Revealing affair

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Oh, please, OP, you no mother Theresa in this. You are a scorned woman.

The other spouse may not have not innocent. What if he's abusive, what if she's having a revenage affair?

Hurting back your DH is justified. But involving complete strangers and being the main character in this mess is not.

OP didn’t involve strangers, her DH opened that door. The other spouse was grateful because his cheating spouse has been short-tempered at home and gaslighting him, which is emotional abuse.

You have no moral compass and no backbone, clearly, and it is a travesty to all of us that you are raising kids who will similarly blameshift and won’t know right from wrong.

OP acted without regard for the feelings of the other spouse, only to make herself feel better. That the other spouse did not react badly has nothing to do with that fact, no matter how hard you and OP spin it afterwards.

Omg. You are seriously mentally ill.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Oh, please, OP, you no mother Theresa in this. You are a scorned woman.

The other spouse may not have not innocent. What if he's abusive, what if she's having a revenage affair?

Hurting back your DH is justified. But involving complete strangers and being the main character in this mess is not.

OP didn’t involve strangers, her DH opened that door. The other spouse was grateful because his cheating spouse has been short-tempered at home and gaslighting him, which is emotional abuse.

You have no moral compass and no backbone, clearly, and it is a travesty to all of us that you are raising kids who will similarly blameshift and won’t know right from wrong.

OP acted without regard for the feelings of the other spouse, only to make herself feel better. That the other spouse did not react badly has nothing to do with that fact, no matter how hard you and OP spin it afterwards.

Omg. You are seriously mentally ill.

⬆️⬆️⬆️

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Oh, please, OP, you no mother Theresa in this. You are a scorned woman.

The other spouse may not have not innocent. What if he's abusive, what if she's having a revenage affair?

Hurting back your DH is justified. But involving complete strangers and being the main character in this mess is not.

OP didn’t involve strangers, her DH opened that door. The other spouse was grateful because his cheating spouse has been short-tempered at home and gaslighting him, which is emotional abuse.

You have no moral compass and no backbone, clearly, and it is a travesty to all of us that you are raising kids who will similarly blameshift and won’t know right from wrong.

OP acted without regard for the feelings of the other spouse, only to make herself feel better. That the other spouse did not react badly has nothing to do with that fact, no matter how hard you and OP spin it afterwards.

Omg. You are seriously mentally ill.

DP. I think the PP had some sense, and your critique makes you sound like you can’t see more than one side to any issue.

The OP did the right thing, and is probably also a shameful vindictive person no matter what kind of happy spin she’s using to justify her morality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Oh, please, OP, you no mother Theresa in this. You are a scorned woman.

The other spouse may not have not innocent. What if he's abusive, what if she's having a revenage affair?

Hurting back your DH is justified. But involving complete strangers and being the main character in this mess is not.

OP didn’t involve strangers, her DH opened that door. The other spouse was grateful because his cheating spouse has been short-tempered at home and gaslighting him, which is emotional abuse.

You have no moral compass and no backbone, clearly, and it is a travesty to all of us that you are raising kids who will similarly blameshift and won’t know right from wrong.

OP acted without regard for the feelings of the other spouse, only to make herself feel better. That the other spouse did not react badly has nothing to do with that fact, no matter how hard you and OP spin it afterwards.

Omg. You are seriously mentally ill.

DP. I think the PP had some sense, and your critique makes you sound like you can’t see more than one side to any issue.

The OP did the right thing, and is probably also a shameful vindictive person no matter what kind of happy spin she’s using to justify her morality.

No I think PP has some mental illness where she just can't fathom how the real world works.

OP did the right thing. Period. The rest is just your delusion.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend told me my first dh was cheating on me. She was privy to the information because my ex used her and her dh as his alibi. We were all friends. I was SO GRATEFUL to this woman for having the balls to call me and tell me something I had actually suspected. I was lied to and gaslit by my ex. My df did me a huge favor. Decades later I am still glad she told me. She said she did not want to be complicit in the lie.

But she was your friend. She told you out of concern for you, not for her own revenge or need to make things like pain equal. Their marriage was blown up, so in her mind, yours should too *because the sectet*. The secret is over already.

First of all, you don't know that. The friend can say whatever she wants. What if she was actually in an unhappy marriage herself and wanted to see PP's marriage implode? PP would still have wanted to know the information. The motive of the person telling is irrelevant. It's wild that you can't see that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend told me my first dh was cheating on me. She was privy to the information because my ex used her and her dh as his alibi. We were all friends. I was SO GRATEFUL to this woman for having the balls to call me and tell me something I had actually suspected. I was lied to and gaslit by my ex. My df did me a huge favor. Decades later I am still glad she told me. She said she did not want to be complicit in the lie.

But she was your friend. She told you out of concern for you, not for her own revenge or need to make things like pain equal. Their marriage was blown up, so in her mind, yours should too *because the sectet*. The secret is over already.

You don’t know that. Most of us that caught our friends husband cheating, and told them we’re just so glad to get that **** out of our lives.

And many women stay. It doesn’t make them weak or less. It makes them
Different than you.

Staying after infidelity is their choice. You know what isn't? Being lied to and gaslit and not having all the information. If I want to stay with my husband after he cheats on me, that is my choice, but at least I'm making it with ALL the information out in the open. I'd rather make that decision actually knowing what's going on.

It's clear that the other posters know they'd never leave even if their husbands cheated on them because they can't and they don't want anyone else to know that they're too weak to do anything about it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend told me my first dh was cheating on me. She was privy to the information because my ex used her and her dh as his alibi. We were all friends. I was SO GRATEFUL to this woman for having the balls to call me and tell me something I had actually suspected. I was lied to and gaslit by my ex. My df did me a huge favor. Decades later I am still glad she told me. She said she did not want to be complicit in the lie.

But she was your friend. She told you out of concern for you, not for her own revenge or need to make things like pain equal. Their marriage was blown up, so in her mind, yours should too *because the sectet*. The secret is over already.

You don’t know that. Most of us that caught our friends husband cheating, and told them we’re just so glad to get that **** out of our lives.

And many women stay. It doesn’t make them weak or less. It makes them
Different than you.

Doesn’t matter either way the reality is just cause a friend tells you about the affair doesn’t mean it’s cause they’re concerned for you just like it doesn’t matter whyOP told the spouse about the affair.

Your assumptions are not reality.

Your maladaptive ways of looking at things are concerning, and I will check with a doctor on those.

Do you always gaslight people with differing opinions than yours l? and shut them down with weird medical
Advice instead of entering any kind of meaningful discussion that matter you incorrect?

If you do, maybe that’s is something “you should check with a doctor on those” about.

I really suspect most of you screaming that you would leave, would actually not once you see the financial and custody implications of doing so.

Some of us either have own our money and/or would rather have less money than staying with someone who would cheat on us. You do you, but just because you'd rather stick your head in the sand doesn't mean everyone else would.

I think you're deluding yourself about what it would actually mean if your husband were currently cheating on you. He's literally coming home to kiss you with lips that were just on someone else. If that doesn't bother you, then ok I guess. You're fine with him spending his time, money, and energy on someone else. How sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Oh, please, OP, you no mother Theresa in this. You are a scorned woman.

The other spouse may not have not innocent. What if he's abusive, what if she's having a revenage affair?

Hurting back your DH is justified. But involving complete strangers and being the main character in this mess is not.

OP didn’t involve strangers, her DH opened that door. The other spouse was grateful because his cheating spouse has been short-tempered at home and gaslighting him, which is emotional abuse.

You have no moral compass and no backbone, clearly, and it is a travesty to all of us that you are raising kids who will similarly blameshift and won’t know right from wrong.

OP acted without regard for the feelings of the other spouse, only to make herself feel better. That the other spouse did not react badly has nothing to do with that fact, no matter how hard you and OP spin it afterwards.

If I tell you that your house is on fire because I want to make sure you save your dog and I couldn't care less if you make it out alive versus telling you because I care about your own safety, WHAT DIFFERENCE DOES IT MAKE?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend told me my first dh was cheating on me. She was privy to the information because my ex used her and her dh as his alibi. We were all friends. I was SO GRATEFUL to this woman for having the balls to call me and tell me something I had actually suspected. I was lied to and gaslit by my ex. My df did me a huge favor. Decades later I am still glad she told me. She said she did not want to be complicit in the lie.

But she was your friend. She told you out of concern for you, not for her own revenge or need to make things like pain equal. Their marriage was blown up, so in her mind, yours should too *because the sectet*. The secret is over already.

You don’t know that. Most of us that caught our friends husband cheating, and told them we’re just so glad to get that **** out of our lives.

And many women stay. It doesn’t make them weak or less. It makes them
Different than you.

Staying after infidelity is their choice. You know what isn't? Being lied to and gaslit and not having all the information. If I want to stay with my husband after he cheats on me, that is my choice, but at least I'm making it with ALL the information out in the open. I'd rather make that decision actually knowing what's going on.

It's clear that the other posters know they'd never leave even if their husbands cheated on them because they can't and they don't want anyone else to know that they're too weak to do anything about it.

It hurts so bad that he doesn't want you that you lash out at women you don't know. Sad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend told me my first dh was cheating on me. She was privy to the information because my ex used her and her dh as his alibi. We were all friends. I was SO GRATEFUL to this woman for having the balls to call me and tell me something I had actually suspected. I was lied to and gaslit by my ex. My df did me a huge favor. Decades later I am still glad she told me. She said she did not want to be complicit in the lie.

But she was your friend. She told you out of concern for you, not for her own revenge or need to make things like pain equal. Their marriage was blown up, so in her mind, yours should too *because the sectet*. The secret is over already.

You don’t know that. Most of us that caught our friends husband cheating, and told them we’re just so glad to get that **** out of our lives.

And many women stay. It doesn’t make them weak or less. It makes them
Different than you.

Doesn’t matter either way the reality is just cause a friend tells you about the affair doesn’t mean it’s cause they’re concerned for you just like it doesn’t matter whyOP told the spouse about the affair.

Your assumptions are not reality.

Your maladaptive ways of looking at things are concerning, and I will check with a doctor on those.

Do you always gaslight people with differing opinions than yours l? and shut them down with weird medical
Advice instead of entering any kind of meaningful discussion that matter you incorrect?

If you do, maybe that’s is something “you should check with a doctor on those” about.

I really suspect most of you screaming that you would leave, would actually not once you see the financial and custody implications of doing so.

Do you always make up weird fictional scenarios in your head then fight to the death that it is the way the world works?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:A friend told me my first dh was cheating on me. She was privy to the information because my ex used her and her dh as his alibi. We were all friends. I was SO GRATEFUL to this woman for having the balls to call me and tell me something I had actually suspected. I was lied to and gaslit by my ex. My df did me a huge favor. Decades later I am still glad she told me. She said she did not want to be complicit in the lie.

That's it. Who wants to waste years with a horrible person. Cut your losses and move on. I would feel the same way!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

This is not worse than cheating. The cheating spouses caused the problems. If OP needed to unburden, then good for OP.

If you don't want people to find out about your bad acts, don't do them!

No! Sex is a private act between consenting adults married or not. Intentionally causing a divorce that might never happen if you did not open your mouth is worse. Intentionally involving kids. I have never cheated. When I was married, I would not have wanted to know. Marriage is much bigger than just sex. The problem is people like you think sex is the most important thing. No, kids' stability and finances are. Don't cheat but also don't get involved in other people's marriages that potentially makes you the impetus to harm kids. Research says most affairs are never discovered.

I feel the same. If DH steps out but has no intention of leaving, will end it eventually, and is still being decent to me and the kids, I do not want to know. I know that I would not be able to stay and I think that would kill my kids. It would also ruin me financially. I respect people who would want to know, but there are a lot of us who wouldn't.

This is so pathetic I don't even know what to say.

Many families have don't ask, don't tell policy. I would not want to know. OP just wants to be an active participant of the drama, that's pretty pathetic.

Then delete the email. Problem solved.

Not wanting to know does not mean turning away, when someone deliberately shoves it in your face.

OP here. The other betrayed spouse thanked me for telling them. They told me they were grateful for the information because they had noticed their spouse had been acting differently but denied and deflected. They told me they felt relieved that they now knew the truth.

I'm glad I told them. I hated keeping such an awful secret from another innocent person. They deserved to know what was happening in their marriage so they could make informed choices for themselves, their health, their marriage, etc.

still, all about you. Here’s your cape. You’re my hero.

I would have been grateful to be told. I would have wanted to know why my spouse acted differently. They do deserve to know. Yes, OP you would have been my hero.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations on possibly destroying children’s lives with a bitter divorce that might not have otherwise happened if you didn’t feel the need to insert yourself into other’s lives.

This is worse than cheating. You are directly possibly causing trauma for kids that may not have happened otherwise. Marriage is about much more than sex.

People should mind their own business.

-never cheated

This is not worse than cheating. The cheating spouses caused the problems. If OP needed to unburden, then good for OP.

If you don't want people to find out about your bad acts, don't do them!

No! Sex is a private act between consenting adults married or not. Intentionally causing a divorce that might never happen if you did not open your mouth is worse. Intentionally involving kids. I have never cheated. When I was married, I would not have wanted to know. Marriage is much bigger than just sex. The problem is people like you think sex is the most important thing. No, kids' stability and finances are. Don't cheat but also don't get involved in other people's marriages that potentially makes you the impetus to harm kids. Research says most affairs are never discovered.

I feel the same. If DH steps out but has no intention of leaving, will end it eventually, and is still being decent to me and the kids, I do not want to know. I know that I would not be able to stay and I think that would kill my kids. It would also ruin me financially. I respect people who would want to know, but there are a lot of us who wouldn't.

The part you say it would "ruin me financially" is very disturbing. I would urge you to have your own money like I did, and prepare if something ever were to happen. My husband thinks it's good when I tell him I always plan for Plan B. As for cheating I am friends with a group of women. Two were cheated on years ago, they stayed probably for finances, kids, and security. I can say they live their own lives, but won't be really too upset if something were to happen to their spouse. When someone cheats they also cheat themselves out of a good marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend told me my first dh was cheating on me. She was privy to the information because my ex used her and her dh as his alibi. We were all friends. I was SO GRATEFUL to this woman for having the balls to call me and tell me something I had actually suspected. I was lied to and gaslit by my ex. My df did me a huge favor. Decades later I am still glad she told me. She said she did not want to be complicit in the lie.

But she was your friend. She told you out of concern for you, not for her own revenge or need to make things like pain equal. Their marriage was blown up, so in her mind, yours should too *because the sectet*. The secret is over already.

So what if I want revenge? Doesn't the other woman deserve it? She inserted herself in my life and deserves to have hers blown up like she did mine. And her husband deserves to know what she is up to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A friend told me my first dh was cheating on me. She was privy to the information because my ex used her and her dh as his alibi. We were all friends. I was SO GRATEFUL to this woman for having the balls to call me and tell me something I had actually suspected. I was lied to and gaslit by my ex. My df did me a huge favor. Decades later I am still glad she told me. She said she did not want to be complicit in the lie.

But she was your friend. She told you out of concern for you, not for her own revenge or need to make things like pain equal. Their marriage was blown up, so in her mind, yours should too *because the sectet*. The secret is over already.

So what if I want revenge? Doesn't the other woman deserve it? She inserted herself in my life and deserves to have hers blown up like she did mine. And her husband deserves to know what she is up to.

His “deserves to know” is your revenge? What about HIM? That’s the very sick part of your plan.