Reply to If you aren't sexually attracted to your spouse

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Had a conversation with DW about sex a few months back where she complained that I never initiate.  I asked her to think really hard about what she was saying.  Did she actually believe I never initiated?  I reminded her that I initiated rather frequently, far more than she did, in fact.  The difference was that when I initiated it resulted in rejection at a rate of nearly 100%.  She initiated once or twice per week with a 100% success rate.  So, yeah, if initiating only counts when it's successful then she wins.  [/quote]

Haha this is kind of how it is at our house. Wife wants me to initiate but shoots me down quite a bit (not always). I tell her it is a blow to the ego and she says I'm being too sensitive. If you want it go for it. I say easy for you to say I never shoot you down.

We've been together 20+ years and have plenty of good sex, 3+ per week. Could be more if I got a bit more ballsy lol[/quote]

Well, maybe my husband is initiating, but we have different standards.  Like, he never says he wants to have sex.  He never suggests giving me a back rub that turns into foreplay.  He never extends a kiss into making out.  He doesn't touch me in a sexual way.  He never tells me I look hot.  I mean, this is not rocket science.  If he's counting the times I never realized he was trying to get something started as initiating, then yeah, his failure rate is probably pretty high.  [/quote]

By way of contrast, I do all of the things you suggest you wish your husband did, but, with rare exceptions, I get shot down. For her, initiation consists entirely of her standing on the other side of the bed saying, "hey, are we gonna do it?" Occasionally she'll romance it up by saying, "you wanna do it tonight?" a few hours in advance.  Needless to say, if I bluntly ask for sex the way she does, I just get an annoyed look, or a raincheck.  [/quote]

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