Widower with three kids - am I crazy?

[Anonymous]

Two of my uncles lost their first wives to cancer and had younger kids at the time. One married the babysitter (about 15 years younger than him). They had a great marriage--nearly 50 years before he died--and 2 kids of their own. The other married a widow who had a young daughter, they met in a support group for widowed parents. They also had a great marriage until he was killed in a car accident at 75 (she has remarried but stays in touch and involved with my uncle's family).

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he found a great nanny. One who takes care of the kids, sleeps with him and he doesn't need to pay.

I married a widower with a four year old and he never expected me to be a “nanny”. Of course he wanted me to be a “mom” along with being his wife which I did while continuing my career along with us having two children together. That was 25 years ago. It’s insulting that you have such disrespect for other women or just assume that they are like you.

[Anonymous]

If he's not wealthy (20+ mil), I'd run.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he found a great nanny. One who takes care of the kids, sleeps with him and he doesn't need to pay.

I married a widower with a four year old and he never expected me to be a “nanny”. Of course he wanted me to be a “mom” along with being his wife which I did while continuing my career along with us having two children together. That was 25 years ago. It’s insulting that you have such disrespect for other women or just assume that they are like you.

Are you always this stupid? Marrying a widower with a child doesn't make you a nanny but op clearly is the nanny.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he found a great nanny. One who takes care of the kids, sleeps with him and he doesn't need to pay.

I married a widower with a four year old and he never expected me to be a “nanny”. Of course he wanted me to be a “mom” along with being his wife which I did while continuing my career along with us having two children together. That was 25 years ago. It’s insulting that you have such disrespect for other women or just assume that they are like you.

Are you always this stupid? Marrying a widower with a child doesn't make you a nanny but op clearly is the nanny.

On what basis have you come to such a stupid conclusion? She’s a 38 year old professional who seems very cautious. In your mind is any woman who marries a guy with kids tagged as being a nanny?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he found a great nanny. One who takes care of the kids, sleeps with him and he doesn't need to pay.

I married a widower with a four year old and he never expected me to be a “nanny”. Of course he wanted me to be a “mom” along with being his wife which I did while continuing my career along with us having two children together. That was 25 years ago. It’s insulting that you have such disrespect for other women or just assume that they are like you.

Are you always this stupid? Marrying a widower with a child doesn't make you a nanny but op clearly is the nanny.

On what basis have you come to such a stupid conclusion? She’s a 38 year old professional who seems very cautious. In your mind is any woman who marries a guy with kids tagged as being a nanny?

OP here - I don't think many nannies make over $400k a year with a combined MBA/JD degree.

[Anonymous]

You should be so happy (and so should he)- you’ve already met his kids, gone to a game, had meals together, have work in common- you have the makings for an ideal relationship! treasure it and move forward happily together to see where it goes .

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he found a great nanny. One who takes care of the kids, sleeps with him and he doesn't need to pay.

I married a widower with a four year old and he never expected me to be a “nanny”. Of course he wanted me to be a “mom” along with being his wife which I did while continuing my career along with us having two children together. That was 25 years ago. It’s insulting that you have such disrespect for other women or just assume that they are like you.

Are you always this stupid? Marrying a widower with a child doesn't make you a nanny but op clearly is the nanny.

On what basis have you come to such a stupid conclusion? She’s a 38 year old professional who seems very cautious. In your mind is any woman who marries a guy with kids tagged as being a nanny?

OP here - I don't think many nannies make over $400k a year with a combined MBA/JD degree.

What does this have to do with anything? Plenty of well off people make incredibly bad decisions. OP, nobody knows where love is going to come from and in what shape or form. I married a divorced person and swore that would never happen because I wanted to learn about marriage with someone who also was going through it for the first time. Some of my friends have married partners with children and had avoided these situations. It is whatever works for you that is important. It seems like you are looking for validation from this thread. That's OK. But your heart wants what it wants.

[Anonymous]

Do you want your own biological child? Is he open to having one more child? Your clock is ticking OP. Marry him soon or move on.

[Anonymous]

OP don't defend yourself ... The haters will hate no matter what. But most of us love you.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP don't defend yourself ... The haters will hate no matter what. But most of us love you.

And your supporters will be saying " why did you find x ?" When this relationship goods nowhere.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he found a great nanny. One who takes care of the kids, sleeps with him and he doesn't need to pay.

I married a widower with a four year old and he never expected me to be a “nanny”. Of course he wanted me to be a “mom” along with being his wife which I did while continuing my career along with us having two children together. That was 25 years ago. It’s insulting that you have such disrespect for other women or just assume that they are like you.

Are you always this stupid? Marrying a widower with a child doesn't make you a nanny but op clearly is the nanny.

On what basis have you come to such a stupid conclusion? She’s a 38 year old professional who seems very cautious. In your mind is any woman who marries a guy with kids tagged as being a nanny?

OP here - I don't think many nannies make over $400k a year with a combined MBA/JD degree.

You're buying his kids clothes and entertaining them. While he sleeps with you and has shown you very little commitment. Degrees and high salary don't buy wisdom.

[Anonymous]

Just because he's widowed with kids instead of a divorced dad it single and childless doesn't make him any less of a man. By that I mean he's still capable of wasting your time if you let him. You are 38 time is not on your side. You need to be clear in your own mind what you want in the future. And seriously evaluate if you're getting it from this man. April will be. 6 months for you guys if you don't have a clear definite answer by then you need to move on. And clear and definite is not we see a future together and take vacations. Not at your ages and when kids are involved. Wish you luck in live whether it be this relationship or another.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

I think it’s a red flag he’s already introduced you to his kids and had you spend that much time with them.


I agree this is the main part that concerns me.

This is not a divorced dad who has another parent taking the kids 50% of the time. He is a widower, 3 kids, they are likely the center of his life, and anytime he spends with a gf is going to be including them.

Disagree. He should be even more cautious about involving his kids. I just don't see the great romance you all do.. I'm seeing a lot of red flags

Try reading the updates and the whole thread. OP sounds very sensible and eyes-wide-open.
OP— so glad it’s going well!

. I've been following the thread from the beginning and have come to a different conclusion than you so check your snotty attitude. Op has been anything but cautious. In real life not the romcom movies you love this situation has a lot of red flags mostly for the kids.

Dear Patty Party Pooper,

Sorry to break the news to you but just because you lead a miserable life doesn't mean others can't be happy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sounds like he found a great nanny. One who takes care of the kids, sleeps with him and he doesn't need to pay.

I married a widower with a four year old and he never expected me to be a “nanny”. Of course he wanted me to be a “mom” along with being his wife which I did while continuing my career along with us having two children together. That was 25 years ago. It’s insulting that you have such disrespect for other women or just assume that they are like you.

Are you always this stupid? Marrying a widower with a child doesn't make you a nanny but op clearly is the nanny.

On what basis have you come to such a stupid conclusion? She’s a 38 year old professional who seems very cautious. In your mind is any woman who marries a guy with kids tagged as being a nanny?

OP here - I don't think many nannies make over $400k a year with a combined MBA/JD degree.

What does this have to do with anything? Plenty of well off people make incredibly bad decisions. OP, nobody knows where love is going to come from and in what shape or form. I married a divorced person and swore that would never happen because I wanted to learn about marriage with someone who also was going through it for the first time. Some of my friends have married partners with children and had avoided these situations. It is whatever works for you that is important. It seems like you are looking for validation from this thread. That's OK. But your heart wants what it wants.

Several PPs were saying she was a nanny to the family prior to the relationship. She clarified she wasn't (maybe with a little snark but it wasn't unjustified snark).