He's cheating. Now what?

[Anonymous]

I think you have low self-esteem and need therapy. Your reaction has less to do with cheating and more with your perception of yourself.

Signed,

Someone who had low self esteem and found therapy helpful

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry. Sending you a huge hug. My mom left my dad after 40 years of marriage due to him having multiple affairs. She simply could no longer live with a liar. If your dh truly loves the kids, he wouldn't continue hurting you (and them) by cheating behind your back. I think we often are clinging to the person we want them to be rather than the person they really are. And that really only benefits them, not us.

Oh please. You can love your kids and still cheat on your spouse. Spare us your drivel.

No you can’t.

You can feel love but your action are living.

You can love your spouse and beat the crap out of them too.

[Anonymous]

You have been married 20 years but have small children? Explain that? How old are the kids? Do you work?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm sorry. Sending you a huge hug. My mom left my dad after 40 years of marriage due to him having multiple affairs. She simply could no longer live with a liar. If your dh truly loves the kids, he wouldn't continue hurting you (and them) by cheating behind your back. I think we often are clinging to the person we want them to be rather than the person they really are. And that really only benefits them, not us.

Oh please. You can love your kids and still cheat on your spouse. Spare us your drivel.

I realize it is hard to understand someone else's experience as a child of a cheater but try empathy. Cheaters put their own needs first. That's not love.

Cheating has nothing to do with kids. Maybe your parent was just a jerk that’s not because they cheated. It’s because they were a jerk. People can she still loves her kids but that means that they don’t love their spouse …don’t confuse the two.

That’s not how it works if you live your kids you don’t cheat. It does irreparably damage. You don’t damage people you love.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get ready for a bunch of crazed posters to start screaming at you about STDs.

My God, this loon is here already?

It's not "screaming" or "crazed" to say first and foremost: OP, please, your kids need you to be healthy no matter what else happens in the marriage. So get tested for STDs tomorrow. Ask for a "full panel" test. It may seem too terrible to confront the idea that your DH might have given you an STD but you need to know because many STDs produce few noticeable symptoms. You're certain about the cheating already, so finding out there is an STD, to be blunt, can't worsen things much more because it won't be the proof of the cheating.

Please ignore this PP who gets jollies from coming onto threads where people are already devastated and making things worse by mocking the idea of STD testing. STDs are on the increase in the past few years and unfortunately you do have to make testing part of your initial "now what" list, for the sake of your kids and yourself. I'm so sorry.

My God, this loon is here already?

Just as I predicted.

My MIL works in an OBGYN office and so many women find out about cheating due to STDs. They can be life threatening.

- another loon

[Anonymous]

BS🚨 BS 🚨BS🚨

How have you been married for 20 years but have you g children?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get ready for a bunch of crazed posters to start screaming at you about STDs.

My God, this loon is here already?

It's not "screaming" or "crazed" to say first and foremost: OP, please, your kids need you to be healthy no matter what else happens in the marriage. So get tested for STDs tomorrow. Ask for a "full panel" test. It may seem too terrible to confront the idea that your DH might have given you an STD but you need to know because many STDs produce few noticeable symptoms. You're certain about the cheating already, so finding out there is an STD, to be blunt, can't worsen things much more because it won't be the proof of the cheating.

Please ignore this PP who gets jollies from coming onto threads where people are already devastated and making things worse by mocking the idea of STD testing. STDs are on the increase in the past few years and unfortunately you do have to make testing part of your initial "now what" list, for the sake of your kids and yourself. I'm so sorry.

My God, this loon is here already?

Just as I predicted.

My MIL works in an OBGYN office and so many women find out about cheating due to STDs. They can be life threatening.

- another loon

Hopefully your MIL wasn't a crappy mom and taught her son he isn't entitled to whatever pussy he wants whenever he wants it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get ready for a bunch of crazed posters to start screaming at you about STDs.

My God, this loon is here already?

It's not "screaming" or "crazed" to say first and foremost: OP, please, your kids need you to be healthy no matter what else happens in the marriage. So get tested for STDs tomorrow. Ask for a "full panel" test. It may seem too terrible to confront the idea that your DH might have given you an STD but you need to know because many STDs produce few noticeable symptoms. You're certain about the cheating already, so finding out there is an STD, to be blunt, can't worsen things much more because it won't be the proof of the cheating.

Please ignore this PP who gets jollies from coming onto threads where people are already devastated and making things worse by mocking the idea of STD testing. STDs are on the increase in the past few years and unfortunately you do have to make testing part of your initial "now what" list, for the sake of your kids and yourself. I'm so sorry.

My God, this loon is here already?

Just as I predicted.

My MIL works in an OBGYN office and so many women find out about cheating due to STDs. They can be life threatening.

- another loon

Hopefully your MIL wasn't a crappy mom and taught her son he isn't entitled to whatever pussy he wants whenever he wants it.

Your reading comprehension is too compromised to respond.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You have been married 20 years but have small children? Explain that? How old are the kids? Do you work?

OP here. Married at 22. Had kids at 34 and 37. Now 42 with an 8 and 5 year old.

Yes, I have always worked. My career required a long period of graduate education and post graduate training, hence having kids in our 30s even though we married in our 20s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Get ready for a bunch of crazed posters to start screaming at you about STDs.

My God, this loon is here already?

It's not "screaming" or "crazed" to say first and foremost: OP, please, your kids need you to be healthy no matter what else happens in the marriage. So get tested for STDs tomorrow. Ask for a "full panel" test. It may seem too terrible to confront the idea that your DH might have given you an STD but you need to know because many STDs produce few noticeable symptoms. You're certain about the cheating already, so finding out there is an STD, to be blunt, can't worsen things much more because it won't be the proof of the cheating.

Please ignore this PP who gets jollies from coming onto threads where people are already devastated and making things worse by mocking the idea of STD testing. STDs are on the increase in the past few years and unfortunately you do have to make testing part of your initial "now what" list, for the sake of your kids and yourself. I'm so sorry.

My God, this loon is here already?

Just as I predicted.

My MIL works in an OBGYN office and so many women find out about cheating due to STDs. They can be life threatening.

- another loon

Hopefully your MIL wasn't a crappy mom and taught her son he isn't entitled to whatever pussy he wants whenever he wants it.

Your reading comprehension is too compromised to respond.

Nope, you're just too dense to pick up what I was laying down.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have been married 20 years but have small children? Explain that? How old are the kids? Do you work?

OP here. Married at 22. Had kids at 34 and 37. Now 42 with an 8 and 5 year old.

Yes, I have always worked. My career required a long period of graduate education and post graduate training, hence having kids in our 30s even though we married in our 20s.

Well OP idk what to tell you. You have a weird family makeup. Most people wouldn't wait that long to start having kids after getting married. I'd venture to guess you have a ton of problems in your marriage and home life that you're blind to.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have been married 20 years but have small children? Explain that? How old are the kids? Do you work?

OP here. Married at 22. Had kids at 34 and 37. Now 42 with an 8 and 5 year old.

Yes, I have always worked. My career required a long period of graduate education and post graduate training, hence having kids in our 30s even though we married in our 20s.

I’d confront.

I’d get a therapist and consult a lawyer. You need to understand the laws in your state.

Tell yourself you will decide in the summer.

I’m 50/50 on whether u ask him to move to the guest room while you make a decision. It all depends if he confesses or gaslights.

He’s all you’ve known your adult life, you don’t need him but do you want him.

Too many unknowns .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Is this acceptable to you? Only you can answer that question. The "now what" depends on your answer.

+1

[Anonymous]

Even if you decide to look the other way, you should unpack this with an individual therapist - especially the part about blaming yourself, which will eat you alive. I would start there.
And you should get an STD panel, that’s a no-brainer.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You have been married 20 years but have small children? Explain that? How old are the kids? Do you work?

OP here. Married at 22. Had kids at 34 and 37. Now 42 with an 8 and 5 year old.

Yes, I have always worked. My career required a long period of graduate education and post graduate training, hence having kids in our 30s even though we married in our 20s.

Well OP idk what to tell you. You have a weird family makeup. Most people wouldn't wait that long to start having kids after getting married. I'd venture to guess you have a ton of problems in your marriage and home life that you're blind to.

Ignore this person