Husband refuses to help with night feedings

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:
I know it’s hard to do, but whoever gets up at night, MUST get daytime naps. It takes extreme self-discipline.

[Anonymous]

This isn’t a big deal. You are home during the day and can nap, he is right. You said your newborn is waking 2-3 times per night. That shouldn’t be an extreme hardship. You can do it. Nap during the day. Make sure you sleep train before your maternity leave is done.

I nursed 3 babies for over a year each. They woke up every 2 hrs for the first couple months and probably twice a night for a while after that. I didn’t feel like it was an insurmountable hardship.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t afford to outsource help from a night nurse, your dh will have to take one feeding so that you can get a good 4 hour stretch of sleep every night. It’s not really negotiable; you can’t function without it. He can choose which one suits his schedule the best, but he can’t abdicate all responsibility. You also need to alternate sleeping in on weekend mornings. People with newborns need to prioritize sleep or it doesn’t happen.

OP here. We can afford a night nurse but neither of us feel comfortable with a stranger in our home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:It depends upon what kind of job he has and how much he makes. OP is not working right now so doesn't have to concentrate during the day??

OP here. Why would it matter how much he makes? Does he get to opt out of parenting if he makes a certain amount?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP whatever you law you do. At your next OB visit get an IUD. He’s telling you what kind of parent and partner he is, and while he might improve, I would not take any chances.

OP here. He is not a terrible father or partner. He does help out in other aspects as much as he can.

[Anonymous]

OP—I’m the poster said that I think your husband needs to sleep uninterrupted. Again, I was nursing so there was no one else who could feed. Was I resentful in the middle of the night? Sometimes, yes.

You just posted that the baby is 5 weeks old. Know that you are in the roughest stretch. The time between weeks 4-6 are the worst, especially with a December baby. With both kids (one born Dec 15), I really struggled. This is the time for a growth spurt which meant feeding more often. The adrenaline that carried you through the first weeks is gone. The lack of sleep on everyone’s part is reading its ugly head.

Hang in there. You will get through this. Again, you have to nap during the day. You have to drop all other expectations and chores.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This isn’t a big deal. You are home during the day and can nap, he is right. You said your newborn is waking 2-3 times per night. That shouldn’t be an extreme hardship. You can do it. Nap during the day. Make sure you sleep train before your maternity leave is done.

I nursed 3 babies for over a year each. They woke up every 2 hrs for the first couple months and probably twice a night for a while after that. I didn’t feel like it was an insurmountable hardship.

OP here. The pediatrician said we can't sleep train before 6 months.

[Anonymous]

OP needs to step up and get her daytime naps. Why not?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP whatever you law you do. At your next OB visit get an IUD. He’s telling you what kind of parent and partner he is, and while he might improve, I would not take any chances.

OP here. He is not a terrible father or partner. He does help out in other aspects as much as he can.

If you say so. Letting your partner do 100% of the night feedings sounds like someone who doesn’t care for their spouse or their child but only their beauty rest.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP whatever you law you do. At your next OB visit get an IUD. He’s telling you what kind of parent and partner he is, and while he might improve, I would not take any chances.

OP here. He is not a terrible father or partner. He does help out in other aspects as much as he can.

Good to hear this. How old is your baby now? Are you formula feeding?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you can’t afford to outsource help from a night nurse, your dh will have to take one feeding so that you can get a good 4 hour stretch of sleep every night. It’s not really negotiable; you can’t function without it. He can choose which one suits his schedule the best, but he can’t abdicate all responsibility. You also need to alternate sleeping in on weekend mornings. People with newborns need to prioritize sleep or it doesn’t happen.

OP here. We can afford a night nurse but neither of us feel comfortable with a stranger in our home.

Then you’re making two choices, first to be a doormat to your manchild husband and then not to take any action to address your situation. No one here can help you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Your husband is working. How is he supposed to do his job with no sleep? You are asking way too much of him.

This. Mine never fed the baby once.

[Anonymous]

Hopefully the every two hour feeds will stretch out soon. Can you start stretching them out a little and then giving more at a feed?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP needs to step up and get her daytime naps. Why not?

OP here. I have other things to do. Cooking, cleaning, washing pump parts/bottles, etc. My baby also loves being held for naps.

[Anonymous]

Of course he should help. Please make sure the new mom is getting 4 consecutive hours each night.