If you were beaten as a child….

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

How is a husband the equivalent of a small child?

They are a human being, they are part of your family, they deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

And they are. But tapping a toddlers butt is not abuse. Tapping there hand is not abuse.

“Tapping” is just a wishy washy way of saying “hit”. Yes, hitting is always abuse.

How did I ever get my kid to behave without “tapping” his butt? Is my kid special? Am I a parenting savant? Why do parents who abuse their children always claim that there was no other way yet I personally know countless families with normal kids who never had to hit them?

There are countless families I know with normal kids that were tapped a few times? Like abuse is not tapping on the butt a couple times in childhood. This really takes away from REAL abuse that people experience. You can call it that but you know tapping a butt which people do in sports and other things is not a form of abuse. Good day.

People are individuals who experience the world through their own lens. For some, tapping is no big deal. My mother tapped me and I found it funny. Her hand was soft and gentle. I learned nothing from it, other than it was preferable to my dad, who beat me with a belt and verbally humiliated me. Whether you admit it or not, being touched (tap, slap, spank, beating) in the name of punishment is HUMILIATING. If that is your goal, to humiliate your child, who you brought in this world, have at it. Just don't expect them to respect, honor or care for you in your golden years. Or, prepare yourself to experience the fruits of your punishments while they tend to you in your vulnerable state of advanced age or poor health. You will be vulnerable one day, hopefully your caregivers are kinder and more patient than you were with your children.

What punishment isn’t potentially “humiliating”?
My parents spanked me. I actually didn’t find it humiliating- but they taught me to see the action I did that warranted the punishment as the source of shame. I still love and care for my parents. They were great parents

I was spanked and some of my punishments in my teen years were far more humiliating. I completely agree with you. As a teen being in trouble is honestly is the worst shame when you have to tell your friends why you can't hang out.

Man, the spanking advocates on this thread are really going around in circles. So far we have:

Spanking isn't hitting, it's just "tapping".
Spanking isn't humiliating, BUT hey aren't all punishments humiliating?
Spankign is the only way to make a child know that they've done something really wrong, BUT oh spanking isn't that bad because I found my parents lectures or grounding much worse when I was a kid.

It's almost like there is no logical argument in favor of using physical violence as a form of parental discipline, but people don't want to admit their parents did something wrong or that they do something wrong, so they are just tap dancing around that truth. Hmmmm.

[Anonymous]

DH. I was “beaten” as a child. And I beat my kids. 🙄

Here’s the deal. I’m a guy. There were basically two kinds of corporal punishment when I was a kid. One was the angry swat to your butt, or when you’re a smart ass 12 year old, a slap to your face. Those I don’t recommend, but totally understand that it happens.

The other kind, which I fully endorse, and have implemented, is the calm, old school, “you disobeyed/lied/were totally defiant/ignored two warnings, and now you’re going to go over my knee and get a spanking.” Those are extremely effective because you know that it’s based on your actions, not on your parents’ anger.

And because it’s effective, it’s not something that’s happening all the time by any means, like some people will suggest is necessary for other discipline.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

How is a husband the equivalent of a small child?

They are a human being, they are part of your family, they deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

And they are. But tapping a toddlers butt is not abuse. Tapping there hand is not abuse.

“Tapping” is just a wishy washy way of saying “hit”. Yes, hitting is always abuse.

How did I ever get my kid to behave without “tapping” his butt? Is my kid special? Am I a parenting savant? Why do parents who abuse their children always claim that there was no other way yet I personally know countless families with normal kids who never had to hit them?

There are countless families I know with normal kids that were tapped a few times? Like abuse is not tapping on the butt a couple times in childhood. This really takes away from REAL abuse that people experience. You can call it that but you know tapping a butt which people do in sports and other things is not a form of abuse. Good day.

People are individuals who experience the world through their own lens. For some, tapping is no big deal. My mother tapped me and I found it funny. Her hand was soft and gentle. I learned nothing from it, other than it was preferable to my dad, who beat me with a belt and verbally humiliated me. Whether you admit it or not, being touched (tap, slap, spank, beating) in the name of punishment is HUMILIATING. If that is your goal, to humiliate your child, who you brought in this world, have at it. Just don't expect them to respect, honor or care for you in your golden years. Or, prepare yourself to experience the fruits of your punishments while they tend to you in your vulnerable state of advanced age or poor health. You will be vulnerable one day, hopefully your caregivers are kinder and more patient than you were with your children.

What punishment isn’t potentially “humiliating”?
My parents spanked me. I actually didn’t find it humiliating- but they taught me to see the action I did that warranted the punishment as the source of shame. I still love and care for my parents. They were great parents

I was spanked and some of my punishments in my teen years were far more humiliating. I completely agree with you. As a teen being in trouble is honestly is the worst shame when you have to tell your friends why you can't hang out.

Man, the spanking advocates on this thread are really going around in circles. So far we have:

Spanking isn't hitting, it's just "tapping".
Spanking isn't humiliating, BUT hey aren't all punishments humiliating?
Spankign is the only way to make a child know that they've done something really wrong, BUT oh spanking isn't that bad because I found my parents lectures or grounding much worse when I was a kid.

It's almost like there is no logical argument in favor of using physical violence as a form of parental discipline, but people don't want to admit their parents did something wrong or that they do something wrong, so they are just tap dancing around that truth. Hmmmm.

Oh I wasn't saying spanking isn't humiliating though. But spanking is more private. It is absolutely humiliating but in a different way. When I was grounded at 16 for stuff it just takes it to a whole new level of people knowing I did something. But that could also be my own issue of wanting to appear perfect.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you believe spanking is fine but feel the need to refer to it as "tapping" (I was spanked, no one ever "tapped" my butt -- they were hitting me), ask yourself why you feel the need to use an inaccurate euphemism to describe this thing you think is totally fine.

Spanking is hitting. If you spank, you are hitting your kids. You are using your hand or another object to strike your child. If you don't spank but you think it's okay if others do, you are saying it's okay for people to hit their kids.

I just think we should be very clear about what we are talking about. You don't get to advocate for spanking and then make it sound like a gentle caress. Spanking is hitting. If you want to defend spanking, you need to be willing to defend hitting kids.

Go ahead.

Different person. I spank and I don't care what you think. No one even knows I do.

Your kid certainly does. How sad that not only do you not care but you’re smug and self righteous too. Poor child.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

How is a husband the equivalent of a small child?

They are a human being, they are part of your family, they deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

And they are. But tapping a toddlers butt is not abuse. Tapping there hand is not abuse.

“Tapping” is just a wishy washy way of saying “hit”. Yes, hitting is always abuse.

How did I ever get my kid to behave without “tapping” his butt? Is my kid special? Am I a parenting savant? Why do parents who abuse their children always claim that there was no other way yet I personally know countless families with normal kids who never had to hit them?

There are countless families I know with normal kids that were tapped a few times? Like abuse is not tapping on the butt a couple times in childhood. This really takes away from REAL abuse that people experience. You can call it that but you know tapping a butt which people do in sports and other things is not a form of abuse. Good day.

People are individuals who experience the world through their own lens. For some, tapping is no big deal. My mother tapped me and I found it funny. Her hand was soft and gentle. I learned nothing from it, other than it was preferable to my dad, who beat me with a belt and verbally humiliated me. Whether you admit it or not, being touched (tap, slap, spank, beating) in the name of punishment is HUMILIATING. If that is your goal, to humiliate your child, who you brought in this world, have at it. Just don't expect them to respect, honor or care for you in your golden years. Or, prepare yourself to experience the fruits of your punishments while they tend to you in your vulnerable state of advanced age or poor health. You will be vulnerable one day, hopefully your caregivers are kinder and more patient than you were with your children.

What punishment isn’t potentially “humiliating”?
My parents spanked me. I actually didn’t find it humiliating- but they taught me to see the action I did that warranted the punishment as the source of shame. I still love and care for my parents. They were great parents

I was spanked and some of my punishments in my teen years were far more humiliating. I completely agree with you. As a teen being in trouble is honestly is the worst shame when you have to tell your friends why you can't hang out.

Man, the spanking advocates on this thread are really going around in circles. So far we have:

Spanking isn't hitting, it's just "tapping".
Spanking isn't humiliating, BUT hey aren't all punishments humiliating?
Spankign is the only way to make a child know that they've done something really wrong, BUT oh spanking isn't that bad because I found my parents lectures or grounding much worse when I was a kid.

It's almost like there is no logical argument in favor of using physical violence as a form of parental discipline, but people don't want to admit their parents did something wrong or that they do something wrong, so they are just tap dancing around that truth. Hmmmm.

So true, and they won’t change their minds based on sound arguments because their minds are protecting them from uncomfortable cognitive dissonance. It’s too painful to admit that you’re doing something that might be abusive, that you’re an imperfect parent, that your parents who you love dearly might have been abusive, etc.

And we have all been there. Nobody wants to acknowledge something that might make them believe they’re a “bad” person or a “bad” parent.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH. I was “beaten” as a child. And I beat my kids. 🙄

Here’s the deal. I’m a guy. There were basically two kinds of corporal punishment when I was a kid. One was the angry swat to your butt, or when you’re a smart ass 12 year old, a slap to your face. Those I don’t recommend, but totally understand that it happens.

The other kind, which I fully endorse, and have implemented, is the calm, old school, “you disobeyed/lied/were totally defiant/ignored two warnings, and now you’re going to go over my knee and get a spanking.” Those are extremely effective because you know that it’s based on your actions, not on your parents’ anger.

And because it’s effective, it’s not something that’s happening all the time by any means, like some people will suggest is necessary for other discipline.

Yes! This is how it should be. THANK YOU.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH. I was “beaten” as a child. And I beat my kids. 🙄

Here’s the deal. I’m a guy. There were basically two kinds of corporal punishment when I was a kid. One was the angry swat to your butt, or when you’re a smart ass 12 year old, a slap to your face. Those I don’t recommend, but totally understand that it happens.

The other kind, which I fully endorse, and have implemented, is the calm, old school, “you disobeyed/lied/were totally defiant/ignored two warnings, and now you’re going to go over my knee and get a spanking.” Those are extremely effective because you know that it’s based on your actions, not on your parents’ anger.

And because it’s effective, it’s not something that’s happening all the time by any means, like some people will suggest is necessary for other discipline.

Where do you get the idea that it’s effective? How do you factor in potential harm? What do you think of the idea that the American academy of pediatrics and other professional organizations say spanking is ineffective at best and harmful at worst?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH. I was “beaten” as a child. And I beat my kids. 🙄

Here’s the deal. I’m a guy. There were basically two kinds of corporal punishment when I was a kid. One was the angry swat to your butt, or when you’re a smart ass 12 year old, a slap to your face. Those I don’t recommend, but totally understand that it happens.

The other kind, which I fully endorse, and have implemented, is the calm, old school, “you disobeyed/lied/were totally defiant/ignored two warnings, and now you’re going to go over my knee and get a spanking.” Those are extremely effective because you know that it’s based on your actions, not on your parents’ anger.

And because it’s effective, it’s not something that’s happening all the time by any means, like some people will suggest is necessary for other discipline.

Yes! This is how it should be. THANK YOU.

Honest question: How can you account for the fact that it is completely unnecessary to ever spank a kid? How do tou explain families with well behaved kids who were never spanked?

Doesn’t the fact that an alternative is available mean that choosing violence is wrong?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH. I was “beaten” as a child. And I beat my kids. 🙄

Here’s the deal. I’m a guy. There were basically two kinds of corporal punishment when I was a kid. One was the angry swat to your butt, or when you’re a smart ass 12 year old, a slap to your face. Those I don’t recommend, but totally understand that it happens.

The other kind, which I fully endorse, and have implemented, is the calm, old school, “you disobeyed/lied/were totally defiant/ignored two warnings, and now you’re going to go over my knee and get a spanking.” Those are extremely effective because you know that it’s based on your actions, not on your parents’ anger.

And because it’s effective, it’s not something that’s happening all the time by any means, like some people will suggest is necessary for other discipline.

Where do you get the idea that it’s effective? How do you factor in potential harm? What do you think of the idea that the American academy of pediatrics and other professional organizations say spanking is ineffective at best and harmful at worst?

I'm not the one that posted this but just because in your culture you don't do it. It doesn't mean it's not widely used across the world. As are many other child rearing tactics. Let people parent their way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:DH. I was “beaten” as a child. And I beat my kids. 🙄

Here’s the deal. I’m a guy. There were basically two kinds of corporal punishment when I was a kid. One was the angry swat to your butt, or when you’re a smart ass 12 year old, a slap to your face. Those I don’t recommend, but totally understand that it happens.

The other kind, which I fully endorse, and have implemented, is the calm, old school, “you disobeyed/lied/were totally defiant/ignored two warnings, and now you’re going to go over my knee and get a spanking.” Those are extremely effective because you know that it’s based on your actions, not on your parents’ anger.

And because it’s effective, it’s not something that’s happening all the time by any means, like some people will suggest is necessary for other discipline.

Yes! This is how it should be. THANK YOU.

Honest question: How can you account for the fact that it is completely unnecessary to ever spank a kid? How do tou explain families with well behaved kids who were never spanked?

Doesn’t the fact that an alternative is available mean that choosing violence is wrong?

Because all of my friends were spanked and they are normal people that have been well behaved. If it doesn't work for you why are you worried about what someone else does in their household. It's not illegal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:DH. I was “beaten” as a child. And I beat my kids. 🙄

Here’s the deal. I’m a guy. There were basically two kinds of corporal punishment when I was a kid. One was the angry swat to your butt, or when you’re a smart ass 12 year old, a slap to your face. Those I don’t recommend, but totally understand that it happens.

The other kind, which I fully endorse, and have implemented, is the calm, old school, “you disobeyed/lied/were totally defiant/ignored two warnings, and now you’re going to go over my knee and get a spanking.” Those are extremely effective because you know that it’s based on your actions, not on your parents’ anger.

And because it’s effective, it’s not something that’s happening all the time by any means, like some people will suggest is necessary for other discipline.

Continuing for some of the comments.

Yeah, it’s embarrassing to be turned over your parent’s knee and spanked, especially if it warranted a bare butt spanking.

It’s more than a “tap” and less than a full “hit.”

For some of us, in particular, who have perfectionist tendencies, other punishments were far worse, and carried more adverse side effects, if that makes sense, because they go on for a lot longer, so you’re living with the guilt and disappointment a lot longer. That was always my take on it, as a nine year old.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you believe spanking is fine but feel the need to refer to it as "tapping" (I was spanked, no one ever "tapped" my butt -- they were hitting me), ask yourself why you feel the need to use an inaccurate euphemism to describe this thing you think is totally fine.

Spanking is hitting. If you spank, you are hitting your kids. You are using your hand or another object to strike your child. If you don't spank but you think it's okay if others do, you are saying it's okay for people to hit their kids.

I just think we should be very clear about what we are talking about. You don't get to advocate for spanking and then make it sound like a gentle caress. Spanking is hitting. If you want to defend spanking, you need to be willing to defend hitting kids.

Go ahead.

Different person. I spank and I don't care what you think. No one even knows I do.

Your kids know and they'll never forget it.

[Anonymous]

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Anonymous wrote:Here’s the deal. I am Black American. In my “culture” spankings and beatings are the norm. I still do not do it and know it is wrong. I was spanked and don’t want that for my kids. I don’t care that it is acceptable in other cultures. Female genitalia mutilation is acceptable in some cultures, but we are pretty comfortable blanket deciding that practice is wrong right? What about child brides? Some cultures find that practice acceptable. IMO this is an issue where there is a clear right side and wrong side.


Would you hit an adult who defies you or pisses you off in some way? And have that be an acceptable course of action with that person where they would be expected to continue having a normal relationship with you after being hit? If it is not ok, why are you claiming it is acceptable in any way to beat kids?

Oh please. Would you take a toy from an adult as punishment. Would you ask an adult to sit in a corner for a few minutes as punishment? Would you call an adult's mother if they misbehave at work?

I don't spank, but this rationale of treating kids as adults would categorize most forms of punishment as wrong.

It would depend on the cognitive capacities of the adult. If an adult I was in charge of caring for was using his toy to hit people or something I would absolutely take it away.

Exactly. Kids don't have the cognitive ability to be treated as adults. There are arguments against spanking but this " if it's not ok with an adult, the why do it with kids? " argument is weak sauce because kids are not adults.

Exactly. But many of these new methods think consequences are wrong. Which is wild.

Nobody is saying that consequences are wrong. Nobody. Where do you guys come up with such nonsense?

It’s like you just cannot convince a person who hits children that the alternative is not chaos and anarchy. They cannot fathom a parent who can controll their kid any other way.

s

Seriously, there is a lot of guidance by psychologists that talking it out is better. I'm not saying it's right, but many of my friends don't believe it's right to have consequences for children. Spanking is wrong (ok sure makes sense), taking privileges away is wrong, have consequences doesn't help. So all I hear is to talk nicely and show empathy. I just don't understand how that leads to a respect for authority.

NP here.

You’re right that a lot of parents are way too permissive and don’t know how to set appropriate boundaries with their kids. But actually parents who spank can sometimes be like that too, and it’s not a new thing. It has always been the case that some parents don’t have the skills to be anything other than permissive.

For me, a respect for authority is not the goal. I want my kids to respect people, not authority (and anybody, authority figures included, can be undeserving of respect).

I am trying to focus on teaching my kids to regulate their emotions, to understand that their behavior has consequences for others, that it’s unacceptable to hurt others, and that they need to take accountability for their actions and the impacts of their actions. It’s hard to get there, but I just try to be firm and enforce boundaries while still being respectful. I don’t try to protect their feelings at the expense of important life lessons; their negative feelings are okay and can be useful.

Anyway, this is all really hard and it’s what I go for. And I’m so focused on that that it never crossed my mind to spank.

It's sad parents don't teach respect for authority. This is why kids are disrespectful to teachers, police officers, principals. Disgusting. And we wonder why crazy stuff is happening in the news.

Really? I’d rather have my kids be like the founding fathers who rebelled against their king because of taxes than like somebody who just blindly does what they’re told just because somebody had been endowed with authority.

Like I said, I want my kids to respect *people.* This includes authority figures. I would not be okay with my kid refusing to follow a teachers instructions to line up quietly , for instance. But I would also not want my kid to assume that you should always do what you’re told to do by a person in a position of power.

NP. You can respect people and not blindly follow. This statement is super ignorant.

DP It seems to me like the two of you agree that respect is good and blind obedience is bad. No need to be hostile.

Yes, but as a teacher I hate parents that believe they should not teach kids to respect authority. It makes our job so impossibly hard.

Real power is earned and not given based on job title or rank. That is a universal fact among human beings.

This is an odd statement considering for how long in human history power was based on physical dominance. Now that we are moving away from that, we need other ways to define power. Being the teacher in a classroom, is one way.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I went to therapy and learned proper coping techniques and desensitized from triggers instilled in childhood.

Please tell me more. Was it a particular kind? I thought I was fine but my teenagers are bringing all the memories and triggers back.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:If you believe spanking is fine but feel the need to refer to it as "tapping" (I was spanked, no one ever "tapped" my butt -- they were hitting me), ask yourself why you feel the need to use an inaccurate euphemism to describe this thing you think is totally fine.

Spanking is hitting. If you spank, you are hitting your kids. You are using your hand or another object to strike your child. If you don't spank but you think it's okay if others do, you are saying it's okay for people to hit their kids.

I just think we should be very clear about what we are talking about. You don't get to advocate for spanking and then make it sound like a gentle caress. Spanking is hitting. If you want to defend spanking, you need to be willing to defend hitting kids.

Go ahead.

Different person. I spank and I don't care what you think. No one even knows I do.

Your kids know and they'll never forget it.

Are you an idiot? Several people on this thread have verified they were spanked and they love their parents.