He's cheating. Now what?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want a divorce, don't get a divorce. I personally would not leave over cheating if I was happy (and I am divorced...I am happy divorced, but I don't think you would be.) I had a bad marriage. If I was happy, I would stay...even with cheating. Sex is not the most important thing in marriage.

It's not about sex at all -- you think cheating is about sex???
Not even a little bit.
Men cheat because of the way the other woman makes him feel about himself -- probably a LOT like the way that his wife made him feel when they first got together (you're so hot, you're so funny, you're so smart, etc). The other woman makes him feel like the greatest guy ever, she dotes on him and makes everything All. About. Him.

And he thinks this other woman is just about perfect (even if she's uglier, older or fatter than his wife) because again, she's making HIM feel like a rock star, she doesn't nag him about plunging the toilet or tell him how to dress, she loves him just the way he is because he's PERFECT... blah, blah, blah.

That's because the other woman doesn't live with him -- she doesn't know about all of his disgusting habits & irresponsible spending.

It's all about him and how she makes HIM feel -- it's not about sex.

But let's say it was... how can you possibly think you're happy with the knowledge that your husband is lying, cheating & most likely gaslighting you??

The disrespect & deception alone would never make me trust him again... so how could you ever be "happy" with someone you don't trust? How can you ever be happy with someone with such a clear lack of morals & ethics?

Or are you saying you'd be happy if it was all out on the table... no more lying & he can cheat with whomever he wants??

I agree with your take, there was a study done on men who were on ashley Madison and they came to the same conclusion—men often cheat because their egos need boosting and they need validation.

Sometimes men affair down and sometimes they affair up but the dynamic is often the same. Though I think the man might be more likely to be tempted show off his AP (and take her out in public or tell other people , leading to him getting caught) if she’s prettier, younger, and talented.

They are old hags on there. Affair down is real.

So is affair up. I know DCUM likes to pretend all APs are hideous and poorly educated and old, but sometimes men do affair up with prettier, younger, successful women. Not that it makes it okay, but it happens and I know of several cases where it did especially if the man is successful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want a divorce, don't get a divorce. I personally would not leave over cheating if I was happy (and I am divorced...I am happy divorced, but I don't think you would be.) I had a bad marriage. If I was happy, I would stay...even with cheating. Sex is not the most important thing in marriage.

It's not about sex at all -- you think cheating is about sex???
Not even a little bit.
Men cheat because of the way the other woman makes him feel about himself -- probably a LOT like the way that his wife made him feel when they first got together (you're so hot, you're so funny, you're so smart, etc). The other woman makes him feel like the greatest guy ever, she dotes on him and makes everything All. About. Him.

And he thinks this other woman is just about perfect (even if she's uglier, older or fatter than his wife) because again, she's making HIM feel like a rock star, she doesn't nag him about plunging the toilet or tell him how to dress, she loves him just the way he is because he's PERFECT... blah, blah, blah.

That's because the other woman doesn't live with him -- she doesn't know about all of his disgusting habits & irresponsible spending.

It's all about him and how she makes HIM feel -- it's not about sex.

But let's say it was... how can you possibly think you're happy with the knowledge that your husband is lying, cheating & most likely gaslighting you??

The disrespect & deception alone would never make me trust him again... so how could you ever be "happy" with someone you don't trust? How can you ever be happy with someone with such a clear lack of morals & ethics?

Or are you saying you'd be happy if it was all out on the table... no more lying & he can cheat with whomever he wants??

I agree with your take, there was a study done on men who were on ashley Madison and they came to the same conclusion—men often cheat because their egos need boosting and they need validation.

Sometimes men affair down and sometimes they affair up but the dynamic is often the same. Though I think the man might be more likely to be tempted show off his AP (and take her out in public or tell other people , leading to him getting caught) if she’s prettier, younger, and talented.

They are old hags on there. Affair down is real.

Hags or not. They are cheating on their husbands with someone else’s husband. They are not good people.

+1

The obvious.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want a divorce, don't get a divorce. I personally would not leave over cheating if I was happy (and I am divorced...I am happy divorced, but I don't think you would be.) I had a bad marriage. If I was happy, I would stay...even with cheating. Sex is not the most important thing in marriage.

It's not about sex at all -- you think cheating is about sex???
Not even a little bit.
Men cheat because of the way the other woman makes him feel about himself -- probably a LOT like the way that his wife made him feel when they first got together (you're so hot, you're so funny, you're so smart, etc). The other woman makes him feel like the greatest guy ever, she dotes on him and makes everything All. About. Him.

And he thinks this other woman is just about perfect (even if she's uglier, older or fatter than his wife) because again, she's making HIM feel like a rock star, she doesn't nag him about plunging the toilet or tell him how to dress, she loves him just the way he is because he's PERFECT... blah, blah, blah.

That's because the other woman doesn't live with him -- she doesn't know about all of his disgusting habits & irresponsible spending.

It's all about him and how she makes HIM feel -- it's not about sex.

But let's say it was... how can you possibly think you're happy with the knowledge that your husband is lying, cheating & most likely gaslighting you??

The disrespect & deception alone would never make me trust him again... so how could you ever be "happy" with someone you don't trust? How can you ever be happy with someone with such a clear lack of morals & ethics?

Or are you saying you'd be happy if it was all out on the table... no more lying & he can cheat with whomever he wants??

I agree with your take, there was a study done on men who were on ashley Madison and they came to the same conclusion—men often cheat because their egos need boosting and they need validation.

Sometimes men affair down and sometimes they affair up but the dynamic is often the same. Though I think the man might be more likely to be tempted show off his AP (and take her out in public or tell other people , leading to him getting caught) if she’s prettier, younger, and talented.

They are old hags on there. Affair down is real.

Hags or not. They are cheating on their husbands with someone else’s husband. They are not good people.

+1

The obvious.

So gross and pathetic to be on a website like that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want a divorce, don't get a divorce. I personally would not leave over cheating if I was happy (and I am divorced...I am happy divorced, but I don't think you would be.) I had a bad marriage. If I was happy, I would stay...even with cheating. Sex is not the most important thing in marriage.

It's not about sex at all -- you think cheating is about sex???
Not even a little bit.
Men cheat because of the way the other woman makes him feel about himself -- probably a LOT like the way that his wife made him feel when they first got together (you're so hot, you're so funny, you're so smart, etc). The other woman makes him feel like the greatest guy ever, she dotes on him and makes everything All. About. Him.

And he thinks this other woman is just about perfect (even if she's uglier, older or fatter than his wife) because again, she's making HIM feel like a rock star, she doesn't nag him about plunging the toilet or tell him how to dress, she loves him just the way he is because he's PERFECT... blah, blah, blah.

That's because the other woman doesn't live with him -- she doesn't know about all of his disgusting habits & irresponsible spending.

It's all about him and how she makes HIM feel -- it's not about sex.

But let's say it was... how can you possibly think you're happy with the knowledge that your husband is lying, cheating & most likely gaslighting you??

The disrespect & deception alone would never make me trust him again... so how could you ever be "happy" with someone you don't trust? How can you ever be happy with someone with such a clear lack of morals & ethics?

Or are you saying you'd be happy if it was all out on the table... no more lying & he can cheat with whomever he wants??

I agree with your take, there was a study done on men who were on ashley Madison and they came to the same conclusion—men often cheat because their egos need boosting and they need validation.

Sometimes men affair down and sometimes they affair up but the dynamic is often the same. Though I think the man might be more likely to be tempted show off his AP (and take her out in public or tell other people , leading to him getting caught) if she’s prettier, younger, and talented.

They are old hags on there. Affair down is real.

Hags or not. They are cheating on their husbands with someone else’s husband. They are not good people.

+1

The obvious.

So gross and pathetic to be on a website like that.

They are messed up like the poly people. Mentally ill, trauma, narcissists, sex addicts, histrionic personality disorder (craves drama), bipolar, past unprocessed trauma. Sane people don’t go on sites like that and take risks, lie and sleep around.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want a divorce, don't get a divorce. I personally would not leave over cheating if I was happy (and I am divorced...I am happy divorced, but I don't think you would be.) I had a bad marriage. If I was happy, I would stay...even with cheating. Sex is not the most important thing in marriage.

It's not about sex at all -- you think cheating is about sex???
Not even a little bit.
Men cheat because of the way the other woman makes him feel about himself -- probably a LOT like the way that his wife made him feel when they first got together (you're so hot, you're so funny, you're so smart, etc). The other woman makes him feel like the greatest guy ever, she dotes on him and makes everything All. About. Him.

And he thinks this other woman is just about perfect (even if she's uglier, older or fatter than his wife) because again, she's making HIM feel like a rock star, she doesn't nag him about plunging the toilet or tell him how to dress, she loves him just the way he is because he's PERFECT... blah, blah, blah.

That's because the other woman doesn't live with him -- she doesn't know about all of his disgusting habits & irresponsible spending.

It's all about him and how she makes HIM feel -- it's not about sex.

But let's say it was... how can you possibly think you're happy with the knowledge that your husband is lying, cheating & most likely gaslighting you??

The disrespect & deception alone would never make me trust him again... so how could you ever be "happy" with someone you don't trust? How can you ever be happy with someone with such a clear lack of morals & ethics?

Or are you saying you'd be happy if it was all out on the table... no more lying & he can cheat with whomever he wants??

I agree with your take, there was a study done on men who were on ashley Madison and they came to the same conclusion—men often cheat because their egos need boosting and they need validation.

Sometimes men affair down and sometimes they affair up but the dynamic is often the same. Though I think the man might be more likely to be tempted show off his AP (and take her out in public or tell other people , leading to him getting caught) if she’s prettier, younger, and talented.

They are old hags on there. Affair down is real.

Hags or not. They are cheating on their husbands with someone else’s husband. They are not good people.

+1

The obvious.

So gross and pathetic to be on a website like that.

Low class trash.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want a divorce, don't get a divorce. I personally would not leave over cheating if I was happy (and I am divorced...I am happy divorced, but I don't think you would be.) I had a bad marriage. If I was happy, I would stay...even with cheating. Sex is not the most important thing in marriage.

It's not about sex at all -- you think cheating is about sex???
Not even a little bit.
Men cheat because of the way the other woman makes him feel about himself -- probably a LOT like the way that his wife made him feel when they first got together (you're so hot, you're so funny, you're so smart, etc). The other woman makes him feel like the greatest guy ever, she dotes on him and makes everything All. About. Him.

And he thinks this other woman is just about perfect (even if she's uglier, older or fatter than his wife) because again, she's making HIM feel like a rock star, she doesn't nag him about plunging the toilet or tell him how to dress, she loves him just the way he is because he's PERFECT... blah, blah, blah.

That's because the other woman doesn't live with him -- she doesn't know about all of his disgusting habits & irresponsible spending.

It's all about him and how she makes HIM feel -- it's not about sex.

But let's say it was... how can you possibly think you're happy with the knowledge that your husband is lying, cheating & most likely gaslighting you??

The disrespect & deception alone would never make me trust him again... so how could you ever be "happy" with someone you don't trust? How can you ever be happy with someone with such a clear lack of morals & ethics?

Or are you saying you'd be happy if it was all out on the table... no more lying & he can cheat with whomever he wants??

I agree with your take, there was a study done on men who were on ashley Madison and they came to the same conclusion—men often cheat because their egos need boosting and they need validation.

Sometimes men affair down and sometimes they affair up but the dynamic is often the same. Though I think the man might be more likely to be tempted show off his AP (and take her out in public or tell other people , leading to him getting caught) if she’s prettier, younger, and talented.

They are old hags on there. Affair down is real.

Hags or not. They are cheating on their husbands with someone else’s husband. They are not good people.

+1

The obvious.

So gross and pathetic to be on a website like that.

They are messed up like the poly people. Mentally ill, trauma, narcissists, sex addicts, histrionic personality disorder (craves drama), bipolar, past unprocessed trauma. Sane people don’t go on sites like that and take risks, lie and sleep around.

The “poly people” and their spouses are not cheating. People in the poly community will not sleep with someone whose spouse isn’t aware and consenting. Nobody is being deceived.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want a divorce, don't get a divorce. I personally would not leave over cheating if I was happy (and I am divorced...I am happy divorced, but I don't think you would be.) I had a bad marriage. If I was happy, I would stay...even with cheating. Sex is not the most important thing in marriage.

It's not about sex at all -- you think cheating is about sex???
Not even a little bit.
Men cheat because of the way the other woman makes him feel about himself -- probably a LOT like the way that his wife made him feel when they first got together (you're so hot, you're so funny, you're so smart, etc). The other woman makes him feel like the greatest guy ever, she dotes on him and makes everything All. About. Him.

And he thinks this other woman is just about perfect (even if she's uglier, older or fatter than his wife) because again, she's making HIM feel like a rock star, she doesn't nag him about plunging the toilet or tell him how to dress, she loves him just the way he is because he's PERFECT... blah, blah, blah.

That's because the other woman doesn't live with him -- she doesn't know about all of his disgusting habits & irresponsible spending.

It's all about him and how she makes HIM feel -- it's not about sex.

But let's say it was... how can you possibly think you're happy with the knowledge that your husband is lying, cheating & most likely gaslighting you??

The disrespect & deception alone would never make me trust him again... so how could you ever be "happy" with someone you don't trust? How can you ever be happy with someone with such a clear lack of morals & ethics?

Or are you saying you'd be happy if it was all out on the table... no more lying & he can cheat with whomever he wants??

I agree with your take, there was a study done on men who were on ashley Madison and they came to the same conclusion—men often cheat because their egos need boosting and they need validation.

Sometimes men affair down and sometimes they affair up but the dynamic is often the same. Though I think the man might be more likely to be tempted show off his AP (and take her out in public or tell other people , leading to him getting caught) if she’s prettier, younger, and talented.

They are old hags on there. Affair down is real.

Hags or not. They are cheating on their husbands with someone else’s husband. They are not good people.

+1

The obvious.

So gross and pathetic to be on a website like that.

They are messed up like the poly people. Mentally ill, trauma, narcissists, sex addicts, histrionic personality disorder (craves drama), bipolar, past unprocessed trauma. Sane people don’t go on sites like that and take risks, lie and sleep around.

The “poly people” and their spouses are not cheating. People in the poly community will not sleep with someone whose spouse isn’t aware and consenting. Nobody is being deceived.

They also generally don’t hang out on Ashley Madison, either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You sound like a troll. If not, I’m sorry

I don’t know how anyone can live like that, especially when you are still having sex.

I found evidence and confronted immediately. I don’t know how anyone doesn’t.

I couldn’t have a marriage where this open policy or don’t ask don’t tell crap was going on. No way.

I don't understand why so many posts generate the response "you sound like a troll".

Why does this person sound like a troll? To me, they sound like a regular person with a regular problem.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you don't want a divorce, don't get a divorce. I personally would not leave over cheating if I was happy (and I am divorced...I am happy divorced, but I don't think you would be.) I had a bad marriage. If I was happy, I would stay...even with cheating. Sex is not the most important thing in marriage.

It's not about sex at all -- you think cheating is about sex???
Not even a little bit.
Men cheat because of the way the other woman makes him feel about himself -- probably a LOT like the way that his wife made him feel when they first got together (you're so hot, you're so funny, you're so smart, etc). The other woman makes him feel like the greatest guy ever, she dotes on him and makes everything All. About. Him.

And he thinks this other woman is just about perfect (even if she's uglier, older or fatter than his wife) because again, she's making HIM feel like a rock star, she doesn't nag him about plunging the toilet or tell him how to dress, she loves him just the way he is because he's PERFECT... blah, blah, blah.

That's because the other woman doesn't live with him -- she doesn't know about all of his disgusting habits & irresponsible spending.

It's all about him and how she makes HIM feel -- it's not about sex.

But let's say it was... how can you possibly think you're happy with the knowledge that your husband is lying, cheating & most likely gaslighting you??

The disrespect & deception alone would never make me trust him again... so how could you ever be "happy" with someone you don't trust? How can you ever be happy with someone with such a clear lack of morals & ethics?

Or are you saying you'd be happy if it was all out on the table... no more lying & he can cheat with whomever he wants??

I agree with your take, there was a study done on men who were on ashley Madison and they came to the same conclusion—men often cheat because their egos need boosting and they need validation.

Sometimes men affair down and sometimes they affair up but the dynamic is often the same. Though I think the man might be more likely to be tempted show off his AP (and take her out in public or tell other people , leading to him getting caught) if she’s prettier, younger, and talented.

They are old hags on there. Affair down is real.

Hags or not. They are cheating on their husbands with someone else’s husband. They are not good people.

+1

The obvious.

So gross and pathetic to be on a website like that.

They are messed up like the poly people. Mentally ill, trauma, narcissists, sex addicts, histrionic personality disorder (craves drama), bipolar, past unprocessed trauma. Sane people don’t go on sites like that and take risks, lie and sleep around.

The “poly people” and their spouses are not cheating. People in the poly community will not sleep with someone whose spouse isn’t aware and consenting. Nobody is being deceived.

They also generally don’t hang out on Ashley Madison, either.

BS. Polys that want easy no-strings sex are all over that website. It’s filed with the most degenerate cheaters out there. And people know it’s a straight bang with no investment/$/gifts/dinners needed.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Tonight I found undeniable proof my husband of almost 20 years has been cheating on me. Probably multiple times with multiple partners over an extended period of time, both locally and on business travel.

I'm in shock because he's very loving and we have regular sex.

He doesn't know that I know, and I'm not sure I should confront him. The thing is, I love him and I don't want to get divorced. We have 2 young children we both love. I'm hurt, but somehow I feel like if I were a better wife this wouldn't have happened, and if I can just go on like I don't know, we can continue on and stay together. I'm so scared he will fall in love with someone else, but if it's just more sex he wants, I can live with that. I think.

I'm not sure what to do. Can people go on and ignore things like this, forever?

Please be kind. This is one of the worst nights of my life and I don't have anyone I can tell.

How can you love a person who so disrespects you? He doesn't respect you because you don't respect yourself. Your children do not respect you either as they can see his total lack of respect for you.
See the best divorce attorney you can afford and throw him out. Immediately and permanently sever all contact between you and him and him and your children.
Take him for everything he has.

Because every spouse disrespects the other spouse at certain points in a marriage. People can do bad things. For example, hiding financial problems, quitting a job without spousal approval, secretly having an abortion, lying about feelings, addictions, becoming overweight/obese etc. you could technically say in all of these examples that one spouse disrespects the other spouse. It’s up to OP to determine how much value she places on fidelity.

This is the sober truth about staying married. You put up with a lot and you also have to learn how to demand a lot (in a good way).

[Anonymous]

If you love him, just look the other way. Being single sucks. Don’t trust me on this, even supermodel Paulina Porizkova has said this…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you love him, just look the other way. Being single sucks. Don’t trust me on this, even supermodel Paulina Porizkova has said this…

Being single does not suck at all. Some women like Paulina Porizkova and you, apparently, can't live without a man. That's a "you" problem.

[Anonymous]

Yeah, being single really sucks. I'm in a house that I bought, no man to mess up my space, or sit on my couch and text other women behind my back. Just me, kids, and dogs. I wish I had a man in this house so I had someone to nag and clean up after, and to feel his anger at me as I come home from work and he launches into a complaint about how I placed dirty dishes on the wrong side of the sink, or some other bs.

Just kidding. I pay men to do things like mowing and handyman stuff. I pay a cleaning lady. I have this disposable income because my career flourished after divorce, and I have complete control of my finances. How I wish I had a man to weigh me down....

[Anonymous]

What would he do if it were you? I find that men have such a low tolerance for cheating, but expect women to "get over it" I have been cheated on by a partner who I would never in a million years think would do that to me, so I understand the devastation you are dealing with at this moment. For me, it was the lying and deceit that hurt the most. Right now you may feel that you can look past this, but every time he doesn't answer his phone, comes in late, gets a late phone call, leaves the house at a weird time, dresses up more than usual, or goes out of town for business, you will be thinking it's about another woman. It will be hard and it will affect you and ultimately the stress will affect your children. I think you should confront him and let him know you want to work it out and go to counseling. What you do not want to do is carry on like nothing is going on and get blind-sided by him one day asking for a divorce. at which point there is a strong chance you will not be able to fix it. Hugs, OP. I really do hope everything works out for you and your marriage.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:What would he do if it were you? I find that men have such a low tolerance for cheating, but expect women to "get over it" I have been cheated on by a partner who I would never in a million years think would do that to me, so I understand the devastation you are dealing with at this moment. For me, it was the lying and deceit that hurt the most. Right now you may feel that you can look past this, but every time he doesn't answer his phone, comes in late, gets a late phone call, leaves the house at a weird time, dresses up more than usual, or goes out of town for business, you will be thinking it's about another woman. It will be hard and it will affect you and ultimately the stress will affect your children. I think you should confront him and let him know you want to work it out and go to counseling. What you do not want to do is carry on like nothing is going on and get blind-sided by him one day asking for a divorce. at which point there is a strong chance you will not be able to fix it. Hugs, OP. I really do hope everything works out for you and your marriage.

I agree with this. My STBX cheated & told me over and over again that if I had cheated he’d never take me back. He asked to reconcile but I said no.