Guy I'm dating says he needs time to "wrap things up" before we start our relatioship- what to do?

[Anonymous]

Need advice. I've been dating a guy casually for 3 months- he takes me out 2x a week on proper dates and we have a great time. We're both 40 and divorced.

We are sleeping together but have not had the "exclusive" talk until last night. We had the talk to define the relationship, and both agreed that we want to be in a committed relationship and boyfriend/girlfriend.

However, he told me he needs a little time to "wrap things up" - get off the dating apps (which we met on), and break things off with the other people he had been dating. He said he needs 7- 10 days to do that. I said that seemed kind of long and I asked specifically what that meant, and he was transparent and said that he has been seeing two other women who are really good people, and he owes it to them to meet in person to say that things aren't going to work out between them.

I told him that I thought a phone call to them would be normal, but he insisted that he needs to at least meet and have coffee with them. I told him that something doesn't feel right to me, and I don't know if this is a good way to start a serious relationship. He said, "I think you're overthinking this...and I'm being punished for being transparent."

What do you think I should I do?

[Anonymous]

I think you should give him the week he asked for.

[Anonymous]

How would you like him to break up with you if you were one of those women? Would you feel like in-person was more respectful?

[Anonymous]

Be extra controlling so he knows he’s making a mistake?

Maybe he has clothing and toiletries he wants to pick up?

Great troll post.

[Anonymous]

Pursue other options.

[Anonymous]

I think you and he should get tested for STDs in case he tries to hit those other two once more during the wrap-up phase.

In all seriousness, though, I'd give him the time he asked for. Based on the intimatcy levels you have shared, if he was letting you go would you want a phone call to break it off or would you appreciate it more if he did it in person?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Be extra controlling so he knows he’s making a mistake?

Maybe he has clothing and toiletries he wants to pick up?

Great troll post.

OP: This is not a troll post. My girlfriends are telling me that I'm openly being played, and that he probably wants to sleep with 1-2 other people before being exclusive. They also said that if he was really into me, he wouldn't drag out becoming exclusive. I don't know what to think.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think you should give him the week he asked for.

+1 Are you really looking to punish this guy for . . . being a decent person with mature communication skills? Nothing he's asking for sounds unreasonable, and his reasoning is admirable.

[Anonymous]

Tell him to call you when he's wrapped things up and is ready to move forward.

[Anonymous]

He sounds like a great guy if he respects the other women that enough to break up face to face. Why are you so concerned about 7-10 days?

[Anonymous]

I think he's correct. It seems like you were on the same page about your relationship and you both want to move forward in the relationship. He was honest and now you are micromanaging him.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be extra controlling so he knows he’s making a mistake?

Maybe he has clothing and toiletries he wants to pick up?

Great troll post.

OP: This is not a troll post. My girlfriends are telling me that I'm openly being played, and that he probably wants to sleep with 1-2 other people before being exclusive. They also said that if he was really into me, he wouldn't drag out becoming exclusive. I don't know what to think.

I think if this mattered to you, you should not have slept with him before becoming exclusive. In your current position, I’d give him the time he asked for.

[Anonymous]

I think he should have known by now, 3 months in, that he wanted to be with you and should have already gradually stopped seeing the other women. This doesn’t feel great to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Be extra controlling so he knows he’s making a mistake?

Maybe he has clothing and toiletries he wants to pick up?

Great troll post.

OP: This is not a troll post. My girlfriends are telling me that I'm openly being played, and that he probably wants to sleep with 1-2 other people before being exclusive. They also said that if he was really into me, he wouldn't drag out becoming exclusive. I don't know what to think.

So the concern is that he would go back to one of those other women, tell them he's breaking it off with them, and have sex one more time as a send-off? I can't think of many women who would be into that.

Or is the concern that he would lie to each of those women for one more chance in the sack, then ghost them to come back to be exclusive with you? Because if he's that kind of guy, I can't imagine why he'd be open with you about needing the week - he could just say "sure let's be exclusive" and keep sleeping with all of you.

Or, are you just upset that you had to initiate the exclusivity talk and he was upfront about the fact that while you guys weren't exclusive, he wasn't exclusive? Do you feel like he's shoving it in your face, or were you only seeing him so now you feel some type of way about knowing he was a hotter commodity?

[Anonymous]

Sounds reasonable, but I don't think he should've told you the details. It would be a huge turnoff for me. I'd just take that week to be alone and see how you really feel.