In laws wanting to use new vacation home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think we have two groups here - the mooches and the owners. Mooches say sure let everyone use your place! Owners say no are you crazy it’s yours.

But it doesn’t have to be moochers versus non-moochers. It’s not black and white. I don’t know why owners of the vacation homes can’t say YES you can stay there but you’re responsible for X charges.

Because for some people it will just lead to issues. Of course there are known charges for things, but what if someone breaks a lamp? What if damage is discovered and they say they didn't do it but you know they did? There are some people who are like that, and saying yes to them, even with expense parameters, just doesn't work. Be glad you don't know any of these people, I guess.

It’s a choice to go through life worrying about all the things that can go wrong. At the end of the day a lamp isn’t really worth it for me. Fractured family relationships over lamps? So weird.

You're completely missing the point. My in-laws would break the lamp, not say anything about it, and then I'd have to replace it whenever I discovered it. Who exactly is fracturing the relationship in this case? I'd dare say it's not me.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Who is supposed to clean after the stay (laundry, dishes, tidying) and pay for the utilities? I cannot imagine traveling out of town to clean a vacation home after someone stayed there for free. If you rent it out, sure, then those things are already taken care of and you could offer a subsidized rate.

It’s not just the cleaning, it’s using up supplies like paper towels, tp and bottled water without replacing them, or using pantry items and eating snacks, it’s leaving dirty towels and bed linens or even clean linens but expecting the owner to remake the beds, it’s keeping the A/C at 68 or the heat at 72 because the borrower doesn’t get the bill, it’s leaving the pool heater on for a week straight because again, they don’t get the bill . . .

We have a second home that we are generous with with family and friends and literally every single thing that you have just described has happened (except the heated pool; our pool isn't heated) and guess what? WE DON'T CARE. In fact, we typically tell folks not to wash the towels and sheets and just do it ourselves. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE FAMILY AND WE'RE NICE.

The other solution is to just rent second homes and avoid this whole situation entirely. There are so many awesome home rentals now. Who needs to clean up after entitled family members?

We don't want to rent out our house because we want it to be available for whenever we want to use it and we don't want random people living in it.

Living in it? Now we have squatters instead of people staying for a weekend?

When you have to rely on pedantic grammatical attacks to make your point, you should know you've lost. Just give it up, we get that you don't have a second home.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not good to leave a home empty for months on end. It's better for them to be lived in. We actively encourage relatives and friends to use our second home when we're not there.

It's probably because you've good liability insurance and also extra money to fix wear and tear caused by unpaid guests.

This is the crux of the issue. For having 2nd homes, some of the people in here really seem to be living beyond their means.

And some of the people in here really seem to be incapable of grasping that not everyone is like their family. I CAN afford to pay thousands of dollars to redo the plumbing in my house because my idiot in-laws flushed things down the toilet that they shouldn't have but I don't WANT to do so again.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Who is supposed to clean after the stay (laundry, dishes, tidying) and pay for the utilities? I cannot imagine traveling out of town to clean a vacation home after someone stayed there for free. If you rent it out, sure, then those things are already taken care of and you could offer a subsidized rate.

It’s not just the cleaning, it’s using up supplies like paper towels, tp and bottled water without replacing them, or using pantry items and eating snacks, it’s leaving dirty towels and bed linens or even clean linens but expecting the owner to remake the beds, it’s keeping the A/C at 68 or the heat at 72 because the borrower doesn’t get the bill, it’s leaving the pool heater on for a week straight because again, they don’t get the bill . . .

We have a second home that we are generous with with family and friends and literally every single thing that you have just described has happened (except the heated pool; our pool isn't heated) and guess what? WE DON'T CARE. In fact, we typically tell folks not to wash the towels and sheets and just do it ourselves. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE FAMILY AND WE'RE NICE.

The other solution is to just rent second homes and avoid this whole situation entirely. There are so many awesome home rentals now. Who needs to clean up after entitled family members?

We don't want to rent out our house because we want it to be available for whenever we want to use it and we don't want random people living in it.

Living in it? Now we have squatters instead of people staying for a weekend?

When you have to rely on pedantic grammatical attacks to make your point, you should know you've lost. Just give it up, we get that you don't have a second home.

Words have meanings, so use the correct ones to try to make a point. But, keep flailing trying to act like your aggressiveness and irrationality towards your in-laws is totally normal. It's a wonder you married your husband at all with his dubious relations. Mail order bride?

[Anonymous]

Anyone who says they are "from Europe" is instantly invalid on here. No specifics, no opinion please. Same with "from Asia".

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Who is supposed to clean after the stay (laundry, dishes, tidying) and pay for the utilities? I cannot imagine traveling out of town to clean a vacation home after someone stayed there for free. If you rent it out, sure, then those things are already taken care of and you could offer a subsidized rate.

It’s not just the cleaning, it’s using up supplies like paper towels, tp and bottled water without replacing them, or using pantry items and eating snacks, it’s leaving dirty towels and bed linens or even clean linens but expecting the owner to remake the beds, it’s keeping the A/C at 68 or the heat at 72 because the borrower doesn’t get the bill, it’s leaving the pool heater on for a week straight because again, they don’t get the bill . . .

We have a second home that we are generous with with family and friends and literally every single thing that you have just described has happened (except the heated pool; our pool isn't heated) and guess what? WE DON'T CARE. In fact, we typically tell folks not to wash the towels and sheets and just do it ourselves. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE FAMILY AND WE'RE NICE.

The other solution is to just rent second homes and avoid this whole situation entirely. There are so many awesome home rentals now. Who needs to clean up after entitled family members?

We don't want to rent out our house because we want it to be available for whenever we want to use it and we don't want random people living in it.

Living in it? Now we have squatters instead of people staying for a weekend?

When you have to rely on pedantic grammatical attacks to make your point, you should know you've lost. Just give it up, we get that you don't have a second home.

Words have meanings, so use the correct ones to try to make a point. But, keep flailing trying to act like your aggressiveness and irrationality towards your in-laws is totally normal. It's a wonder you married your husband at all with his dubious relations. Mail order bride?

You sound like a real catch yourself.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Who is supposed to clean after the stay (laundry, dishes, tidying) and pay for the utilities? I cannot imagine traveling out of town to clean a vacation home after someone stayed there for free. If you rent it out, sure, then those things are already taken care of and you could offer a subsidized rate.

It’s not just the cleaning, it’s using up supplies like paper towels, tp and bottled water without replacing them, or using pantry items and eating snacks, it’s leaving dirty towels and bed linens or even clean linens but expecting the owner to remake the beds, it’s keeping the A/C at 68 or the heat at 72 because the borrower doesn’t get the bill, it’s leaving the pool heater on for a week straight because again, they don’t get the bill . . .

We have a second home that we are generous with with family and friends and literally every single thing that you have just described has happened (except the heated pool; our pool isn't heated) and guess what? WE DON'T CARE. In fact, we typically tell folks not to wash the towels and sheets and just do it ourselves. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE FAMILY AND WE'RE NICE.

The other solution is to just rent second homes and avoid this whole situation entirely. There are so many awesome home rentals now. Who needs to clean up after entitled family members?

Some of us have family and friends we like and we can afford to host and entertain without worry about “cleaning up” or affording the maintenance that we would be paying anyway.

That's exactly right. We don't ALL come from dysfunctional families.

We very much enjoy opening our second home to family and friends. It's not a big deal to throw a few towels and sheets in the wash afterwards, have our nice cleaning lady come in, or have Amazon deliver bulk supplies of paper towels and toilet paper.

And you wanna hear something that will REALLY blow your mind? We're DOG FRIENDLY! We don't care at all!!

Let me ask you this - do you feel superior to people who have friends or family that ask to use their guest house when those people know there will be issues? In other words, you're clearly proud of how accommodating you are. Do you think that people who would say no because of valid issues are somehow below you? If all your friends and family are so amazing that they've never destroyed something or caused issues, that's great. If you're so wealthy that you don't mind footing the bill for the cleaner but also for whatever other issues might arise, that's great. If you love dogs so much that you don't mind if they pee on your rugs, that's great. But do you think that makes you a better person than someone who has concerns about sharing their property based on the people they know who want to use it? Or you do think the fact that you don't have any dysfunctional friends or relative makes you superior to those who have to deal with those things?

Well, since you asked, yes, I feel superior to those kinds of people. But who are these people you are associating with who "destroy" things? I mean, wow.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who says they are "from Europe" is instantly invalid on here. No specifics, no opinion please. Same with "from Asia".

Agreed. Especially the poster who begins every post with "I'm French, so . . . "

I'll finish the sentence for you: "I suck."

LOLOLOL

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not good to leave a home empty for months on end. It's better for them to be lived in. We actively encourage relatives and friends to use our second home when we're not there.

It's probably because you've good liability insurance and also extra money to fix wear and tear caused by unpaid guests.

This is the crux of the issue. For having 2nd homes, some of the people in here really seem to be living beyond their means.

And some of the people in here really seem to be incapable of grasping that not everyone is like their family. I CAN afford to pay thousands of dollars to redo the plumbing in my house because my idiot in-laws flushed things down the toilet that they shouldn't have but I don't WANT to do so again.

Imagine that we didn't all marry someone from a different social class. When everyone in the family has their own vacation homes this just isn't a big deal. We don't all have crabs in a bucket mentality because we're from similar backgrounds. You're not doing too great of a job imagining circumstances other than your own. OP never said the BIL was going to destroy anything so not even sure why you're hung up on that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Anyone who says they are "from Europe" is instantly invalid on here. No specifics, no opinion please. Same with "from Asia".

Agreed. Especially the poster who begins every post with "I'm French, so . . . "

I'll finish the sentence for you: "I suck."

LOLOLOL

At least the French person is being specific. Europe is so vague...could be England or Albania.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m generally a very nice person, but I wouldn’t allow this. I wouldn’t let any of my six younger siblings, their spouses, or kids vacation freely at my beach house, so why would I let a brother-in-law? It’s simply not their property, and I wouldn’t ask that of someone else, so they shouldn’t be asking me.

I come from a more collectivist Eastern European background, and even with that perspective, I still wouldn’t do this. At most, maybe for one or two of my own siblings—but definitely not for in-laws like a husband’s brother, mother, or sister. I don’t really understand why people are getting so worked up about it. The U.S. tends to emphasize individualism, and sometimes the reactions feel more about signaling moral superiority than genuine concern for family.

Why the double standard? Why is your family okay to invite but your DH’s not okay. Don’t you own it together?

I don’t fully trust his family or know them fully; because they aren’t blood related to me. It is that simple. If we weren’t married, they wouldn’t be apart of my life.

Blood related? You are truly weird. This isn't a European thing this is paranoia and anxiety. Must be rough going through life like this.

That's very charitable. I was going to say that it is just PP being a complete b***h.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently acquired a vacation home. We are not renting it out. We let BIL use it once. Now he wants to go again.

Do you let your family use your home whenever they want?

We won’t be there and not use it for at least another month.

We let trusted close family and friends use the house if our immediate family isn’t using it. My sister and her family/friends left the place trashed and with weird damage once so they’re not allowed over unless it’s an extended family retreat.

We usually ask for $525/week to cover utilities and property taxes/wear and tear (regardless if it’s peak or non peak season). Yes our house is empty a lot of the time and walking distance to the beach - no you can not just stay there for free indefinitely.

This is how we approach it. Close family and friends can stay, but can lose the privilege if they aren't considerate or respectful. Thus far, it hasn't been an issue. Have never had to ask, people always offer the cleaning fee. People also always feel very bad about any damage they do (which has been minimal) and offer to pay to repair it. Depending on what it is, we sometimes take them up on it.

[Anonymous]

This is so family member specific that it is pointless to ask DCUM whether posters would allow it or not. The only person in my family that I would even consider staying at our beach house without us is my SIL (not my siblings and their family and not my parents, because unfortunately BTDT and they’re not respectful, break things (in ways that don’t seem possible), never clean up. My SIL and her husband are 100%+ trust worthy and are complete opposite of my own family. She stayed at our house once, something happens with our hot water heater, she coordinated and supervised repairs, we just reimbursed her. She acted like an amazing property manager and can come back anytime.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not good to leave a home empty for months on end. It's better for them to be lived in. We actively encourage relatives and friends to use our second home when we're not there.

It's probably because you've good liability insurance and also extra money to fix wear and tear caused by unpaid guests.

This is the crux of the issue. For having 2nd homes, some of the people in here really seem to be living beyond their means.

And some of the people in here really seem to be incapable of grasping that not everyone is like their family. I CAN afford to pay thousands of dollars to redo the plumbing in my house because my idiot in-laws flushed things down the toilet that they shouldn't have but I don't WANT to do so again.

Imagine that we didn't all marry someone from a different social class. When everyone in the family has their own vacation homes this just isn't a big deal. We don't all have crabs in a bucket mentality because we're from similar backgrounds. You're not doing too great of a job imagining circumstances other than your own. OP never said the BIL was going to destroy anything so not even sure why you're hung up on that.

In a family where everyone has a vacation house and can easily afford their own resort/hotel/ rentals to vacation where they want, you don’t have relatives frequently inviting themselves to your home and behaving like it’s community property.

The core issue here is that BIL is being rude and entitled acting like if the house is open it’s free for him. No one enjoys being used. This is no different than always having to be the host for holidays with other relatives acting as if they are entitled to be hosted by you. In most families there are takers and givers. The takers can push their entitlement very far.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not good to leave a home empty for months on end. It's better for them to be lived in. We actively encourage relatives and friends to use our second home when we're not there.

It's probably because you've good liability insurance and also extra money to fix wear and tear caused by unpaid guests.

This is the crux of the issue. For having 2nd homes, some of the people in here really seem to be living beyond their means.

And some of the people in here really seem to be incapable of grasping that not everyone is like their family. I CAN afford to pay thousands of dollars to redo the plumbing in my house because my idiot in-laws flushed things down the toilet that they shouldn't have but I don't WANT to do so again.

Imagine that we didn't all marry someone from a different social class. When everyone in the family has their own vacation homes this just isn't a big deal. We don't all have crabs in a bucket mentality because we're from similar backgrounds. You're not doing too great of a job imagining circumstances other than your own. OP never said the BIL was going to destroy anything so not even sure why you're hung up on that.

In a family where everyone has a vacation house and can easily afford their own resort/hotel/ rentals to vacation where they want, you don’t have relatives frequently inviting themselves to your home and behaving like it’s community property.

The core issue here is that BIL is being rude and entitled acting like if the house is open it’s free for him. No one enjoys being used. This is no different than always having to be the host for holidays with other relatives acting as if they are entitled to be hosted by you. In most families there are takers and givers. The takers can push their entitlement very far.

That's a huge overreaction to brother asking to use it. Just say no, not this time without working yourself into a lather about it.