Guy I'm dating says he needs time to "wrap things up" before we start our relatioship- what to do?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op. He sounds like a decent human being. Give him a chance to do what he needs to. He picked you. He’s communicating what he needs to be completely free and with you.

He sounds overly confident that she will be there waiting for him and that no man will snatch her in the meantime. Which means he either thinks he's above her or doesn't care enough if she, in fact changes her mind and go with someone else.
Not cool.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very possible he’s been dating all of them longer than you. by actually wouldn’t mind a break up coffee date because it provides some finality. We’ve all had a break up phone call or text that didn’t feel complete. It’s not going to be a fun time for anyone but it’s a mature approach. I will say that I would’ve narrowed my dating partners down prior to this.

Seeing them longer than 3 months but not sleeping with either of them? Hmmmm a likely story

There is no indication from original post that he is not being intimate with them.

Ok I saw the update a few million pages in. Six weeks is long enough to merit an in person interaction. For all you know they are hanging out a few times a week. Even casually if you respect the other person it’s not a terrible idea to close the loop well. You were not exclusive. It prob hurts a bit to fully understand that. If you can’t move forward without feeling put out you’d prob be better starting over with someone else.

Not really. A few dates and no sex sounds pretty casual. A simple text/phone call would suffice. Not sure a guy with all the time in the world to be dating multiple women many nights of the week, whom he may or may not be sleeping with, sounds like a good catch. Must not have much of a career to have so much free time. Just another red flag in this situation.

OK let’s be honest no one believes adults are not having sex by six weeks.

I am a woman. I don't have sex within 6 weeks.

Do you consider yourself in a serious relationship after 6 weeks of casual dating with no sex, warranting an in person "break up" date?

[Anonymous]

this sounds like the same guy in the is he starting to ghost thread

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I find it weird that others feel like they can determine what is or isn’t necessary for a break up. I suspect if you were being broken up with by text it wouldn’t be embraced as nonchalantly. Op has only been with this guy a few more weeks than the others. Would it be ok to break up with her over the phone cleanly?

If you aren't exclusively dating someone, and either one of you is dating other people, what is there to break up? You aren't in a relationship. If it was a friend people would have no problem advising a slow fade. What's the difference?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it weird that others feel like they can determine what is or isn’t necessary for a break up. I suspect if you were being broken up with by text it wouldn’t be embraced as nonchalantly. Op has only been with this guy a few more weeks than the others. Would it be ok to break up with her over the phone cleanly?

If you aren't exclusively dating someone, and either one of you is dating other people, what is there to break up? You aren't in a relationship. If it was a friend people would have no problem advising a slow fade. What's the difference?

I actually like the people i date as actual people. They aren’t set dressing. Saying goody well is not a flaw.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I find it weird that others feel like they can determine what is or isn’t necessary for a break up. I suspect if you were being broken up with by text it wouldn’t be embraced as nonchalantly. Op has only been with this guy a few more weeks than the others. Would it be ok to break up with her over the phone cleanly?

If you aren't exclusively dating someone, and either one of you is dating other people, what is there to break up? You aren't in a relationship. If it was a friend people would have no problem advising a slow fade. What's the difference?

I actually like the people i date as actual people. They aren’t set dressing. Saying goody well is not a flaw.

Goodbye

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very possible he’s been dating all of them longer than you. by actually wouldn’t mind a break up coffee date because it provides some finality. We’ve all had a break up phone call or text that didn’t feel complete. It’s not going to be a fun time for anyone but it’s a mature approach. I will say that I would’ve narrowed my dating partners down prior to this.

Seeing them longer than 3 months but not sleeping with either of them? Hmmmm a likely story

There is no indication from original post that he is not being intimate with them.

Ok I saw the update a few million pages in. Six weeks is long enough to merit an in person interaction. For all you know they are hanging out a few times a week. Even casually if you respect the other person it’s not a terrible idea to close the loop well. You were not exclusive. It prob hurts a bit to fully understand that. If you can’t move forward without feeling put out you’d prob be better starting over with someone else.

Not really. A few dates and no sex sounds pretty casual. A simple text/phone call would suffice. Not sure a guy with all the time in the world to be dating multiple women many nights of the week, whom he may or may not be sleeping with, sounds like a good catch. Must not have much of a career to have so much free time. Just another red flag in this situation.

OK let’s be honest no one believes adults are not having sex by six weeks.

I am a woman. I don't have sex within 6 weeks.

I sure do! What if they are terrible in bed? It’s good to find out.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op. He sounds like a decent human being. Give him a chance to do what he needs to. He picked you. He’s communicating what he needs to be completely free and with you.

He sounds overly confident that she will be there waiting for him and that no man will snatch her in the meantime. Which means he either thinks he's above her or doesn't care enough if she, in fact changes her mind and go with someone else.
Not cool.

The best thing I ever said to a woman early in a relationship was, "If you don't like it, go find someone better." She tried to, but didn't.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very possible he’s been dating all of them longer than you. by actually wouldn’t mind a break up coffee date because it provides some finality. We’ve all had a break up phone call or text that didn’t feel complete. It’s not going to be a fun time for anyone but it’s a mature approach. I will say that I would’ve narrowed my dating partners down prior to this.

Seeing them longer than 3 months but not sleeping with either of them? Hmmmm a likely story

There is no indication from original post that he is not being intimate with them.

Ok I saw the update a few million pages in. Six weeks is long enough to merit an in person interaction. For all you know they are hanging out a few times a week. Even casually if you respect the other person it’s not a terrible idea to close the loop well. You were not exclusive. It prob hurts a bit to fully understand that. If you can’t move forward without feeling put out you’d prob be better starting over with someone else.

Not really. A few dates and no sex sounds pretty casual. A simple text/phone call would suffice. Not sure a guy with all the time in the world to be dating multiple women many nights of the week, whom he may or may not be sleeping with, sounds like a good catch. Must not have much of a career to have so much free time. Just another red flag in this situation.

OK let’s be honest no one believes adults are not having sex by six weeks.

I am a woman. I don't have sex within 6 weeks.

Do you consider yourself in a serious relationship after 6 weeks of casual dating with no sex, warranting an in person "break up" date?

Depends upon the woman. The higher the quality of the woman, the more she deserves.

[Anonymous]

As a man, I was in this position when I fell for my current LTR GF. I had a lot of irons in the fire and things lined up with different women. At the same time, I was stealing her away from her BF so she wasn't free and clear either when we first got together.

I could have done the right thing and shut it all down for her, in person, by text...whatever. But I didn't. I cheated on her with 4 different women in the first 6 months or so. 3 of them ONS and one a long-time friend-sometimes FB of mine.

This guy is being vilified by some for wanting to do the right thing and break it off with his previous relationships, or prospects. He's have been better of keeping his mouth shut. Now, if OP breaks it off with him, he doesn't have his bench to fall back on and has to start from scratch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It’s very possible he’s been dating all of them longer than you. by actually wouldn’t mind a break up coffee date because it provides some finality. We’ve all had a break up phone call or text that didn’t feel complete. It’s not going to be a fun time for anyone but it’s a mature approach. I will say that I would’ve narrowed my dating partners down prior to this.

Seeing them longer than 3 months but not sleeping with either of them? Hmmmm a likely story

There is no indication from original post that he is not being intimate with them.

Ok I saw the update a few million pages in. Six weeks is long enough to merit an in person interaction. For all you know they are hanging out a few times a week. Even casually if you respect the other person it’s not a terrible idea to close the loop well. You were not exclusive. It prob hurts a bit to fully understand that. If you can’t move forward without feeling put out you’d prob be better starting over with someone else.

Not really. A few dates and no sex sounds pretty casual. A simple text/phone call would suffice. Not sure a guy with all the time in the world to be dating multiple women many nights of the week, whom he may or may not be sleeping with, sounds like a good catch. Must not have much of a career to have so much free time. Just another red flag in this situation.

OK let’s be honest no one believes adults are not having sex by six weeks.

I am a woman. I don't have sex within 6 weeks.

Do you consider yourself in a serious relationship after 6 weeks of casual dating with no sex, warranting an in person "break up" date?

Depends upon the woman. The higher the quality of the woman, the more she deserves.

You're an adorable troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:As a man, I was in this position when I fell for my current LTR GF. I had a lot of irons in the fire and things lined up with different women. At the same time, I was stealing her away from her BF so she wasn't free and clear either when we first got together.

I could have done the right thing and shut it all down for her, in person, by text...whatever. But I didn't. I cheated on her with 4 different women in the first 6 months or so. 3 of them ONS and one a long-time friend-sometimes FB of mine.

This guy is being vilified by some for wanting to do the right thing and break it off with his previous relationships, or prospects. He's have been better of keeping his mouth shut. Now, if OP breaks it off with him, he doesn't have his bench to fall back on and has to start from scratch.

Doing the right thing is cheating on her? Wow, some of you really think you are the full package. I will weep so hard if the guy doesn't have a bench to fall back on if OP breaks it off. If he's such a catch, surely he could stack it up again no problem?

[Anonymous]

Depends upon the woman. The higher the quality of the woman, the more she deserves.

Stop making sense and not being reactive.


Thank you for the slice of reality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:As a man, I was in this position when I fell for my current LTR GF. I had a lot of irons in the fire and things lined up with different women. At the same time, I was stealing her away from her BF so she wasn't free and clear either when we first got together.

I could have done the right thing and shut it all down for her, in person, by text...whatever. But I didn't. I cheated on her with 4 different women in the first 6 months or so. 3 of them ONS and one a long-time friend-sometimes FB of mine.

This guy is being vilified by some for wanting to do the right thing and break it off with his previous relationships, or prospects. He's have been better of keeping his mouth shut. Now, if OP breaks it off with him, he doesn't have his bench to fall back on and has to start from scratch.

Doing the right thing is cheating on her? Wow, some of you really think you are the full package. I will weep so hard if the guy doesn't have a bench to fall back on if OP breaks it off. If he's such a catch, surely he could stack it up again no problem?

Your reading comprehension really sucks. Not what I said at all. I said, I could have done the right thing. Obviously, I didn't.

[Anonymous]

As a man, I was in this position when I fell for my current LTR GF. I had a lot of irons in the fire and things lined up with different women. At the same time, I was stealing her away from her BF so she wasn't free and clear either when we first got together.

I could have done the right thing and shut it all down for her, in person, by text...whatever. But I didn't. I cheated on her with 4 different women in the first 6 months or so. 3 of them ONS and one a long-time friend-sometimes FB of mine.

This guy is being vilified by some for wanting to do the right thing and break it off with his previous relationships, or prospects. He's have been better of keeping his mouth shut. Now, if OP breaks it off with him, he doesn't have his bench to fall back on and has to start from scratch.

You do not sound like any kind of prize. I would feel sorry for your current gf, except she was cheating with you when your relationship started. Chances are good that she has cheated on you, too. Like attracts like. In this case, it’s kind of the situation that everyone on DCUM always hopes for - two cheaters found each other.