Wife Goes Silent on Work Travel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:When I'm gone, I am usually Gchatting with me wife all day. There's no way radio silence is an option.

Do pirates gchat?

Lol

[Anonymous]

Think we’ve been trolled.

[Anonymous]

This is ridiculous. DH has the same job and I never -- NEVER -- hear from him. Not in 'stan sites, but still Sudan, South Sudan, Libya, Mali -- not exactly Paris, in other words.

He works 24/7 and even socializing is about working. I don't hear from him because he is one of those guys where it is "out of sight, out of mind." But, DH is a narcissist. (Not in a bad way -- in a factual way, where he admits that he thinks he is special and that he thinks his job is somehow saving the world, and admits that it all comes from his narcissist tendencies, but can't stop thinking this way, so it feeds into that "out of sight, out of mind" mentality.) Maybe your wife is also a narcissist?

[Anonymous]

OP WHERE ARE YOU?

[Anonymous]

Today's the day ... need to know!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:This is ridiculous. DH has the same job and I never -- NEVER -- hear from him. Not in 'stan sites, but still Sudan, South Sudan, Libya, Mali -- not exactly Paris, in other words.

He works 24/7 and even socializing is about working. I don't hear from him because he is one of those guys where it is "out of sight, out of mind." But, DH is a narcissist. (Not in a bad way -- in a factual way, where he admits that he thinks he is special and that he thinks his job is somehow saving the world, and admits that it all comes from his narcissist tendencies, but can't stop thinking this way, so it feeds into that "out of sight, out of mind" mentality.) Maybe your wife is also a narcissist?

Oh really? Your DH... his DW... how convenient....
Things happen in the 'stans... see what was just revealed about Oxfam???

What happens in the field, stays in the field! That was our motto back in the day.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Nobody FaceTimes International. Incredibly slow. Troll. She's sexting with her boyfriend over a much faster channel. Or just enjoying the silence.

I FT internationally everyweek

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Nobody FaceTimes International. Incredibly slow. Troll. She's sexting with her boyfriend over a much faster channel. Or just enjoying the silence.

I FT internationally everyweek

But you're nobody... and you're incredibly slow.

[Anonymous]

OP here.

She lands at 3 at IAD. I'm going. I had to arrange for someone to pick the kids up at after care but it was under the guise of she's been away for two weeks and it's VD.

You'd be surprised to learn how many women think it's somehow a miracle that a dad can handle the kids by himself for two weeks. The response are always the same "Ohh, you are a saint! I hope you have some time off planned!" or " My husband would never do that. Would you teach him?" and then flirty eyes. I can tell you one thing, their husbands would not be happy with the way their wives look at me.

Anyway, last I heard from her was a text last night (her morning) saying: "leaving for airport, will text when changing planes in Tokyo. Tell kids happy Valentines Day"

That was it. No, "Thanks!" "Can't wait to see you!" "Looking forward to being home!" Nothing.

Something tells me I'm not going to like what I see at Dulles.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

She lands at 3 at IAD. I'm going. I had to arrange for someone to pick the kids up at after care but it was under the guise of she's been away for two weeks and it's VD.

You'd be surprised to learn how many women think it's somehow a miracle that a dad can handle the kids by himself for two weeks. The response are always the same "Ohh, you are a saint! I hope you have some time off planned!" or " My husband would never do that. Would you teach him?" and then flirty eyes. I can tell you one thing, their husbands would not be happy with the way their wives look at me.

Anyway, last I heard from her was a text last night (her morning) saying: "leaving for airport, will text when changing planes in Tokyo. Tell kids happy Valentines Day"

That was it. No, "Thanks!" "Can't wait to see you!" "Looking forward to being home!" Nothing.

Something tells me I'm not going to like what I see at Dulles.

NP. You sound a bit bitter and resentful. Not saying it's not deserved, but you may want to think about whether it's also seeping into your communications with her and affecting your relationship.

As for the original question, I travel frequently for work (7-13 days at a time) and never do 24 hours go by without at least multiple texts with my DH. We speak by phone for at least 10 minutes on 60-75% of the days I'm gone, usually last thing I do before I go to sleep. I also try to Skype with my son for an hour if I'm gone over a weekend (he's 2.5 but I keep his attention by taking a few of his trains with me so we can "play" over Skype or FaceTime; this gives my husband an hour to have coffee and scroll through his twitter feed in peace). I.e. just cause I'm away we don't stop being a team. And of course some temptation is sometimes there but...pfffft. The work people can't hold a candle to my family.

Good luck OP.

[Anonymous]

She’s probably not cheating on you, but her attitude suggests that she’s not that into the marriage anymore. Something is off. Just stay cool and let things unfold.

[Anonymous]

I've got a free afternoon. Considering going to IAD to watch this in person.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

She lands at 3 at IAD. I'm going. I had to arrange for someone to pick the kids up at after care but it was under the guise of she's been away for two weeks and it's VD.

You'd be surprised to learn how many women think it's somehow a miracle that a dad can handle the kids by himself for two weeks. The response are always the same "Ohh, you are a saint! I hope you have some time off planned!" or " My husband would never do that. Would you teach him?" and then flirty eyes. I can tell you one thing, their husbands would not be happy with the way their wives look at me.

Anyway, last I heard from her was a text last night (her morning) saying: "leaving for airport, will text when changing planes in Tokyo. Tell kids happy Valentines Day"

That was it. No, "Thanks!" "Can't wait to see you!" "Looking forward to being home!" Nothing.

Something tells me I'm not going to like what I see at Dulles.

NP. You sound a bit bitter and resentful. Not saying it's not deserved, but you may want to think about whether it's also seeping into your communications with her and affecting your relationship.

As for the original question, I travel frequently for work (7-13 days at a time) and never do 24 hours go by without at least multiple texts with my DH. We speak by phone for at least 10 minutes on 60-75% of the days I'm gone, usually last thing I do before I go to sleep. I also try to Skype with my son for an hour if I'm gone over a weekend (he's 2.5 but I keep his attention by taking a few of his trains with me so we can "play" over Skype or FaceTime; this gives my husband an hour to have coffee and scroll through his twitter feed in peace). I.e. just cause I'm away we don't stop being a team. And of course some temptation is sometimes there but...pfffft. The work people can't hold a candle to my family.

Good luck OP.

You’re tempted to cheat on your husband?

[Anonymous]

OP, good luck. And also, even if what you see is harmless, I think it's time for counseling because she is really being disrespectful and the whole thing is undermining the marriage. Even if it's nothing, like you said, no "happy VD"...she told you to tell the KIDS happy Valentine's Day? What about you?

Anyways I've been married 20 years (good marriage), and early in the marriage, my DH used to go radio silent on me when he traveled. This was pre-cell-phone, but also, I never got the details on what hotel, etc. This, I believe, was totally due to him rushing around and not thinking about it--it does take a few years to recognize all the aspects of being a couple vs. being solo. Anyways one time I ended up miscarrying and had no idea where he was; I had to leave a teary voicemail on his work phone. ugh. For all I know, his secretary listened to it (back then, often secretaries took the voicemails and then the person called into the office for the secretary to tell the messages)

After he got back, we sat down and really worked through how important it was to me to know where he was. He'd forget at times but I would not get mad, because it wasn't a habit yet--I'm just remind him. Nowadays he's always emailing me his itinerary.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

You'd be surprised to learn how many women think it's somehow a miracle that a dad can handle the kids by himself for two weeks. The response are always the same "Ohh, you are a saint! I hope you have some time off planned!" or " My husband would never do that. Would you teach him?" and then flirty eyes. I can tell you one thing, their husbands would not be happy with the way their wives look at me.

Father of 2 preschool-aged girls here. It's amazing the double standard, I'll agree. People seem amazed when I'm out on my own with them to eat or attend events. At least 80% of the time we go out, someone will comment on what a good job I'm doing or how great my girls are, etc. Never happens when DW is with us.