Anyone completely blind sided by a cheating spouse ?
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Anonymous
How many rat bastards are you talking about? Why is the FBI concerned with cheaters? Was a law being broken or is this possibly a fabrication or was your husband banging multiple women? |
I bought about 6 mini digital voice activated recorders. I used Velcro to attach them to places I thought covert convos would happen. Inside car for sure, under his/hers office desk, and places in your house where they might carry on conversations. Under your bed if he’s a real slime ball and he has someone over while you’re away.. These things are amazing and I caught those rat bastards every time! But now with the loss of verbal Communications that’s a little harder. Renting a gps is what I did too. Renting is so much easier because they come already set up and all you have to do is put your login they give you and a password on the computer and attach that magnetic sucker under their car. Oh boy was that fun watching their every move even while I would be talking to them. 
You really don’t need to rent them long if you suspect anything trust me. Mine was going to massage parlors during work hours. Ugh. You’re welcome! btw if you’re not ready for the truth don’t do it, keep your head in the sand.
Anonymous
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can FBI lady start her own thread?
OP, I'm so very sorry. I can't imagine the shock and betrayal. But you have to remember, he's broken, you didn't do this and it really has nothing to do with you. That's hard to swallow after 20 plus years of marriage, but humans are very strange, complex creatures. At some point, you need to get your own therapist and figure out how to tell you sons (and what to tell them). This is a critical age for them in terms of forming their own ideas about masculinity, so this could be very tough. I would keep the infidelity out of it, if you can, even though its a bitter, bitter pill to swallow. But if you make it clear that it is dad's choice, he's figuring stuff out, the blame is not on you even as you shield them from the worst of it. You will be fine, in the end. Him? who knows. |
Anonymous
| OP — If you want to talk, I will try the method of creating an email account this weekend. I know PP means well but I would not rush to tell kids with any specifics other than marriage is challenging and mom and dad are working on things. Kids need to know adults are keeping them safe, They do not need damaging information about their dad or at least not yet. A couple girlfriends can be helpful and a therapist trained in infidelity would help. I highly recommend both individual and marital therapy if possible. DH and I are doing therapy remotely by telehealth in pandemic. And try to do the basics — eat, drink water, sleep. I recommend the Betrayed Wives Club website and her book. There are many good books and podcasts if dh and you will want to review them. In the beginning I would send dh podcast episodes and he would listen and take notes and if he really wants to help the first thing he has to do is help you survive this blow. There is a book my dh read in first couple weeks so he knew what to do. No contact with OW is first step. So sorry again. |
Anonymous
| Irrelevant, but I'm getting distracted by the way posters are spelling blindsided as two words instead of one. It pains me! |
Anonymous
Oh lighten up for gods sake! We’re not talking about murders and heinous crimes. We’re talking about catching your cheating partner. FBI agent here btw. I’m not really one of course but I’m damn good at catching cheaters. I’ve only done this with the ones that I got that “feeling” with. Which we all know is usually spot on! I refuse to be blindsided and I believe the sooner you know the sooner you can nip it at the bud to prevent a potentially deep emotional affair that is harder to diffuse thus having a better chance of saving your marriage. Oh and FYI this is an anonymous forum. And covert means to revert back to “co”.. Bam! 
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Anonymous
Pretend FBI agent—how many cheaters have you actually caught? Were they husbands? |
Anonymous
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Yes both first and second spouse. First one, she showed up at my house. Literally at the door. With details. He couldnt deny it. We went to counseling, stuck it out 7 more years as we had a child but it never felt good after. He passed away at age 37, complications from Leukemia, awful.
Remarried 14 yrs later. He was loving and generous we had the marriage everyone envied. Money, trips, he was always doting. Until he flirted with a gorgeous woman he vaguely knew from highschool, who was in his facebook friends. It happened quick, and I had no idea. Until he started disappearing. My best guess was it had started only a month before. She was gorgeous and he couldnt resist it. Confronted, he admitted it, I filed for divorce and got a waiver for the 90 day period, had judge order his move out date, as he was lying to her and if I walked into the room when the were on the phone he yelled at me to be quiet. Worth it yes. He made lots of money and fixed everything, so now Im older but at peace. And Im dating a very handsome man who Im very happy with. YOU cant get back lost years waiting hoping for them to change |
Anonymous
| Stop hijacking the thread, FBI agent. |
Anonymous
| I was totally blindsided when my W lost all interest in sex and decided our married sex life was over, for good. After putting up with that a few years, I suppose she would feel just as blindsided (but she really shouldn't) to discover my ongoing affair. I'm sure that's how she would spin it. The ever faithful, perfect wife who thought she had a perfect marriage until one day this just... HAPPENED |
Anonymous
It never justifies cheating. Never. Health and safety reasons--for your family. Man up and ask for a divorce. Lying for years and stealing time away from your kids, spending $ on a non-family member is NEVER the way to go. |
Anonymous
+1,000 |
Anonymous
+1000 as well. Man up and tell your wife. |
Anonymous
What health and safety reasons? They are all safe and nothing I am doing is endangering anyone's health. But I'm not dumb, I know you harpies always have to claim that the cheating world is just a cesspool of STDs that I will bring home. Don't worry, you missed the part where I'm NOT having sex with my W. She can't catch anything from me. And married women are about the safest sex partners a man can chase. Much safer than single women in general. |
Anonymous
You cannot stop a married woman or her husband from going nuclear on you, your wife or family. And you can’t know if someone (your AP or her spouse) will choose to do that under the right circumstances. So, no, married women are not the safest. Have you read the posts from women who are out to destroy the AP and her family? I know of a man who did the same thing, though less dramatically. You better keep watching over your shoulder. |
Anonymous
If they won't go to counseling, or compromise then yes go your separate ways. Never a reason to cheat and bring or bring some nut into your family's life. |