In laws wanting to use new vacation home

[Anonymous]

What does acquired mean? Did you buy it or inherit it?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are on a slippery slope. Now is the time to establish rules with extended family. We don't allow anybody there if we're not there.

Aren't you nice.

NP. Maybe this isn’t the nicest, but it’s correct. My parents had a beach house and allowed friends and family to use it. People are shockingly entitled - after the first visit almost all would ask to come again the next year. Family also crawled out of the woodwork, and people started asking to use it for a girl’s get together, bachelorette parties and even a honeymoon. My mom had trouble saying no after she had said yes to some people, and it got to the point that her own children couldn’t visit there in the summer bc it was booked up with friends and family. And even though we loved these people, they would break things, stain things, use up supplies and not replace them, etc. It eventually became such a headache that my parents sold the house.

It wasn't your house. It was your parents' house. And it's the OP's brother. A very close relative.

[Anonymous]

If we're not going to be there, we would say yes. But, my family cleans up after themselves and replaces stuff they use. We let spouse's friend use it a few times, but she would use up all of the shampoo and hygiene supplies and leave us empty. Drove me nuts, so she went on the no list. (I really don't care if you use my stuff, but I hate to get in the shower and have no shampoo or body wash).

I keep an opening and closing list on the refrigerator so that everyone who visits knows what I expect. If people don't close up completely, they can't come back. We did end up getting programmable thermostats and Alexa operated lamps so that we can do some things remotely. But if you don't turn off the ice maker, the hot water heater, the water, etc., there's nothing I can do except go there and do it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is going to be such an individual decision.
If I had the finances to buy a second home without renting it out, yes I would let family borrow it. I would let them know thecleaning fee ahead of time and expect them to pay it though.
If it’s vacant why not?

My husband and I both come from large families. We have long-time beach house owners. The biggest problem with an open-door policy is that frequently you will have one or two relatives that take advantage. Also, as the family gets older you are juggling not just sibling and cousin requests, but nieces, nephews, and eventually grandchildren.

OP says the house is empty for at least the next month. So what's the problem? When it isn't empty, you say so.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We recently acquired a vacation home. We are not renting it out. We let BIL use it once. Now he wants to go again.

Do you let your family use your home whenever they want?

We won’t be there and not use it for at least another month.

I would say no. I’d rather have the house empty than other people living in it.

My in-laws have a vacation home like this. I’ve never asked to stay there, even when I’m in the area. I’d much rather pay for a place where I don’t have to deal with all the family politics.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are on a slippery slope. Now is the time to establish rules with extended family. We don't allow anybody there if we're not there.

Aren't you nice.

We both have large families. If we allowed anybody to stay for free whenever they wanted, it would be occupied frequently. There is wear and tear on the house when it is occupied. Things get broken, supplies get used up, other accidents happen. It is also easier to say no across the board, rather than play favorites.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently acquired a vacation home. We are not renting it out. We let BIL use it once. Now he wants to go again.

Do you let your family use your home whenever they want?

We won’t be there and not use it for at least another month.

I would say no. I’d rather have the house empty than other people living in it.

My in-laws have a vacation home like this. I’ve never asked to stay there, even when I’m in the area. I’d much rather pay for a place where I don’t have to deal with all the family politics.

They wouldn't be "living in it." They'd be staying there. As someone who has owned several second homes, you WANT them to be occupied. You don't want them empty for long stretches.

[Anonymous]

Yes, we have a lake cottage and when we’re not there, we let family members use it. They have always followed the cleaning/safety instructions, and there’s never been a problem.

Since you asked, yes, we do let family use our vacation home. And I’m glad it gets used when we’re not there! Not only does it reduce the “cost per use” of the investment overall, but it’s good to have someone there, keeping an eye out for any maintenance issues and establishing more of a presence with our lake neighbors.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are on a slippery slope. Now is the time to establish rules with extended family. We don't allow anybody there if we're not there.

Aren't you nice.

We both have large families. If we allowed anybody to stay for free whenever they wanted, it would be occupied frequently. There is wear and tear on the house when it is occupied. Things get broken, supplies get used up, other accidents happen. It is also easier to say no across the board, rather than play favorites.

It's the brother and the house is empty.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If we're not going to be there, we would say yes. But, my family cleans up after themselves and replaces stuff they use. We let spouse's friend use it a few times, but she would use up all of the shampoo and hygiene supplies and leave us empty. Drove me nuts, so she went on the no list. (I really don't care if you use my stuff, but I hate to get in the shower and have no shampoo or body wash).

I keep an opening and closing list on the refrigerator so that everyone who visits knows what I expect. If people don't close up completely, they can't come back. We did end up getting programmable thermostats and Alexa operated lamps so that we can do some things remotely. But if you don't turn off the ice maker, the hot water heater, the water, etc., there's nothing I can do except go there and do it.

How long was she staying there to frequently empty out Shampoo?? Weird.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we have a lake cottage and when we’re not there, we let family members use it. They have always followed the cleaning/safety instructions, and there’s never been a problem.

Since you asked, yes, we do let family use our vacation home. And I’m glad it gets used when we’re not there! Not only does it reduce the “cost per use” of the investment overall, but it’s good to have someone there, keeping an eye out for any maintenance issues and establishing more of a presence with our lake neighbors.

That's not a real number, its for your peace of mind I guess.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is going to be such an individual decision.
If I had the finances to buy a second home without renting it out, yes I would let family borrow it. I would let them know thecleaning fee ahead of time and expect them to pay it though.
If it’s vacant why not?

My husband and I both come from large families. We have long-time beach house owners. The biggest problem with an open-door policy is that frequently you will have one or two relatives that take advantage. Also, as the family gets older you are juggling not just sibling and cousin requests, but nieces, nephews, and eventually grandchildren.

OP says the house is empty for at least the next month. So what's the problem? When it isn't empty, you say so.

I am guessing you don't own a home in a desirable vacation location that is within driving distance to most of your extended family. When you buy one and have owned it 20+ years, get back to me, and we can have debate the issue.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are on a slippery slope. Now is the time to establish rules with extended family. We don't allow anybody there if we're not there.

Aren't you nice.

We both have large families. If we allowed anybody to stay for free whenever they wanted, it would be occupied frequently. There is wear and tear on the house when it is occupied. Things get broken, supplies get used up, other accidents happen. It is also easier to say no across the board, rather than play favorites.

Who cares about the wear and tear? Don't fill it with crap that you don't want to be touched or used.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Yes, we have a lake cottage and when we’re not there, we let family members use it. They have always followed the cleaning/safety instructions, and there’s never been a problem.

Since you asked, yes, we do let family use our vacation home. And I’m glad it gets used when we’re not there! Not only does it reduce the “cost per use” of the investment overall, but it’s good to have someone there, keeping an eye out for any maintenance issues and establishing more of a presence with our lake neighbors.

That's not a real number, its for your peace of mind I guess.

+1.

[Anonymous]

It is your husband's brother, and you won't be there, of course you let him stay.