Wife Goes Silent on Work Travel

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

You can't make this stuff up. She texted 10 minutes ago and asked me to hug the kids good night. I asked to face time and she said she wouldn't because hotel wall too thin and would wake people.

Or its 10 o’clock pm her time (or later) and it’s true.

Have you done much overseas travel, OP? Do you understand jet lag and the weirdness that comes in some hotels?

I know you don’t want To hear it, but overseas travel sucks. It sucks the life out of you. It sounds fun until you’ve done it, but then you realize it’s exhasuting and a pain in the ass. You miss your family but can’t summon the energy to be present when you should be. You’ve just spent 24 hours travelling when everyone else has woken up, hand meals, hung out, etc. it sounds glorious to be sitting on a plane with nothing to do, but that’s not the reality. You’ve been working on airport WiFi, trying to make your way through security, eating airport food, and waiting for your flight, crammed amongst the other people. You sat in. A 1’x 1’ square for 12 hours, huddled waiting for your luggage that was late, waited an hour and a half for the wrong rental car, then checked into a hotel with not enough pillows and a weird smell. You had to wake up after not enough sleep and a time change for a meeting with someone you don’t care about, but that your boss wants you to care about, all after eating hotel powdered eggs and watered down coffee. Your body is 9 hours behind, but the world is expecting you to be two hours ahead. The food is weird, you lost your toothbrush and forgot to pack your headphones, and in three days you have to do it all over again, but backwards.

This is a perfect summary of international business travel. The time is not your own, making it very hard to get adjusted and fully functional before you turn around and do it again. Traveling for pleasure allows you many more choices from sleeping in the next day to choosing your own hotel with a better breakfast and amenities.

Yeah, and if you're the woman and you call home, bleary eyed and exhausted, you will be asked questions like "Where are the Legos?", your husband will complain about something you forgot to do before you left, and at least one of your kids will cry and say he or she misses you. The dog will be barking and you will probably agree to something ("can we all go to six flags when you get back?") in a moment of weakness and exhaustion that you would never agree to otherwise and will regret later. Signed, lady who doesn't call home very much when traveling.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

She lands at 3 at IAD. I'm going. I had to arrange for someone to pick the kids up at after care but it was under the guise of she's been away for two weeks and it's VD.

You'd be surprised to learn how many women think it's somehow a miracle that a dad can handle the kids by himself for two weeks. The response are always the same "Ohh, you are a saint! I hope you have some time off planned!" or " My husband would never do that. Would you teach him?" and then flirty eyes. I can tell you one thing, their husbands would not be happy with the way their wives look at me.

Anyway, last I heard from her was a text last night (her morning) saying: "leaving for airport, will text when changing planes in Tokyo. Tell kids happy Valentines Day"

That was it. No, "Thanks!" "Can't wait to see you!" "Looking forward to being home!" Nothing.

Something tells me I'm not going to like what I see at Dulles.

Did you tell her you were going to be meeting her, or is it a surprise?

[Anonymous]

OP, does she know that you’re meeting her at the airport?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:OP, does she know that you’re meeting her at the airport?

OP Here. No, she has no clue I'll be there and I've never done it before because Dulles is an hour away.

I feel sick to my stomach with worry. This could go really bad.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, does she know that you’re meeting her at the airport?

OP Here. No, she has no clue I'll be there and I've never done it before because Dulles is an hour away.

I feel sick to my stomach with worry. This could go really bad.

You know, everybody here is rooting for you. At least I am.

[Anonymous]

Don’t let her gaslight you, bro.

[Anonymous]

Pay attention to odd behavior or patterns. I did and that’s when I noticed. Taking extra steps grooming, same people on every trip who are males etc. the key was when she came home and her breath smelled like mouthwash from andinner event with the same people she travels with. Huge on right there. Watch for gaslighting and keep you head on a swivel.

[Anonymous]

This entire thread is ridiculous. Just saying. I feel ridiculous for reading all 14 pages.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP here.

She lands at 3 at IAD. I'm going. I had to arrange for someone to pick the kids up at after care but it was under the guise of she's been away for two weeks and it's VD.

You'd be surprised to learn how many women think it's somehow a miracle that a dad can handle the kids by himself for two weeks. The response are always the same "Ohh, you are a saint! I hope you have some time off planned!" or " My husband would never do that. Would you teach him?" and then flirty eyes. I can tell you one thing, their husbands would not be happy with the way their wives look at me.

Anyway, last I heard from her was a text last night (her morning) saying: "leaving for airport, will text when changing planes in Tokyo. Tell kids happy Valentines Day"

That was it. No, "Thanks!" "Can't wait to see you!" "Looking forward to being home!" Nothing.

Something tells me I'm not going to like what I see at Dulles.

NP. You sound a bit bitter and resentful. Not saying it's not deserved, but you may want to think about whether it's also seeping into your communications with her and affecting your relationship.

As for the original question, I travel frequently for work (7-13 days at a time) and never do 24 hours go by without at least multiple texts with my DH. We speak by phone for at least 10 minutes on 60-75% of the days I'm gone, usually last thing I do before I go to sleep. I also try to Skype with my son for an hour if I'm gone over a weekend (he's 2.5 but I keep his attention by taking a few of his trains with me so we can "play" over Skype or FaceTime; this gives my husband an hour to have coffee and scroll through his twitter feed in peace). I.e. just cause I'm away we don't stop being a team. And of course some temptation is sometimes there but...pfffft. The work people can't hold a candle to my family.

Good luck OP.

You’re tempted to cheat on your husband?

Occasionally, sure, but I don't. I've been in multiple long term relationships before, and have never cheated on anyone, even when things weren't going so well. I sure as hell am not going to screw up a great marriage. I am sure he is tempted too occasionally but he doesn't step out either. That's what marriage is. Temptation doesn't stop. Connection with others doesn't stop. Being human doesn't stop. But conscious looking for a mate stops, because you have one and you're building a life and a family with them. That's the whole point of commitment.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, does she know that you’re meeting her at the airport?

OP Here. No, she has no clue I'll be there and I've never done it before because Dulles is an hour away.

I feel sick to my stomach with worry. This could go really bad.

Well at least there's a brand new bar now in the waiting area at Dulles. Sorry OP, we'll be thinking of you...

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:OP, does she know that you’re meeting her at the airport?

OP Here. No, she has no clue I'll be there and I've never done it before because Dulles is an hour away.

I feel sick to my stomach with worry. This could go really bad.

Well at least there's a brand new bar now in the waiting area at Dulles. Sorry OP, we'll be thinking of you...

Knock back a couple of bourbon and gingers and relax, then if you see her snap a picture don’t let her know you’re there. See if she lies about who is picking her up. Then confront her with your proof. Then you can make an informed decision on what you should do.

[Anonymous]

Op. Please let us know

[Anonymous]

The surprise airport pick up is pretty dumb. If she's with someone else, they probably live elsewhere and most likely would not fly together. I can guarantee she will be arriving alone, shlepping a heavy bag, and exhausted after a long flight.

OP isn't going to learn any more information, IMHO.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:The surprise airport pick up is pretty dumb. If she's with someone else, they probably live elsewhere and most likely would not fly together. I can guarantee she will be arriving alone, shlepping a heavy bag, and exhausted after a long flight.

OP isn't going to learn any more information, IMHO.

Maybe not. But at least he's doing something.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:The surprise airport pick up is pretty dumb. If she's with someone else, they probably live elsewhere and most likely would not fly together. I can guarantee she will be arriving alone, shlepping a heavy bag, and exhausted after a long flight.

OP isn't going to learn any more information, IMHO.

Maybe not. But at least he's doing something.

I agree. The DW goes away a lot, and there is a lot of distance here. I'm guessing she mostly doesn't take him very seriously anymore. Maybe this will make her see how desperate he feels.