Why do so many people think it's okay to flake last minute?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really embarrassing to host a small get together and then have 4 of the 6 people flake a few hours before. This just happened to me, and it made me feel like such a loser. I had beautiful food prepared, had already straightened up, and then had to explain to my 2 guests that it was just us with a giant amount of food. Incredibly rude.

You have pretty shitty friends then, sorry. To flake on such a small event is incredibly rude, but it seems like these people aren't as close as you thought they were.

I am in a new city & was trying to make friends by hosting something nice. My point is, it’s incredibly rude to cancel (especially last minute). I had a big wonderful group of friends where I used to live, and I cultivated many of those friendships by hosting (and was regarded as a good hostess). Anyway, it was a hurtful, embarrassing experience, and I share it to encourage others to not flake.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this mom friend for a while who would do that. I'd invite her and then instead of saying no she would say yes but then show up very late (like an hour + to a sit down dinner) or cancel last minute. We interacted a lot beyond that due to kids so it felt perpetually hot and cold. At some point I had enough, but I think on some twisted level she DID want to be invited and then treat me carelessly like some sort of power play to show me where I stood.

And you affirmed her stature by repeatedly inviting her to things and remaining cordial with her. Why? Why were you so hard up to "befriend" her? Because you lack self-worth or you were trying to use her to social climb?

Can we not do this weird DCUM rhetorical move where we somehow try to flip it that the normal person behaving typically is somehow the problem?

Thank you! I love that inviting my kids friends moms into my home automatically translates to being a “orbiter” and “FYI they’re all group chatting about how pathetic you are.” People actually think this way?

Being pushy and trying to befriend random parents when you're middle aged typically comes across as a bit off and desperate. Sorry to be the bearer of that reality. Normal, successful, socially-skilled middle aged parents have enough friends.

May we never cross paths. I bet you’re a horrible friend. Who even thinks that way?

Truth hurts. This thread and the other about neighbors being disinterested in socializing are one and the same. Lonely pushy strivers who can’t take a hint and think you’re entitled to becoming friends with parents who live near you, or have kids to your kids’ school, or work with you. You’re not entitled to anyone’s time or friendship. That’s not mean. That’s life. Random small talk or brief pleasantries doesn’t mean we’re new besties or that people want you in their home or vice versa. Not needing or wanting new friends doesn’t make the person cold or rude, it means they’re normal middle aged parents who are content with their family and decades-long friend group.

But your point is totally irrelevant to this thread. No one is entitled to be friends, but they are entitled to courtesy. If you do not intend to attend the hosted event, you decline the invitation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You all aren’t whining the low class apartment dwellers at your kids’ school won’t hang out with you. You’re whining the UMC and rich don’t care to associate with you outside of small chit-chat.

Women really are each other's worst enemies. Case in point.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I had this mom friend for a while who would do that. I'd invite her and then instead of saying no she would say yes but then show up very late (like an hour + to a sit down dinner) or cancel last minute. We interacted a lot beyond that due to kids so it felt perpetually hot and cold. At some point I had enough, but I think on some twisted level she DID want to be invited and then treat me carelessly like some sort of power play to show me where I stood.

And you affirmed her stature by repeatedly inviting her to things and remaining cordial with her. Why? Why were you so hard up to "befriend" her? Because you lack self-worth or you were trying to use her to social climb?

Can we not do this weird DCUM rhetorical move where we somehow try to flip it that the normal person behaving typically is somehow the problem?

Thank you! I love that inviting my kids friends moms into my home automatically translates to being a “orbiter” and “FYI they’re all group chatting about how pathetic you are.” People actually think this way?

Being pushy and trying to befriend random parents when you're middle aged typically comes across as a bit off and desperate. Sorry to be the bearer of that reality. Normal, successful, socially-skilled middle aged parents have enough friends.

Wow, so if someone moves to this area in mid-life they should just give up any hope of making friends because everyone automatically thinks they're desperate?

I mean…yeah? The premise teases out something is off about your hypothetical person. Why wouldn’t a middle aged person have a busy and thriving home life, with a super solid friend group, plus work demands? Such a person is never going to be overly consumed with finding new friends and orbiting people. Also, how could a married, college educated professional (likely 4 degree programs between spouses), with decades of combined professional work experiences, move to one of the largest most educated regions of the country and not have any friends or an “in” with any network to give them immediately credibility and trust? It’s…off.

DP. Wow, what a small, sad life you lead.

[Anonymous]

"Why do so many people think it's okay to flake last minute?"

Because it is the culture. In my immigrant community, we do not have no-shows for anything. You do that and you are basically boycotted in the community.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s really embarrassing to host a small get together and then have 4 of the 6 people flake a few hours before. This just happened to me, and it made me feel like such a loser. I had beautiful food prepared, had already straightened up, and then had to explain to my 2 guests that it was just us with a giant amount of food. Incredibly rude.

You have pretty shitty friends then, sorry. To flake on such a small event is incredibly rude, but it seems like these people aren't as close as you thought they were.

I am in a new city & was trying to make friends by hosting something nice. My point is, it’s incredibly rude to cancel (especially last minute). I had a big wonderful group of friends where I used to live, and I cultivated many of those friendships by hosting (and was regarded as a good hostess). Anyway, it was a hurtful, embarrassing experience, and I share it to encourage others to not flake.

Since you are offering insight to others may I offer some to you? When you are in the getting to know you phase, planning a party like you did that is highly dependent upon who shows up is a risky way to do it. I'm not a flake and I also don't have people flake on me, but that's either because I don't make friends with people who would flake or I'm careful about planning events to ensure success, I don't know. I think it's lovely that you hosted a party to try to get to know people, but my advice to you would be to do more casual things with people until you get a sense of them.