In laws wanting to use new vacation home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently acquired a vacation home. We are not renting it out. We let BIL use it once. Now he wants to go again.

Do you let your family use your home whenever they want?

We won’t be there and not use it for at least another month.

We let trusted close family and friends use the house if our immediate family isn’t using it. My sister and her family/friends left the place trashed and with weird damage once so they’re not allowed over unless it’s an extended family retreat.

We usually ask for $525/week to cover utilities and property taxes/wear and tear (regardless if it’s peak or non peak season). Yes our house is empty a lot of the time and walking distance to the beach - no you can not just stay there for free indefinitely.

This is how we approach it. Close family and friends can stay, but can lose the privilege if they aren't considerate or respectful. Thus far, it hasn't been an issue. Have never had to ask, people always offer the cleaning fee. People also always feel very bad about any damage they do (which has been minimal) and offer to pay to repair it. Depending on what it is, we sometimes take them up on it.

This is what we do as well. Only one set of ILs are on the blacklist and it’s because they caused $X,XXX in property damage and were generally disrespectful leaving their trash and old food to rot indefinitely at the house.

Everyone else we let stay has been perfectly normal and respectful.

Have you told them they are on the "blacklist?" I guess I am just nonconfrontational. We only allow people to stay when we are there. I can't imagine telling a family member they can never use the house again.

Our entire extended family knows why they’re blacklisted.

For context: SIL and her family stayed at the house for a week and MIL/FIL stayed at the house three weeks later. When MIL/FIL entered the house, it was trashed and looked like someone had broken in and been living there. Plus it smelled so bad (due to rotten moldy food) that they thought someone was dead inside the house so they called the police…

In the end, it was just SILs family who left the house trashed beyond belief. They knocked a sliding shower door of its aligner, cut open a screen window and broke a storm window to get back into the house after they had lost their key, let their kids draw all over the walls with markers, and left their old food, beer, liquor bottles, and other trash inside the house instead of disposing it at the dump on their way out of town. Never called me or DH to let us know about the damages or the lost key, they just left the house for us or the next visitors to find like that.

SIL might be the one in this thread now comparing us to the Queen of England because her family isn’t welcome back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently acquired a vacation home. We are not renting it out. We let BIL use it once. Now he wants to go again.

Do you let your family use your home whenever they want?

We won’t be there and not use it for at least another month.

We let trusted close family and friends use the house if our immediate family isn’t using it. My sister and her family/friends left the place trashed and with weird damage once so they’re not allowed over unless it’s an extended family retreat.

We usually ask for $525/week to cover utilities and property taxes/wear and tear (regardless if it’s peak or non peak season). Yes our house is empty a lot of the time and walking distance to the beach - no you can not just stay there for free indefinitely.

This is how we approach it. Close family and friends can stay, but can lose the privilege if they aren't considerate or respectful. Thus far, it hasn't been an issue. Have never had to ask, people always offer the cleaning fee. People also always feel very bad about any damage they do (which has been minimal) and offer to pay to repair it. Depending on what it is, we sometimes take them up on it.

Listen to yourself, would you? "Close family and friends can stay, but can lose the privilege if they aren't considerate or respectful." Who do you think you are, the Queen of England? I'm sure glad you're not my "close family." You are insufferable.

And I would be mortified to ask my family members for a $525 check to cover a week's worth of "wear and tear."

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently acquired a vacation home. We are not renting it out. We let BIL use it once. Now he wants to go again.

Do you let your family use your home whenever they want?

We won’t be there and not use it for at least another month.

We let trusted close family and friends use the house if our immediate family isn’t using it. My sister and her family/friends left the place trashed and with weird damage once so they’re not allowed over unless it’s an extended family retreat.

We usually ask for $525/week to cover utilities and property taxes/wear and tear (regardless if it’s peak or non peak season). Yes our house is empty a lot of the time and walking distance to the beach - no you can not just stay there for free indefinitely.

This is how we approach it. Close family and friends can stay, but can lose the privilege if they aren't considerate or respectful. Thus far, it hasn't been an issue. Have never had to ask, people always offer the cleaning fee. People also always feel very bad about any damage they do (which has been minimal) and offer to pay to repair it. Depending on what it is, we sometimes take them up on it.

This is what we do as well. Only one set of ILs are on the blacklist and it’s because they caused $X,XXX in property damage and were generally disrespectful leaving their trash and old food to rot indefinitely at the house.

Everyone else we let stay has been perfectly normal and respectful.

Have you told them they are on the "blacklist?" I guess I am just nonconfrontational. We only allow people to stay when we are there. I can't imagine telling a family member they can never use the house again.

Our entire extended family knows why they’re blacklisted.

For context: SIL and her family stayed at the house for a week and MIL/FIL stayed at the house three weeks later. When MIL/FIL entered the house, it was trashed and looked like someone had broken in and been living there. Plus it smelled so bad (due to rotten moldy food) that they thought someone was dead inside the house so they called the police…

In the end, it was just SILs family who left the house trashed beyond belief. They knocked a sliding shower door of its aligner, cut open a screen window and broke a storm window to get back into the house after they had lost their key, let their kids draw all over the walls with markers, and left their old food, beer, liquor bottles, and other trash inside the house instead of disposing it at the dump on their way out of town. Never called me or DH to let us know about the damages or the lost key, they just left the house for us or the next visitors to find like that.

SIL might be the one in this thread now comparing us to the Queen of England because her family isn’t welcome back.

This stuff is why we just say no to everyone. We don't lend it out. No exceptions. It's about us, not you. We're the crazy ones who can't share.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:That’s your husband’s brother. I would let my brother or sister or mother use my vacation home. I would do the same for my husband‘s family, which is also my family.

Depends upon your family. I'd let them stay if they can follow your rules.

First I'd charge a fee for electricity/water/added costs because someone is at the house.
I require you to leave the house cleaned, bedding and towels laundered, trash taken out, fridge emptied (except for condiments/items that last a long time)


But in general it's better to have someone at the house than leaving it empty

Also you need to ensure they don't become entitled and are making you feel guilty if you ever say no.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I'd let them use it. Ask them to pay the cleaning fee and a small fee for utilities.

Yea, send them a bill, cheapo

They either clean it themselves (to same level as cleaning service) or they pay the fee. Same applies to utilities costs.

Or they can go vrbo/airbnb a place for themselves and pay for all of that and a nightly fee

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are on a slippery slope. Now is the time to establish rules with extended family. We don't allow anybody there if we're not there.

Aren't you nice.

We both have large families. If we allowed anybody to stay for free whenever they wanted, it would be occupied frequently. There is wear and tear on the house when it is occupied. Things get broken, supplies get used up, other accidents happen. It is also easier to say no across the board, rather than play favorites.

Who cares about the wear and tear? Don't fill it with crap that you don't want to be touched or used.

I fill my house with things I love. When I'm there I clean up spills, fix anything that's damaged and verbally work hard to keep things nice.
Not everyone does that. I want my brand new renovated home to stay that way. So if you bang things on walls, remove Nd paint, leaving dents, scratch the floors with wearing shoes (heels--when we don't wear shoes in the house), etc then you don't get to stay at my place. It's quite simple. It's mine, not yours. If you want a home there spend your own money and get one. Otherwise you have to follow the simple basic rules of keeping a house nice

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is an excellent example of a thread that brings out the nasty of DCUM. Why are so many of you so awful, ungenerous, and suspicious about people, especially family and friends.

We have a large second home a couple hours drive from DC. It's a great place to visit, on many acres with a pool and hot tub etc. Just a great respite. And we have a large family.

When we're not there, we let many people use it. We have overstocked everything -- toiletries, etc. -- so we don't run out of stock. We have a second refrigerator full of beverages. We have cleaners come in. We don't charge anybody a dime for anything, ever. And when the house is being used and someone asks to use it, we just say "sorry, it's used that week let's come up with another."

Sure, on occasion something might break or you might come back and be puzzled about the condition the place was left in. But life is short. You roll with it.

Seriously, what happened to so many of you in your past that you have to be so uptight?

Not everyone can afford to stock all the supplies for all visitors 2-3 weeks a month. Same with having it cleaned weekly--when it's just us I have the house cleaned every 4 weeks and I do the in between (we live in 2 places and travel, so rarely are we in one home more than 2 weeks of the month) But I'm not spending $500 every week (versus monthly ) to have our vacation home cleaned for others to stay there.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an excellent example of a thread that brings out the nasty of DCUM. Why are so many of you so awful, ungenerous, and suspicious about people, especially family and friends.

We have a large second home a couple hours drive from DC. It's a great place to visit, on many acres with a pool and hot tub etc. Just a great respite. And we have a large family.

When we're not there, we let many people use it. We have overstocked everything -- toiletries, etc. -- so we don't run out of stock. We have a second refrigerator full of beverages. We have cleaners come in. We don't charge anybody a dime for anything, ever. And when the house is being used and someone asks to use it, we just say "sorry, it's used that week let's come up with another."

Sure, on occasion something might break or you might come back and be puzzled about the condition the place was left in. But life is short. You roll with it.

Seriously, what happened to so many of you in your past that you have to be so uptight?

Not everyone can afford to stock all the supplies for all visitors 2-3 weeks a month. Same with having it cleaned weekly--when it's just us I have the house cleaned every 4 weeks and I do the in between (we live in 2 places and travel, so rarely are we in one home more than 2 weeks of the month) But I'm not spending $500 every week (versus monthly ) to have our vacation home cleaned for others to stay there.

It's not 500 dollars a week

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I'd let them use it. Ask them to pay the cleaning fee and a small fee for utilities.

Yea, send them a bill, cheapo

DP. It costs us a lot for each visit to our second home. Cleaning is $455, pool is $75, jacuzzi is $75, and water treatment (well water) has to be serviced $112

Do you rent it out? What "second home" has a $455 cleaning fee?

dp: the cost for cleaners to clean the house one time
If you live in a hcola, that is a typical price for a 4-5bedroom 3.5-4.5 bathroom home. If you want to use my place you can pay the cleaning fee, utilities and follow basic rules. Otherwise you don't get to stay

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:So, if your spouse was on this site, he'd write:

My brother wants to use our second house.

Should I let him?


Such a weird post OP, unless you 100% bought that house yourself.

Such a weird comment. OP did post it and it is OP’s BIL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I'd let them use it. Ask them to pay the cleaning fee and a small fee for utilities.

Yea, send them a bill, cheapo

DP. It costs us a lot for each visit to our second home. Cleaning is $455, pool is $75, jacuzzi is $75, and water treatment (well water) has to be serviced $112

Do you rent it out? What "second home" has a $455 cleaning fee?

No, we don’t rent it out. That is the going rate for the cleaner in that area.

Your cleaner is cleaning you out.

do: where I live the minimum wages are $20+/hr. If the cleaner is on the books and filing fica/taxes the going rate for a 4K+ home is $400-500 per cleaning.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an excellent example of a thread that brings out the nasty of DCUM. Why are so many of you so awful, ungenerous, and suspicious about people, especially family and friends.

We have a large second home a couple hours drive from DC. It's a great place to visit, on many acres with a pool and hot tub etc. Just a great respite. And we have a large family.

When we're not there, we let many people use it. We have overstocked everything -- toiletries, etc. -- so we don't run out of stock. We have a second refrigerator full of beverages. We have cleaners come in. We don't charge anybody a dime for anything, ever. And when the house is being used and someone asks to use it, we just say "sorry, it's used that week let's come up with another."

Sure, on occasion something might break or you might come back and be puzzled about the condition the place was left in. But life is short. You roll with it.

Seriously, what happened to so many of you in your past that you have to be so uptight?

Not everyone can afford to stock all the supplies for all visitors 2-3 weeks a month. Same with having it cleaned weekly--when it's just us I have the house cleaned every 4 weeks and I do the in between (we live in 2 places and travel, so rarely are we in one home more than 2 weeks of the month) But I'm not spending $500 every week (versus monthly ) to have our vacation home cleaned for others to stay there.

It's not 500 dollars a week

The PP knows better than you how much it costs.

[Anonymous]

these 500 dollar a week cleaning fees are for large vacation rentals. not vacation homes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:these 500 dollar a week cleaning fees are for large vacation rentals. not vacation homes.

property taxes goes into the cleaning fees

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, I'd let them use it. Ask them to pay the cleaning fee and a small fee for utilities.

Yea, send them a bill, cheapo

They either clean it themselves (to same level as cleaning service) or they pay the fee. Same applies to utilities costs.

Or they can go vrbo/airbnb a place for themselves and pay for all of that and a nightly fee

We do the same, not so much about the $$$ but more a deterrent.
I don’t mind family using our vacation home but prefer they didn’t all the time hence the nominal fee.