Widower with three kids - am I crazy?

[Anonymous]

OP, opening yourself up --- freeing yourself to see what happens ---- this is always a good thing. You don't need to know the eventual outcome. That's not how life works.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a red flag he’s already introduced you to his kids and had you spend that much time with them.

I agree this is the main part that concerns me.

She said she had to drop something for business off at his house. Since he's a single dad the kids were there and he introduced them. Pretty easy to understand as they were business friends.

Yeah, but staying for lunch and the soccer game is weird. Maybe lunch could have happened organically, but driving to a kid's soccer game is a little much. Theres's something off. It really is a red flag to get your kids involved with your romantic partners before it's serious.

[Anonymous]

If you genuinely like kids, give it a chance and see how it goes. If I did not enjoy kids, I would not go out with him again. But I love kids, and would be perfectly happy to have 3 kids who need a mom just show up on my doorstop--even better if they came with a great guy. It's definitely a personal decision.

[Anonymous]

It might be far more than I could handle but if I liked the guy I would give it a shot but take it real slow. Adding a woman into that family mix could be very disruptive but I guess easier than if they were teens. Will it disrupt your career since you've moved around? I would avoid spending time with the children until you really decide that he could be the one. Then determine if the whole family is the one. The last thing you want to do is get close with the children and then realize he isn't the one.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:If you genuinely like kids, give it a chance and see how it goes. If I did not enjoy kids, I would not go out with him again. But I love kids, and would be perfectly happy to have 3 kids who need a mom just show up on my doorstop--even better if they came with a great guy. It's definitely a personal decision.

+1. And you will come last so you need to be okay with that.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a red flag he’s already introduced you to his kids and had you spend that much time with them.

I agree this is the main part that concerns me.

She said she had to drop something for business off at his house. Since he's a single dad the kids were there and he introduced them. Pretty easy to understand as they were business friends.

Yeah, but staying for lunch and the soccer game is weird. Maybe lunch could have happened organically, but driving to a kid's soccer game is a little much. Theres's something off. It really is a red flag to get your kids involved with your romantic partners before it's serious.

Their not romantic partners, I think OP said business friends. But all day together is a bit much.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, opening yourself up --- freeing yourself to see what happens ---- this is always a good thing. You don't need to know the eventual outcome. That's not how life works.

I completely agree. One of my high school friends married a widower with 3 kids under age 11 - That was 30 years ago, kids are grown and they're still a great family.

Be open!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I think it’s a red flag he’s already introduced you to his kids and had you spend that much time with them.

I agree this is the main part that concerns me.

She said she had to drop something for business off at his house. Since he's a single dad the kids were there and he introduced them. Pretty easy to understand as they were business friends.

Yeah, but staying for lunch and the soccer game is weird. Maybe lunch could have happened organically, but driving to a kid's soccer game is a little much. Theres's something off. It really is a red flag to get your kids involved with your romantic partners before it's serious.

Their not romantic partners, I think OP said business friends. But all day together is a bit much.

It doesn't take much for single business friends to become close personal friends, often it's just opportunity. My DH and I were business friends for two years working in the same office and one day we went out to lunch and I just decided to make something happen and it did. I remember the restaurant fondly! For OP it was a weekend trip to his place and they both seemed to move the ball forward.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, opening yourself up --- freeing yourself to see what happens ---- this is always a good thing. You don't need to know the eventual outcome. That's not how life works.

I completely agree. One of my high school friends married a widower with 3 kids under age 11 - That was 30 years ago, kids are grown and they're still a great family.

Be open!

Wow! Can you introduce her to OP?

[Anonymous]

OP, please let us know how the date goes. Do you know how long he has been a widower? That could be a big factor in him wanting or not wanting to get seriously involved. I agree with others that you should give this a chance. He isn't someone you just met so you must like him for a bunch of reasons which is a real head start. But take it slow and as a prior pp said that the children's feelings are a huge priority.

[Anonymous]

Dont do it. Too much baggage and there is no way out.

[Anonymous]

Sounds like a Hallmark movie!! I’ve been watching a lot of them lately. Be open and take it slow.

[Anonymous]

I wouldn’t write him off completely, however ask yourself honestly if this were to develop into a romantic relationship down the road.......

Could & would you be willing to take on three children under ten?
Be completely honest w/yourself.

Because for a childless person, this would be a HUGE life transition.

You mentioned this guy was younger.
How old is he?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Hmm. If you were four years older I'd say go for it (I am 42). But do you live in DC? At 38, in DC, there are still a lot of single men with no kids you could date. Maybe go out with him and see where it goes but don't cut off other options for a while.

She’s made it to 38 trying very hard to stay single. And you’re telling her to hold out even longer for a prince.

[Anonymous]

You've known him two years-- it's not like he just met you and is latching on in hopes you'll take care of his kids. Go with your heart!