In laws wanting to use new vacation home

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm from Europe and it's very common to own a vacation house. Absolutely nobody goes to someone else's vacations house on their own just like you don't go and "stay" in someone's ordinary house. All the expenses, cleanup, maintenance etc. is not any different, sometimes more difficult/more expensive if further away or remote. If the BIL wants to use a vacation house every month, he needs to buy himself one. The ones here who shout about letting everyone stay, sure, put down your address and we all come over to "live in" your vacation house for free! We're nice, I promise!

Yea, well, this isn't Europe. It's high time you learned to assimilate.

Awwww, you wanted to come to my vacation house, not me coming to your vacation house, right?!

Your vacation house sounds like a house of horrors with tacky lamps and plastic covered furniture. Hard pass.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm from Europe and it's very common to own a vacation house. Absolutely nobody goes to someone else's vacations house on their own just like you don't go and "stay" in someone's ordinary house. All the expenses, cleanup, maintenance etc. is not any different, sometimes more difficult/more expensive if further away or remote. If the BIL wants to use a vacation house every month, he needs to buy himself one. The ones here who shout about letting everyone stay, sure, put down your address and we all come over to "live in" your vacation house for free! We're nice, I promise!

Houses are tiny in Europe, completely unlike US houses. This is a cultural divide you don't understand.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm from Europe and it's very common to own a vacation house. Absolutely nobody goes to someone else's vacations house on their own just like you don't go and "stay" in someone's ordinary house. All the expenses, cleanup, maintenance etc. is not any different, sometimes more difficult/more expensive if further away or remote. If the BIL wants to use a vacation house every month, he needs to buy himself one. The ones here who shout about letting everyone stay, sure, put down your address and we all come over to "live in" your vacation house for free! We're nice, I promise!

Houses are tiny in Europe, completely unlike US houses. This is a cultural divide you don't understand.

Um. There are different sizes. There are big ones (castles) and tiny ones (cottages). Not sure what your point is. That you want to share your house because it's big?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:We recently acquired a vacation home. We are not renting it out. We let BIL use it once. Now he wants to go again.

Do you let your family use your home whenever they want?

We won’t be there and not use it for at least another month.

We let trusted close family and friends use the house if our immediate family isn’t using it. My sister and her family/friends left the place trashed and with weird damage once so they’re not allowed over unless it’s an extended family retreat.

We usually ask for $525/week to cover utilities and property taxes/wear and tear (regardless if it’s peak or non peak season). Yes our house is empty a lot of the time and walking distance to the beach - no you can not just stay there for free indefinitely.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm from Europe and it's very common to own a vacation house. Absolutely nobody goes to someone else's vacations house on their own just like you don't go and "stay" in someone's ordinary house. All the expenses, cleanup, maintenance etc. is not any different, sometimes more difficult/more expensive if further away or remote. If the BIL wants to use a vacation house every month, he needs to buy himself one. The ones here who shout about letting everyone stay, sure, put down your address and we all come over to "live in" your vacation house for free! We're nice, I promise!

Houses are tiny in Europe, completely unlike US houses. This is a cultural divide you don't understand.

Um. There are different sizes. There are big ones (castles) and tiny ones (cottages). Not sure what your point is. That you want to share your house because it's big?

No, that you won't because yours is too small and you have that small house mindset. Just own your weirdness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm from Europe and it's very common to own a vacation house. Absolutely nobody goes to someone else's vacations house on their own just like you don't go and "stay" in someone's ordinary house. All the expenses, cleanup, maintenance etc. is not any different, sometimes more difficult/more expensive if further away or remote. If the BIL wants to use a vacation house every month, he needs to buy himself one. The ones here who shout about letting everyone stay, sure, put down your address and we all come over to "live in" your vacation house for free! We're nice, I promise!

Yea, well, this isn't Europe. It's high time you learned to assimilate.

Awwww, you wanted to come to my vacation house, not me coming to your vacation house, right?!

Your vacation house sounds like a house of horrors with tacky lamps and plastic covered furniture. Hard pass.

Oh, you want a nice house with pretty lamps to stay at? But cannot afford to buy yourself even one ugly one? I guess beggars can't be choosers, eh? I'm packing my bags, let me know where your nice house with pretty lamps is at! Not sure about this covered furniture part, I guess it's some American thing to cover furniture!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm from Europe and it's very common to own a vacation house. Absolutely nobody goes to someone else's vacations house on their own just like you don't go and "stay" in someone's ordinary house. All the expenses, cleanup, maintenance etc. is not any different, sometimes more difficult/more expensive if further away or remote. If the BIL wants to use a vacation house every month, he needs to buy himself one. The ones here who shout about letting everyone stay, sure, put down your address and we all come over to "live in" your vacation house for free! We're nice, I promise!

Houses are tiny in Europe, completely unlike US houses. This is a cultural divide you don't understand.

Um. There are different sizes. There are big ones (castles) and tiny ones (cottages). Not sure what your point is. That you want to share your house because it's big?

No, that you won't because yours is too small and you have that small house mindset. Just own your weirdness.

Well, since you have a nice and big vacation house, you don't need to beg to stay elsewhere! Or you just make all this up in your mind, you poor thing!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm from Europe and it's very common to own a vacation house. Absolutely nobody goes to someone else's vacations house on their own just like you don't go and "stay" in someone's ordinary house. All the expenses, cleanup, maintenance etc. is not any different, sometimes more difficult/more expensive if further away or remote. If the BIL wants to use a vacation house every month, he needs to buy himself one. The ones here who shout about letting everyone stay, sure, put down your address and we all come over to "live in" your vacation house for free! We're nice, I promise!

Yea, well, this isn't Europe. It's high time you learned to assimilate.

Awwww, you wanted to come to my vacation house, not me coming to your vacation house, right?!

Your vacation house sounds like a house of horrors with tacky lamps and plastic covered furniture. Hard pass.

Oh, you want a nice house with pretty lamps to stay at? But cannot afford to buy yourself even one ugly one? I guess beggars can't be choosers, eh? I'm packing my bags, let me know where your nice house with pretty lamps is at! Not sure about this covered furniture part, I guess it's some American thing to cover furniture!

Wrong side, babe, I'm the house loaner and a broken lamp in life doesn't make me distrustful and angry towards family. Nobody here cares about your dingy old cottage that's been handed down and is rundown and shabby with a tattered old lamp.

[Anonymous]

These 2nd home threads always get tons of responses. Very DCUM.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm from Europe and it's very common to own a vacation house. Absolutely nobody goes to someone else's vacations house on their own just like you don't go and "stay" in someone's ordinary house. All the expenses, cleanup, maintenance etc. is not any different, sometimes more difficult/more expensive if further away or remote. If the BIL wants to use a vacation house every month, he needs to buy himself one. The ones here who shout about letting everyone stay, sure, put down your address and we all come over to "live in" your vacation house for free! We're nice, I promise!

Yea, well, this isn't Europe. It's high time you learned to assimilate.

Awwww, you wanted to come to my vacation house, not me coming to your vacation house, right?!

Your vacation house sounds like a house of horrors with tacky lamps and plastic covered furniture. Hard pass.

Oh, you want a nice house with pretty lamps to stay at? But cannot afford to buy yourself even one ugly one? I guess beggars can't be choosers, eh? I'm packing my bags, let me know where your nice house with pretty lamps is at! Not sure about this covered furniture part, I guess it's some American thing to cover furniture!

Wrong side, babe, I'm the house loaner and a broken lamp in life doesn't make me distrustful and angry towards family. Nobody here cares about your dingy old cottage that's been handed down and is rundown and shabby with a tattered old lamp.

You two need to get a room.

[Anonymous]

If you can’t afford the second home, OP, just admit it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm from Europe and it's very common to own a vacation house. Absolutely nobody goes to someone else's vacations house on their own just like you don't go and "stay" in someone's ordinary house. All the expenses, cleanup, maintenance etc. is not any different, sometimes more difficult/more expensive if further away or remote. If the BIL wants to use a vacation house every month, he needs to buy himself one. The ones here who shout about letting everyone stay, sure, put down your address and we all come over to "live in" your vacation house for free! We're nice, I promise!

Yea, well, this isn't Europe. It's high time you learned to assimilate.

Awwww, you wanted to come to my vacation house, not me coming to your vacation house, right?!

Your vacation house sounds like a house of horrors with tacky lamps and plastic covered furniture. Hard pass.

Oh, you want a nice house with pretty lamps to stay at? But cannot afford to buy yourself even one ugly one? I guess beggars can't be choosers, eh? I'm packing my bags, let me know where your nice house with pretty lamps is at! Not sure about this covered furniture part, I guess it's some American thing to cover furniture!

Wrong side, babe, I'm the house loaner and a broken lamp in life doesn't make me distrustful and angry towards family. Nobody here cares about your dingy old cottage that's been handed down and is rundown and shabby with a tattered old lamp.

You don't own anything. Nobody who actually owns a vacation house gets worked out about someone not letting them use theirs. Sure, in Europe vacation houses are small and that's the point -- you go there to spend time outside and many people can afford one! While in the US one rich family member buys a HUUUUGE vacation house and all the others have to beg to use it. You don't have a flex here. That said, I've been to a rundown American old house on the private beach, handed down 100+ years, owned by a well-off family and it was an experience of a lifetime! It was owned by many cousins and had a system in place for maintenance and costs. The family had also built themselves a modern house nearby (where they don't live year-round) and absolutely nobody except them went there. So you do you in your fantasy land!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Who is supposed to clean after the stay (laundry, dishes, tidying) and pay for the utilities? I cannot imagine traveling out of town to clean a vacation home after someone stayed there for free. If you rent it out, sure, then those things are already taken care of and you could offer a subsidized rate.

It’s not just the cleaning, it’s using up supplies like paper towels, tp and bottled water without replacing them, or using pantry items and eating snacks, it’s leaving dirty towels and bed linens or even clean linens but expecting the owner to remake the beds, it’s keeping the A/C at 68 or the heat at 72 because the borrower doesn’t get the bill, it’s leaving the pool heater on for a week straight because again, they don’t get the bill . . .

We have a second home that we are generous with with family and friends and literally every single thing that you have just described has happened (except the heated pool; our pool isn't heated) and guess what? WE DON'T CARE. In fact, we typically tell folks not to wash the towels and sheets and just do it ourselves. Why? BECAUSE THEY ARE FAMILY AND WE'RE NICE.

The other solution is to just rent second homes and avoid this whole situation entirely. There are so many awesome home rentals now. Who needs to clean up after entitled family members?

Some of us have family and friends we like and we can afford to host and entertain without worry about “cleaning up” or affording the maintenance that we would be paying anyway.

That's exactly right. We don't ALL come from dysfunctional families.

We very much enjoy opening our second home to family and friends. It's not a big deal to throw a few towels and sheets in the wash afterwards, have our nice cleaning lady come in, or have Amazon deliver bulk supplies of paper towels and toilet paper.

And you wanna hear something that will REALLY blow your mind? We're DOG FRIENDLY! We don't care at all!!

Let me ask you this - do you feel superior to people who have friends or family that ask to use their guest house when those people know there will be issues? In other words, you're clearly proud of how accommodating you are. Do you think that people who would say no because of valid issues are somehow below you? If all your friends and family are so amazing that they've never destroyed something or caused issues, that's great. If you're so wealthy that you don't mind footing the bill for the cleaner but also for whatever other issues might arise, that's great. If you love dogs so much that you don't mind if they pee on your rugs, that's great. But do you think that makes you a better person than someone who has concerns about sharing their property based on the people they know who want to use it? Or you do think the fact that you don't have any dysfunctional friends or relative makes you superior to those who have to deal with those things?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I’m generally a very nice person, but I wouldn’t allow this. I wouldn’t let any of my six younger siblings, their spouses, or kids vacation freely at my beach house, so why would I let a brother-in-law? It’s simply not their property, and I wouldn’t ask that of someone else, so they shouldn’t be asking me.

I come from a more collectivist Eastern European background, and even with that perspective, I still wouldn’t do this. At most, maybe for one or two of my own siblings—but definitely not for in-laws like a husband’s brother, mother, or sister. I don’t really understand why people are getting so worked up about it. The U.S. tends to emphasize individualism, and sometimes the reactions feel more about signaling moral superiority than genuine concern for family.

Why the double standard? Why is your family okay to invite but your DH’s not okay. Don’t you own it together?

I don’t fully trust his family or know them fully; because they aren’t blood related to me. It is that simple. If we weren’t married, they wouldn’t be apart of my life.

Then the reverse is true for your husband of your family, no? You are unnecessarily difficult.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I'm from Europe and it's very common to own a vacation house. Absolutely nobody goes to someone else's vacations house on their own just like you don't go and "stay" in someone's ordinary house. All the expenses, cleanup, maintenance etc. is not any different, sometimes more difficult/more expensive if further away or remote. If the BIL wants to use a vacation house every month, he needs to buy himself one. The ones here who shout about letting everyone stay, sure, put down your address and we all come over to "live in" your vacation house for free! We're nice, I promise!

Yea, well, this isn't Europe. It's high time you learned to assimilate.

Awwww, you wanted to come to my vacation house, not me coming to your vacation house, right?!

Your vacation house sounds like a house of horrors with tacky lamps and plastic covered furniture. Hard pass.

Oh, you want a nice house with pretty lamps to stay at? But cannot afford to buy yourself even one ugly one? I guess beggars can't be choosers, eh? I'm packing my bags, let me know where your nice house with pretty lamps is at! Not sure about this covered furniture part, I guess it's some American thing to cover furniture!

Wrong side, babe, I'm the house loaner and a broken lamp in life doesn't make me distrustful and angry towards family. Nobody here cares about your dingy old cottage that's been handed down and is rundown and shabby with a tattered old lamp.

You don't own anything. Nobody who actually owns a vacation house gets worked out about someone not letting them use theirs. Sure, in Europe vacation houses are small and that's the point -- you go there to spend time outside and many people can afford one! While in the US one rich family member buys a HUUUUGE vacation house and all the others have to beg to use it. You don't have a flex here. That said, I've been to a rundown American old house on the private beach, handed down 100+ years, owned by a well-off family and it was an experience of a lifetime! It was owned by many cousins and had a system in place for maintenance and costs. The family had also built themselves a modern house nearby (where they don't live year-round) and absolutely nobody except them went there. So you do you in your fantasy land!

Nobody is “worked out” lol we have very different cultures and economic status. We are not the same.