken by surprise when I’m back in NY and people talk to me.

So true. DC has a uniquely mean culture where if you go north or south (or west) people get friendlier and customer service gets better. A lot of people in DC are like "this is just what city people are like" and those of us from other cities are like, oh honey, no.

There are kind people in DC but they are rare enough that when I come across one it takes me a minute to acclimate.

I have heard Silicon Valley has similar culture to DC. I have not spent enough time there to say, but if true, it would be interesting to look at a Venn diagram to see how they overlap demographically.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I ask about people's jobs because sometimes they're interesting? I'm not likely to ask many questions to most lawyers (no offense, I am one myself), but if you're like a cartographer or an arborist or something? That's cool! I want to hear about that.

I bet you don’t carry on extended conversations with custodians.

DP but this comment made me laugh because yesterday I happen to run into the crossing guard at my daughter's old school, and we wound up in a 15 minute conversation about our kids and our spouses and our lives, and I walked away feeling so happy to have bumped into her. She was just one of those people that I just fell into a really nice friendly relationship with when she was a daily part of our lives, even though we weren't friends but just people who saw each other twice a day.

This is what the people who are very cold and don't know how to have pleasant small talk are missing out on -- the opportunity to share a small amount of joy with the people you see regularly, even if you aren't friends or part of the same social circle. You can just share this moment of humanity with them and you both feel a little better about the world. Insisting on staying closed off just makes the world a little darker for everyone involved. You might think "I have my family and friends, I don't need anyone else." But it's not about that. We're all people. We're all occupying the same third rock from the sun for what is ultimately a infintessimally short length of time. Why not connect? Why not share a smile or a laugh or a commiseration or even just a quick wave of recognition, in acknowledgment of that connection?