Anyone completely blind sided by a cheating spouse ?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I suspect my spouse has cheated but I can't prove it. I know he is lying about money. He password protects everything. He has lied to my face. But I can't prove it and he continues to gaslight me. I would love to be able to confront him with hard evidence. I would love the FBI agent to share some tips. I know I am not alone.

Ok FBI agent here. I’ll give all you goofballs some of my secrets eventho I should be charging you. I bought about 6 mini digital voice activated recorders. I used Velcro to attach them to places I thought covert convos would happen. Inside car for sure, under his/hers office desk, and places in your house where they might carry on conversations. Under your bed if he’s a real slime ball and he has someone over while you’re away.. These things are amazing and I caught those rat bastards every time! But now with the loss of verbal Communications that’s a little harder. Renting a gps is what I did too. Renting is so much easier because they come already set up and all you have to do is put your login they give you and a password on the computer and attach that magnetic sucker under their car. Oh boy was that fun watching their every move even while I would be talking to them. You really don’t need to rent them long if you suspect anything trust me. Mine was going to massage parlors during work hours. Ugh. You’re welcome! btw if you’re not ready for the truth don’t do it, keep your head in the sand.

It's so easy now. Even back in the day it was simple to catch a cheater. Mine had a pager, but was really secretive. I went and ordered a Motorola pager just like his, put a scratch in the corner like his, then they were identical. Switched the pagers out and I kept his for 3 days. When his got a page I would immediately call my pager and put the number through. Sure enough he was getting a partial number or code that was suspicious. Immediately me and a friend followed him from work in her car, sure enough he was cheating on me.

I taught a lot of women that one back in the day, LOL. Today I've given a few friends a website with a good gps with a magnet where you just log in and can see in real time where the vehicle is. One husband was parking his car in a shopping center over a hour. My friend went and waited and sure enough the W was picking him up. It's always a mistake to put your head in the sand whether it's finance related, or partner related. Get to the bottom of it and solve the problem.

FBI agent here. I like you! I once sprinkled a very light dusting of baby powder on the floor next to the bed when I went out of town. When I came back I got a flashlight got on my hands and knees and at a certain angle you can see all the foot impressions and noticed some very small feet. I also outlined a picture of us on his black dresser with a blk sharpie to see if it was moved and yep it was. Guess he didn’t want me staring at him while he was with his skanky girl
Like I said the gps rental is the easiest because they ship it to you ready to go. Just crawl under their vehicle and bam! I’ve also tried giving my suspicious girlfriends help but I have found none of them really want to know!. They always tell me no thanks when I’ve offered to lend them my gadgets. So basically most women want to keep their heads in the sand and then come on here and say they were blindsided.

[Anonymous]

^Go away this isn’t about you.

And I wouldn’t be bragging about how many men cheated on you.

You weren’t very bright and didn’t pick good partners.

The way you live is exhausting, constantly looking over your shoulder.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:^Go away this isn’t about you.

And I wouldn’t be bragging about how many men cheated on you.

You weren’t very bright and didn’t pick good partners.

The way you live is exhausting, constantly looking over your shoulder.

I think it’s actually entertaining..

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^Go away this isn’t about you.

And I wouldn’t be bragging about how many men cheated on you.

You weren’t very bright and didn’t pick good partners.

The way you live is exhausting, constantly looking over your shoulder.

I think it’s actually entertaining..

Yes. In a purely pathetic way, pretend FBI lady is entertaining. Her batsh*t crazy factor is huge.

[Anonymous]

OP, go on Chumplady.com.

Ask your DH for a post nup agreement while he's still feeling guilty or start divorce process now so that you can get the best financial deal. Protect yourself and your kids financially while he's still feeling guilty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A very good friend of mine for the last 35 years had her husband blindside here. He was working as an associate in big law and was telling her he was working late but was actually going to strip bars (in Philly, not here). One day she gets a phone call from a woman claiming to be a stripper that her husband had told her he loved her and now she needed money. So somehow she got my friend’s number and was calling her for phone. She wasn’t pregnant, and it was unclear what the money was for. My friend was floored. When her husband got home from work that night she confronted him and he said yes, I’m in love with a stripper. I am not sure who I love more so I would like to date both of you to decide.

She told him to go F himself, threw her dogs and a suitcase into her car and drove back down to the DMV to her parents house. They didn’t have kids but they had been college sweethearts and she had put him through law school with her teachers salary. They got divorced, but not before my law firm and his had to close a huge deal together and I was forced to spend a week in a conference room with him, 14 hour days and he knew that I knew.

My friend met a new man a few years after her divorce, they got married and now she’s living happily ever after with him and their kids.

Lol did you friend get remarried and have kids at age 54?

Sweetie... age is nothing but a number.
True, having kids at 54 is a challenge, but all of life's other adventures are still wide open and ready for the taking!

Or haven't you heard?
Women are like fine wine, we get better with time.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^Go away this isn’t about you.

And I wouldn’t be bragging about how many men cheated on you.

You weren’t very bright and didn’t pick good partners.

The way you live is exhausting, constantly looking over your shoulder.

I think it’s actually entertaining..

Yes. In a purely pathetic way, pretend FBI lady is entertaining. Her batsh*t crazy factor is huge.

She/he isn't actually anything other than a poorly written troll.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m not sure who to talk to professionally about this. I’ve never had therapy or known anyone going.

I’m so upset and sick and haven’t slept so I can’t function to find one.

I’m working and have my boys- 12/14 who I am having to pretend dads on work trip. He does work in an area it could be believable

I've been in your position, OP, and I'm so so sorry. Do you need help making a plan?

1) I know telling people is scary, and you don't really know what words to use, but I would beg you to pick up the phone and call your closest girlfriend. I promise this will feel better when you aren't holding it inside. You've done nothing wrong. You have nothing to be ashamed of. You feel in love with someone broken, and who made bad choices, but who among us hasn't?

2) Your employer probably has an employee assistance line that will get you 3 free therapies. It won't be great but will give you practice telling your story.

3) I'm sorry.

+100
Please listen to this person. OP.
Secrets = sickness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A very good friend of mine for the last 35 years had her husband blindside here. He was working as an associate in big law and was telling her he was working late but was actually going to strip bars (in Philly, not here). One day she gets a phone call from a woman claiming to be a stripper that her husband had told her he loved her and now she needed money. So somehow she got my friend’s number and was calling her for phone. She wasn’t pregnant, and it was unclear what the money was for. My friend was floored. When her husband got home from work that night she confronted him and he said yes, I’m in love with a stripper. I am not sure who I love more so I would like to date both of you to decide.

She told him to go F himself, threw her dogs and a suitcase into her car and drove back down to the DMV to her parents house. They didn’t have kids but they had been college sweethearts and she had put him through law school with her teachers salary. They got divorced, but not before my law firm and his had to close a huge deal together and I was forced to spend a week in a conference room with him, 14 hour days and he knew that I knew.

My friend met a new man a few years after her divorce, they got married and now she’s living happily ever after with him and their kids.

Lol did you friend get remarried and have kids at age 54?

Sweetie... age is nothing but a number.
True, having kids at 54 is a challenge, but all of life's other adventures are still wide open and ready for the taking!

Or haven't you heard?
Women are like fine wine, we get better with time.

well that only applies to the rarest of vintages....99% of the others turn into vinegar. and are completely undrinkable just saying

[Anonymous]

God that “just saying” expression always screams low-intelligence white trash to me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:God that “just saying” expression always screams low-intelligence white trash to me.

you may not like what is said ^ but you can't deny it.

and FWIW, I'm not white, I have a graduate degree, and despite the pull back in the market, I am still worth quite a few $$$$$. but you do you - paint with the broad brush and try to insult and deflect rather than acknowledge what is true.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:A very good friend of mine for the last 35 years had her husband blindside here. He was working as an associate in big law and was telling her he was working late but was actually going to strip bars (in Philly, not here). One day she gets a phone call from a woman claiming to be a stripper that her husband had told her he loved her and now she needed money. So somehow she got my friend’s number and was calling her for phone. She wasn’t pregnant, and it was unclear what the money was for. My friend was floored. When her husband got home from work that night she confronted him and he said yes, I’m in love with a stripper. I am not sure who I love more so I would like to date both of you to decide.

She told him to go F himself, threw her dogs and a suitcase into her car and drove back down to the DMV to her parents house. They didn’t have kids but they had been college sweethearts and she had put him through law school with her teachers salary. They got divorced, but not before my law firm and his had to close a huge deal together and I was forced to spend a week in a conference room with him, 14 hour days and he knew that I knew.

My friend met a new man a few years after her divorce, they got married and now she’s living happily ever after with him and their kids.

Lol did you friend get remarried and have kids at age 54?

Sweetie... age is nothing but a number.
True, having kids at 54 is a challenge, but all of life's other adventures are still wide open and ready for the taking!

Or haven't you heard?
Women are like fine wine, we get better with time.

well that only applies to the rarest of vintages....99% of the others turn into vinegar. and are completely undrinkable just saying

Uh, da fuq?
I truly don't understand people like you.
Are you THAT miserable with yourself, that you have to add insult to injury with your "just saying"?

The OP is obviously hurting, upset, feeling a bit insecure and possibly feeling that her age may hinder her from finding future love and happiness (based on her previous post --- which btw, nothing could be further from the truth, OP) and you come along with your "just saying".

Why can't you just let others help to build her back up, huh? Gotta make sure she knows that you don't agree and she's doomed, right?

You truly sound like a miserable person to be around, but then I guess that other saying is also true, huh? Misery definitely loves company.

OP, the PP is making their ridiculous "99%" assessment based on looks alone; which are obvious traits of someone who's immature, shallow and vapid... someone who doesn't know a great deal about REAL relationships.

Yes, attraction is important, but it takes a very big backseat to intelligence, humor, kindness, loyalty, consideration and selflessness.

Looks fade - stupid is forever.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi. I was completely blindsided and all my friends have been shocked. Married happily for 25 years before it started with his coworker. I did not realize how strong the pull is to emulate a father who had cheated and acted like cheating was not only ok but a positive good (follow happiness, etc). Cheating is definitely a function of mental health problems for the cheater, immaturity, etc. We are working to reconcile now but it takes a tremendous amount of therapy for cheater and marriage. Find experienced emotionally focused therapist (Gottman method). Cheater has to have no contact, full transparency and work very very hard on themself. They need to feel for themself deep remorse and shame. We are not a year out yet so I dont know yet if it will work but investment is worth it for me (and not for money reasons). Obviously the other woman is a complete piece of shit — in our case someone who clearly had daddy issues and inappropriate conduct including in a work place. She is also married. Best wishes PP whose story sounds like my own.

Thanks. I’m sorry this happened to you as well.

Hell- it probably could have been the same woman doing it again with my husband

Are you living in separate homes now? Do your kids know something is going on?

Did the other woman’s husband ever find out?

OP — I would be happy to talk with you directly but don’t know how to send a personal message. DH and I have stayed in the same house. What you are experiencing is equivalent to post traumatic stress. It is horrible, devastating, one of the very worst things that can happen to you. I am seven months out and struggling so much every single day. It takes years to reconcile and what is required from the cheater is enormous because they have to be the one to change themselves and help heal you at the same time and they were not equipped before this which is why they cheated. In our case, the OW’s husband knew about it — they are young and have some version of polyamory or something like that. So he knew and was ok with it. All fo them knew I did not know and was being deceived. Also, you need to be sure to take care of yourself physically — may need to assume sex was unprotected — not shocking when you think about the mindset. I immediately got tested. I know that might be hard right now but call your doctor. PM me if you know how and if you want. So sorry. Also think about who to tell if you might want to reconcile. Some people are so opposed. What you want is emotionally attuned support for you. I had one girlfriend who was the absolute best for months and then several others also.

PP, that is so sweet and lively of you.
My advice is that you should create a totally new gmail account just for this purpose and then post it for the OP.

After she has responded that she's seen it, you can just ask Jeff to delete that particular post with the email address (or not, if you feel other women who've been cheated on might benefit from also speaking to you... it's your call).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:God that “just saying” expression always screams low-intelligence white trash to me.

you may not like what is said ^ but you can't deny it.

and FWIW, I'm not white, I have a graduate degree, and despite the pull back in the market, I am still worth quite a few $$$$$. but you do you - paint with the broad brush and try to insult and deflect rather than acknowledge what is true.

Pot, meet kettle... you big hypocrite.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:^Go away this isn’t about you.

And I wouldn’t be bragging about how many men cheated on you.

You weren’t very bright and didn’t pick good partners.

The way you live is exhausting, constantly looking over your shoulder.

I think it’s actually entertaining..

Yes. In a purely pathetic way, pretend FBI lady is entertaining. Her batsh*t crazy factor is huge.

She/he isn't actually anything other than a poorly written troll.

You hit the nail on the head.

There is zero possibility that this woman is an actual FBI agent and I'd venture to say that she's never met an actual agent in her life (and the movies don't count).

My husband worked for the agency for 14 years and has since retired.
In that time, I met and became close with many of the coworkers on his team (intelligence/counterintelligence spends so much time working closely together they become like a family, thus they spend a great deal of time outside of work together as well.

NONE of the women that he's worked with have ever behaved in such an immature and vacuous manner like the PP... even during off hours.

This type of gloating and giddy demeanor is so far removed from these women's dispositions, that you would have to have a serious dual personality disorder to be able to conduct yourself in such a diligent and ardent manner from 9-5, and then be so blithe in your personal life.

They take their jobs and themselves so seriously, because all day, every day, they see, hear and are enveloped in some seriously heavy & f@ckd up shit...shit that stays with them FOREVER.

They hear about it, read about it, conduct intricate research and partner across agencies and then force themselves to analyze in detail some of the most sick & deranged crimes that you can imagine. And guess what happens then?

Then they have to delve in even further to this horrific labyrinth of evidence to perform an intricate analysis of the crime, because now they have to create a profile and hunt down the animals that have committed them.

The kind of disturbing knowledge that you receive during the day, stays with you long after leaving the office at night.
It's absolutely impossible to stop the wheels from turning at night, simply because you're off the clock... or because you're on DCUM.

No agent runs around like a high school girl comparing notes with other girls on the internet who "got" their boyfriends too and pretend to play "covert" spy in their personal life.
If you knew any of these women, you'd be embarrassed that you'd made such a claim... even if it was made it in jest (which doesn't account for you claiming it again and again in every post there after).

Please gain some self awareness.

Oh and just an FYI, your first mistake was "outing" yourself as an FBI agent.
I mean... you DO know what "covert" means, don't you? lol

** Sorry to hijack your thread for this OP, but this kind of bullsh!t really just burns me up