Guy I'm dating says he needs time to "wrap things up" before we start our relatioship- what to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think he should have known by now, 3 months in, that he wanted to be with you and should have already gradually stopped seeing the other women. This doesn’t feel great to me.

I think it's the height of immaturity to initiate an exclusivity talk and then, when the other person agrees, punish them because it hurts your feelings that they were not actually being exclusive before the talk happens. OP is too old for this mindset.

[Anonymous]

he’s a cake eater.

If he was really into you he’d be done with other people immediately. Delete the apps; delete the profiles; send an email or text to his other women and say he’s off the market.

Don’t make someone who considers you an option your priority.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Tell him to call you when he's wrapped things up and is ready to move forward.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be extra controlling so he knows he’s making a mistake?

Maybe he has clothing and toiletries he wants to pick up?

Great troll post.

OP: This is not a troll post. My girlfriends are telling me that I'm openly being played, and that he probably wants to sleep with 1-2 other people before being exclusive. They also said that if he was really into me, he wouldn't drag out becoming exclusive. I don't know what to think.

So the concern is that he would go back to one of those other women, tell them he's breaking it off with them, and have sex one more time as a send-off? I can't think of many women who would be into that.

Or is the concern that he would lie to each of those women for one more chance in the sack, then ghost them to come back to be exclusive with you? Because if he's that kind of guy, I can't imagine why he'd be open with you about needing the week - he could just say "sure let's be exclusive" and keep sleeping with all of you.

Or, are you just upset that you had to initiate the exclusivity talk and he was upfront about the fact that while you guys weren't exclusive, he wasn't exclusive? Do you feel like he's shoving it in your face, or were you only seeing him so now you feel some type of way about knowing he was a hotter commodity?

This. If he's going to cheat, he's going to cheat, and he's not going to tell you about it. If you don't trust him, then why are still dating him?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he should have known by now, 3 months in, that he wanted to be with you and should have already gradually stopped seeing the other women. This doesn’t feel great to me.

I think it's the height of immaturity to initiate an exclusivity talk and then, when the other person agrees, punish them because it hurts your feelings that they were not actually being exclusive before the talk happens. OP is too old for this mindset.

OP: I'm not punishing him for not being exclusive. I was dating other people also. He told me he was not serious with either of them, so I guess I don't understand why a phone call is not sufficient?

[Anonymous]

I don't see why he needs another week before becoming "exclusive." He can commit to you NOW -- AND --- you can grant him the grace to have sit down break-up conversations with these other women and shut down his dating accounts. It sounds like he wants to play around a few more times. That's gross.

This is a huge red flag to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:he’s a cake eater.

If he was really into you he’d be done with other people immediately. Delete the apps; delete the profiles; send an email or text to his other women and say he’s off the market.

Don’t make someone who considers you an option your priority.

He's been seeing OP nonexclusively for three whole months. There's no reason to believe he hasn't been seeing these other women for that long or even longer. Deciding he's a bad person because he *won't* dump them with a text is very strange and not a standard I think OP would like to be on the receiving end of.

[Anonymous]

I get that it bothers you that your new boyfriend is going to basically be going on one last date with other women, but honestly he sounds like he's doing the decent thing. If you were one of the women he was breaking up with, wouldn't you want an in person thing, instead of a phone call? It's nice that he's wrapping things up on the dating apps instead of ghosting people. It sounds like he cares about people's feelings, which bodes well for you, I think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds reasonable, but I don't think he should've told you the details. It would be a huge turnoff for me. I'd just take that week to be alone and see how you really feel.

To be fair, OP asked him to give her the specific details, so she can't really be mad that he did.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:he’s a cake eater.

If he was really into you he’d be done with other people immediately. Delete the apps; delete the profiles; send an email or text to his other women and say he’s off the market.

Don’t make someone who considers you an option your priority.

THIS right here....!!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:He sounds like a great guy if he respects the other women that enough to break up face to face. Why are you so concerned about 7-10 days?

This. I think if you both haven’t been exclusive and he’s been seeing other people, he does need to give them the respect of a last meeting.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he should have known by now, 3 months in, that he wanted to be with you and should have already gradually stopped seeing the other women. This doesn’t feel great to me.

I think it's the height of immaturity to initiate an exclusivity talk and then, when the other person agrees, punish them because it hurts your feelings that they were not actually being exclusive before the talk happens. OP is too old for this mindset.

OP: I'm not punishing him for not being exclusive. I was dating other people also. He told me he was not serious with either of them, so I guess I don't understand why a phone call is not sufficient?

Because he's not a jerk? Because he already had dates planned with them and now is going to use that meeting to end things? Because he knows them better than you do and he has his reasons for why he wouldn't want to be intentionally hurtful to people that he likes and has enjoyed getting to know?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think he should have known by now, 3 months in, that he wanted to be with you and should have already gradually stopped seeing the other women. This doesn’t feel great to me.

I think it's the height of immaturity to initiate an exclusivity talk and then, when the other person agrees, punish them because it hurts your feelings that they were not actually being exclusive before the talk happens. OP is too old for this mindset.

OP: I'm not punishing him for not being exclusive. I was dating other people also. He told me he was not serious with either of them, so I guess I don't understand why a phone call is not sufficient?

Because he thinks they are nice people who deserve an in-person explanation? Be careful about wishing that he was less considerate to women when breaking up with them.

[Anonymous]

You are right, OP - in modern world a phone call is sufficient to break up with someone. Unless he was promising exclusivity to someone else…. Sounds somewhat humiliating to me but why not giving him the time he asked for ?

It’s always uncomfortable when a woman opens up this exclusivity talk as if she’s the one needing it most. I am a woman and I haven’t started dating yet after divorce. But when I do, will try to learn how not to take sex personally and use it a body function as men do.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:he’s a cake eater.

If he was really into you he’d be done with other people immediately. Delete the apps; delete the profiles; send an email or text to his other women and say he’s off the market.

Don’t make someone who considers you an option your priority.

THIS right here....!!!!

As long as you don't get mad when a guy dumps you by text. Because you're saying these women don't deserve even a phone call (although OP just thinks they don't deserve an in-person conversation). Make sure you don't have a double standard about what you deserve and what everyone else does.