If you were beaten as a child….

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

How is a husband the equivalent of a small child?

They are a human being, they are part of your family, they deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

And they are. But tapping a toddlers butt is not abuse. Tapping there hand is not abuse.

“Tapping” is just a wishy washy way of saying “hit”. Yes, hitting is always abuse.

How did I ever get my kid to behave without “tapping” his butt? Is my kid special? Am I a parenting savant? Why do parents who abuse their children always claim that there was no other way yet I personally know countless families with normal kids who never had to hit them?

There are countless families I know with normal kids that were tapped a few times? Like abuse is not tapping on the butt a couple times in childhood. This really takes away from REAL abuse that people experience. You can call it that but you know tapping a butt which people do in sports and other things is not a form of abuse. Good day.

People are individuals who experience the world through their own lens. For some, tapping is no big deal. My mother tapped me and I found it funny. Her hand was soft and gentle. I learned nothing from it, other than it was preferable to my dad, who beat me with a belt and verbally humiliated me. Whether you admit it or not, being touched (tap, slap, spank, beating) in the name of punishment is HUMILIATING. If that is your goal, to humiliate your child, who you brought in this world, have at it. Just don't expect them to respect, honor or care for you in your golden years. Or, prepare yourself to experience the fruits of your punishments while they tend to you in your vulnerable state of advanced age or poor health. You will be vulnerable one day, hopefully your caregivers are kinder and more patient than you were with your children.

What punishment isn’t potentially “humiliating”?
My parents spanked me. I actually didn’t find it humiliating- but they taught me to see the action I did that warranted the punishment as the source of shame. I still love and care for my parents. They were great parents

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

How is a husband the equivalent of a small child?

They are a human being, they are part of your family, they deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

And they are. But tapping a toddlers butt is not abuse. Tapping there hand is not abuse.

“Tapping” is just a wishy washy way of saying “hit”. Yes, hitting is always abuse.

How did I ever get my kid to behave without “tapping” his butt? Is my kid special? Am I a parenting savant? Why do parents who abuse their children always claim that there was no other way yet I personally know countless families with normal kids who never had to hit them?

There are countless families I know with normal kids that were tapped a few times? Like abuse is not tapping on the butt a couple times in childhood. This really takes away from REAL abuse that people experience. You can call it that but you know tapping a butt which people do in sports and other things is not a form of abuse. Good day.

People are individuals who experience the world through their own lens. For some, tapping is no big deal. My mother tapped me and I found it funny. Her hand was soft and gentle. I learned nothing from it, other than it was preferable to my dad, who beat me with a belt and verbally humiliated me. Whether you admit it or not, being touched (tap, slap, spank, beating) in the name of punishment is HUMILIATING. If that is your goal, to humiliate your child, who you brought in this world, have at it. Just don't expect them to respect, honor or care for you in your golden years. Or, prepare yourself to experience the fruits of your punishments while they tend to you in your vulnerable state of advanced age or poor health. You will be vulnerable one day, hopefully your caregivers are kinder and more patient than you were with your children.

What punishment isn’t potentially “humiliating”?
My parents spanked me. I actually didn’t find it humiliating- but they taught me to see the action I did that warranted the punishment as the source of shame. I still love and care for my parents. They were great parents

You just punishments are humiliating and then said you weren’t humiliated when your parents punished you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

How is a husband the equivalent of a small child?

That wasn’t the analogy, because the equivalent of the patent would be the husband. The analogy was one human being controlling another with physical force.

I didn’t write that comment and I think it’s oversimplified, but it is surprising to me how easily people dismiss the idea that kids are human beings. It’s like we think we can mistreat them just because they are smaller and haven’t learned as much. I don’t think we should treat them differently than any adult are charged with caring.

I don't think physical force is necessary, but kids are not adults. We should absolutely care but no one ever provides real examples of how to actually discipline. Not for little ones doing silly things but real things like consistently lying in children 8-14. I struggle with this because I want to show love and care but I also need to convey why it's important not to lie and manipulate and disrespect elders.

Many of us who were "spanked", or otherwise corporally punished, strongly urge that parents not do that to their kids. When it comes to discipline advice, that will vary, depending on the parent's expectations. We should have age appropriate expectations for behavior. You can't expect your preschooler to act lije an adult. They are children. Read books about child development to understand the stage your child is in. The best advice I ever received about discipline children was adjust your expectations and choose your battles wisely. I will add to never act while you are angry. Take time to calm down. Walk away and/or send your kid to their room. The punishment should fit the infraction, so be smart in deciding. Don't strike your child. They are smaller than you and, one day soon, they will be bigger and stronger than you. Keep that in mind as you bring them up into adulthood.

Thanks for this, but again no one ever gives real examples of how to change behaviors. I do this and great it works in the moment. But I'm constantly doing it. So I guess the answer is you just wash, rinse, and repeat. It sounds like the goal is to do this but not to necessarily change behavior which is what I am trying to do. But maybe the answer isn't changed behavior based on these comments.

Welcome to parenting. It takes consistency and persistence because the children are growing and developing. It can be weeks or months until your child moves into the next stage of development. These stages have been researched and studied by child development experts. Read their books. Educate yourself.

As a parent, you have the power to decide how you raise you children. I eventually had a loving and wonderful relationship with my parents, who were neglectful and abusive at times. I was a long road for me. I know they did the best they knew how. They also effed me up badly. I had zero guidance as a young person and I had to teach myself many basic things. I want so much more for my kids. Above everything else, I love them and only treat them with love. Even when I'm angry at them, I approach them with love and kindness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

How is a husband the equivalent of a small child?

They are a human being, they are part of your family, they deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

And they are. But tapping a toddlers butt is not abuse. Tapping there hand is not abuse.

“Tapping” is just a wishy washy way of saying “hit”. Yes, hitting is always abuse.

How did I ever get my kid to behave without “tapping” his butt? Is my kid special? Am I a parenting savant? Why do parents who abuse their children always claim that there was no other way yet I personally know countless families with normal kids who never had to hit them?

There are countless families I know with normal kids that were tapped a few times? Like abuse is not tapping on the butt a couple times in childhood. This really takes away from REAL abuse that people experience. You can call it that but you know tapping a butt which people do in sports and other things is not a form of abuse. Good day.

People are individuals who experience the world through their own lens. For some, tapping is no big deal. My mother tapped me and I found it funny. Her hand was soft and gentle. I learned nothing from it, other than it was preferable to my dad, who beat me with a belt and verbally humiliated me. Whether you admit it or not, being touched (tap, slap, spank, beating) in the name of punishment is HUMILIATING. If that is your goal, to humiliate your child, who you brought in this world, have at it. Just don't expect them to respect, honor or care for you in your golden years. Or, prepare yourself to experience the fruits of your punishments while they tend to you in your vulnerable state of advanced age or poor health. You will be vulnerable one day, hopefully your caregivers are kinder and more patient than you were with your children.

What punishment isn’t potentially “humiliating”?
My parents spanked me. I actually didn’t find it humiliating- but they taught me to see the action I did that warranted the punishment as the source of shame. I still love and care for my parents. They were great parents

You just punishments are humiliating and then said you weren’t humiliated when your parents punished you.

*You just said

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

How is a husband the equivalent of a small child?

They are a human being, they are part of your family, they deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

And they are. But tapping a toddlers butt is not abuse. Tapping there hand is not abuse.

“Tapping” is just a wishy washy way of saying “hit”. Yes, hitting is always abuse.

How did I ever get my kid to behave without “tapping” his butt? Is my kid special? Am I a parenting savant? Why do parents who abuse their children always claim that there was no other way yet I personally know countless families with normal kids who never had to hit them?

There are countless families I know with normal kids that were tapped a few times? Like abuse is not tapping on the butt a couple times in childhood. This really takes away from REAL abuse that people experience. You can call it that but you know tapping a butt which people do in sports and other things is not a form of abuse. Good day.

People are individuals who experience the world through their own lens. For some, tapping is no big deal. My mother tapped me and I found it funny. Her hand was soft and gentle. I learned nothing from it, other than it was preferable to my dad, who beat me with a belt and verbally humiliated me. Whether you admit it or not, being touched (tap, slap, spank, beating) in the name of punishment is HUMILIATING. If that is your goal, to humiliate your child, who you brought in this world, have at it. Just don't expect them to respect, honor or care for you in your golden years. Or, prepare yourself to experience the fruits of your punishments while they tend to you in your vulnerable state of advanced age or poor health. You will be vulnerable one day, hopefully your caregivers are kinder and more patient than you were with your children.

What punishment isn’t potentially “humiliating”?
My parents spanked me. I actually didn’t find it humiliating- but they taught me to see the action I did that warranted the punishment as the source of shame. I still love and care for my parents. They were great parents

We are trying to enlighten you to the reality that you can raise healthy well balanced kids without the threat of shame being the primary motivating factor. Wouldn’t you want to explore that a little bit if that were possible? Why raise kids with negativity when it is completely unnecessary?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the deal. I am Black American. In my “culture” spankings and beatings are the norm. I still do not do it and know it is wrong. I was spanked and don’t want that for my kids. I don’t care that it is acceptable in other cultures. Female genitalia mutilation is acceptable in some cultures, but we are pretty comfortable blanket deciding that practice is wrong right? What about child brides? Some cultures find that practice acceptable. IMO this is an issue where there is a clear right side and wrong side.


Would you hit an adult who defies you or pisses you off in some way? And have that be an acceptable course of action with that person where they would be expected to continue having a normal relationship with you after being hit? If it is not ok, why are you claiming it is acceptable in any way to beat kids?

Oh please. Would you take a toy from an adult as punishment. Would you ask an adult to sit in a corner for a few minutes as punishment? Would you call an adult's mother if they misbehave at work?

I don't spank, but this rationale of treating kids as adults would categorize most forms of punishment as wrong.

It would depend on the cognitive capacities of the adult. If an adult I was in charge of caring for was using his toy to hit people or something I would absolutely take it away.

Exactly. Kids don't have the cognitive ability to be treated as adults. There are arguments against spanking but this " if it's not ok with an adult, the why do it with kids? " argument is weak sauce because kids are not adults.

Exactly. But many of these new methods think consequences are wrong. Which is wild.

Nobody is saying that consequences are wrong. Nobody. Where do you guys come up with such nonsense?

It’s like you just cannot convince a person who hits children that the alternative is not chaos and anarchy. They cannot fathom a parent who can controll their kid any other way.

s

Seriously, there is a lot of guidance by psychologists that talking it out is better. I'm not saying it's right, but many of my friends don't believe it's right to have consequences for children. Spanking is wrong (ok sure makes sense), taking privileges away is wrong, have consequences doesn't help. So all I hear is to talk nicely and show empathy. I just don't understand how that leads to a respect for authority.

NP here.

You’re right that a lot of parents are way too permissive and don’t know how to set appropriate boundaries with their kids. But actually parents who spank can sometimes be like that too, and it’s not a new thing. It has always been the case that some parents don’t have the skills to be anything other than permissive.

For me, a respect for authority is not the goal. I want my kids to respect people, not authority (and anybody, authority figures included, can be undeserving of respect).

I am trying to focus on teaching my kids to regulate their emotions, to understand that their behavior has consequences for others, that it’s unacceptable to hurt others, and that they need to take accountability for their actions and the impacts of their actions. It’s hard to get there, but I just try to be firm and enforce boundaries while still being respectful. I don’t try to protect their feelings at the expense of important life lessons; their negative feelings are okay and can be useful.

Anyway, this is all really hard and it’s what I go for. And I’m so focused on that that it never crossed my mind to spank.

It's sad parents don't teach respect for authority. This is why kids are disrespectful to teachers, police officers, principals. Disgusting. And we wonder why crazy stuff is happening in the news.

Really? I’d rather have my kids be like the founding fathers who rebelled against their king because of taxes than like somebody who just blindly does what they’re told just because somebody had been endowed with authority.

Like I said, I want my kids to respect *people.* This includes authority figures. I would not be okay with my kid refusing to follow a teachers instructions to line up quietly , for instance. But I would also not want my kid to assume that you should always do what you’re told to do by a person in a position of power.

NP. You can respect people and not blindly follow. This statement is super ignorant.

DP It seems to me like the two of you agree that respect is good and blind obedience is bad. No need to be hostile.

Yes, but as a teacher I hate parents that believe they should not teach kids to respect authority. It makes our job so impossibly hard.

You hate me because I don’t teach my kids to respect authority? Do you care about the fact that I talk to my kids about how teachers are human beings too and they should do their best to appreciate the work teachers do for them and that it’s a good idea to remember how the teacher is feeling and make her job easier?

I am so glad I don’t know whether or not my kids’ teachers are like you. I just assume they aren’t so that I can continue to presume they are worthy of respect and consideration.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the deal. I am Black American. In my “culture” spankings and beatings are the norm. I still do not do it and know it is wrong. I was spanked and don’t want that for my kids. I don’t care that it is acceptable in other cultures. Female genitalia mutilation is acceptable in some cultures, but we are pretty comfortable blanket deciding that practice is wrong right? What about child brides? Some cultures find that practice acceptable. IMO this is an issue where there is a clear right side and wrong side.


Would you hit an adult who defies you or pisses you off in some way? And have that be an acceptable course of action with that person where they would be expected to continue having a normal relationship with you after being hit? If it is not ok, why are you claiming it is acceptable in any way to beat kids?

Oh please. Would you take a toy from an adult as punishment. Would you ask an adult to sit in a corner for a few minutes as punishment? Would you call an adult's mother if they misbehave at work?

I don't spank, but this rationale of treating kids as adults would categorize most forms of punishment as wrong.

It would depend on the cognitive capacities of the adult. If an adult I was in charge of caring for was using his toy to hit people or something I would absolutely take it away.

Exactly. Kids don't have the cognitive ability to be treated as adults. There are arguments against spanking but this " if it's not ok with an adult, the why do it with kids? " argument is weak sauce because kids are not adults.

Exactly. But many of these new methods think consequences are wrong. Which is wild.

Nobody is saying that consequences are wrong. Nobody. Where do you guys come up with such nonsense?

It’s like you just cannot convince a person who hits children that the alternative is not chaos and anarchy. They cannot fathom a parent who can controll their kid any other way.

s

Seriously, there is a lot of guidance by psychologists that talking it out is better. I'm not saying it's right, but many of my friends don't believe it's right to have consequences for children. Spanking is wrong (ok sure makes sense), taking privileges away is wrong, have consequences doesn't help. So all I hear is to talk nicely and show empathy. I just don't understand how that leads to a respect for authority.

NP here.

You’re right that a lot of parents are way too permissive and don’t know how to set appropriate boundaries with their kids. But actually parents who spank can sometimes be like that too, and it’s not a new thing. It has always been the case that some parents don’t have the skills to be anything other than permissive.

For me, a respect for authority is not the goal. I want my kids to respect people, not authority (and anybody, authority figures included, can be undeserving of respect).

I am trying to focus on teaching my kids to regulate their emotions, to understand that their behavior has consequences for others, that it’s unacceptable to hurt others, and that they need to take accountability for their actions and the impacts of their actions. It’s hard to get there, but I just try to be firm and enforce boundaries while still being respectful. I don’t try to protect their feelings at the expense of important life lessons; their negative feelings are okay and can be useful.

Anyway, this is all really hard and it’s what I go for. And I’m so focused on that that it never crossed my mind to spank.

It's sad parents don't teach respect for authority. This is why kids are disrespectful to teachers, police officers, principals. Disgusting. And we wonder why crazy stuff is happening in the news.

Really? I’d rather have my kids be like the founding fathers who rebelled against their king because of taxes than like somebody who just blindly does what they’re told just because somebody had been endowed with authority.

Like I said, I want my kids to respect *people.* This includes authority figures. I would not be okay with my kid refusing to follow a teachers instructions to line up quietly , for instance. But I would also not want my kid to assume that you should always do what you’re told to do by a person in a position of power.

NP. You can respect people and not blindly follow. This statement is super ignorant.

I never actually said it’s an either or, way to misrepresent my statement and willfully ignore my point so you can feel good about calling me ignorant. Seriously, bravo. This is Fox News level manipulation of the conversation.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the deal. I am Black American. In my “culture” spankings and beatings are the norm. I still do not do it and know it is wrong. I was spanked and don’t want that for my kids. I don’t care that it is acceptable in other cultures. Female genitalia mutilation is acceptable in some cultures, but we are pretty comfortable blanket deciding that practice is wrong right? What about child brides? Some cultures find that practice acceptable. IMO this is an issue where there is a clear right side and wrong side.


Would you hit an adult who defies you or pisses you off in some way? And have that be an acceptable course of action with that person where they would be expected to continue having a normal relationship with you after being hit? If it is not ok, why are you claiming it is acceptable in any way to beat kids?

Oh please. Would you take a toy from an adult as punishment. Would you ask an adult to sit in a corner for a few minutes as punishment? Would you call an adult's mother if they misbehave at work?

I don't spank, but this rationale of treating kids as adults would categorize most forms of punishment as wrong.

It would depend on the cognitive capacities of the adult. If an adult I was in charge of caring for was using his toy to hit people or something I would absolutely take it away.

Exactly. Kids don't have the cognitive ability to be treated as adults. There are arguments against spanking but this " if it's not ok with an adult, the why do it with kids? " argument is weak sauce because kids are not adults.

Exactly. But many of these new methods think consequences are wrong. Which is wild.

Nobody is saying that consequences are wrong. Nobody. Where do you guys come up with such nonsense?

It’s like you just cannot convince a person who hits children that the alternative is not chaos and anarchy. They cannot fathom a parent who can controll their kid any other way.

s

Seriously, there is a lot of guidance by psychologists that talking it out is better. I'm not saying it's right, but many of my friends don't believe it's right to have consequences for children. Spanking is wrong (ok sure makes sense), taking privileges away is wrong, have consequences doesn't help. So all I hear is to talk nicely and show empathy. I just don't understand how that leads to a respect for authority.

NP here.

You’re right that a lot of parents are way too permissive and don’t know how to set appropriate boundaries with their kids. But actually parents who spank can sometimes be like that too, and it’s not a new thing. It has always been the case that some parents don’t have the skills to be anything other than permissive.

For me, a respect for authority is not the goal. I want my kids to respect people, not authority (and anybody, authority figures included, can be undeserving of respect).

I am trying to focus on teaching my kids to regulate their emotions, to understand that their behavior has consequences for others, that it’s unacceptable to hurt others, and that they need to take accountability for their actions and the impacts of their actions. It’s hard to get there, but I just try to be firm and enforce boundaries while still being respectful. I don’t try to protect their feelings at the expense of important life lessons; their negative feelings are okay and can be useful.

Anyway, this is all really hard and it’s what I go for. And I’m so focused on that that it never crossed my mind to spank.

It's sad parents don't teach respect for authority. This is why kids are disrespectful to teachers, police officers, principals. Disgusting. And we wonder why crazy stuff is happening in the news.

Really? I’d rather have my kids be like the founding fathers who rebelled against their king because of taxes than like somebody who just blindly does what they’re told just because somebody had been endowed with authority.

Like I said, I want my kids to respect *people.* This includes authority figures. I would not be okay with my kid refusing to follow a teachers instructions to line up quietly , for instance. But I would also not want my kid to assume that you should always do what you’re told to do by a person in a position of power.

NP. You can respect people and not blindly follow. This statement is super ignorant.

I never actually said it’s an either or, way to misrepresent my statement and willfully ignore my point so you can feel good about calling me ignorant. Seriously, bravo. This is Fox News level manipulation of the conversation.

So now you’ve discredited yourself with inserting your political slant that is completely irrelevant.

[Anonymous]

My best friend was spanked and she is so spoiled rotten it's crazy. She told me she plans to spank her daughter. I don't really have a strong opinion on it. People just do what they think is best.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Here’s the deal. I am Black American. In my “culture” spankings and beatings are the norm. I still do not do it and know it is wrong. I was spanked and don’t want that for my kids. I don’t care that it is acceptable in other cultures. Female genitalia mutilation is acceptable in some cultures, but we are pretty comfortable blanket deciding that practice is wrong right? What about child brides? Some cultures find that practice acceptable. IMO this is an issue where there is a clear right side and wrong side.


Would you hit an adult who defies you or pisses you off in some way? And have that be an acceptable course of action with that person where they would be expected to continue having a normal relationship with you after being hit? If it is not ok, why are you claiming it is acceptable in any way to beat kids?

Oh please. Would you take a toy from an adult as punishment. Would you ask an adult to sit in a corner for a few minutes as punishment? Would you call an adult's mother if they misbehave at work?

I don't spank, but this rationale of treating kids as adults would categorize most forms of punishment as wrong.

It would depend on the cognitive capacities of the adult. If an adult I was in charge of caring for was using his toy to hit people or something I would absolutely take it away.

Exactly. Kids don't have the cognitive ability to be treated as adults. There are arguments against spanking but this " if it's not ok with an adult, the why do it with kids? " argument is weak sauce because kids are not adults.

Exactly. But many of these new methods think consequences are wrong. Which is wild.

Nobody is saying that consequences are wrong. Nobody. Where do you guys come up with such nonsense?

It’s like you just cannot convince a person who hits children that the alternative is not chaos and anarchy. They cannot fathom a parent who can controll their kid any other way.

s

Seriously, there is a lot of guidance by psychologists that talking it out is better. I'm not saying it's right, but many of my friends don't believe it's right to have consequences for children. Spanking is wrong (ok sure makes sense), taking privileges away is wrong, have consequences doesn't help. So all I hear is to talk nicely and show empathy. I just don't understand how that leads to a respect for authority.

NP here.

You’re right that a lot of parents are way too permissive and don’t know how to set appropriate boundaries with their kids. But actually parents who spank can sometimes be like that too, and it’s not a new thing. It has always been the case that some parents don’t have the skills to be anything other than permissive.

For me, a respect for authority is not the goal. I want my kids to respect people, not authority (and anybody, authority figures included, can be undeserving of respect).

I am trying to focus on teaching my kids to regulate their emotions, to understand that their behavior has consequences for others, that it’s unacceptable to hurt others, and that they need to take accountability for their actions and the impacts of their actions. It’s hard to get there, but I just try to be firm and enforce boundaries while still being respectful. I don’t try to protect their feelings at the expense of important life lessons; their negative feelings are okay and can be useful.

Anyway, this is all really hard and it’s what I go for. And I’m so focused on that that it never crossed my mind to spank.

It's sad parents don't teach respect for authority. This is why kids are disrespectful to teachers, police officers, principals. Disgusting. And we wonder why crazy stuff is happening in the news.

Really? I’d rather have my kids be like the founding fathers who rebelled against their king because of taxes than like somebody who just blindly does what they’re told just because somebody had been endowed with authority.

Like I said, I want my kids to respect *people.* This includes authority figures. I would not be okay with my kid refusing to follow a teachers instructions to line up quietly , for instance. But I would also not want my kid to assume that you should always do what you’re told to do by a person in a position of power.

NP. You can respect people and not blindly follow. This statement is super ignorant.

DP It seems to me like the two of you agree that respect is good and blind obedience is bad. No need to be hostile.

Yes, but as a teacher I hate parents that believe they should not teach kids to respect authority. It makes our job so impossibly hard.

You hate me because I don’t teach my kids to respect authority? Do you care about the fact that I talk to my kids about how teachers are human beings too and they should do their best to appreciate the work teachers do for them and that it’s a good idea to remember how the teacher is feeling and make her job easier?

I am so glad I don’t know whether or not my kids’ teachers are like you. I just assume they aren’t so that I can continue to presume they are worthy of respect and consideration.

If you are the same person then you stated earlier on that it's not your job to teach your kid to respect authority. I named authority figures.....

[Anonymous]

If you believe spanking is fine but feel the need to refer to it as "tapping" (I was spanked, no one ever "tapped" my butt -- they were hitting me), ask yourself why you feel the need to use an inaccurate euphemism to describe this thing you think is totally fine.

Spanking is hitting. If you spank, you are hitting your kids. You are using your hand or another object to strike your child. If you don't spank but you think it's okay if others do, you are saying it's okay for people to hit their kids.

I just think we should be very clear about what we are talking about. You don't get to advocate for spanking and then make it sound like a gentle caress. Spanking is hitting. If you want to defend spanking, you need to be willing to defend hitting kids.

Go ahead.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

How is a husband the equivalent of a small child?

They are a human being, they are part of your family, they deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

And they are. But tapping a toddlers butt is not abuse. Tapping there hand is not abuse.

“Tapping” is just a wishy washy way of saying “hit”. Yes, hitting is always abuse.

How did I ever get my kid to behave without “tapping” his butt? Is my kid special? Am I a parenting savant? Why do parents who abuse their children always claim that there was no other way yet I personally know countless families with normal kids who never had to hit them?

Hitting and tapping is not the same. You are insane. Tapping the hand of a 3 year old reaching for the candle is not abuse. Stop it.

Let the kid reach for the candle. What exactly is the problem? A three year old would instantly jerk their hand back from the heat, no hitting necessary and no abuse either.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

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Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:It's interesting how we now make up what abuse is.

Says the child beating ahole.

I mean I don’t do that. But tapping a child on the bottom is not abuse.

Tapping a child on the bottom or slapping the hand is not spanking or beating.

So if your husband did that to you, it would be ok, right?

How is a husband the equivalent of a small child?

They are a human being, they are part of your family, they deserve to be treated with respect and kindness.

And they are. But tapping a toddlers butt is not abuse. Tapping there hand is not abuse.

“Tapping” is just a wishy washy way of saying “hit”. Yes, hitting is always abuse.

How did I ever get my kid to behave without “tapping” his butt? Is my kid special? Am I a parenting savant? Why do parents who abuse their children always claim that there was no other way yet I personally know countless families with normal kids who never had to hit them?

There are countless families I know with normal kids that were tapped a few times? Like abuse is not tapping on the butt a couple times in childhood. This really takes away from REAL abuse that people experience. You can call it that but you know tapping a butt which people do in sports and other things is not a form of abuse. Good day.

People are individuals who experience the world through their own lens. For some, tapping is no big deal. My mother tapped me and I found it funny. Her hand was soft and gentle. I learned nothing from it, other than it was preferable to my dad, who beat me with a belt and verbally humiliated me. Whether you admit it or not, being touched (tap, slap, spank, beating) in the name of punishment is HUMILIATING. If that is your goal, to humiliate your child, who you brought in this world, have at it. Just don't expect them to respect, honor or care for you in your golden years. Or, prepare yourself to experience the fruits of your punishments while they tend to you in your vulnerable state of advanced age or poor health. You will be vulnerable one day, hopefully your caregivers are kinder and more patient than you were with your children.

What punishment isn’t potentially “humiliating”?
My parents spanked me. I actually didn’t find it humiliating- but they taught me to see the action I did that warranted the punishment as the source of shame. I still love and care for my parents. They were great parents

I was spanked and some of my punishments in my teen years were far more humiliating. I completely agree with you. As a teen being in trouble is honestly is the worst shame when you have to tell your friends why you can't hang out.

[Anonymous]

Regarding the issue of how children have less advanced cognition than adults from a few pages back, I wanted to ask:

Do you think it's okay to hit a mentally disabled adult if they do something wrong? Like if a person employed a mentally disabled 30 year old and that person messed up something on the job, even something they'd been told several times how to do correctly, would you be okay with their employer spanking them? Or is that abuse?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you believe spanking is fine but feel the need to refer to it as "tapping" (I was spanked, no one ever "tapped" my butt -- they were hitting me), ask yourself why you feel the need to use an inaccurate euphemism to describe this thing you think is totally fine.

Spanking is hitting. If you spank, you are hitting your kids. You are using your hand or another object to strike your child. If you don't spank but you think it's okay if others do, you are saying it's okay for people to hit their kids.

I just think we should be very clear about what we are talking about. You don't get to advocate for spanking and then make it sound like a gentle caress. Spanking is hitting. If you want to defend spanking, you need to be willing to defend hitting kids.

Go ahead.

Different person. I spank and I don't care what you think. No one even knows I do.