He's cheating. Now what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would discuss with him an open marriage and if you still sleep with him use condoms. I don’t feel it’s feasible to divorce just because of sex, if he’s a great father, and your life is otherwise comfortable. I would be more concerned if he had a serious affair that’s a marriage killer. He seems to have sex dependency

What I find appalling with cheaters is then opening marriage for themselves and often keeping “clean” spouses on call for sex when they want to, and fully unaware.

You should be able to fulfill your sexual desires and feel made adoration as well, not to always think about him and his transgressions.

You have to learn to treat sex as basic bodily function like meals. Your husband has meals out at times, same applies to sex.

This.

I would confront him only that I would require condoms in the future, assuming I wanted to stay in the marriage.

How are you supposed to kiss a husband you know is likely having oral sex with other people? How do you perform that function for him knowing where his parts have been? Do you wear a condom for that too?

totally aside from the cheating issue, did your significant other come to you as a virgin?

People have a lot of hang ups about sex being dirty.

Yes, we met very young and each lost our virginity to the other.

The funny thing is, we've had what I thought was a pretty dirty (in a good way) sex life for the last 20+ years. We've been pretty adventurous. Tried all kinds of new things. Not super kinky I guess but robust and regular. Only short breaks around the births of our children. I've never said no to anything he wanted to do or try, I've worn all kinds of outfits and played with toys and watched porn and all kinds of stuff. Ask and ye shall receive. I enjoy sex.

Everything I saw from his laptop is him meeting up with a couple for threesomes with a man and a woman. In the exchanges he's very clear he's straight and not looking for sex with the man, but rather for another man to enjoy a beautiful woman with. He's told over the years this is a fantasy of his, but never asked me to act it out with him in real life. It never crossed my mind he would go from telling me this fantasy to acting it out with 2 strangers.

This is different. It would be easier for me to potentially forgive in some ways because he's looking for an experience and not another person per se; however, now that you see him as a liar and how easily he does it to you, it will be hard to see him any other way.

IT's not female, female, male. It's weird to me he wants the other man there. That raises some really weird new element into his sexuality and where he is headed or questioning.

OP here, I agree.

It's weird to you. To people who have a cuckold fetish, the presence of the other man is necessary. If he was questioning or not straight, he wouldn't be drawing the boundary of "the woman only".

Yeah but for the cuckold fetish the wife also has to be present. The cuckold fetish is common. But it involves the wife being with the third party while the husband watches.

You misunderstand. His fetish would not be to BE the cuckold. It would be to cuckold the other man. Hence his asking specifically for couples where he only performs on the woman, IN FRONT OF the man. He either has that, or he likes to be watched/watch, but is not interested in performing on/with the man.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would discuss with him an open marriage and if you still sleep with him use condoms. I don’t feel it’s feasible to divorce just because of sex, if he’s a great father, and your life is otherwise comfortable. I would be more concerned if he had a serious affair that’s a marriage killer. He seems to have sex dependency

What I find appalling with cheaters is then opening marriage for themselves and often keeping “clean” spouses on call for sex when they want to, and fully unaware.

You should be able to fulfill your sexual desires and feel made adoration as well, not to always think about him and his transgressions.

You have to learn to treat sex as basic bodily function like meals. Your husband has meals out at times, same applies to sex.

This.

I would confront him only that I would require condoms in the future, assuming I wanted to stay in the marriage.

How are you supposed to kiss a husband you know is likely having oral sex with other people? How do you perform that function for him knowing where his parts have been? Do you wear a condom for that too?

totally aside from the cheating issue, did your significant other come to you as a virgin?

People have a lot of hang ups about sex being dirty.

Yes, we met very young and each lost our virginity to the other.

The funny thing is, we've had what I thought was a pretty dirty (in a good way) sex life for the last 20+ years. We've been pretty adventurous. Tried all kinds of new things. Not super kinky I guess but robust and regular. Only short breaks around the births of our children. I've never said no to anything he wanted to do or try, I've worn all kinds of outfits and played with toys and watched porn and all kinds of stuff. Ask and ye shall receive. I enjoy sex.

Everything I saw from his laptop is him meeting up with a couple for threesomes with a man and a woman. In the exchanges he's very clear he's straight and not looking for sex with the man, but rather for another man to enjoy a beautiful woman with. He's told over the years this is a fantasy of his, but never asked me to act it out with him in real life. It never crossed my mind he would go from telling me this fantasy to acting it out with 2 strangers.

This is different. It would be easier for me to potentially forgive in some ways because he's looking for an experience and not another person per se; however, now that you see him as a liar and how easily he does it to you, it will be hard to see him any other way.

IT's not female, female, male. It's weird to me he wants the other man there. That raises some really weird new element into his sexuality and where he is headed or questioning.

OP here, I agree.

It's weird to you. To people who have a cuckold fetish, the presence of the other man is necessary. If he was questioning or not straight, he wouldn't be drawing the boundary of "the woman only".

Yeah but for the cuckold fetish the wife also has to be present. The cuckold fetish is common. But it involves the wife being with the third party while the husband watches.

You misunderstand. His fetish would not be to BE the cuckold. It would be to cuckold the other man. Hence his asking specifically for couples where he only performs on the woman, IN FRONT OF the man. He either has that, or he likes to be watched/watch, but is not interested in performing on/with the man.

Ok that makes sense too. I’d not have an issue with this as long as he is safe.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would discuss with him an open marriage and if you still sleep with him use condoms. I don’t feel it’s feasible to divorce just because of sex, if he’s a great father, and your life is otherwise comfortable. I would be more concerned if he had a serious affair that’s a marriage killer. He seems to have sex dependency

What I find appalling with cheaters is then opening marriage for themselves and often keeping “clean” spouses on call for sex when they want to, and fully unaware.

You should be able to fulfill your sexual desires and feel made adoration as well, not to always think about him and his transgressions.

You have to learn to treat sex as basic bodily function like meals. Your husband has meals out at times, same applies to sex.

This.

I would confront him only that I would require condoms in the future, assuming I wanted to stay in the marriage.

How are you supposed to kiss a husband you know is likely having oral sex with other people? How do you perform that function for him knowing where his parts have been? Do you wear a condom for that too?

totally aside from the cheating issue, did your significant other come to you as a virgin?

People have a lot of hang ups about sex being dirty.

Yes, we met very young and each lost our virginity to the other.

The funny thing is, we've had what I thought was a pretty dirty (in a good way) sex life for the last 20+ years. We've been pretty adventurous. Tried all kinds of new things. Not super kinky I guess but robust and regular. Only short breaks around the births of our children. I've never said no to anything he wanted to do or try, I've worn all kinds of outfits and played with toys and watched porn and all kinds of stuff. Ask and ye shall receive. I enjoy sex.

Everything I saw from his laptop is him meeting up with a couple for threesomes with a man and a woman. In the exchanges he's very clear he's straight and not looking for sex with the man, but rather for another man to enjoy a beautiful woman with. He's told over the years this is a fantasy of his, but never asked me to act it out with him in real life. It never crossed my mind he would go from telling me this fantasy to acting it out with 2 strangers.

This is different. It would be easier for me to potentially forgive in some ways because he's looking for an experience and not another person per se; however, now that you see him as a liar and how easily he does it to you, it will be hard to see him any other way.

IT's not female, female, male. It's weird to me he wants the other man there. That raises some really weird new element into his sexuality and where he is headed or questioning.

OP here, I agree.

It's weird to you. To people who have a cuckold fetish, the presence of the other man is necessary. If he was questioning or not straight, he wouldn't be drawing the boundary of "the woman only".

Yeah but for the cuckold fetish the wife also has to be present. The cuckold fetish is common. But it involves the wife being with the third party while the husband watches.

You misunderstand. His fetish would not be to BE the cuckold. It would be to cuckold the other man. Hence his asking specifically for couples where he only performs on the woman, IN FRONT OF the man. He either has that, or he likes to be watched/watch, but is not interested in performing on/with the man.

Ok that makes sense too. I’d not have an issue with this as long as he is safe.

there is no way to have safe sexual hook ups with random internet strangers and i dont even just mean stds. if you do it long enough you will end up in a bad situation. you are ripe for blackmail, robbery, physical violence, being drugged, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, etc. it's incredibly high risk behavior

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would discuss with him an open marriage and if you still sleep with him use condoms. I don’t feel it’s feasible to divorce just because of sex, if he’s a great father, and your life is otherwise comfortable. I would be more concerned if he had a serious affair that’s a marriage killer. He seems to have sex dependency

What I find appalling with cheaters is then opening marriage for themselves and often keeping “clean” spouses on call for sex when they want to, and fully unaware.

You should be able to fulfill your sexual desires and feel made adoration as well, not to always think about him and his transgressions.

You have to learn to treat sex as basic bodily function like meals. Your husband has meals out at times, same applies to sex.

This.

I would confront him only that I would require condoms in the future, assuming I wanted to stay in the marriage.

How are you supposed to kiss a husband you know is likely having oral sex with other people? How do you perform that function for him knowing where his parts have been? Do you wear a condom for that too?

totally aside from the cheating issue, did your significant other come to you as a virgin?

People have a lot of hang ups about sex being dirty.

Yes, we met very young and each lost our virginity to the other.

The funny thing is, we've had what I thought was a pretty dirty (in a good way) sex life for the last 20+ years. We've been pretty adventurous. Tried all kinds of new things. Not super kinky I guess but robust and regular. Only short breaks around the births of our children. I've never said no to anything he wanted to do or try, I've worn all kinds of outfits and played with toys and watched porn and all kinds of stuff. Ask and ye shall receive. I enjoy sex.

Everything I saw from his laptop is him meeting up with a couple for threesomes with a man and a woman. In the exchanges he's very clear he's straight and not looking for sex with the man, but rather for another man to enjoy a beautiful woman with. He's told over the years this is a fantasy of his, but never asked me to act it out with him in real life. It never crossed my mind he would go from telling me this fantasy to acting it out with 2 strangers.

This is different. It would be easier for me to potentially forgive in some ways because he's looking for an experience and not another person per se; however, now that you see him as a liar and how easily he does it to you, it will be hard to see him any other way.

IT's not female, female, male. It's weird to me he wants the other man there. That raises some really weird new element into his sexuality and where he is headed or questioning.

OP here, I agree.

It's weird to you. To people who have a cuckold fetish, the presence of the other man is necessary. If he was questioning or not straight, he wouldn't be drawing the boundary of "the woman only".

Yeah but for the cuckold fetish the wife also has to be present. The cuckold fetish is common. But it involves the wife being with the third party while the husband watches.

You misunderstand. His fetish would not be to BE the cuckold. It would be to cuckold the other man. Hence his asking specifically for couples where he only performs on the woman, IN FRONT OF the man. He either has that, or he likes to be watched/watch, but is not interested in performing on/with the man.

Ok that makes sense too. I’d not have an issue with this as long as he is safe.

there is no way to have safe sexual hook ups with random internet strangers and i dont even just mean stds. if you do it long enough you will end up in a bad situation. you are ripe for blackmail, robbery, physical violence, being drugged, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, etc. it's incredibly high risk behavior

Meh. I did it for years (don’t anymore) and never had a single issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would discuss with him an open marriage and if you still sleep with him use condoms. I don’t feel it’s feasible to divorce just because of sex, if he’s a great father, and your life is otherwise comfortable. I would be more concerned if he had a serious affair that’s a marriage killer. He seems to have sex dependency

What I find appalling with cheaters is then opening marriage for themselves and often keeping “clean” spouses on call for sex when they want to, and fully unaware.

You should be able to fulfill your sexual desires and feel made adoration as well, not to always think about him and his transgressions.

You have to learn to treat sex as basic bodily function like meals. Your husband has meals out at times, same applies to sex.

This.

I would confront him only that I would require condoms in the future, assuming I wanted to stay in the marriage.

How are you supposed to kiss a husband you know is likely having oral sex with other people? How do you perform that function for him knowing where his parts have been? Do you wear a condom for that too?

totally aside from the cheating issue, did your significant other come to you as a virgin?

People have a lot of hang ups about sex being dirty.

Yes, we met very young and each lost our virginity to the other.

The funny thing is, we've had what I thought was a pretty dirty (in a good way) sex life for the last 20+ years. We've been pretty adventurous. Tried all kinds of new things. Not super kinky I guess but robust and regular. Only short breaks around the births of our children. I've never said no to anything he wanted to do or try, I've worn all kinds of outfits and played with toys and watched porn and all kinds of stuff. Ask and ye shall receive. I enjoy sex.

Everything I saw from his laptop is him meeting up with a couple for threesomes with a man and a woman. In the exchanges he's very clear he's straight and not looking for sex with the man, but rather for another man to enjoy a beautiful woman with. He's told over the years this is a fantasy of his, but never asked me to act it out with him in real life. It never crossed my mind he would go from telling me this fantasy to acting it out with 2 strangers.

This is different. It would be easier for me to potentially forgive in some ways because he's looking for an experience and not another person per se; however, now that you see him as a liar and how easily he does it to you, it will be hard to see him any other way.

IT's not female, female, male. It's weird to me he wants the other man there. That raises some really weird new element into his sexuality and where he is headed or questioning.

OP here, I agree.

It's weird to you. To people who have a cuckold fetish, the presence of the other man is necessary. If he was questioning or not straight, he wouldn't be drawing the boundary of "the woman only".

Yeah but for the cuckold fetish the wife also has to be present. The cuckold fetish is common. But it involves the wife being with the third party while the husband watches.

You misunderstand. His fetish would not be to BE the cuckold. It would be to cuckold the other man. Hence his asking specifically for couples where he only performs on the woman, IN FRONT OF the man. He either has that, or he likes to be watched/watch, but is not interested in performing on/with the man.

I'm not sure either of you understand. A woman having sex with two or more men at the same time has become very normalized in porn. Sounds like that's what he's into (and I am too in my fantasies).

[Anonymous]

OP,

It sounds like you have the option to do what is best for you and your children because you aren't limited by financial concerns. I don't think it's best for your children in the long run for you to stay in this marriage, even though you say he is a good father. It's hard to imagine a scenario whereby they don't eventually figure this out for themselves, without it causing some emotional harm to them.

But what about you, as a woman? You deserve so much better than what you have now with this man who is masquerading as your husband. It might be hard for you to imagine at the moment, but there is a man out there who would treat you the way you deserve, be devoted to you, and who would only want you to be happy.

Best wishes for you and your children as you figure out what is the best resolution to this terrible situation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would discuss with him an open marriage and if you still sleep with him use condoms. I don’t feel it’s feasible to divorce just because of sex, if he’s a great father, and your life is otherwise comfortable. I would be more concerned if he had a serious affair that’s a marriage killer. He seems to have sex dependency

What I find appalling with cheaters is then opening marriage for themselves and often keeping “clean” spouses on call for sex when they want to, and fully unaware.

You should be able to fulfill your sexual desires and feel made adoration as well, not to always think about him and his transgressions.

You have to learn to treat sex as basic bodily function like meals. Your husband has meals out at times, same applies to sex.

This.

I would confront him only that I would require condoms in the future, assuming I wanted to stay in the marriage.

True. Some of us got this out of our system before we got married. I certainly did. OP and her husband married very young. I get it. The problem is the lying. OP now has information she can’t unlearn, and she’s withholding it and in so going, she sees how easily he lies to her. That’s the part that would just destroy my trust and respect for my spouse.

How are you supposed to kiss a husband you know is likely having oral sex with other people? How do you perform that function for him knowing where his parts have been? Do you wear a condom for that too?

totally aside from the cheating issue, did your significant other come to you as a virgin?

People have a lot of hang ups about sex being dirty.

Yes, we met very young and each lost our virginity to the other.

The funny thing is, we've had what I thought was a pretty dirty (in a good way) sex life for the last 20+ years. We've been pretty adventurous. Tried all kinds of new things. Not super kinky I guess but robust and regular. Only short breaks around the births of our children. I've never said no to anything he wanted to do or try, I've worn all kinds of outfits and played with toys and watched porn and all kinds of stuff. Ask and ye shall receive. I enjoy sex.

Everything I saw from his laptop is him meeting up with a couple for threesomes with a man and a woman. In the exchanges he's very clear he's straight and not looking for sex with the man, but rather for another man to enjoy a beautiful woman with. He's told over the years this is a fantasy of his, but never asked me to act it out with him in real life. It never crossed my mind he would go from telling me this fantasy to acting it out with 2 strangers.

This is different. It would be easier for me to potentially forgive in some ways because he's looking for an experience and not another person per se; however, now that you see him as a liar and how easily he does it to you, it will be hard to see him any other way.

IT's not female, female, male. It's weird to me he wants the other man there. That raises some really weird new element into his sexuality and where he is headed or questioning.

OP here, I agree.

It's weird to you. To people who have a cuckold fetish, the presence of the other man is necessary. If he was questioning or not straight, he wouldn't be drawing the boundary of "the woman only".

Yeah but for the cuckold fetish the wife also has to be present. The cuckold fetish is common. But it involves the wife being with the third party while the husband watches.

You misunderstand. His fetish would not be to BE the cuckold. It would be to cuckold the other man. Hence his asking specifically for couples where he only performs on the woman, IN FRONT OF the man. He either has that, or he likes to be watched/watch, but is not interested in performing on/with the man.

I'm not sure either of you understand. A woman having sex with two or more men at the same time has become very normalized in porn. Sounds like that's what he's into (and I am too in my fantasies).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

It sounds like you have the option to do what is best for you and your children because you aren't limited by financial concerns. I don't think it's best for your children in the long run for you to stay in this marriage, even though you say he is a good father. It's hard to imagine a scenario whereby they don't eventually figure this out for themselves, without it causing some emotional harm to them.

But what about you, as a woman? You deserve so much better than what you have now with this man who is masquerading as your husband. It might be hard for you to imagine at the moment, but there is a man out there who would treat you the way you deserve, be devoted to you, and who would only want you to be happy.

Best wishes for you and your children as you figure out what is the best resolution to this terrible situation.

How pompous and arrogant can you get to tell an internet stranger on the basis of a couple of paragraphs what’s best for the children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

It sounds like you have the option to do what is best for you and your children because you aren't limited by financial concerns. I don't think it's best for your children in the long run for you to stay in this marriage, even though you say he is a good father. It's hard to imagine a scenario whereby they don't eventually figure this out for themselves, without it causing some emotional harm to them.

But what about you, as a woman? You deserve so much better than what you have now with this man who is masquerading as your husband. It might be hard for you to imagine at the moment, but there is a man out there who would treat you the way you deserve, be devoted to you, and who would only want you to be happy.

Best wishes for you and your children as you figure out what is the best resolution to this terrible situation.

All you idiots who are promising her a rosy future with an even more ideal mate than her lifeline partner and father of her children are leading her down the garden path. OP is pretty level headed and already said herself she doubts she can do better than him. Does she “deserve” someone who didn’t do this? Of course. But that’s no guarantee she will get it as the divorced mother of two working to support three people single handedly and at an age when the best men are long since locked down. Why on earth would she do better than her DH in middle age with two kids in tow? What she deserves has nothing to do with what is left for umber if she leaves him. Plus the broken family. You women are idiots.

[Anonymous]

One issue not addressed is the fact that they married very young. Most of us didn't (or at least not that young) and we had time to live out all our internet fantasies and put that behind us. I could a little with her husband under the circumstances. The issue is that OP now has information she can't unlearn and she's seeing how easy it is for him to lie to her. That's going to be hard to move past.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP,

It sounds like you have the option to do what is best for you and your children because you aren't limited by financial concerns. I don't think it's best for your children in the long run for you to stay in this marriage, even though you say he is a good father. It's hard to imagine a scenario whereby they don't eventually figure this out for themselves, without it causing some emotional harm to them.

But what about you, as a woman? You deserve so much better than what you have now with this man who is masquerading as your husband. It might be hard for you to imagine at the moment, but there is a man out there who would treat you the way you deserve, be devoted to you, and who would only want you to be happy.

Best wishes for you and your children as you figure out what is the best resolution to this terrible situation.

Oh well as long as YOU don’t think it’s best I guess that settles the matter [eyeroll].

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP I would discuss with him an open marriage and if you still sleep with him use condoms. I don’t feel it’s feasible to divorce just because of sex, if he’s a great father, and your life is otherwise comfortable. I would be more concerned if he had a serious affair that’s a marriage killer. He seems to have sex dependency

What I find appalling with cheaters is then opening marriage for themselves and often keeping “clean” spouses on call for sex when they want to, and fully unaware.

You should be able to fulfill your sexual desires and feel made adoration as well, not to always think about him and his transgressions.

You have to learn to treat sex as basic bodily function like meals. Your husband has meals out at times, same applies to sex.

This.

I would confront him only that I would require condoms in the future, assuming I wanted to stay in the marriage.

How are you supposed to kiss a husband you know is likely having oral sex with other people? How do you perform that function for him knowing where his parts have been? Do you wear a condom for that too?

totally aside from the cheating issue, did your significant other come to you as a virgin?

People have a lot of hang ups about sex being dirty.

Yes, we met very young and each lost our virginity to the other.

The funny thing is, we've had what I thought was a pretty dirty (in a good way) sex life for the last 20+ years. We've been pretty adventurous. Tried all kinds of new things. Not super kinky I guess but robust and regular. Only short breaks around the births of our children. I've never said no to anything he wanted to do or try, I've worn all kinds of outfits and played with toys and watched porn and all kinds of stuff. Ask and ye shall receive. I enjoy sex.

Everything I saw from his laptop is him meeting up with a couple for threesomes with a man and a woman. In the exchanges he's very clear he's straight and not looking for sex with the man, but rather for another man to enjoy a beautiful woman with. He's told over the years this is a fantasy of his, but never asked me to act it out with him in real life. It never crossed my mind he would go from telling me this fantasy to acting it out with 2 strangers.

This is different. It would be easier for me to potentially forgive in some ways because he's looking for an experience and not another person per se; however, now that you see him as a liar and how easily he does it to you, it will be hard to see him any other way.

IT's not female, female, male. It's weird to me he wants the other man there. That raises some really weird new element into his sexuality and where he is headed or questioning.

OP here, I agree.

It's weird to you. To people who have a cuckold fetish, the presence of the other man is necessary. If he was questioning or not straight, he wouldn't be drawing the boundary of "the woman only".

Yeah but for the cuckold fetish the wife also has to be present. The cuckold fetish is common. But it involves the wife being with the third party while the husband watches.

You misunderstand. His fetish would not be to BE the cuckold. It would be to cuckold the other man. Hence his asking specifically for couples where he only performs on the woman, IN FRONT OF the man. He either has that, or he likes to be watched/watch, but is not interested in performing on/with the man.

Ok that makes sense too. I’d not have an issue with this as long as he is safe.

there is no way to have safe sexual hook ups with random internet strangers and i dont even just mean stds. if you do it long enough you will end up in a bad situation. you are ripe for blackmail, robbery, physical violence, being drugged, being in the wrong place at the wrong time, etc. it's incredibly high risk behavior

Meh. I did it for years (don’t anymore) and never had a single issue.

Lots of people have driven drunk without an accident but that doesn’t mean drunk driving is safe.

[Anonymous]

* I empathize a little with her husband under ...

[Anonymous]

OP, you are young, smart and educated!!

I'm so in awe of you as you got into medical school and now are a great physician! I took the MCAT 5 times an did not make it.

That being said , you have to make yourself a priority. (not your husband; not let him do what he wants ...etc)

You have to take care of you first. and then kiddos.

You deserve so much better. You hang in there and think about the scenarios. Your kids will be teens soon and will see the phones/laptops and will be aware of what is going on...that is probably not a good situation. you might as well part now and take care of you.

Decision is yours of course and you take your time to figure it out. Please keep us posted. I hope you are hanging in there. lots of love to you and kiddos... we are all rooting for you!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP,

It sounds like you have the option to do what is best for you and your children because you aren't limited by financial concerns. I don't think it's best for your children in the long run for you to stay in this marriage, even though you say he is a good father. It's hard to imagine a scenario whereby they don't eventually figure this out for themselves, without it causing some emotional harm to them.

But what about you, as a woman? You deserve so much better than what you have now with this man who is masquerading as your husband. It might be hard for you to imagine at the moment, but there is a man out there who would treat you the way you deserve, be devoted to you, and who would only want you to be happy.

Best wishes for you and your children as you figure out what is the best resolution to this terrible situation.

All you idiots who are promising her a rosy future with an even more ideal mate than her lifeline partner and father of her children are leading her down the garden path. OP is pretty level headed and already said herself she doubts she can do better than him. Does she “deserve” someone who didn’t do this? Of course. But that’s no guarantee she will get it as the divorced mother of two working to support three people single handedly and at an age when the best men are long since locked down. Why on earth would she do better than her DH in middle age with two kids in tow? What she deserves has nothing to do with what is left for umber if she leaves him. Plus the broken family. You women are idiots.

I completely agree with you that it's very important to look at what life is like without any prince to save you in the future because that is the likely outcome, but also think you are very tainted in your ideas of what single life is like and even what married life is like married to someone like this. You notice their myopia because you yourself fail to see your own.