Husband refuses to help with night feedings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:How often do you breast feed during the day?

OP here. He eats every 2 hours with one longer 3 hour stretch for his longer afternoon nap.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to step up and get her daytime naps. Why not?

OP here. I have other things to do. Cooking, cleaning, washing pump parts/bottles, etc. My baby also loves being held for naps.

You have too many excuses. Relax your cleaning standards or get a once a week cleaning person. Don’t cook. Make sandwiches and keep it simple. Washing bottles and pump parts doesn’t take all day. The baby will have to get over being held every time for an entire nap. You’re setting yourself up for failure by giving in to that anyway.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Something doesn’t sound right to me - you are pumping, nursing AND supplementing? Maybe change the order of things to stretch out the time between feedings. How about he feeds the baby a formula bottle at 11pm, thus giving you a longer stretch of sleep that may also increase your production before the next feeding?

BTW, doctors and lactation consultants can advise you, but only you and your baby know how to work this out. Why are you pumping on maternity leave? It is really helping your supply more than exclusively breast feeding?

I totally get the desire to supply your own milk, but sometimes your baby needs more than you can make. Also, are YOU drinking and eating enough, in addition to napping whenever the baby does? Helps a LOT with supply.

She can't nap when the baby does because she has to cook and clean pump parts

These excuses are as lame as the SAHMs who claim they simply *cannot* work because they need to do important things like pay bills (set up autopay or click a button), bring in the mail or “let in repair people.”

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is working, you are not. That means you wake up in the middle of the night until you all are gearing up for you to go back and you find an equitable schedule. It’s insane to me that you think he should be doing night feedings.
Signed, mother of 2

It's insane to me that you expects all women to have low expectations of their husbands as you do of yours.

He's not performing brain surgery. He can get his ass up once a night or go to bed a bit later and do a morning feed instead of exercising every morning

And she can take a nap.

+1,000

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH is working, you are not. That means you wake up in the middle of the night until you all are gearing up for you to go back and you find an equitable schedule. It’s insane to me that you think he should be doing night feedings.
Signed, mother of 2

It's insane to me that you expects all women to have low expectations of their husbands as you do of yours.

He's not performing brain surgery. He can get his ass up once a night or go to bed a bit later and do a morning feed instead of exercising every morning

And she can take a nap.

Except she can’t but it’s a cute narrative you keep on with.

And yet millions of us managed to do it. OP is just rigid and full of empty excuses.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is working. How is he supposed to do his job with no sleep? You are asking way too much of him.

What’s the man baby going to do when his wife goes back to work? What will his excuse be then?

It's extra screwed up in our country cuz 12 weeks of maternity leave usually run smack dab 4 month old sleep regression.

In other countries, mothers tend to cosleep with their babies.

Op doesn't want to cosleep

OP “doesn’t want to” do a lot of things.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean really this thread is a cautionary tale against:

1. Marrying man children.
2. Listening to women who mistake being taken advantage of for “strength”.


Ladies know your worth and teach your daughters!

OP here. I resent your analysis of the situation. While my husband and I are having differing opinion with night feedings, we are on the same page with many things. My husband and I have been happily married for 3 years and together for 5. He is a great husband and father. I don't understand the point of acting like you know an entire person or their relationship based on one sore spot.

Great husbands and fathers don’t let their 5 wk postpartum wives go without sleep so they can get in a workout before they telework.

This!!! Your husband is being a sh@t!

He needs to take the 10 pm feeding and a feeding before going to work so you can get at least a 4 hour stretch of sleep each day. He does not get 8 hours to sleep and time to work out when you don’t have any point in the day to get one 4 hour stretch.. All those ppl who say sleep when the baby sleeps during the day - it’s crap if you’re not one of those people that can fall instantly asleep (which OP has said she’s not).

As others have said DO NOT have another child with this man. He clearly prioritizes himself (including his work out) over you and your baby. You’re delusional if you think he is a good husband (although being so sleep deprived can make you delusional). You need to have a come to Jesus moment with him now to change his behavior and selfishness now or this is going to continue to be an issue. If he doesn’t, get a night nurse to get you through and then seriously think about divorce once your baby is a little older because your husband is showing you his true colors now.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to step up and get her daytime naps. Why not?

OP here. I have other things to do. Cooking, cleaning, washing pump parts/bottles, etc. My baby also loves being held for naps.

You have too many excuses. Relax your cleaning standards or get a once a week cleaning person. Don’t cook. Make sandwiches and keep it simple. Washing bottles and pump parts doesn’t take all day. The baby will have to get over being held every time for an entire nap. You’re setting yourself up for failure by giving in to that anyway.

OP here. Nutrition is super important to me and a sandwich will not do. One, it's not nutritious, and 2, it's not very filling. I make all organic, healthy foods to give my body and baby the best nutrition. I make myself breakfast and lunch everyday. My husband I switch off on cooking. We make everything at home, do not eat frozen fast foods, and do not eat takeout much. I need a lot of calories and that requires a lot of food.

Cooking requires cleaning. I wash my pump parts every other pump. I wash baby bottles once a day. I do admit I like a clean home and I do not feel like I mentally do well without a clean home. I wash so much laundry because baby goes through laundry so fast.

There are times where I just enjoy sitting down with my baby and holding him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean really this thread is a cautionary tale against:

1. Marrying man children.
2. Listening to women who mistake being taken advantage of for “strength”.


Ladies know your worth and teach your daughters!

OP here. I resent your analysis of the situation. While my husband and I are having differing opinion with night feedings, we are on the same page with many things. My husband and I have been happily married for 3 years and together for 5. He is a great husband and father. I don't understand the point of acting like you know an entire person or their relationship based on one sore spot.

Great husbands and fathers don’t let their 5 wk postpartum wives go without sleep so they can get in a workout before they telework.

This!!! Your husband is being a sh@t!

He needs to take the 10 pm feeding and a feeding before going to work so you can get at least a 4 hour stretch of sleep each day. He does not get 8 hours to sleep and time to work out when you don’t have any point in the day to get one 4 hour stretch.. All those ppl who say sleep when the baby sleeps during the day - it’s crap if you’re not one of those people that can fall instantly asleep (which OP has said she’s not).

As others have said DO NOT have another child with this man. He clearly prioritizes himself (including his work out) over you and your baby. You’re delusional if you think he is a good husband (although being so sleep deprived can make you delusional). You need to have a come to Jesus moment with him now to change his behavior and selfishness now or this is going to continue to be an issue. If he doesn’t, get a night nurse to get you through and then seriously think about divorce once your baby is a little older because your husband is showing you his true colors now.

OP here. I am upset with this argument, but I will not bash him. I absolutely love and adore my husband. He is a great partner and father. He took over do 100% of everything when he was on paternity to let me rest and breastfeed. I did nothing but breastfeed, shower, and rest for the first month. He cooked and brought me meals, made sure I had drinks, did all the cleaning, did all the laundry, and did all the grocery shopping. He still does cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. He does give me a brea after he is done working to rest and take a shower. He cooks dinner most of time and cleans up dinner.

I'm not sure why people think one disagreement or issue means the person is bad. You can have issues, but that doesn't mean the person is horrible. We want one more child. We will not be getting divorced over something as dumb as night feedings. I don't believe in blowing up my marriage over a situation that may not exist a couple month from now. I think it's weird to convince me to divorce him over such an issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Reading this made me so glad I coslept with my babies. Whip a boob out and go right back to sleep. No pumping. No washing parts. No babies crying at night. It’s the norm in so many other countries, but we make American mothers miserable with safe sleep advice because doctors can’t come out and say that cosleeping is only for nursing mothers who don’t use substances and are generally healthy (e.g. no morbid obesity and sleep apnea). Look up the seven Ss of safe cosleeping and save your sanity.

OP here. My husband knows a co-worker who had a newborn die by co-sleeping even though they followed all the " safe sleep" guidelines. I have read other smilier stories. I would never put my baby in such a position. We got the snoo because we are both 100% against co-sleeping. I don't care how much someone convinces me it's " safe".

Even if I were to co-sleep, there will still be supply issues and I would have to feed formula. The above situation only works if you EBF without supply or weight gain issues.

I'm still going with the stance that co-sleeping is not safe. We have no idea if and how many babies died in other countries from co-sleeping.

DP

I have to agree with you on this one, OP. It's not safe.
Don't do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I mean really this thread is a cautionary tale against:

1. Marrying man children.
2. Listening to women who mistake being taken advantage of for “strength”.


Ladies know your worth and teach your daughters!

OP here. I resent your analysis of the situation. While my husband and I are having differing opinion with night feedings, we are on the same page with many things. My husband and I have been happily married for 3 years and together for 5. He is a great husband and father. I don't understand the point of acting like you know an entire person or their relationship based on one sore spot.

Great husbands and fathers don’t let their 5 wk postpartum wives go without sleep so they can get in a workout before they telework.

This!!! Your husband is being a sh@t!

He needs to take the 10 pm feeding and a feeding before going to work so you can get at least a 4 hour stretch of sleep each day. He does not get 8 hours to sleep and time to work out when you don’t have any point in the day to get one 4 hour stretch.. All those ppl who say sleep when the baby sleeps during the day - it’s crap if you’re not one of those people that can fall instantly asleep (which OP has said she’s not).

As others have said DO NOT have another child with this man. He clearly prioritizes himself (including his work out) over you and your baby. You’re delusional if you think he is a good husband (although being so sleep deprived can make you delusional). You need to have a come to Jesus moment with him now to change his behavior and selfishness now or this is going to continue to be an issue. If he doesn’t, get a night nurse to get you through and then seriously think about divorce once your baby is a little older because your husband is showing you his true colors now.

OP here. I am upset with this argument, but I will not bash him. I absolutely love and adore my husband. He is a great partner and father. He took over do 100% of everything when he was on paternity to let me rest and breastfeed. I did nothing but breastfeed, shower, and rest for the first month. He cooked and brought me meals, made sure I had drinks, did all the cleaning, did all the laundry, and did all the grocery shopping. He still does cooking, cleaning, and grocery shopping. He does give me a brea after he is done working to rest and take a shower. He cooks dinner most of time and cleans up dinner.

I'm not sure why people think one disagreement or issue means the person is bad. You can have issues, but that doesn't mean the person is horrible. We want one more child. We will not be getting divorced over something as dumb as night feedings. I don't believe in blowing up my marriage over a situation that may not exist a couple month from now. I think it's weird to convince me to divorce him over such an issue.

People think so because the one disagreement shows that your husband either lacks intelligence or lacks empathy. He can clean, cook, do laundry and still be rigid and slow.

Ask him this: " How can sleep be so important for you that you need 8 straight hours of it in order to work, but you are okay with me going without a 4 hour stretch?"

If he needs 8 straight hours of sleep, he certainly knows that the fli.sy naps you can take during the day are not good enough to get you rested.

[Anonymous]

God this thread is exhausting. My husband works biglaw and still managed to look after our baby overnight sometimes when she was tiny. Don’t have any more kids with this man. Also, if you have a five week old and you insist on cooking yourself three meals a day you’re setting yourself up for parental burnout. It only gets harder when they are older and napping less during the day but still waking up overnight.

[Anonymous]

PP- sorry I don’t mean to be discouraging. You have to do what works for you, but parenting is a marathon not a sprint and you need to take care of yourself and make sure you’re getting enough rest. Hopefully you get one of those unicorn babies who sleeps through the night early!

[Anonymous]

I agree he needs to help you get a stretch of sleep. Help him understand that.

Can't you just refrigerate pump parts between pumping and wash once, at the end of the day? You don't need to clean them constantly.

But you also need to let go of your perfectly clean house need. Trust me that when you have toddlers/preschoolers this will be a huge battle and you will be the one to lose because you will compromise your health and well being to keep the house perfect, and to what end?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to step up and get her daytime naps. Why not?

OP here. I have other things to do. Cooking, cleaning, washing pump parts/bottles, etc. My baby also loves being held for naps.

You have too many excuses. Relax your cleaning standards or get a once a week cleaning person. Don’t cook. Make sandwiches and keep it simple. Washing bottles and pump parts doesn’t take all day. The baby will have to get over being held every time for an entire nap. You’re setting yourself up for failure by giving in to that anyway.

OP here. Nutrition is super important to me and a sandwich will not do. One, it's not nutritious, and 2, it's not very filling. I make all organic, healthy foods to give my body and baby the best nutrition. I make myself breakfast and lunch everyday. My husband I switch off on cooking. We make everything at home, do not eat frozen fast foods, and do not eat takeout much. I need a lot of calories and that requires a lot of food.

Cooking requires cleaning. I wash my pump parts every other pump. I wash baby bottles once a day. I do admit I like a clean home and I do not feel like I mentally do well without a clean home. I wash so much laundry because baby goes through laundry so fast.

There are times where I just enjoy sitting down with my baby and holding him.

A sandwich will not do, lol…Now we’ve moved into troll territory. I’m glad you’re defending your DH, you guys seem made for each other.