Widower with three kids - am I crazy?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Time for an update, OP! How were the holidays?

OP here and I’m amazed that after three or so months anyone would care! Everything is fine and the holidays were great and we spent a good deal of time together and I met a lot of his family and they were all very nice to me. His in laws know about me but I haven’t met them given they live far away but he said they just want him and the children to be happy and I guess that’s the best I can hope for. The children and I have a very good and comfortable relationship to the point where I just do one on one things with them like clothes shopping which their Dad is pretty clueless about. We are going on spring break together which I was hesitant about for obvious reasons but the children convinced me it would be fun. Who could argue with that? I think if that trip goes well we’ll really think about the future but I’m just taking it as it comes but I’m pretty crazy about all of them.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a red flag he’s already introduced you to his kids and had you spend that much time with them.

I agree this is the main part that concerns me.

+1

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a red flag he’s already introduced you to his kids and had you spend that much time with them.

I agree this is the main part that concerns me.

+1

Thanks Einstein, nice of you to join in, 4 months later.

Keep up Forrest.

[Anonymous]

I think it’s a red flag he’s already introduced you to his kids and had you spend that much time with them.


I agree this is the main part that concerns me.

This is not a divorced dad who has another parent taking the kids 50% of the time. He is a widower, 3 kids, they are likely the center of his life, and anytime he spends with a gf is going to be including them.

[Anonymous]

PP here--also, she knew him for 2 years before they started dating, and knew his kids via that relationship.

OP--sounds like things are going well!

[Anonymous]

That's great, OP. I'm so happy for you. This guy and his kids sound like really good people.

Let us know how the spring break trip goes! You have a bunch of DCUM strangers wishing you happiness.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

I think it’s a red flag he’s already introduced you to his kids and had you spend that much time with them.


I agree this is the main part that concerns me.

This is not a divorced dad who has another parent taking the kids 50% of the time. He is a widower, 3 kids, they are likely the center of his life, and anytime he spends with a gf is going to be including them.

Disagree. He should be even more cautious about involving his kids. I just don't see the great romance you all do.. I'm seeing a lot of red flags

[Anonymous]

Thanks for the update Op. and for all the naysayers, be quiet. The OP sounds very measured and level headed. Yes it’s compicated but honestly this relationship sounds loss more functional than have the nuts posting on this forum. It’s early, maybe it will work maybe not. But kudos to OP for taking the leap of faith. Sometimes you fall sometimes you fly! And it sounds like OP is having more sex than me and I’m marriwd...

[Anonymous]

Best of luck! Sounds great!

[Anonymous]

I really hope it works out for everyone involved. I am a mom with 3 kids and if something were to happen to me, I would hope that the “new” woman dating my husband would be as nice and involved as you are.

[Anonymous]

Just see where it goes. You aren't signing adoption papers. You can take it slow. Unless you want to have bio babies?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think it’s a red flag he’s already introduced you to his kids and had you spend that much time with them.


I agree this is the main part that concerns me.

This is not a divorced dad who has another parent taking the kids 50% of the time. He is a widower, 3 kids, they are likely the center of his life, and anytime he spends with a gf is going to be including them.

Disagree. He should be even more cautious about involving his kids. I just don't see the great romance you all do.. I'm seeing a lot of red flags

Try reading the updates and the whole thread. OP sounds very sensible and eyes-wide-open.
OP— so glad it’s going well!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Thanks for the update Op. and for all the naysayers, be quiet. The OP sounds very measured and level headed. Yes it’s compicated but honestly this relationship sounds loss more functional than have the nuts posting on this forum. It’s early, maybe it will work maybe not. But kudos to OP for taking the leap of faith. Sometimes you fall sometimes you fly! And it sounds like OP is having more sex than me and I’m marriwd...

I'm new to the post and read it quickly and I agree with you. She's 38.....not 25......and she does sound very cautious and thoughtful about what she could be getting into. She said that she has known the guy professionally for a couple of years so there was obviously a level of friendship and respect going in. Even after 4-5 months the fact that she was hesitant at first about going on spring break with them but is crazy about them means she has her head well screwed on.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think it’s a red flag he’s already introduced you to his kids and had you spend that much time with them.


I agree this is the main part that concerns me.

This is not a divorced dad who has another parent taking the kids 50% of the time. He is a widower, 3 kids, they are likely the center of his life, and anytime he spends with a gf is going to be including them.

Disagree. He should be even more cautious about involving his kids. I just don't see the great romance you all do.. I'm seeing a lot of red flags

Try reading the updates and the whole thread. OP sounds very sensible and eyes-wide-open.
OP— so glad it’s going well!

. I've been following the thread from the beginning and have come to a different conclusion than you so check your snotty attitude. Op has been anything but cautious. In real life not the romcom movies you love this situation has a lot of red flags mostly for the kids.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think it’s a red flag he’s already introduced you to his kids and had you spend that much time with them.


I agree this is the main part that concerns me.

This is not a divorced dad who has another parent taking the kids 50% of the time. He is a widower, 3 kids, they are likely the center of his life, and anytime he spends with a gf is going to be including them.

Disagree. He should be even more cautious about involving his kids. I just don't see the great romance you all do.. I'm seeing a lot of red flags

Try reading the updates and the whole thread. OP sounds very sensible and eyes-wide-open.
OP— so glad it’s going well!

. I've been following the thread from the beginning and have come to a different conclusion than you so check your snotty attitude. Op has been anything but cautious. In real life not the romcom movies you love this situation has a lot of red flags mostly for the kids.

OP here - wow! I'm incredibly cautious which, according to my mother, may be a reason why I'm 38 and have never been married. I'm cautious by nature which can be good and bad but after five months of dating and spending time with his children I like where we are. He won't want to make it long term unless it's right for his children and i understand that which is why I let him and the children initiate everything about our spending time together.