If you aren't sexually attracted to your spouse

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had a conversation with DW about sex a few months back where she complained that I never initiate. I asked her to think really hard about what she was saying. Did she actually believe I never initiated? I reminded her that I initiated rather frequently, far more than she did, in fact. The difference was that when I initiated it resulted in rejection at a rate of nearly 100%. She initiated once or twice per week with a 100% success rate. So, yeah, if initiating only counts when it's successful then she wins.

Haha this is kind of how it is at our house. Wife wants me to initiate but shoots me down quite a bit (not always). I tell her it is a blow to the ego and she says I'm being too sensitive. If you want it go for it. I say easy for you to say I never shoot you down.

We've been together 20+ years and have plenty of good sex, 3+ per week. Could be more if I got a bit more ballsy lol

Well, maybe my husband is initiating, but we have different standards. Like, he never says he wants to have sex. He never suggests giving me a back rub that turns into foreplay. He never extends a kiss into making out. He doesn't touch me in a sexual way. He never tells me I look hot. I mean, this is not rocket science. If he's counting the times I never realized he was trying to get something started as initiating, then yeah, his failure rate is probably pretty high.

By way of contrast, I do all of the things you suggest you wish your husband did, but, with rare exceptions, I get shot down. For her, initiation consists entirely of her standing on the other side of the bed saying, "hey, are we gonna do it?" Occasionally she'll romance it up by saying, "you wanna do it tonight?" a few hours in advance. Needless to say, if I bluntly ask for sex the way she does, I just get an annoyed look, or a raincheck.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had a conversation with DW about sex a few months back where she complained that I never initiate. I asked her to think really hard about what she was saying. Did she actually believe I never initiated? I reminded her that I initiated rather frequently, far more than she did, in fact. The difference was that when I initiated it resulted in rejection at a rate of nearly 100%. She initiated once or twice per week with a 100% success rate. So, yeah, if initiating only counts when it's successful then she wins.

Haha this is kind of how it is at our house. Wife wants me to initiate but shoots me down quite a bit (not always). I tell her it is a blow to the ego and she says I'm being too sensitive. If you want it go for it. I say easy for you to say I never shoot you down.

We've been together 20+ years and have plenty of good sex, 3+ per week. Could be more if I got a bit more ballsy lol

Well, maybe my husband is initiating, but we have different standards. Like, he never says he wants to have sex. He never suggests giving me a back rub that turns into foreplay. He never extends a kiss into making out. He doesn't touch me in a sexual way. He never tells me I look hot. I mean, this is not rocket science. If he's counting the times I never realized he was trying to get something started as initiating, then yeah, his failure rate is probably pretty high.

By way of contrast, I do all of the things you suggest you wish your husband did, but, with rare exceptions, I get shot down. For her, initiation consists entirely of her standing on the other side of the bed saying, "hey, are we gonna do it?" Occasionally she'll romance it up by saying, "you wanna do it tonight?" a few hours in advance. Needless to say, if I bluntly ask for sex the way she does, I just get an annoyed look, or a raincheck.

Nearly the exact words my DW uses. I am ok with it, of course. But it is funny how the double standard goes - she needs lots of little things to get her in the right frame of mind. But she doesn't see the need to do anything than be in ratty t-shirts and just say "are we getting it on?"

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Had a conversation with DW about sex a few months back where she complained that I never initiate. I asked her to think really hard about what she was saying. Did she actually believe I never initiated? I reminded her that I initiated rather frequently, far more than she did, in fact. The difference was that when I initiated it resulted in rejection at a rate of nearly 100%. She initiated once or twice per week with a 100% success rate. So, yeah, if initiating only counts when it's successful then she wins.

Haha this is kind of how it is at our house. Wife wants me to initiate but shoots me down quite a bit (not always). I tell her it is a blow to the ego and she says I'm being too sensitive. If you want it go for it. I say easy for you to say I never shoot you down.

We've been together 20+ years and have plenty of good sex, 3+ per week. Could be more if I got a bit more ballsy lol

Well, maybe my husband is initiating, but we have different standards. Like, he never says he wants to have sex. He never suggests giving me a back rub that turns into foreplay. He never extends a kiss into making out. He doesn't touch me in a sexual way. He never tells me I look hot. I mean, this is not rocket science. If he's counting the times I never realized he was trying to get something started as initiating, then yeah, his failure rate is probably pretty high.

By way of contrast, I do all of the things you suggest you wish your husband did, but, with rare exceptions, I get shot down. For her, initiation consists entirely of her standing on the other side of the bed saying, "hey, are we gonna do it?" Occasionally she'll romance it up by saying, "you wanna do it tonight?" a few hours in advance. Needless to say, if I bluntly ask for sex the way she does, I just get an annoyed look, or a raincheck.

Nearly the exact words my DW uses. I am ok with it, of course. But it is funny how the double standard goes - she needs lots of little things to get her in the right frame of mind. But she doesn't see the need to do anything than be in ratty t-shirts and just say "are we getting it on?"

PP here. Agreed, and I don't even really care that much about the double standard. Just don't complain that I'm not initiating when I am! As long as she's initiating she can do it any way she wants. And I actually like the way my DW looks in her ratty t-shirts (especially when she's not wearing a bra).

[Anonymous]

My wife & I stopped having sex about 10 yrs ago. I got tired of begging to get laid. We went from crazy fucking anywhere to zip. Fuck it, I gave up & don't care what she thinks.
I jerkoff in bed next to her often. I have no idea what she does for relief

[Anonymous]

Sorry guys, you just don't get her motor running anymore, hell, some of you never did. Fuck house work, kids and all that nonsense, excuses upon excuses.

I'm a DW, and my husband, bless his heart, physically doesn't turn me on. Come to think of it, I don't think he finds the sight of me naked arousing either but that's marriage I guess.

No weight gain or sudden ugliness arose. Our attraction to each other was never that strong even in the beginning and naturally, the passage of time has made it decline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote: Sorry guys, you just don't get her motor running anymore, hell, some of you never did. Fuck house work, kids and all that nonsense, excuses upon excuses.

I'm a DW, and my husband, bless his heart, physically doesn't turn me on. Come to think of it, I don't think he finds the sight of me naked arousing either but that's marriage I guess.

No weight gain or sudden ugliness arose. Our attraction to each other was never that strong even in the beginning and naturally, the passage of time has made it decline.

It would have hurt like hell, but if that's the reason for my low-sex marriage, I wish my wife would have told me up front that I didn't turn her on. I could have moved on then.

[Anonymous]

Hi OP. I'm DW who loves DH, but I'm no longer sexually attracted to him, though I always orgasm and within minutes. We do it 4 or 5 times/week unless I'm on my period. I'm mentally cringing to get it over and thinking of something else to make me orgasm, but I know it's important to him. His idea of love is sex and I do live him. Anyway, We've been together 16 years. He has sinus infections all the time, which makes him breathe through his nose and his breath is foul. I can't stand it. He's losing his hearing and our conversations are strained. Huge turn off. He's a handsome manly man, great dad and loves me to pieces. I'm mostly medical/physical ailments. Gross.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. I'm DW who loves DH, but I'm no longer sexually attracted to him, though I always orgasm and within minutes. We do it 4 or 5 times/week unless I'm on my period. I'm mentally cringing to get it over and thinking of something else to make me orgasm, but I know it's important to him. His idea of love is sex and I do live him. Anyway, We've been together 16 years. He has sinus infections all the time, which makes him breathe through his nose and his breath is foul. I can't stand it. He's losing his hearing and our conversations are strained. Huge turn off. He's a handsome manly man, great dad and loves me to pieces. I'm mostly medical/physical ailments. Gross.

My God. You poor thing.

You need to give him a talk and tell him the sex is too much for you. Seriously- your sexual needs are not being met. Sometimes a sexual need is "the need to not have sex right now".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My wife & I stopped having sex about 10 yrs ago. I got tired of begging to get laid. We went from crazy fucking anywhere to zip. Fuck it, I gave up & don't care what she thinks.
I jerkoff in bed next to her often. I have no idea what she does for relief

LOL. She's probably getting some on the side. Good for her.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Hi OP. I'm DW who loves DH, but I'm no longer sexually attracted to him, though I always orgasm and within minutes. We do it 4 or 5 times/week unless I'm on my period. I'm mentally cringing to get it over and thinking of something else to make me orgasm, but I know it's important to him. His idea of love is sex and I do live him. Anyway, We've been together 16 years. He has sinus infections all the time, which makes him breathe through his nose and his breath is foul. I can't stand it. He's losing his hearing and our conversations are strained. Huge turn off. He's a handsome manly man, great dad and loves me to pieces. I'm mostly medical/physical ailments. Gross.

My God. You poor thing.

You need to give him a talk and tell him the sex is too much for you. Seriously- your sexual needs are not being met. Sometimes a sexual need is "the need to not have sex right now".

Haha, I do wonder how I hang in there, but thankfully I always orgasm and am able to block things out. We also have time away from one another which is huge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife & I stopped having sex about 10 yrs ago. I got tired of begging to get laid. We went from crazy fucking anywhere to zip. Fuck it, I gave up & don't care what she thinks.
I jerkoff in bed next to her often. I have no idea what she does for relief

LOL. She's probably getting some on the side. Good for her.

You're a poor excuse for a human.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My wife & I stopped having sex about 10 yrs ago. I got tired of begging to get laid. We went from crazy fucking anywhere to zip. Fuck it, I gave up & don't care what she thinks.
I jerkoff in bed next to her often. I have no idea what she does for relief

LOL. She's probably getting some on the side. Good for her.

You're a poor excuse for a human.

Please. With him jerking off next to her like some crazed rodent? He's lucky she hasn't divorced him entirely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Sorry guys, you just don't get her motor running anymore, hell, some of you never did. Fuck house work, kids and all that nonsense, excuses upon excuses.

I'm a DW, and my husband, bless his heart, physically doesn't turn me on. Come to think of it, I don't think he finds the sight of me naked arousing either but that's marriage I guess.

No weight gain or sudden ugliness arose. Our attraction to each other was never that strong even in the beginning and naturally, the passage of time has made it decline.

It would have hurt like hell, but if that's the reason for my low-sex marriage, I wish my wife would have told me up front that I didn't turn her on. I could have moved on then.

In my case, it wasn't something that was an issue in the beginning. I was just happy to meet a good man and be in a stable zero drama relationship. We moved in together, got engaged and had a baby in very short order, not really a forethought. But now that the dust has settled, how do you break up your child's home because you're not sexually attracted to his father. Kinda silly, no?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Sorry guys, you just don't get her motor running anymore, hell, some of you never did. Fuck house work, kids and all that nonsense, excuses upon excuses.

I'm a DW, and my husband, bless his heart, physically doesn't turn me on. Come to think of it, I don't think he finds the sight of me naked arousing either but that's marriage I guess.

No weight gain or sudden ugliness arose. Our attraction to each other was never that strong even in the beginning and naturally, the passage of time has made it decline.

It would have hurt like hell, but if that's the reason for my low-sex marriage, I wish my wife would have told me up front that I didn't turn her on. I could have moved on then.

In my case, it wasn't something that was an issue in the beginning. I was just happy to meet a good man and be in a stable zero drama relationship. We moved in together, got engaged and had a baby in very short order, not really a forethought. But now that the dust has settled, how do you break up your child's home because you're not sexually attracted to his father. Kinda silly, no?

Why not open the marriage? Would you even be jealous if he had sex with another woman?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote: Sorry guys, you just don't get her motor running anymore, hell, some of you never did. Fuck house work, kids and all that nonsense, excuses upon excuses.

I'm a DW, and my husband, bless his heart, physically doesn't turn me on. Come to think of it, I don't think he finds the sight of me naked arousing either but that's marriage I guess.

No weight gain or sudden ugliness arose. Our attraction to each other was never that strong even in the beginning and naturally, the passage of time has made it decline.

It would have hurt like hell, but if that's the reason for my low-sex marriage, I wish my wife would have told me up front that I didn't turn her on. I could have moved on then.

In my case, it wasn't something that was an issue in the beginning. I was just happy to meet a good man and be in a stable zero drama relationship. We moved in together, got engaged and had a baby in very short order, not really a forethought. But now that the dust has settled, how do you break up your child's home because you're not sexually attracted to his father. Kinda silly, no?

That should be his choice.

Do you think the lack of drama is a cause of the lack of sexual attraction? Is anxiety, uncertainty, etc. a source of sexual stimulation?