Is "making dinner" part of your SAHM job description?

[Anonymous]

OP you sound tired and overwhelmed. I think you might feel like you feed the baby all day and cant DH feed himself since he is an adult? The first year is hard. But cleaning is optional (to a certain extent) and eating is more or less a requirement. I get it -- you hate to cook. But take out gets extremely expensive. So maybe use your freezer more? As in frozen foods? I do not know what I would have done without the baked potato, spaghetti, chicken nuggets and mac/cheese when the kids were very young. GL.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

1. Not all SAHPs bring in zero income. Or haven't contributed significantly financially in recent past.
2. Parents are way more involved and engaged with their children now than they were 50 years ago. Classes, playgrounds, etc. Not just throwing baby in a playpen to tend to the house and make DH's martini.
3. People outsource more these days - landscapers, cleaning crews, etc.

Families should decide how to divide up parenting and household responsibilities so it seems fair to everyone but it just doesn't automatically all fall onto the SAHP.

1. In all her defensiveness, if she were currently contributing, she would have mentioned it.
2. Well those parents are mostly pointlessly over-parenting, so I don't really see that as a defense, but even adding a class a day, the day is very long, and when I stayed home I was desperate to find more things to do to fill our time.
3. What's your point

But I agree that OP and her husband need to have a come to Jesus, at which OP needs to recognize her husband is being infinitely reasonable in wanting her to do more than baby ballet all day.

She is doing way more than baby ballet and childcare. Most of the household work in fact - cleaning, tidying, laundry, bills, etc.

I can't even deal with the SAHM justifications. Cleaning and tidying are now separate things? I have two kids and work from home one day a week. In that time I do my laundry and the kids' and pay all the bills (takes less than an hour once a week). With one infant who doesn't even leave the house much (ie no daycare stains), it isn't like laundry needs to be done daily. Manage your time, people!

What is a daycare stain and how is that different than a nanny stain or a SAHM stain I wonder?

Are you insufferable or really that dumb? Kids at daycare (I'm a daycare mom) get messier. They just do. When there isn't one person to hover over them, there are more stains and spilled stuff etc. I don't mind that - part of being a kid - but it's life. Do Kindergartners get as dirty at home as at school? Let me know when you have them, K?

[Anonymous]

Good luck, OP. Sounds like you have a good plan.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

1. Not all SAHPs bring in zero income. Or haven't contributed significantly financially in recent past.
2. Parents are way more involved and engaged with their children now than they were 50 years ago. Classes, playgrounds, etc. Not just throwing baby in a playpen to tend to the house and make DH's martini.
3. People outsource more these days - landscapers, cleaning crews, etc.

Families should decide how to divide up parenting and household responsibilities so it seems fair to everyone but it just doesn't automatically all fall onto the SAHP.

1. In all her defensiveness, if she were currently contributing, she would have mentioned it.
2. Well those parents are mostly pointlessly over-parenting, so I don't really see that as a defense, but even adding a class a day, the day is very long, and when I stayed home I was desperate to find more things to do to fill our time.
3. What's your point

But I agree that OP and her husband need to have a come to Jesus, at which OP needs to recognize her husband is being infinitely reasonable in wanting her to do more than baby ballet all day.

She is doing way more than baby ballet and childcare. Most of the household work in fact - cleaning, tidying, laundry, bills, etc.

I can't even deal with the SAHM justifications. Cleaning and tidying are now separate things? I have two kids and work from home one day a week. In that time I do my laundry and the kids' and pay all the bills (takes less than an hour once a week). With one infant who doesn't even leave the house much (ie no daycare stains), it isn't like laundry needs to be done daily. Manage your time, people!

What is a daycare stain and how is that different than a nanny stain or a SAHM stain I wonder?

Are you insufferable or really that dumb? Kids at daycare (I'm a daycare mom) get messier. They just do. When there isn't one person to hover over them, there are more stains and spilled stuff etc. I don't mind that - part of being a kid - but it's life. Do Kindergartners get as dirty at home as at school? Let me know when you have them, K?

They should hand out bottles of bleach when you sign up for daycare - to handle all of the stains and germs.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I think DH is disappointed that I don't cook dinner as part of the SAH gig. I hate meal planning and cooking. DS is 12 mos. He eats simple, decinstructed meals. I eat whatever is around. Cheese and crackers for lunch if I want. I have no expectation that DH produce dinner for me. I didn't have that expectation when we were both working, either. I don't have a bunch of school-aged kids where we all need to sit around as a family. I really hate this expectation that I'm supposed to prepare food for a grown man now that my job is raising our child. I was thinking of cooking tonight-we have this bag of potatos on the counter. If it were just me, I'd have a baked potato and a Diet Coke. But since I'm cooking for a "family" I have to produce something more ambitious - a baked potato "bar" or whatever. No thanks. I'm want to cook what I want to eat and not cater to what DH likes. Today he came home and asked what I made-I told him "nothing", and he went to the grocery store after working all day, and I don't really care.

Wow. Just wow. You are useless. It's almost like abuse. Get a job if you are so useless. Humans need food and shelter. These are the two most basic needs. A potato or cheese doesn't cut it for feeding a family. Especially when you are HOME ALL FUCKING DAY LONG. I'm a lawyer mom and I have cooked my family a hot meal almost every day of my 6-year marriage. I'd say your days are numbered as far as DH is concerned. My WAM sister in law does nothing like you and the whole family talks about how horrible of a,mother and wife she is. Her husband secretly told everyone he wants a divorce asap.

[Anonymous]

Wow, what a thread.

To OP:

It's obvious what the problem is. You are not interested in food and you just aren't interested in cooking. You find it tiresome and a real chore so it's hard to face it every day.

I am not judging you on this, many people are like this too.

Why not have a frank discussion with your husband about how much you hate cooking and why not try to reach a compromise such as having more prepared foods from supermarkets/delis or deliveries and balance that with making one or two simple meals a week with plenty of leftovers that he can chow on the following day? Get yourself a crockpot. It's easy and makes a tasty meal that'll last a few days.

However, once your baby is a bit older you really will need to sit down and seriously rethink the entire approach to feeding your family.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:"What's your damage, Heather?" Yes, most stay at home moms cook dinner for the family. I don't say this to be rude, but if you ate healthier than a diet Coke and baked potato you might have more energy.

Why not eat your cheese and crackers for lunch but then make a balanced, nutritious meal for yourself and your husband so you can reconnect after being apart all day? It's really shitty that after being "on" at work all day he turned around and had to go to the grocery store.

Why is it shitty though? We are both working all day. We start our days at the same time, around 6 am. Except his job involves going to the office. My job involves the work of caring for the child (and prepping 4 meals a day for him btw). When we were both working at an office -a mere 11 months ago-there wasn't the expectation that I make meals 5x per week. We both just managed-went out, grabbed something on the way home, each of cooked when we felt like etc. but now that my "workplace" is in the house I am in charge of dinner every night...

I do keep the house spotless and do all the cleaning, just because I like a clean house, but in theory I think that should also be a shared responsibility.

I could see once our son starts spending a few hours a day in school or pre-k, but right now we are "working" the same hours (6pm is when baby goes down and when DS goes to sleep). So why isn't dinner a shared responsibility?

Your job also includes the homemaking = COOKING CLEANING GROCERY SHOPPING.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here again, I agree with y'all on healthy family dinners and modeling for DS and all that good stuff. I was thinking that would all time nicely with our son starting a few hours of pre-school. Still really appreciating all the great suggestions!

No, the modeling starts now. You should be eating meals (even if just mini meals) with him, he should be eating what you eat, so he can see that people eat real, healthy, nutritious food, that healthy food taste good and people enjoy eating it. By the time your son is ready for preschool (2.5 -3 years old at the earliest) those food prejudices many times have already been formed. The power struggles have already started. I see TONS of kids at that age who won't touch any vegetable or a fruit, who only eat white flour (pasta with butter or rice or grill cheese, etc) the parents claim they are powerless. And then these "phases" last and last and you have a picky kindergartner who turns into a picky 5th grader who turns into a picky high schooler, etc. Don't set yourself up and your child to fail over your own marital power struggle re who is right and who is wrong for making dinner. Show your child, from the beginning, that we respect our bodies by giving it the good food we need, that mommy is important because she also takes care of her health this way, that trying new foods is fun, that eating meals together is fun, etc. Kids are watching and absorbing, even at your DS's young age.

Do you want to be "right" or do you want your family and home to be happy?

Thanks pp, not sure what more I can do about this. I sit and eat all meals with my child. All meals for him include a grain, a protein, a veggie, and a fruit. He eats 4x per day, I only eat 3x per day, but when he's eating, I am right there. We have conversations, talk about what is on the plate, etc. I don't really call that "cooking" but my priority is that he gets healthy and varied meals. He eats before DH gets home though, so I'm the rep for the family dinner. I follow the advice that your "phone should b off the hook" during mealtimes, and it is so. DS always sits with me in his booster seat thingy at the table. I'm never doing housework while he eats, and I don't feed him while he's playing or on the floor etc.

PP again, who was sort of giving you a pass a bit ago when you mention all of DH's travel. I just read this as I scrolled backwards, and I have to say, while I see your point of view and understand you to an extent, you are making a REALLY big deal out of a very basic thing, which is feeding a baby. You can be as specific with your details as you want, and make a huge deal about putting down your phone while your baby eats, but honestly, that's your problem right there. You're wasting time. You SHOULD be getting stuff done while the baby eats and is safe in his high chair. Despite what you may choose to believe, or what your AP blogs have told you, your child isn't getting much out of you sitting there watching him eat and describing his food (which takes what, 1.5 seconds to say "chicken, peas, pear, rice"? Come on, OP. Get over yourself. Your child will get much, much more out of a happy household with married parents than you staring at him while he eats (and patting yourself on the back for doing so).

You hate the drudgery of food shopping and prep, and you think you have an excuse not to do it because you're such an involved parent. You want to cherry-pick the household duties and only do what you want and enjoy, but that's not very grown-up and sounds spoiled. This does not bode well for your marriage. You need to adjust to your new role and step up, or go back to work and divide things differently. You're trying to have it all your way, and I feel bad for your DH.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

1. Not all SAHPs bring in zero income. Or haven't contributed significantly financially in recent past.
2. Parents are way more involved and engaged with their children now than they were 50 years ago. Classes, playgrounds, etc. Not just throwing baby in a playpen to tend to the house and make DH's martini.
3. People outsource more these days - landscapers, cleaning crews, etc.

Families should decide how to divide up parenting and household responsibilities so it seems fair to everyone but it just doesn't automatically all fall onto the SAHP.

1. In all her defensiveness, if she were currently contributing, she would have mentioned it.
2. Well those parents are mostly pointlessly over-parenting, so I don't really see that as a defense, but even adding a class a day, the day is very long, and when I stayed home I was desperate to find more things to do to fill our time.
3. What's your point

But I agree that OP and her husband need to have a come to Jesus, at which OP needs to recognize her husband is being infinitely reasonable in wanting her to do more than baby ballet all day.

She is doing way more than baby ballet and childcare. Most of the household work in fact - cleaning, tidying, laundry, bills, etc.

I can't even deal with the SAHM justifications. Cleaning and tidying are now separate things? I have two kids and work from home one day a week. In that time I do my laundry and the kids' and pay all the bills (takes less than an hour once a week). With one infant who doesn't even leave the house much (ie no daycare stains), it isn't like laundry needs to be done daily. Manage your time, people!

What is a daycare stain and how is that different than a nanny stain or a SAHM stain I wonder?

Are you insufferable or really that dumb? Kids at daycare (I'm a daycare mom) get messier. They just do. When there isn't one person to hover over them, there are more stains and spilled stuff etc. I don't mind that - part of being a kid - but it's life. Do Kindergartners get as dirty at home as at school? Let me know when you have them, K?

They should hand out bottles of bleach when you sign up for daycare - to handle all of the stains and germs.

O.k....you do realize that when they are home all day those stains and germs are not just on their clothes. The messes they make all over the house are all yours to clean up. Having them at home all day definitely means more crumbs, more toys dragged out, more Playdoh in the carpet, crayon on the table... it's par for the course.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Wow, what a thread.

To OP:

It's obvious what the problem is. You are not interested in food and you just aren't interested in cooking. You find it tiresome and a real chore so it's hard to face it every day.

I am not judging you on this, many people are like this too.

Why not have a frank discussion with your husband about how much you hate cooking and why not try to reach a compromise such as having more prepared foods from supermarkets/delis or deliveries and balance that with making one or two simple meals a week with plenty of leftovers that he can chow on the following day? Get yourself a crockpot. It's easy and makes a tasty meal that'll last a few days.

However, once your baby is a bit older you really will need to sit down and seriously rethink the entire approach to feeding your family.

This. And you never know what will impact how you have to handle cooking etc. One of my best friends is like you -- hates cooking, just generally uninterested in food. She and her DH were a take-out, grab-whatever couple pre-kids. Now they have three kids with serious food allergies. Now eating out is extremely challenging and she has to cook practically everything (even most convenience foods are out or very expensive so she tries to limit them). So, she cooks every meal, every day (she's a SAHM) and she doesn't particularly like it but it's part of the job so she gets it done with a positive attitude.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think DH is disappointed that I don't cook dinner as part of the SAH gig. I hate meal planning and cooking. DS is 12 mos. He eats simple, decinstructed meals. I eat whatever is around. Cheese and crackers for lunch if I want. I have no expectation that DH produce dinner for me. I didn't have that expectation when we were both working, either. I don't have a bunch of school-aged kids where we all need to sit around as a family. I really hate this expectation that I'm supposed to prepare food for a grown man now that my job is raising our child. I was thinking of cooking tonight-we have this bag of potatos on the counter. If it were just me, I'd have a baked potato and a Diet Coke. But since I'm cooking for a "family" I have to produce something more ambitious - a baked potato "bar" or whatever. No thanks. I'm want to cook what I want to eat and not cater to what DH likes. Today he came home and asked what I made-I told him "nothing", and he went to the grocery store after working all day, and I don't really care.

Wow. Just wow. You are useless. It's almost like abuse. Get a job if you are so useless. Humans need food and shelter. These are the two most basic needs. A potato or cheese doesn't cut it for feeding a family. Especially when you are HOME ALL FUCKING DAY LONG. I'm a lawyer mom and I have cooked my family a hot meal almost every day of my 6-year marriage. I'd say your days are numbered as far as DH is concerned. My WAM sister in law does nothing like you and the whole family talks about how horrible of a,mother and wife she is. Her husband secretly told everyone he wants a divorce asap.

Hey "lawyer-mom" you sound like an unhinged bitch.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

1. Not all SAHPs bring in zero income. Or haven't contributed significantly financially in recent past.
2. Parents are way more involved and engaged with their children now than they were 50 years ago. Classes, playgrounds, etc. Not just throwing baby in a playpen to tend to the house and make DH's martini.
3. People outsource more these days - landscapers, cleaning crews, etc.

Families should decide how to divide up parenting and household responsibilities so it seems fair to everyone but it just doesn't automatically all fall onto the SAHP.

1. In all her defensiveness, if she were currently contributing, she would have mentioned it.
2. Well those parents are mostly pointlessly over-parenting, so I don't really see that as a defense, but even adding a class a day, the day is very long, and when I stayed home I was desperate to find more things to do to fill our time.
3. What's your point

But I agree that OP and her husband need to have a come to Jesus, at which OP needs to recognize her husband is being infinitely reasonable in wanting her to do more than baby ballet all day.

She is doing way more than baby ballet and childcare. Most of the household work in fact - cleaning, tidying, laundry, bills, etc.

I can't even deal with the SAHM justifications. Cleaning and tidying are now separate things? I have two kids and work from home one day a week. In that time I do my laundry and the kids' and pay all the bills (takes less than an hour once a week). With one infant who doesn't even leave the house much (ie no daycare stains), it isn't like laundry needs to be done daily. Manage your time, people!

What is a daycare stain and how is that different than a nanny stain or a SAHM stain I wonder?

Are you insufferable or really that dumb? Kids at daycare (I'm a daycare mom) get messier. They just do. When there isn't one person to hover over them, there are more stains and spilled stuff etc. I don't mind that - part of being a kid - but it's life. Do Kindergartners get as dirty at home as at school? Let me know when you have them, K?

What? More stains? LOL.

I can tell you my house is much cleaner when the kids are gone for the day. A daycare stain doesn't compare!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think DH is disappointed that I don't cook dinner as part of the SAH gig. I hate meal planning and cooking. DS is 12 mos. He eats simple, decinstructed meals. I eat whatever is around. Cheese and crackers for lunch if I want. I have no expectation that DH produce dinner for me. I didn't have that expectation when we were both working, either. I don't have a bunch of school-aged kids where we all need to sit around as a family. I really hate this expectation that I'm supposed to prepare food for a grown man now that my job is raising our child. I was thinking of cooking tonight-we have this bag of potatos on the counter. If it were just me, I'd have a baked potato and a Diet Coke. But since I'm cooking for a "family" I have to produce something more ambitious - a baked potato "bar" or whatever. No thanks. I'm want to cook what I want to eat and not cater to what DH likes. Today he came home and asked what I made-I told him "nothing", and he went to the grocery store after working all day, and I don't really care.

Wow. Just wow. You are useless. It's almost like abuse. Get a job if you are so useless. Humans need food and shelter. These are the two most basic needs. A potato or cheese doesn't cut it for feeding a family. Especially when you are HOME ALL FUCKING DAY LONG. I'm a lawyer mom and I have cooked my family a hot meal almost every day of my 6-year marriage. I'd say your days are numbered as far as DH is concerned. My WAM sister in law does nothing like you and the whole family talks about how horrible of a,mother and wife she is. Her husband secretly told everyone he wants a divorce asap.

Hey "lawyer-mom" you sound like an unhinged bitch.

+1

[Anonymous]

I have plans to make from scratch or cull leftovers from the fridge every week night. I consider 4-7 the evening shift and to get through it I take a break for me in the afternoon. You need to build in breaks for yourself so you can get through the day. People in workplaces certainly do. Family dinner will become important as your kid gets older. I am also not eating the food I want to but I suck it up because I don't want to make multiple meals. Some nights I make what my husband likes, some nights what I like.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think DH is disappointed that I don't cook dinner as part of the SAH gig. I hate meal planning and cooking. DS is 12 mos. He eats simple, decinstructed meals. I eat whatever is around. Cheese and crackers for lunch if I want. I have no expectation that DH produce dinner for me. I didn't have that expectation when we were both working, either. I don't have a bunch of school-aged kids where we all need to sit around as a family. I really hate this expectation that I'm supposed to prepare food for a grown man now that my job is raising our child. I was thinking of cooking tonight-we have this bag of potatos on the counter. If it were just me, I'd have a baked potato and a Diet Coke. But since I'm cooking for a "family" I have to produce something more ambitious - a baked potato "bar" or whatever. No thanks. I'm want to cook what I want to eat and not cater to what DH likes. Today he came home and asked what I made-I told him "nothing", and he went to the grocery store after working all day, and I don't really care.

Wow. Just wow. You are useless. It's almost like abuse. Get a job if you are so useless. Humans need food and shelter. These are the two most basic needs. A potato or cheese doesn't cut it for feeding a family. Especially when you are HOME ALL FUCKING DAY LONG. I'm a lawyer mom and I have cooked my family a hot meal almost every day of my 6-year marriage. I'd say your days are numbered as far as DH is concerned. My WAM sister in law does nothing like you and the whole family talks about how horrible of a,mother and wife she is. Her husband secretly told everyone he wants a divorce asap.

Hey "lawyer-mom" you sound like an unhinged bitch.

You are just jealous that another woman can carry some weight in the family. I bet you are a liberal woman who wants women's equality and all that. Well, here you have a poster woman for that and you are bashing her. Moron.

I say kudos to the lawyer mom, I am sure her husband is a happy man and they have a better marriage than you do as a result.