Reply to If you aren't sexually attracted to your spouse

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[quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous][quote=Anonymous]Had a conversation with DW about sex a few months back where she complained that I never initiate.  I asked her to think really hard about what she was saying.  Did she actually believe I never initiated?  I reminded her that I initiated rather frequently, far more than she did, in fact.  The difference was that when I initiated it resulted in rejection at a rate of nearly 100%.  She initiated once or twice per week with a 100% success rate.  So, yeah, if initiating only counts when it's successful then she wins.  [/quote]

Haha this is kind of how it is at our house. Wife wants me to initiate but shoots me down quite a bit (not always). I tell her it is a blow to the ego and she says I'm being too sensitive. If you want it go for it. I say easy for you to say I never shoot you down.

We've been together 20+ years and have plenty of good sex, 3+ per week. Could be more if I got a bit more ballsy lol[/quote]

Well, maybe my husband is initiating, but we have different standards.  Like, he never says he wants to have sex.  He never suggests giving me a back rub that turns into foreplay.  He never extends a kiss into making out.  He doesn't touch me in a sexual way.  He never tells me I look hot.  I mean, this is not rocket science.  If he's counting the times I never realized he was trying to get something started as initiating, then yeah, his failure rate is probably pretty high.  [/quote]

By way of contrast, I do all of the things you suggest you wish your husband did, but, with rare exceptions, I get shot down. For her, initiation consists entirely of her standing on the other side of the bed saying, "[b]hey, are we gonna do it?[/b]" Occasionally she'll romance it up by saying, "you wanna do it tonight?" a few hours in advance.  Needless to say, if I bluntly ask for sex the way she does, I just get an annoyed look, or a raincheck.  [/quote]

Nearly the exact words my DW uses.  I am ok with it, of course.  But it is funny how the double standard goes - she needs lots of little things to get her in the right frame of mind.  But she doesn't see the need to do anything than be in ratty t-shirts and just say "are we getting it on?"
[/quote]

PP here.  Agreed, and I don't even really care that much about the double standard.  Just don't complain that I'm not initiating when I am!  As long as she's initiating she can do it any way she wants.  And I actually like the way my DW looks in her ratty t-shirts (especially when she's not wearing a bra).   [/quote]

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