Guy I'm dating says he needs time to "wrap things up" before we start our relatioship- what to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op. He sounds like a decent human being. Give him a chance to do what he needs to. He picked you. He’s communicating what he needs to be completely free and with you.

He sounds overly confident that she will be there waiting for him and that no man will snatch her in the meantime. Which means he either thinks he's above her or doesn't care enough if she, in fact changes her mind and go with someone else.
Not cool.

He’s asked for a mothereffing week, not six months. If OP can be “snatched” in a week, then she wasn’t really into him in the first place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op. He sounds like a decent human being. Give him a chance to do what he needs to. He picked you. He’s communicating what he needs to be completely free and with you.

He sounds overly confident that she will be there waiting for him and that no man will snatch her in the meantime. Which means he either thinks he's above her or doesn't care enough if she, in fact changes her mind and go with someone else.
Not cool.

He’s asked for a mothereffing week, not six months. If OP can be “snatched” in a week, then she wasn’t really into him in the first place.

Yep! What is 10 days? Is OP a nymphomaniac or something? What's the issue here?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op. He sounds like a decent human being. Give him a chance to do what he needs to. He picked you. He’s communicating what he needs to be completely free and with you.

He sounds overly confident that she will be there waiting for him and that no man will snatch her in the meantime. Which means he either thinks he's above her or doesn't care enough if she, in fact changes her mind and go with someone else.
Not cool.

He’s asked for a mothereffing week, not six months. If OP can be “snatched” in a week, then she wasn’t really into him in the first place.

Yep! What is 10 days? Is OP a nymphomaniac or something? What's the issue here?

Meh maybe she’s decided he’s not worth the wait.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op. He sounds like a decent human being. Give him a chance to do what he needs to. He picked you. He’s communicating what he needs to be completely free and with you.

He sounds overly confident that she will be there waiting for him and that no man will snatch her in the meantime. Which means he either thinks he's above her or doesn't care enough if she, in fact changes her mind and go with someone else.
Not cool.

He’s asked for a mothereffing week, not six months. If OP can be “snatched” in a week, then she wasn’t really into him in the first place.

Yep! What is 10 days? Is OP a nymphomaniac or something? What's the issue here?

Meh maybe she’s decided he’s not worth the wait.

Fair enough. Other than that, there is no problem here.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op. He sounds like a decent human being. Give him a chance to do what he needs to. He picked you. He’s communicating what he needs to be completely free and with you.

He sounds overly confident that she will be there waiting for him and that no man will snatch her in the meantime. Which means he either thinks he's above her or doesn't care enough if she, in fact changes her mind and go with someone else.
Not cool.

He’s asked for a mothereffing week, not six months. If OP can be “snatched” in a week, then she wasn’t really into him in the first place.

Yep! What is 10 days? Is OP a nymphomaniac or something? What's the issue here?

Meh maybe she’s decided he’s not worth the wait.

Fair enough. Other than that, there is no problem here.

Except for the fact that people are telling OP there is something wrong with her for not buying the shit he is selling.

[Anonymous]

Way to mess with your own mind op. You either trust him or do not. This post was a bad idea.

[Anonymous]

They found each other on a dating site. It's common to have other people in play when you're online dating. Even the OP admitted as much. Most dues would have promised to be exclusive at the time they discussed it, then went about ending those other relationships (or not) without saying a word to her about it. This guy will lean to never say anything again. Total honesty does not pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

As a man, I was in this position when I fell for my current LTR GF. I had a lot of irons in the fire and things lined up with different women. At the same time, I was stealing her away from her BF so she wasn't free and clear either when we first got together.

I could have done the right thing and shut it all down for her, in person, by text...whatever. But I didn't. I cheated on her with 4 different women in the first 6 months or so. 3 of them ONS and one a long-time friend-sometimes FB of mine.

This guy is being vilified by some for wanting to do the right thing and break it off with his previous relationships, or prospects. He's have been better of keeping his mouth shut. Now, if OP breaks it off with him, he doesn't have his bench to fall back on and has to start from scratch.

You do not sound like any kind of prize. I would feel sorry for your current gf, except she was cheating with you when your relationship started. Chances are good that she has cheated on you, too. Like attracts like. In this case, it’s kind of the situation that everyone on DCUM always hopes for - two cheaters found each other.

Ohh, that hurts. Or it would if it wasn't coming from some married person who considers themselves lucky if they get sex once a week with the same person they've been with for and will be with for decades. Don't feel sorry for either of us. I wouldn't trade my sex life for yours. But you would if you could.

[Anonymous]

Ohh, that hurts. Or it would if it wasn't coming from some married person who considers themselves lucky if they get sex once a week with the same person they've been with for and will be with for decades. Don't feel sorry for either of us. I wouldn't trade my sex life for yours. But you would if you could.

The entire tone of this list is incredibly immature, consistent with the fact that apparently the only thing you value your partner for is sex. This has to be a high school boy trolling.

[Anonymous]

^ post, not list

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very possible he’s been dating all of them longer than you. by actually wouldn’t mind a break up coffee date because it provides some finality. We’ve all had a break up phone call or text that didn’t feel complete. It’s not going to be a fun time for anyone but it’s a mature approach. I will say that I would’ve narrowed my dating partners down prior to this.

Seeing them longer than 3 months but not sleeping with either of them? Hmmmm a likely story

There is no indication from original post that he is not being intimate with them.

Ok I saw the update a few million pages in. Six weeks is long enough to merit an in person interaction. For all you know they are hanging out a few times a week. Even casually if you respect the other person it’s not a terrible idea to close the loop well. You were not exclusive. It prob hurts a bit to fully understand that. If you can’t move forward without feeling put out you’d prob be better starting over with someone else.

Not really. A few dates and no sex sounds pretty casual. A simple text/phone call would suffice. Not sure a guy with all the time in the world to be dating multiple women many nights of the week, whom he may or may not be sleeping with, sounds like a good catch. Must not have much of a career to have so much free time. Just another red flag in this situation.

OK let’s be honest no one believes adults are not having sex by six weeks.

I am a woman. I don't have sex within 6 weeks.

Do you consider yourself in a serious relationship after 6 weeks of casual dating with no sex, warranting an in person "break up" date?

No, but I do not think it is an issue. OP is making a big deal out of nothing.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very possible he’s been dating all of them longer than you. by actually wouldn’t mind a break up coffee date because it provides some finality. We’ve all had a break up phone call or text that didn’t feel complete. It’s not going to be a fun time for anyone but it’s a mature approach. I will say that I would’ve narrowed my dating partners down prior to this.

Seeing them longer than 3 months but not sleeping with either of them? Hmmmm a likely story

There is no indication from original post that he is not being intimate with them.

Ok I saw the update a few million pages in. Six weeks is long enough to merit an in person interaction. For all you know they are hanging out a few times a week. Even casually if you respect the other person it’s not a terrible idea to close the loop well. You were not exclusive. It prob hurts a bit to fully understand that. If you can’t move forward without feeling put out you’d prob be better starting over with someone else.

Not really. A few dates and no sex sounds pretty casual. A simple text/phone call would suffice. Not sure a guy with all the time in the world to be dating multiple women many nights of the week, whom he may or may not be sleeping with, sounds like a good catch. Must not have much of a career to have so much free time. Just another red flag in this situation.

OK let’s be honest no one believes adults are not having sex by six weeks.

I am a woman. I don't have sex within 6 weeks.

I sure do! What if they are terrible in bed? It’s good to find out.

I can find out when I am ready.

[Anonymous]

This is such a turn-off honestly. Wouldn't even bother with him.

[Anonymous]

You’re 40. This is someone you are considering becoming partners with. Ask yourself these things. Do you trust him? Would you like him to trust you? if you had something in your life that was complicated would you expect the grace he’s asking for? is it fair to assume that you know the entire situation, or is it possible that he is being delicate with your feelings?

If you were not exclusive it’s possible he was developing other relationships/intimate friendships even if someone is not sleeping with another person there can be emotional attachments or high regard that merits a proper goodbye. I feel like your asking about it online was a way of dealing with your discomfort in this process, but also a bit knee jerk. I hope that people‘s responses haven’t clouded your own thoughts and feelings on this. I don’t know how I would manage it but it seems like some thing you should work out internally and in conversation with HIM instead of following the crowd. He sounds like a nice man that was prob too transparent. Maybe it would’ve been better if he said yes I’d like to be exclusive but I also need to have these conversations with these few people I’ve been dating. Not as dates per se, but as meetings. And I’m definitely in the camp of face-to-face is better than technology. Because we’re grown-ups.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t be happy if someone I was dating went out with other romantic partners.. for any reason. Life will throw enough at you, some of which may make you question why you married that person, or if you should stay married, you don’t need to be with someone who will go out with women he used to date, no matter how noble he sounds. This guy is putting the comfort of other women ahead of you. Is this what you want? This isn’t a business relationship. I have a feeling that if this didn’t bother you, you wouldn’t have posted. Think about that, op. This isn’t third grade, you don’t need to “put yourself in her place” not if he’s going out with other women while you… what exactly?

You don’t owe him anything, you aren’t married, you and he weren’t even exclusive, it’s not like he hurt himself skiing and you’d be a jerk if you went out without him, or he was off seeing his mom.He is very intentionally getting in touch with other romantic partners, setting up coffee dates (which are what many on this board suggest for a first date, and then going to meet these women for these dates. Why is this attractive to you? Why would you even entertain this logic or behavior?

I’d consider myself single, and if you hear from him again, and you want to see him, go ahead. I don’t think I would, as another poster said, if he liked you, he would have ended it with these other women. The time to do that was before you all had your talk.