In laws wanting to use new vacation home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are all of you really this miserable in real life?

These are not real people. They are play acting how they would act in real life if they had a 2nd home while in reality they don't even own a single home.

You're full of shite. Many people in this area own second homes and have faced the reality that friends and family often resent your good fortune and treat your stuff like garbage. It's a feeding frenzy for the entitled. You clearly are the type that resents people who have more than you. Grow up and get over it. There is always someone who has more.

This!

This is all just your scarcity mindset. You didn't grow with family having a second home and nobody in your extended family has one. It's a really big deal to some of you and you're terrified that they're going to get one over on you. To the rest of us it's just normal and we take turns sharing, hosting, lending, etc without all the angst.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently acquired a vacation home. We are not renting it out. We let BIL use it once. Now he wants to go again.

Do you let your family use your home whenever they want?

We won’t be there and not use it for at least another month.

We let trusted close family and friends use the house if our immediate family isn’t using it. My sister and her family/friends left the place trashed and with weird damage once so they’re not allowed over unless it’s an extended family retreat.

We usually ask for $525/week to cover utilities and property taxes/wear and tear (regardless if it’s peak or non peak season). Yes our house is empty a lot of the time and walking distance to the beach - no you can not just stay there for free indefinitely.

This is how we approach it. Close family and friends can stay, but can lose the privilege if they aren't considerate or respectful. Thus far, it hasn't been an issue. Have never had to ask, people always offer the cleaning fee. People also always feel very bad about any damage they do (which has been minimal) and offer to pay to repair it. Depending on what it is, we sometimes take them up on it.

Listen to yourself, would you? "Close family and friends can stay, but can lose the privilege if they aren't considerate or respectful." Who do you think you are, the Queen of England? I'm sure glad you're not my "close family." You are insufferable.

WTF? Why do you think you are entitled to use other people’s properties how you please! Of course the owners can decide not to let you use it again! You are such a pig in your attitude!

Right now I am picturing you typing that in a double wide wearing a moo moo with a cigarette dangling out of your mouth.

It's a muumuu. Since words matter and all that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently acquired a vacation home. We are not renting it out. We let BIL use it once. Now he wants to go again.

Do you let your family use your home whenever they want?

We won’t be there and not use it for at least another month.

We let trusted close family and friends use the house if our immediate family isn’t using it. My sister and her family/friends left the place trashed and with weird damage once so they’re not allowed over unless it’s an extended family retreat.

We usually ask for $525/week to cover utilities and property taxes/wear and tear (regardless if it’s peak or non peak season). Yes our house is empty a lot of the time and walking distance to the beach - no you can not just stay there for free indefinitely.

This is how we approach it. Close family and friends can stay, but can lose the privilege if they aren't considerate or respectful. Thus far, it hasn't been an issue. Have never had to ask, people always offer the cleaning fee. People also always feel very bad about any damage they do (which has been minimal) and offer to pay to repair it. Depending on what it is, we sometimes take them up on it.

This is what we do as well. Only one set of ILs are on the blacklist and it’s because they caused $X,XXX in property damage and were generally disrespectful leaving their trash and old food to rot indefinitely at the house.

Everyone else we let stay has been perfectly normal and respectful.

Have you told them they are on the "blacklist?" I guess I am just nonconfrontational. We only allow people to stay when we are there. I can't imagine telling a family member they can never use the house again.

Our entire extended family knows why they’re blacklisted.

For context: SIL and her family stayed at the house for a week and MIL/FIL stayed at the house three weeks later. When MIL/FIL entered the house, it was trashed and looked like someone had broken in and been living there. Plus it smelled so bad (due to rotten moldy food) that they thought someone was dead inside the house so they called the police…

In the end, it was just SILs family who left the house trashed beyond belief. They knocked a sliding shower door of its aligner, cut open a screen window and broke a storm window to get back into the house after they had lost their key, let their kids draw all over the walls with markers, and left their old food, beer, liquor bottles, and other trash inside the house instead of disposing it at the dump on their way out of town. Never called me or DH to let us know about the damages or the lost key, they just left the house for us or the next visitors to find like that.

SIL might be the one in this thread now comparing us to the Queen of England because her family isn’t welcome back.

I'd wonder if we have the same sister in law except my husband only has one sister.

No, he is not close to her, yes, she would still ask.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You are on a slippery slope. Now is the time to establish rules with extended family. We don't allow anybody there if we're not there.

Aren't you nice.

We both have large families. If we allowed anybody to stay for free whenever they wanted, it would be occupied frequently. There is wear and tear on the house when it is occupied. Things get broken, supplies get used up, other accidents happen. It is also easier to say no across the board, rather than play favorites.

Who cares about the wear and tear? Don't fill it with crap that you don't want to be touched or used.

I fill my house with things I love. When I'm there I clean up spills, fix anything that's damaged and verbally work hard to keep things nice.
Not everyone does that. I want my brand new renovated home to stay that way. So if you bang things on walls, remove Nd paint, leaving dents, scratch the floors with wearing shoes (heels--when we don't wear shoes in the house), etc then you don't get to stay at my place. It's quite simple. It's mine, not yours. If you want a home there spend your own money and get one. Otherwise you have to follow the simple basic rules of keeping a house nice

+1000

I don't want crappy furniture in my beach house because I want to enjoy it when I'm there. If you can't take care of nice things, you don't get to stay at the house. It's not that hard.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are all of you really this miserable in real life?

These are not real people. They are play acting how they would act in real life if they had a 2nd home while in reality they don't even own a single home.

You're full of shite. Many people in this area own second homes and have faced the reality that friends and family often resent your good fortune and treat your stuff like garbage. It's a feeding frenzy for the entitled. You clearly are the type that resents people who have more than you. Grow up and get over it. There is always someone who has more.

This!

This is all just your scarcity mindset. You didn't grow with family having a second home and nobody in your extended family has one. It's a really big deal to some of you and you're terrified that they're going to get one over on you. To the rest of us it's just normal and we take turns sharing, hosting, lending, etc without all the angst.

Nobody who actually owns a second home has the mentality of sharing and lending. That's the reason they bought their second home in the first place! I don't believe you for a second. Maybe you also share and lend your clothes, cars, husbands etc. etc. One can get a commune going! But we all know why communes don't work out in the long run!!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's not good to leave a home empty for months on end. It's better for them to be lived in. We actively encourage relatives and friends to use our second home when we're not there.

It's probably because you've good liability insurance and also extra money to fix wear and tear caused by unpaid guests.

You clearly don't own a vacation home that is not located conveniently near your home. It is a lot of work to get repairs done when you aren't there. I'm from a beach town and many people sell their vacation beach homes because they need repair regularly because of water intrusion and they get ripped off when they try to get repairs done and don't live nearby. It's a nightmare. We have very few good people to do the work and lots of shysters.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:We recently acquired a vacation home. We are not renting it out. We let BIL use it once. Now he wants to go again.

Do you let your family use your home whenever they want?

We won’t be there and not use it for at least another month.

We let trusted close family and friends use the house if our immediate family isn’t using it. My sister and her family/friends left the place trashed and with weird damage once so they’re not allowed over unless it’s an extended family retreat.

We usually ask for $525/week to cover utilities and property taxes/wear and tear (regardless if it’s peak or non peak season). Yes our house is empty a lot of the time and walking distance to the beach - no you can not just stay there for free indefinitely.

This is how we approach it. Close family and friends can stay, but can lose the privilege if they aren't considerate or respectful. Thus far, it hasn't been an issue. Have never had to ask, people always offer the cleaning fee. People also always feel very bad about any damage they do (which has been minimal) and offer to pay to repair it. Depending on what it is, we sometimes take them up on it.

Listen to yourself, would you? "Close family and friends can stay, but can lose the privilege if they aren't considerate or respectful." Who do you think you are, the Queen of England? I'm sure glad you're not my "close family." You are insufferable.

WTF? Why do you think you are entitled to use other people’s properties how you please! Of course the owners can decide not to let you use it again! You are such a pig in your attitude!

Right now I am picturing you typing that in a double wide wearing a moo moo with a cigarette dangling out of your mouth.

It's a muumuu. Since words matter and all that.

Maybe to you it is. But our mother wore one and was a cow and to us it's forever a moo moo.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Are all of you really this miserable in real life?

These are not real people. They are play acting how they would act in real life if they had a 2nd home while in reality they don't even own a single home.

You're full of shite. Many people in this area own second homes and have faced the reality that friends and family often resent your good fortune and treat your stuff like garbage. It's a feeding frenzy for the entitled. You clearly are the type that resents people who have more than you. Grow up and get over it. There is always someone who has more.

This!

This is all just your scarcity mindset. You didn't grow with family having a second home and nobody in your extended family has one. It's a really big deal to some of you and you're terrified that they're going to get one over on you. To the rest of us it's just normal and we take turns sharing, hosting, lending, etc without all the angst.

Get one over on us? WTF? You are contorting yourself with this bs. You don't own anything.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This is an excellent example of a thread that brings out the nasty of DCUM. Why are so many of you so awful, ungenerous, and suspicious about people, especially family and friends.

We have a large second home a couple hours drive from DC. It's a great place to visit, on many acres with a pool and hot tub etc. Just a great respite. And we have a large family.

When we're not there, we let many people use it. We have overstocked everything -- toiletries, etc. -- so we don't run out of stock. We have a second refrigerator full of beverages. We have cleaners come in. We don't charge anybody a dime for anything, ever. And when the house is being used and someone asks to use it, we just say "sorry, it's used that week let's come up with another."

Sure, on occasion something might break or you might come back and be puzzled about the condition the place was left in. But life is short. You roll with it.

Seriously, what happened to so many of you in your past that you have to be so uptight?

Not everyone wants to be like you.

Not even pp is like pp as described. It's all bs.