Husband refuses to help with night feedings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to step up and get her daytime naps. Why not?

OP here. I have other things to do. Cooking, cleaning, washing pump parts/bottles, etc. My baby also loves being held for naps.

You have too many excuses. Relax your cleaning standards or get a once a week cleaning person. Don’t cook. Make sandwiches and keep it simple. Washing bottles and pump parts doesn’t take all day. The baby will have to get over being held every time for an entire nap. You’re setting yourself up for failure by giving in to that anyway.

This. No wonder OP’s husband won’t stay up for the baby. She’s doing this to herself. Maybe she’s a troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean really this thread is a cautionary tale against:

1. Marrying man children.
2. Listening to women who mistake being taken advantage of for “strength”.


Ladies know your worth and teach your daughters!

OP here. I resent your analysis of the situation. While my husband and I are having differing opinion with night feedings, we are on the same page with many things. My husband and I have been happily married for 3 years and together for 5. He is a great husband and father. I don't understand the point of acting like you know an entire person or their relationship based on one sore spot.

Great husbands and fathers don’t let their 5 wk postpartum wives go without sleep so they can get in a workout before they telework.

This!!! Your husband is being a sh@t!

He needs to take the 10 pm feeding and a feeding before going to work so you can get at least a 4 hour stretch of sleep each day. He does not get 8 hours to sleep and time to work out when you don’t have any point in the day to get one 4 hour stretch.. All those ppl who say sleep when the baby sleeps during the day - it’s crap if you’re not one of those people that can fall instantly asleep (which OP has said she’s not).

As others have said DO NOT have another child with this man. He clearly prioritizes himself (including his work out) over you and your baby. You’re delusional if you think he is a good husband (although being so sleep deprived can make you delusional). You need to have a come to Jesus moment with him now to change his behavior and selfishness now or this is going to continue to be an issue. If he doesn’t, get a night nurse to get you through and then seriously think about divorce once your baby is a little older because your husband is showing you his true colors now.

OP here. I am upset with this argument, but I will not bash him. I absolutely love and adore my husband. He is a great partner and father. He took over do 100% of everything when he was on paternity to let me rest and breastfeed. I did nothing but breastfeed, shower, and rest for the first month. He cooked and brought me meals, made sure I had drinks, did all the cleaning, did all the laundry, and did all the grocery shopping. He still does cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. He does give me a brea after he is done working to rest and take a shower. He cooks dinner most of time and cleans up dinner.

I'm not sure why people think one disagreement or issue means the person is bad. You can have issues, but that doesn't mean the person is horrible. We want one more child. We will not be getting divorced over something as dumb as night feedings. I don't believe in blowing up my marriage over a situation that may not exist a couple month from now. I think it's weird to convince me to divorce him over such an issue.

People think so because the one disagreement shows that your husband either lacks intelligence or lacks empathy. He can clean, cook, do laundry and still be rigid and slow.

Ask him this: " How can sleep be so important for you that you need 8 straight hours of it in order to work, but you are okay with me going without a 4 hour stretch?"

If he needs 8 straight hours of sleep, he certainly knows that the fli.sy naps you can take during the day are not good enough to get you rested.

Because he has a job to go to and OP and does not. OP can sleep during the day when the baby naps.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean really this thread is a cautionary tale against:

1. Marrying man children.
2. Listening to women who mistake being taken advantage of for “strength”.


Ladies know your worth and teach your daughters!

OP here. I resent your analysis of the situation. While my husband and I are having differing opinion with night feedings, we are on the same page with many things. My husband and I have been happily married for 3 years and together for 5. He is a great husband and father. I don't understand the point of acting like you know an entire person or their relationship based on one sore spot.

Great husbands and fathers don’t let their 5 wk postpartum wives go without sleep so they can get in a workout before they telework.

This!!! Your husband is being a sh@t!

He needs to take the 10 pm feeding and a feeding before going to work so you can get at least a 4 hour stretch of sleep each day. He does not get 8 hours to sleep and time to work out when you don’t have any point in the day to get one 4 hour stretch.. All those ppl who say sleep when the baby sleeps during the day - it’s crap if you’re not one of those people that can fall instantly asleep (which OP has said she’s not).

As others have said DO NOT have another child with this man. He clearly prioritizes himself (including his work out) over you and your baby. You’re delusional if you think he is a good husband (although being so sleep deprived can make you delusional). You need to have a come to Jesus moment with him now to change his behavior and selfishness now or this is going to continue to be an issue. If he doesn’t, get a night nurse to get you through and then seriously think about divorce once your baby is a little older because your husband is showing you his true colors now.

OP here. I am upset with this argument, but I will not bash him. I absolutely love and adore my husband. He is a great partner and father. He took over do 100% of everything when he was on paternity to let me rest and breastfeed. I did nothing but breastfeed, shower, and rest for the first month. He cooked and brought me meals, made sure I had drinks, did all the cleaning, did all the laundry, and did all the grocery shopping. He still does cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. He does give me a brea after he is done working to rest and take a shower. He cooks dinner most of time and cleans up dinner.

I'm not sure why people think one disagreement or issue means the person is bad. You can have issues, but that doesn't mean the person is horrible. We want one more child. We will not be getting divorced over something as dumb as night feedings. I don't believe in blowing up my marriage over a situation that may not exist a couple month from now. I think it's weird to convince me to divorce him over such an issue.

People think so because the one disagreement shows that your husband either lacks intelligence or lacks empathy. He can clean, cook, do laundry and still be rigid and slow.

Ask him this: " How can sleep be so important for you that you need 8 straight hours of it in order to work, but you are okay with me going without a 4 hour stretch?"

If he needs 8 straight hours of sleep, he certainly knows that the fli.sy naps you can take during the day are not good enough to get you rested.

Because he has a job to go to and OP and does not. OP can sleep during the day when the baby naps.

1-2 hour day time naps ( that's the max she can get if baby is up every 2-3 hours) cannot even begin to compare to a 4 hour stretch of sleep.

He should take a nap during his lunch break when he is working from home and give her a 4 hour stretch at night.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean really this thread is a cautionary tale against:

1. Marrying man children.
2. Listening to women who mistake being taken advantage of for “strength”.


Ladies know your worth and teach your daughters!

OP here. I resent your analysis of the situation. While my husband and I are having differing opinion with night feedings, we are on the same page with many things. My husband and I have been happily married for 3 years and together for 5. He is a great husband and father. I don't understand the point of acting like you know an entire person or their relationship based on one sore spot.

Great husbands and fathers don’t let their 5 wk postpartum wives go without sleep so they can get in a workout before they telework.

This!!! Your husband is being a sh@t!

He needs to take the 10 pm feeding and a feeding before going to work so you can get at least a 4 hour stretch of sleep each day. He does not get 8 hours to sleep and time to work out when you don’t have any point in the day to get one 4 hour stretch.. All those ppl who say sleep when the baby sleeps during the day - it’s crap if you’re not one of those people that can fall instantly asleep (which OP has said she’s not).

As others have said DO NOT have another child with this man. He clearly prioritizes himself (including his work out) over you and your baby. You’re delusional if you think he is a good husband (although being so sleep deprived can make you delusional). You need to have a come to Jesus moment with him now to change his behavior and selfishness now or this is going to continue to be an issue. If he doesn’t, get a night nurse to get you through and then seriously think about divorce once your baby is a little older because your husband is showing you his true colors now.

OP here. I am upset with this argument, but I will not bash him. I absolutely love and adore my husband. He is a great partner and father. He took over do 100% of everything when he was on paternity to let me rest and breastfeed. I did nothing but breastfeed, shower, and rest for the first month. He cooked and brought me meals, made sure I had drinks, did all the cleaning, did all the laundry, and did all the grocery shopping. He still does cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. He does give me a brea after he is done working to rest and take a shower. He cooks dinner most of time and cleans up dinner.

I'm not sure why people think one disagreement or issue means the person is bad. You can have issues, but that doesn't mean the person is horrible. We want one more child. We will not be getting divorced over something as dumb as night feedings. I don't believe in blowing up my marriage over a situation that may not exist a couple month from now. I think it's weird to convince me to divorce him over such an issue.

People think so because the one disagreement shows that your husband either lacks intelligence or lacks empathy. He can clean, cook, do laundry and still be rigid and slow.

Ask him this: " How can sleep be so important for you that you need 8 straight hours of it in order to work, but you are okay with me going without a 4 hour stretch?"

If he needs 8 straight hours of sleep, he certainly knows that the fli.sy naps you can take during the day are not good enough to get you rested.

Because he has a job to go to and OP and does not. OP can sleep during the day when the baby naps.

1-2 hour day time naps ( that's the max she can get if baby is up every 2-3 hours) cannot even begin to compare to a 4 hour stretch of sleep.

He should take a nap during his lunch break when he is working from home and give her a 4 hour stretch at night.

She can get a four hour stretch if she goes to bed earlier and he takes the 10 pm shift. That to me is the obvious compromise here. But if he isn’t willing, she either sucks it up or hires someone. There’s really no other options.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean really this thread is a cautionary tale against:

1. Marrying man children.
2. Listening to women who mistake being taken advantage of for “strength”.


Ladies know your worth and teach your daughters!

OP here. I resent your analysis of the situation. While my husband and I are having differing opinion with night feedings, we are on the same page with many things. My husband and I have been happily married for 3 years and together for 5. He is a great husband and father. I don't understand the point of acting like you know an entire person or their relationship based on one sore spot.

Great husbands and fathers don’t let their 5 wk postpartum wives go without sleep so they can get in a workout before they telework.

This!!! Your husband is being a sh@t!

He needs to take the 10 pm feeding and a feeding before going to work so you can get at least a 4 hour stretch of sleep each day. He does not get 8 hours to sleep and time to work out when you don’t have any point in the day to get one 4 hour stretch.. All those ppl who say sleep when the baby sleeps during the day - it’s crap if you’re not one of those people that can fall instantly asleep (which OP has said she’s not).

As others have said DO NOT have another child with this man. He clearly prioritizes himself (including his work out) over you and your baby. You’re delusional if you think he is a good husband (although being so sleep deprived can make you delusional). You need to have a come to Jesus moment with him now to change his behavior and selfishness now or this is going to continue to be an issue. If he doesn’t, get a night nurse to get you through and then seriously think about divorce once your baby is a little older because your husband is showing you his true colors now.

OP here. I am upset with this argument, but I will not bash him. I absolutely love and adore my husband. He is a great partner and father. He took over do 100% of everything when he was on paternity to let me rest and breastfeed. I did nothing but breastfeed, shower, and rest for the first month. He cooked and brought me meals, made sure I had drinks, did all the cleaning, did all the laundry, and did all the grocery shopping. He still does cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. He does give me a brea after he is done working to rest and take a shower. He cooks dinner most of time and cleans up dinner.

I'm not sure why people think one disagreement or issue means the person is bad. You can have issues, but that doesn't mean the person is horrible. We want one more child. We will not be getting divorced over something as dumb as night feedings. I don't believe in blowing up my marriage over a situation that may not exist a couple month from now. I think it's weird to convince me to divorce him over such an issue.

People think so because the one disagreement shows that your husband either lacks intelligence or lacks empathy. He can clean, cook, do laundry and still be rigid and slow.

Ask him this: " How can sleep be so important for you that you need 8 straight hours of it in order to work, but you are okay with me going without a 4 hour stretch?"

If he needs 8 straight hours of sleep, he certainly knows that the fli.sy naps you can take during the day are not good enough to get you rested.

Because he has a job to go to and OP and does not. OP can sleep during the day when the baby naps.

1-2 hour day time naps ( that's the max she can get if baby is up every 2-3 hours) cannot even begin to compare to a 4 hour stretch of sleep.

He should take a nap during his lunch break when he is working from home and give her a 4 hour stretch at night.

She can get a four hour stretch if she goes to bed earlier and he takes the 10 pm shift. That to me is the obvious compromise here. But if he isn’t willing, she either sucks it up or hires someone. There’s really no other options.

He does note want to, and they are both too dumb ( or too sleep deprived) to realize that they need to hire someone if he cannot do the 10 pm feeding.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is working, you are not. That means you wake up in the middle of the night until you all are gearing up for you to go back and you find an equitable schedule. It’s insane to me that you think he should be doing night feedings.
Signed, mother of 2

It's insane to me that you expects all women to have low expectations of their husbands as you do of yours.

He's not performing brain surgery. He can get his ass up once a night or go to bed a bit later and do a morning feed instead of exercising every morning

And she can take a nap.

Except she can’t but it’s a cute narrative you keep on with.

And yet millions of us managed to do it. OP is just rigid and full of empty excuses.

And millions of us had support during our postpartum period. Why do you want some kind of medal for making bad choices?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean really this thread is a cautionary tale against:

1. Marrying man children.
2. Listening to women who mistake being taken advantage of for “strength”.


Ladies know your worth and teach your daughters!

OP here. I resent your analysis of the situation. While my husband and I are having differing opinion with night feedings, we are on the same page with many things. My husband and I have been happily married for 3 years and together for 5. He is a great husband and father. I don't understand the point of acting like you know an entire person or their relationship based on one sore spot.

Great husbands and fathers don’t let their 5 wk postpartum wives go without sleep so they can get in a workout before they telework.

This!!! Your husband is being a sh@t!

He needs to take the 10 pm feeding and a feeding before going to work so you can get at least a 4 hour stretch of sleep each day. He does not get 8 hours to sleep and time to work out when you don’t have any point in the day to get one 4 hour stretch.. All those ppl who say sleep when the baby sleeps during the day - it’s crap if you’re not one of those people that can fall instantly asleep (which OP has said she’s not).

As others have said DO NOT have another child with this man. He clearly prioritizes himself (including his work out) over you and your baby. You’re delusional if you think he is a good husband (although being so sleep deprived can make you delusional). You need to have a come to Jesus moment with him now to change his behavior and selfishness now or this is going to continue to be an issue. If he doesn’t, get a night nurse to get you through and then seriously think about divorce once your baby is a little older because your husband is showing you his true colors now.

OP here. I am upset with this argument, but I will not bash him. I absolutely love and adore my husband. He is a great partner and father. He took over do 100% of everything when he was on paternity to let me rest and breastfeed. I did nothing but breastfeed, shower, and rest for the first month. He cooked and brought me meals, made sure I had drinks, did all the cleaning, did all the laundry, and did all the grocery shopping. He still does cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. He does give me a brea after he is done working to rest and take a shower. He cooks dinner most of time and cleans up dinner.

I'm not sure why people think one disagreement or issue means the person is bad. You can have issues, but that doesn't mean the person is horrible. We want one more child. We will not be getting divorced over something as dumb as night feedings. I don't believe in blowing up my marriage over a situation that may not exist a couple month from now. I think it's weird to convince me to divorce him over such an issue.

Your story keeps changing. First he did half, now he did “everything”. You need to clean up all day but he does all the cooking and cleaning…somehow not enough for a breakfast or lunch the next day. You’re writing this from the past where grocery shopping is a chore and not something everyone does online and has delivered.

I’m going to agree with the people saying troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean really this thread is a cautionary tale against:

1. Marrying man children.
2. Listening to women who mistake being taken advantage of for “strength”.


Ladies know your worth and teach your daughters!

OP here. I resent your analysis of the situation. While my husband and I are having differing opinion with night feedings, we are on the same page with many things. My husband and I have been happily married for 3 years and together for 5. He is a great husband and father. I don't understand the point of acting like you know an entire person or their relationship based on one sore spot.

Great husbands and fathers don’t let their 5 wk postpartum wives go without sleep so they can get in a workout before they telework.

This!!! Your husband is being a sh@t!

He needs to take the 10 pm feeding and a feeding before going to work so you can get at least a 4 hour stretch of sleep each day. He does not get 8 hours to sleep and time to work out when you don’t have any point in the day to get one 4 hour stretch.. All those ppl who say sleep when the baby sleeps during the day - it’s crap if you’re not one of those people that can fall instantly asleep (which OP has said she’s not).

As others have said DO NOT have another child with this man. He clearly prioritizes himself (including his work out) over you and your baby. You’re delusional if you think he is a good husband (although being so sleep deprived can make you delusional). You need to have a come to Jesus moment with him now to change his behavior and selfishness now or this is going to continue to be an issue. If he doesn’t, get a night nurse to get you through and then seriously think about divorce once your baby is a little older because your husband is showing you his true colors now.

OP here. I am upset with this argument, but I will not bash him. I absolutely love and adore my husband. He is a great partner and father. He took over do 100% of everything when he was on paternity to let me rest and breastfeed. I did nothing but breastfeed, shower, and rest for the first month. He cooked and brought me meals, made sure I had drinks, did all the cleaning, did all the laundry, and did all the grocery shopping. He still does cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. He does give me a brea after he is done working to rest and take a shower. He cooks dinner most of time and cleans up dinner.

I'm not sure why people think one disagreement or issue means the person is bad. You can have issues, but that doesn't mean the person is horrible. We want one more child. We will not be getting divorced over something as dumb as night feedings. I don't believe in blowing up my marriage over a situation that may not exist a couple month from now. I think it's weird to convince me to divorce him over such an issue.

People think so because the one disagreement shows that your husband either lacks intelligence or lacks empathy. He can clean, cook, do laundry and still be rigid and slow.

Ask him this: " How can sleep be so important for you that you need 8 straight hours of it in order to work, but you are okay with me going without a 4 hour stretch?"

If he needs 8 straight hours of sleep, he certainly knows that the fli.sy naps you can take during the day are not good enough to get you rested.

Because he has a job to go to and OP and does not. OP can sleep during the day when the baby naps.

This is such a stupid post that I cannot imagine you intended for it to be taken seriously.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1) stop changing the baby’s diaper at night unless he poops

2) don’t wash your pump parts each time- stick them in the fridge like you would if you were pumping at work.

I think your dh should take one of the shifts, but will say that I did all nighttime stuff with 2 kids bc I was nursing and the baby (and I) went back to sleep quickly bc neither of us fully woke up for feedings),

OP here.

1. He pees a lot and his diaper is soaked at 3 hours. I have waited longer and he peed on his clothes.
2. I keep pump parts in fridge and wash every other time. I've read that this is not a recommended method.

The baby has no issues with going back to sleep. Sometimes he doesn't wake up and I have to wake him up at 3 hours. We have the snoo. I change diaper, feed, and he's very drowsy from eating. I put him back in the snoo and he is asleep again within minutes.

Ok, stop complaining. You have it relatively easy. Wake up and feed the baby.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean really this thread is a cautionary tale against:

1. Marrying man children.
2. Listening to women who mistake being taken advantage of for “strength”.


Ladies know your worth and teach your daughters!

OP here. I resent your analysis of the situation. While my husband and I are having differing opinion with night feedings, we are on the same page with many things. My husband and I have been happily married for 3 years and together for 5. He is a great husband and father. I don't understand the point of acting like you know an entire person or their relationship based on one sore spot.

Great husbands and fathers don’t let their 5 wk postpartum wives go without sleep so they can get in a workout before they telework.

This!!! Your husband is being a sh@t!

He needs to take the 10 pm feeding and a feeding before going to work so you can get at least a 4 hour stretch of sleep each day. He does not get 8 hours to sleep and time to work out when you don’t have any point in the day to get one 4 hour stretch.. All those ppl who say sleep when the baby sleeps during the day - it’s crap if you’re not one of those people that can fall instantly asleep (which OP has said she’s not).

As others have said DO NOT have another child with this man. He clearly prioritizes himself (including his work out) over you and your baby. You’re delusional if you think he is a good husband (although being so sleep deprived can make you delusional). You need to have a come to Jesus moment with him now to change his behavior and selfishness now or this is going to continue to be an issue. If he doesn’t, get a night nurse to get you through and then seriously think about divorce once your baby is a little older because your husband is showing you his true colors now.

Both of these comments are spot on. I can’t believe you think its acceptable for a parent of a newborn to expect to get a full night sleep and THEN work out. Every day. Your expectations of a good partner are sub par. I made myself a martyr and took all of it on with my newborn and that dynamic only worsened as DD got older. And therefore…I’m one and done.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to step up and get her daytime naps. Why not?

OP here. I have other things to do. Cooking, cleaning, washing pump parts/bottles, etc. My baby also loves being held for naps.

You have too many excuses. Relax your cleaning standards or get a once a week cleaning person. Don’t cook. Make sandwiches and keep it simple. Washing bottles and pump parts doesn’t take all day. The baby will have to get over being held every time for an entire nap. You’re setting yourself up for failure by giving in to that anyway.

This. No wonder OP’s husband won’t stay up for the baby. She’s doing this to herself. Maybe she’s a troll.

This.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1 a.m. is a hard time to get up and get back to sleep if you need to be alert in the morning. Could you pump around 9 and go to bed for a few hours, have DH handle the 10 p.m. feeding, and then you take care of the middle of the night feedings? As others have said, this pattern may change in another 1-2 weeks, so you will continue to need to adjust by trial and error. If DH can take pre- midnight and you can take post, that might allow everyone to get a somewhat reasonable amount of uninterrupted sleep.

OP here. I have discussed doing this and he said no. He will be going to bed at 10 and needs a full nights sleep. Now that he is back at work, he will be waking up at 6am to workout before getting ready for work.

No, absolutely no. Just because he is back at work doesn't mean he gets to act like there is no baby. Life has changed. Parents do not sleep all night every night. Parents do not get to go to the gym every day when there is a newborn.

OP, you tried to say he is a good guy. He is not acting like one. He had a child with you and now wants to live his old life no matter the cost to you or your child. People in this thread are worried about him driving when they should be worried about you smothering the baby because you fell asleep while feeding him.

He is a parent. He needs to grow up and act like one. Sometimes parenting sucks. He needs to step up and deal with it.

Your response is crazy and overly dramatic. The DH is going to work to pay the bills. He likely can’t take any more time off. It makes zero sense for one parent to return to work and also be in charge of night feedings.

OP - learn to take naps during the day and go on stroller walks for exercise.

Nope. How is it crazy and overly dramatic to expect a father to parent? No one is talking about him taking time off or be in charge of nightime feedings. I am talking about him accepting that his life has changed and stepping up to parent. That means he does not get to sleep uninterrupted every night from 10 -6. That means he does not get to treat himself to a workout every morning. He helps out by taking a 10 feeding and then the morning feed instead of his workout. If he can work out while pushing the baby in the stroller, then he can do that.

And how is OP supposed to nap during the day? Who is taking care of the baby then? She feeds, pumps, cleans up. Maybe she would like to shower or use the bathroom. Perhaps eat. Then guess what, the baby is awake again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean really this thread is a cautionary tale against:

1. Marrying man children.
2. Listening to women who mistake being taken advantage of for “strength”.


Ladies know your worth and teach your daughters!

OP here. I resent your analysis of the situation. While my husband and I are having differing opinion with night feedings, we are on the same page with many things. My husband and I have been happily married for 3 years and together for 5. He is a great husband and father. I don't understand the point of acting like you know an entire person or their relationship based on one sore spot.

Great husbands and fathers don’t let their 5 wk postpartum wives go without sleep so they can get in a workout before they telework.

This!!! Your husband is being a sh@t!

He needs to take the 10 pm feeding and a feeding before going to work so you can get at least a 4 hour stretch of sleep each day. He does not get 8 hours to sleep and time to work out when you don’t have any point in the day to get one 4 hour stretch.. All those ppl who say sleep when the baby sleeps during the day - it’s crap if you’re not one of those people that can fall instantly asleep (which OP has said she’s not).

As others have said DO NOT have another child with this man. He clearly prioritizes himself (including his work out) over you and your baby. You’re delusional if you think he is a good husband (although being so sleep deprived can make you delusional). You need to have a come to Jesus moment with him now to change his behavior and selfishness now or this is going to continue to be an issue. If he doesn’t, get a night nurse to get you through and then seriously think about divorce once your baby is a little older because your husband is showing you his true colors now.

Both of these comments are spot on. I can’t believe you think its acceptable for a parent of a newborn to expect to get a full night sleep and THEN work out. Every day. Your expectations of a good partner are sub par. I made myself a martyr and took all of it on with my newborn and that dynamic only worsened as DD got older. And therefore…I’m one and done.

Once OP goes back to work, DH will have a set lifestyle expectation as a working parent. If he’s not pitching in somewhat now but still getting his routine sleep and me time, it seems unlikely he’s going to alter his ways when OP’s maternity leave ends. That is what I’d be really worried about. No one’s life and routines go back to what they were pre baby. Everyone has to adjust.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:1 a.m. is a hard time to get up and get back to sleep if you need to be alert in the morning. Could you pump around 9 and go to bed for a few hours, have DH handle the 10 p.m. feeding, and then you take care of the middle of the night feedings? As others have said, this pattern may change in another 1-2 weeks, so you will continue to need to adjust by trial and error. If DH can take pre- midnight and you can take post, that might allow everyone to get a somewhat reasonable amount of uninterrupted sleep.

OP here. I have discussed doing this and he said no. He will be going to bed at 10 and needs a full nights sleep. Now that he is back at work, he will be waking up at 6am to workout before getting ready for work.

No, absolutely no. Just because he is back at work doesn't mean he gets to act like there is no baby. Life has changed. Parents do not sleep all night every night. Parents do not get to go to the gym every day when there is a newborn.

OP, you tried to say he is a good guy. He is not acting like one. He had a child with you and now wants to live his old life no matter the cost to you or your child. People in this thread are worried about him driving when they should be worried about you smothering the baby because you fell asleep while feeding him.

He is a parent. He needs to grow up and act like one. Sometimes parenting sucks. He needs to step up and deal with it.

Your response is crazy and overly dramatic. The DH is going to work to pay the bills. He likely can’t take any more time off. It makes zero sense for one parent to return to work and also be in charge of night feedings.

OP - learn to take naps during the day and go on stroller walks for exercise.

Nope. How is it crazy and overly dramatic to expect a father to parent? No one is talking about him taking time off or be in charge of nightime feedings. I am talking about him accepting that his life has changed and stepping up to parent. That means he does not get to sleep uninterrupted every night from 10 -6. That means he does not get to treat himself to a workout every morning. He helps out by taking a 10 feeding and then the morning feed instead of his workout. If he can work out while pushing the baby in the stroller, then he can do that.

And how is OP supposed to nap during the day? Who is taking care of the baby then? She feeds, pumps, cleans up. Maybe she would like to shower or use the bathroom. Perhaps eat. Then guess what, the baby is awake again.

Let me guess…you’re a SAHM?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to step up and get her daytime naps. Why not?

OP here. I have other things to do. Cooking, cleaning, washing pump parts/bottles, etc. My baby also loves being held for naps.

You have too many excuses. Relax your cleaning standards or get a once a week cleaning person. Don’t cook. Make sandwiches and keep it simple. Washing bottles and pump parts doesn’t take all day. The baby will have to get over being held every time for an entire nap. You’re setting yourself up for failure by giving in to that anyway.

OP here. Nutrition is super important to me and a sandwich will not do. One, it's not nutritious, and 2, it's not very filling. I make all organic, healthy foods to give my body and baby the best nutrition. I make myself breakfast and lunch everyday. My husband I switch off on cooking. We make everything at home, do not eat frozen fast foods, and do not eat takeout much. I need a lot of calories and that requires a lot of food.

Cooking requires cleaning. I wash my pump parts every other pump. I wash baby bottles once a day. I do admit I like a clean home and I do not feel like I mentally do well without a clean home. I wash so much laundry because baby goes through laundry so fast.

There are times where I just enjoy sitting down with my baby and holding him.

Ok this has to be fake.

I was with you OP, your husband is a jerk and needs to take a night feeding. But while we are talking about compromises we will all make to survive this very difficult period.... you need to open your mind to some as well and this "we have to cook all our own healthy organic food" crap is absolutely on that list.