Widower with three kids - am I crazy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think it’s a red flag he’s already introduced you to his kids and had you spend that much time with them.


I agree this is the main part that concerns me.

This is not a divorced dad who has another parent taking the kids 50% of the time. He is a widower, 3 kids, they are likely the center of his life, and anytime he spends with a gf is going to be including them.

Disagree. He should be even more cautious about involving his kids. I just don't see the great romance you all do.. I'm seeing a lot of red flags

Try reading the updates and the whole thread. OP sounds very sensible and eyes-wide-open.
OP— so glad it’s going well!

. I've been following the thread from the beginning and have come to a different conclusion than you so check your snotty attitude. Op has been anything but cautious. In real life not the romcom movies you love this situation has a lot of red flags mostly for the kids.

OP here - wow! I'm incredibly cautious which, according to my mother, may be a reason why I'm 38 and have never been married. I'm cautious by nature which can be good and bad but after five months of dating and spending time with his children I like where we are. He won't want to make it long term unless it's right for his children and i understand that which is why I let him and the children initiate everything about our spending time together.

Don't let it go past 1 year without a proposal.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think it’s a red flag he’s already introduced you to his kids and had you spend that much time with them.


I agree this is the main part that concerns me.

This is not a divorced dad who has another parent taking the kids 50% of the time. He is a widower, 3 kids, they are likely the center of his life, and anytime he spends with a gf is going to be including them.

Disagree. He should be even more cautious about involving his kids. I just don't see the great romance you all do.. I'm seeing a lot of red flags

Try reading the updates and the whole thread. OP sounds very sensible and eyes-wide-open.
OP— so glad it’s going well!

. I've been following the thread from the beginning and have come to a different conclusion than you so check your snotty attitude. Op has been anything but cautious. In real life not the romcom movies you love this situation has a lot of red flags mostly for the kids.

Hey there, elitist nut pirate. I don’t love or even like romcom movies.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time for an update, OP! How were the holidays?

OP here and I’m amazed that after three or so months anyone would care! Everything is fine and the holidays were great and we spent a good deal of time together and I met a lot of his family and they were all very nice to me. His in laws know about me but I haven’t met them given they live far away but he said they just want him and the children to be happy and I guess that’s the best I can hope for. The children and I have a very good and comfortable relationship to the point where I just do one on one things with them like clothes shopping which their Dad is pretty clueless about. We are going on spring break together which I was hesitant about for obvious reasons but the children convinced me it would be fun. Who could argue with that? I think if that trip goes well we’ll really think about the future but I’m just taking it as it comes but I’m pretty crazy about all of them.

I'm the PP asking for an update. OF COURSE we care! Yours is one of those memorable post that many of us have invested in! It's so refreshing (even if it doesn't ultimately work out) to have a 'hopeful' situation! I'm so very glad you provided the update and can't wait to hear how spring break went! What a big step! And the kids convinced you it would be fun! How exciting! Keep us posted!

And ignore the naysayers.

[Anonymous]

One bit of advice, be careful about getting *too* close to his kids unless/until you are engaged or moving in together. If the relationship doesn't work out, losing him AND the kids will really be painful.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time for an update, OP! How were the holidays?

OP here and I’m amazed that after three or so months anyone would care! Everything is fine and the holidays were great and we spent a good deal of time together and I met a lot of his family and they were all very nice to me. His in laws know about me but I haven’t met them given they live far away but he said they just want him and the children to be happy and I guess that’s the best I can hope for. The children and I have a very good and comfortable relationship to the point where I just do one on one things with them like clothes shopping which their Dad is pretty clueless about. We are going on spring break together which I was hesitant about for obvious reasons but the children convinced me it would be fun. Who could argue with that? I think if that trip goes well we’ll really think about the future but I’m just taking it as it comes but I’m pretty crazy about all of them.

I'm the PP asking for an update. OF COURSE we care! Yours is one of those memorable post that many of us have invested in! It's so refreshing (even if it doesn't ultimately work out) to have a 'hopeful' situation! I'm so very glad you provided the update and can't wait to hear how spring break went! What a big step! And the kids convinced you it would be fun! How exciting! Keep us posted!

And ignore the naysayers.

Happy for you OP. You sound very grounded and it sounds like you have found a wonderful family. As far as those issuing warnings and the naysayers, they are scared. Remember the words of Andy Dufresne, "Get busy living or get busy dying!" looks like OP chose living.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like he found a great nanny. One who takes care of the kids, sleeps with him and he doesn't need to pay.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a red flag he’s already introduced you to his kids and had you spend that much time with them.

I agree this is the main part that concerns me.

I don't think so because it wasn't a date it was just something mundane that ended up being something special. And I say that as a VERY anti-introduce-every-girlfriend to the kid person who was introduced to only two women my father dated, one he proposed to and one is my stepmom.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Time for an update, OP! How were the holidays?

OP here and I’m amazed that after three or so months anyone would care! Everything is fine and the holidays were great and we spent a good deal of time together and I met a lot of his family and they were all very nice to me. His in laws know about me but I haven’t met them given they live far away but he said they just want him and the children to be happy and I guess that’s the best I can hope for. The children and I have a very good and comfortable relationship to the point where I just do one on one things with them like clothes shopping which their Dad is pretty clueless about. We are going on spring break together which I was hesitant about for obvious reasons but the children convinced me it would be fun. Who could argue with that? I think if that trip goes well we’ll really think about the future but I’m just taking it as it comes but I’m pretty crazy about all of them.

OP this sounds like such a lovely and special relationship I am very happy for you and for them. I hope it all works out

[Anonymous]

Any chance this whole thread is just someone's novel?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My grandfather was a widower with 12 kids when he met my grandmother. His youngest was 6 months. She helped raising them and had a happy life.

Most people want to lead their own life, not help someone else lead theirs.

You need to WRITE a Hallmark movie about this one. LIke your very own cheaper by the dozen!!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he found a great nanny. One who takes care of the kids, sleeps with him and he doesn't need to pay.

Pretty obvious that that's the situation you are in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he found a great nanny. One who takes care of the kids, sleeps with him and he doesn't need to pay.

Pretty obvious that that's the situation you are in.

Pretty obvious this is op' s situation assuming this is not a great work of fiction.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he found a great nanny. One who takes care of the kids, sleeps with him and he doesn't need to pay.

Pretty obvious that that's the situation you are in.

Pretty obvious this is op' s situation assuming this is not a great work of fiction.

Nanny? that’s ridiculous. She’s 38 and sounds like she has a professional career going for her which she is unlikely to quit. She said she’s always been very cautious so it’s unlikely she will be taken advantage of. But it doesn’t sound like they have yet had the LT conversation where all of this would come up.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a red flag he’s already introduced you to his kids and had you spend that much time with them.

I agree this is the main part that concerns me.

I say that's being upfront. Cheers to the dad!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he found a great nanny. One who takes care of the kids, sleeps with him and he doesn't need to pay.

Pretty obvious that that's the situation you are in.

+1