Is "making dinner" part of your SAHM job description?

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:I WOH FT. I pick my kid up at daycare, go home, bathe him, then make dinner. My husband shows up about the time dinner is getting on the table.

On the weekends, I cook dinner while my toddler is napping. What do you do while your baby naps, OP?

When does your DH cook?

He doesn't.

Wow - at all? Does he handle all of the cleaning or laundry then?

Nope.

Sounds like you should start your own thread. Yikes!

Why?

Sounds like he's not contributing to household work at all!

He's not. It doesn't bother me.

Very interesting. So then I guess given your own preferences for how your own household works - you probably think SAHMs (or even all moms?) should handle most if not all household responsibilities?

Where did I say that?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Op here-someone said raising the kids didn't take all of your time. They are right. It does not. What it takes is all of my energy, and I think there's an important distinction. I don't want to be a resentful person and hate DH, but I know I would become that if ALL of the childcare was on me, plus all of the housework, and to top it off, all of the cooking. DH also travels a lot. Like, a ton. I spent months 2-4 and 8-10 by myself. And it's my first time with a baby, and it can be hard and isating and menial, so adding cooking to the list-something I really am not good at and do not enjoy-is not something I've prioritized at all, and we've been floundering. I also did contribute a lot financially to our marriage before kids-I worked FT and started a good side business, and as a result saved enough that we will be able to put fifty percent down on our forever home. I'm really proud of that. I think stay at home parents make a really valuable contribution to the family, but because it is not monetized, SAHMs have a lot of potential to take on more than their fair share of responsibility. I see it over and over on these boards, and I think that is a hard road.

OK, this is a lot of good new information. DH's travel is a big game changer. I suggested taco night, etc. above, and I stand by it, but my amended advice in this light is to pick two days when you will cook (or just heat!) something. Get 2 days of leftovers out of it and order the rest or eat sandwiches. Two nights, OP! I recommend chili (super fast and easy and you can freeze the rest for a hot meal with no effort later), soup, salad with grilled chicken you purchase already cooked, etc. Your DH will probably not care if you "cook," per se; I think he wants some effort of some sort.

I get that you're chafing at your new role and your sense that you're expected to be a maid and a cook and a nanny too - that resentment is common, if not universal, among women who worked FT before staying home. It feels sexist and unfair. I know, I was there. But still...you need to step up a little here. Just a little.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH FT. I pick my kid up at daycare, go home, bathe him, then make dinner. My husband shows up about the time dinner is getting on the table.

On the weekends, I cook dinner while my toddler is napping. What do you do while your baby naps, OP?

For AM nap, I shower, get dressed, make bed, wipe down high chair, vacuum DS breakfast mess, empty the dishwasher, load any bottles/dirty dishes, gather up dirty diapers and take out trash, put away laundry from night before and get a new load started, wipe down master bath (just a quick swish and swipe of toilet and sink) and powder room, reset the diaper bag for an outing (replenish snacks,clothes,diapers-throw out any trash/dirty clothes etc), put away DS's toys. For PM nap, I check email, mail, deal with any bills or paperwork, maybe call my mom, then I have about 30 mins to myself, where I could ostensibly prepare a meal.

OMG the excuses. Making the bed takes 10 seconds. You empty the dishwasher and take out the trash and do laundry every day? You're clearly just thinking of everything you could possibly do and listing it here.

Op here well, sometimes we mix it up. Like yesterday, when DS's diaper exploded while he was napping, and then he got his hands in poo and smeared it all over the place. So that altered the routine a bit. Anyway, yep laundry every day just by its easier to do smaller loads and put them away instead of spending all weekend doing laundry (it's a common housekeeping principle-you can google it!)

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, it's not y JOB, but surely you can have a grown up discussion with yr husband about the division of labour and what you each see as important. You like a clean house and like cleaning, and would forgo dinner to achieve that, but he may feel that having a less tidy house and dinner ready so everyone can have dinner together is more important.

There's a lot of room between your baked potato and a Diet Coke and the gourmet meals you seem to think are necessary.

I WAH, longer hours than DH does, and while it's not my job, it's easy to whip together meals on a quick break. Yesterday I made goulash in about 6 minutes on my lunch break (then it needed 4 hours to bubble while I did other stuff). Month ends, we chop stuff together on a Sunday that can be used in various meals through the weeks - baked potatoes, tacos, noodle bowls, omelettes.

I think you're overthinking and over fighting this. No, it's not 1950, but the reality is, you're home and meal making is not really a huge and terrible task. The time you've spent fighting this on DCUM, you could probably have made several meals.

A valuable model for your son is working together - and another one is that life is not always equal, but equitable.

Best post on here. *applause*

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH FT. I pick my kid up at daycare, go home, bathe him, then make dinner. My husband shows up about the time dinner is getting on the table.

On the weekends, I cook dinner while my toddler is napping. What do you do while your baby naps, OP?

When does your DH cook?

He doesn't.

Wow - at all? Does he handle all of the cleaning or laundry then?

Nope.

Sounds like you should start your own thread. Yikes!

Why?

Sounds like he's not contributing to household work at all!

He's not. It doesn't bother me.

Very interesting. So then I guess given your own preferences for how your own household works - you probably think SAHMs (or even all moms?) should handle most if not all household responsibilities?

Where did I say that?

It was a question, not a quote.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Op here-someone said raising the kids didn't take all of your time. They are right. It does not. What it takes is all of my energy, and I think there's an important distinction. I don't want to be a resentful person and hate DH, but I know I would become that if ALL of the childcare was on me, plus all of the housework, and to top it off, all of the cooking. DH also travels a lot. Like, a ton. I spent months 2-4 and 8-10 by myself. And it's my first time with a baby, and it can be hard and isating and menial, so adding cooking to the list-something I really am not good at and do not enjoy-is not something I've prioritized at all, and we've been floundering. I also did contribute a lot financially to our marriage before kids-I worked FT and started a good side business, and as a result saved enough that we will be able to put fifty percent down on our forever home. I'm really proud of that. I think stay at home parents make a really valuable contribution to the family, but because it is not monetized, SAHMs have a lot of potential to take on more than their fair share of responsibility. I see it over and over on these boards, and I think that is a hard road.

OK, this is a lot of good new information. DH's travel is a big game changer. I suggested taco night, etc. above, and I stand by it, but my amended advice in this light is to pick two days when you will cook (or just heat!) something. Get 2 days of leftovers out of it and order the rest or eat sandwiches. Two nights, OP! I recommend chili (super fast and easy and you can freeze the rest for a hot meal with no effort later), soup, salad with grilled chicken you purchase already cooked, etc. Your DH will probably not care if you "cook," per se; I think he wants some effort of some sort.

I get that you're chafing at your new role and your sense that you're expected to be a maid and a cook and a nanny too - that resentment is common, if not universal, among women who worked FT before staying home. It feels sexist and unfair. I know, I was there. But still...you need to step up a little here. Just a little.

Op here, yes I think 2 nights I can and totally should do.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:My DH makes more in an hour than I could make in a week. so, yes, he gets to not do some jobs in the home.

Wtf

Because he outsources it?

Sounds like she does more "jobs" at home just because he makes more money. Thats a bad dynamic.

Works out perfectly for us. We outsource a lot. Why should he be doing the plumbers job?

[Anonymous]

Go get some sleep, OP! Where are you?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DH makes more in an hour than I could make in a week. so, yes, he gets to not do some jobs in the home.

Wtf

Because he outsources it?

Sounds like she does more "jobs" at home just because he makes more money. Thats a bad dynamic.

Works out perfectly for us. We outsource a lot. Why should he be doing the plumbers job?

If DH is too busy working, maybe the plumber can do the DH's job.

[Anonymous]

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1. Not all SAHPs bring in zero income. Or haven't contributed significantly financially in recent past.
2. Parents are way more involved and engaged with their children now than they were 50 years ago. Classes, playgrounds, etc. Not just throwing baby in a playpen to tend to the house and make DH's martini.
3. People outsource more these days - landscapers, cleaning crews, etc.

Families should decide how to divide up parenting and household responsibilities so it seems fair to everyone but it just doesn't automatically all fall onto the SAHP.

1. In all her defensiveness, if she were currently contributing, she would have mentioned it.
2. Well those parents are mostly pointlessly over-parenting, so I don't really see that as a defense, but even adding a class a day, the day is very long, and when I stayed home I was desperate to find more things to do to fill our time.
3. What's your point

But I agree that OP and her husband need to have a come to Jesus, at which OP needs to recognize her husband is being infinitely reasonable in wanting her to do more than baby ballet all day.

She is doing way more than baby ballet and childcare. Most of the household work in fact - cleaning, tidying, laundry, bills, etc.

I can't even deal with the SAHM justifications. Cleaning and tidying are now separate things? I have two kids and work from home one day a week. In that time I do my laundry and the kids' and pay all the bills (takes less than an hour once a week). With one infant who doesn't even leave the house much (ie no daycare stains), it isn't like laundry needs to be done daily. Manage your time, people!

What is a daycare stain and how is that different than a nanny stain or a SAHM stain I wonder?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Go get some sleep, OP! Where are you?

Guam!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I WOH FT. I pick my kid up at daycare, go home, bathe him, then make dinner. My husband shows up about the time dinner is getting on the table.

On the weekends, I cook dinner while my toddler is napping. What do you do while your baby naps, OP?

When does your DH cook?

He doesn't.

Wow - at all? Does he handle all of the cleaning or laundry then?

Nope.

Sounds like you should start your own thread. Yikes!

Why?

Sounds like he's not contributing to household work at all!

He's not. It doesn't bother me.

Very interesting. So then I guess given your own preferences for how your own household works - you probably think SAHMs (or even all moms?) should handle most if not all household responsibilities?

Where did I say that?

It was a question, not a quote.

It was an assumption, based on nothing.

I think households should do what works for them. OP's current arrangement is not working for her household (or at least it's not working for her husband).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go get some sleep, OP! Where are you?

Guam!

You bought your forever house in Guam?

[Anonymous]

I'm a SAHM and I usually deal with dinner because I'm usually the one dealing with food/feeding. Does that mean my husband demands home-cooked meals every night, and I obediently comply? Of course not? But I do make sure that most nights there's something healthy/home-made. We order in a night or two a week. If it's been a tough day or two, it's no big deal to order in or pick up or whatever. But it does mean that I'm in charge of keeping an eye on the food situation and making decisions and planning ahead to make sure we get what we need, whether or not it's home-cooked.

Also, your kid should/will soon start basically eating what you do. Set a good example by making sure there are balanced/healthy meals.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Go get some sleep, OP! Where are you?

Guam!

You bought your forever house in Guam?

Lol I wish. No we will be back in DC next year and buy our forever house then.