I feel like I won the parenting wars

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congrats to your kid, OP!

And by all means go ahead and be proud.

But…

Denigrating your siblings and their children…or most kids, really…sigh…not nice.

Moreover, let me share some observations as a very successful DC professional in my 50s with a handful of kids and many dozens of relatives spanning from tweens to early 30s:

1. Tons of us landed amazing jobs and have fabulous lives despite going to state schools or no name colleges.

2. I know far too many kids who never did much with their fancy degrees. I think most people are either motivated or not. The fact that you forced your kid to do so much could mean they will fizzle out once you aren’t pushing them.

3. Anyone who struggles with anxiety and/or depression tends to struggle during their college years—especially the first year. I hope you will be nearby and frequently checking in. I know kids who quietly left top schools after the first year because they couldn’t live independently while managing their issues. And that’s okay.

4. Most of the financially successful people I know in their 30s own a business—and some didn’t bother with college. Some started in the trades and opened their own company. These people own the fanciest homes plus vacation homes and quickly became millionaires. It’s not for everyone, but it’s shocking how quickly they amassed wealth as Ivy educated kids are working harder for far less.

Your #4 seems completely made up. Only a very small percentage of people in the trades who own their own companies become millionaires…and that requires building a fairly large company of like 50+ employees (with lots of trucks and other assets which aren’t free).

All of the trade folks who do work on my house own their own companies and they would all laugh that they are raking it in. None encouraged their children to follow in their footsteps…which doesn’t mean not learning a trade, but rather go work for a large company as an electrician, don’t do it on your own.

On the other hand…every day we read about 25 year olds becoming billionaires by starting an AI company or similar tech company. This is DC, and we all know 30-something BigLaw partners that are pulling down big $$$s.

It’s a fact, pp.

I know, I was surprised too.

I know two young men who opted for the trades after high school. After learning the ropes they got union jobs and then built their own business on the side. After only a few years, they were launched and making excellent money.

Because they actually know how to do things themselves, they’ve invested in real estate and either flip or rent properties.

These young men have gorgeous homes, vacation homes, and kids in area privates.

Because I know plenty of people like this intimately, I know they personally net north of $1M each year (after paying out their teams). And the rental income is just gravy.

I know someone who owns multiple properties who told me he can easily pay for his kids’ college, weddings, plus a first home thanks to his real estate holdings alone.

DH and I are white collar professionals in Dcumlandia who have a very nice home and have college covered for our kids, but we missed the boat when compared to our blue collar peers…and the younger generations of men in the trades are on track to outpace given what they’ve learned from their fathers.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, you didn’t win. Tens of thousands of parents do this every year. The real winners are the parents who watched self motivated kids accomplish this all on their own.

The most successful people are the ones who can leverage a free or low-cost education (regardless of the school’s rank) to propel themselves into a job/career/life that makes them happy.

As a parent, my primary hope is that my kids will find a loving partner who will be loyal and make them happy for the rest of their lives.

Jobs/careers shouldn’t be the primary focus of one’s life unless it’s a noble calling that essentially forms the bulk of one’s identity.

My kids are happy. They don’t require therapy or daily meds. They have very active social lives and dating/relationships. They are kind. They couldn’t care less about labels or school rankings. And they would never pass judgment on their relatives for anything…let alone high school credentials and college degrees.

Don’t require therapy or daily meds?

What are you saying?

I’m saying my kids don’t have mental health issues in contrast to so many posters who seem to ride their kids really hard so they make into a top school—despite the fact their kids have rather serious issues with anxiety or depression (or perhaps it’s a chicken or egg scenario…).

I went to school with a girl who literally busted out pills at school anytime she got stressed…which was a lot. She never dated. Never had fun. She worked her butt off because her parents pushed her. She graduated from an ivy. Single and childless today, struggling with issues. And she hates her parents for prioritizing the wrong things.

Aim to raise happy and healthy kids and everything else will fall into place.

Oh, so mental health issues are the result of bad parenting? If your child had been born with ADHD, you would have just parented them right out of that?

FTR I was referencing anxiety and depression specifically, wondering aloud whether it’s good parenting to push such kids super hard…given their diagnosis…particularly having watched so many kids move back home/transfer after struggling freshman year at pressure cooker schools.

It’s really hard for kids who have always succeeded to struggle for B’s or worse…especially when their parents have conditioned them to measure success by grades.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congrats to your kid, OP!

And by all means go ahead and be proud.

But…

Denigrating your siblings and their children…or most kids, really…sigh…not nice.

Moreover, let me share some observations as a very successful DC professional in my 50s with a handful of kids and many dozens of relatives spanning from tweens to early 30s:

1. Tons of us landed amazing jobs and have fabulous lives despite going to state schools or no name colleges.

2. I know far too many kids who never did much with their fancy degrees. I think most people are either motivated or not. The fact that you forced your kid to do so much could mean they will fizzle out once you aren’t pushing them.

3. Anyone who struggles with anxiety and/or depression tends to struggle during their college years—especially the first year. I hope you will be nearby and frequently checking in. I know kids who quietly left top schools after the first year because they couldn’t live independently while managing their issues. And that’s okay.

4. Most of the financially successful people I know in their 30s own a business—and some didn’t bother with college. Some started in the trades and opened their own company. These people own the fanciest homes plus vacation homes and quickly became millionaires. It’s not for everyone, but it’s shocking how quickly they amassed wealth as Ivy educated kids are working harder for far less.

Your #4 seems completely made up. Only a very small percentage of people in the trades who own their own companies become millionaires…and that requires building a fairly large company of like 50+ employees (with lots of trucks and other assets which aren’t free).

All of the trade folks who do work on my house own their own companies and they would all laugh that they are raking it in. None encouraged their children to follow in their footsteps…which doesn’t mean not learning a trade, but rather go work for a large company as an electrician, don’t do it on your own.

On the other hand…every day we read about 25 year olds becoming billionaires by starting an AI company or similar tech company. This is DC, and we all know 30-something BigLaw partners that are pulling down big $$$s.

It’s a fact, pp.

I know, I was surprised too.

I know two young men who opted for the trades after high school. After learning the ropes they got union jobs and then built their own business on the side. After only a few years, they were launched and making excellent money.

Because they actually know how to do things themselves, they’ve invested in real estate and either flip or rent properties.

These young men have gorgeous homes, vacation homes, and kids in area privates.

Because I know plenty of people like this intimately, I know they personally net north of $1M each year (after paying out their teams). And the rental income is just gravy.

I know someone who owns multiple properties who told me he can easily pay for his kids’ college, weddings, plus a first home thanks to his real estate holdings alone.

DH and I are white collar professionals in Dcumlandia who have a very nice home and have college covered for our kids, but we missed the boat when compared to our blue collar peers…and the younger generations of men in the trades are on track to outpace given what they’ve learned from their fathers.

BS

Most trades men go out of business because they don’t have an education

My BIL owns HVAC company in Florida 90 percent if his hires never make real money they work hourly with little benefits

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congrats to your kid, OP!

And by all means go ahead and be proud.

But…

Denigrating your siblings and their children…or most kids, really…sigh…not nice.

Moreover, let me share some observations as a very successful DC professional in my 50s with a handful of kids and many dozens of relatives spanning from tweens to early 30s:

1. Tons of us landed amazing jobs and have fabulous lives despite going to state schools or no name colleges.

2. I know far too many kids who never did much with their fancy degrees. I think most people are either motivated or not. The fact that you forced your kid to do so much could mean they will fizzle out once you aren’t pushing them.

3. Anyone who struggles with anxiety and/or depression tends to struggle during their college years—especially the first year. I hope you will be nearby and frequently checking in. I know kids who quietly left top schools after the first year because they couldn’t live independently while managing their issues. And that’s okay.

4. Most of the financially successful people I know in their 30s own a business—and some didn’t bother with college. Some started in the trades and opened their own company. These people own the fanciest homes plus vacation homes and quickly became millionaires. It’s not for everyone, but it’s shocking how quickly they amassed wealth as Ivy educated kids are working harder for far less.

Your #4 seems completely made up. Only a very small percentage of people in the trades who own their own companies become millionaires…and that requires building a fairly large company of like 50+ employees (with lots of trucks and other assets which aren’t free).

All of the trade folks who do work on my house own their own companies and they would all laugh that they are raking it in. None encouraged their children to follow in their footsteps…which doesn’t mean not learning a trade, but rather go work for a large company as an electrician, don’t do it on your own.

On the other hand…every day we read about 25 year olds becoming billionaires by starting an AI company or similar tech company. This is DC, and we all know 30-something BigLaw partners that are pulling down big $$$s.

It’s a fact, pp.

I know, I was surprised too.

I know two young men who opted for the trades after high school. After learning the ropes they got union jobs and then built their own business on the side. After only a few years, they were launched and making excellent money.

Because they actually know how to do things themselves, they’ve invested in real estate and either flip or rent properties.

These young men have gorgeous homes, vacation homes, and kids in area privates.

Because I know plenty of people like this intimately, I know they personally net north of $1M each year (after paying out their teams). And the rental income is just gravy.

I know someone who owns multiple properties who told me he can easily pay for his kids’ college, weddings, plus a first home thanks to his real estate holdings alone.

DH and I are white collar professionals in Dcumlandia who have a very nice home and have college covered for our kids, but we missed the boat when compared to our blue collar peers…and the younger generations of men in the trades are on track to outpace given what they’ve learned from their fathers.

BS

Most trades men go out of business because they don’t have an education

My BIL owns HVAC company in Florida 90 percent if his hires never make real money they work hourly with little benefits

What can I say?

I know young men who got union jobs, ran a side hustle on top of it to build a business, then stopped working for others and ran their own business.

You don’t need to go to college to run a plumbing or hvac business. Or to be a contractor.

Trust me, your tradesmen in the dc metro area (and certainly your contractor) make far more money than you.

Plus, fun fact: anyone who deals in cash doesn’t report all earnings.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congrats to your kid, OP!

And by all means go ahead and be proud.

But…

Denigrating your siblings and their children…or most kids, really…sigh…not nice.

Moreover, let me share some observations as a very successful DC professional in my 50s with a handful of kids and many dozens of relatives spanning from tweens to early 30s:

1. Tons of us landed amazing jobs and have fabulous lives despite going to state schools or no name colleges.

2. I know far too many kids who never did much with their fancy degrees. I think most people are either motivated or not. The fact that you forced your kid to do so much could mean they will fizzle out once you aren’t pushing them.

3. Anyone who struggles with anxiety and/or depression tends to struggle during their college years—especially the first year. I hope you will be nearby and frequently checking in. I know kids who quietly left top schools after the first year because they couldn’t live independently while managing their issues. And that’s okay.

4. Most of the financially successful people I know in their 30s own a business—and some didn’t bother with college. Some started in the trades and opened their own company. These people own the fanciest homes plus vacation homes and quickly became millionaires. It’s not for everyone, but it’s shocking how quickly they amassed wealth as Ivy educated kids are working harder for far less.

Your #4 seems completely made up. Only a very small percentage of people in the trades who own their own companies become millionaires…and that requires building a fairly large company of like 50+ employees (with lots of trucks and other assets which aren’t free).

All of the trade folks who do work on my house own their own companies and they would all laugh that they are raking it in. None encouraged their children to follow in their footsteps…which doesn’t mean not learning a trade, but rather go work for a large company as an electrician, don’t do it on your own.

On the other hand…every day we read about 25 year olds becoming billionaires by starting an AI company or similar tech company. This is DC, and we all know 30-something BigLaw partners that are pulling down big $$$s.

It’s a fact, pp.

I know, I was surprised too.

I know two young men who opted for the trades after high school. After learning the ropes they got union jobs and then built their own business on the side. After only a few years, they were launched and making excellent money.

Because they actually know how to do things themselves, they’ve invested in real estate and either flip or rent properties.

These young men have gorgeous homes, vacation homes, and kids in area privates.

Because I know plenty of people like this intimately, I know they personally net north of $1M each year (after paying out their teams). And the rental income is just gravy.

I know someone who owns multiple properties who told me he can easily pay for his kids’ college, weddings, plus a first home thanks to his real estate holdings alone.

DH and I are white collar professionals in Dcumlandia who have a very nice home and have college covered for our kids, but we missed the boat when compared to our blue collar peers…and the younger generations of men in the trades are on track to outpace given what they’ve learned from their fathers.

Again…you have made this up…why would you know “plenty” of these people intimately? Are you in the trades?

The residential trades are not in fact the path to great wealth. They have very high bankruptcy rates…contractors have horrible success rates akin to restaurants it’s so bad.

I have zero issue with the trades…but go work for Boeing or BMW or whomever as a pipe fitter or welder or electrician. You will have a much, much better life than 99.9% who decide to start their own trade business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, you didn’t win. Tens of thousands of parents do this every year. The real winners are the parents who watched self motivated kids accomplish this all on their own.

The most successful people are the ones who can leverage a free or low-cost education (regardless of the school’s rank) to propel themselves into a job/career/life that makes them happy.

As a parent, my primary hope is that my kids will find a loving partner who will be loyal and make them happy for the rest of their lives.

Jobs/careers shouldn’t be the primary focus of one’s life unless it’s a noble calling that essentially forms the bulk of one’s identity.

My kids are happy. They don’t require therapy or daily meds. They have very active social lives and dating/relationships. They are kind. They couldn’t care less about labels or school rankings. And they would never pass judgment on their relatives for anything…let alone high school credentials and college degrees.

Don’t require therapy or daily meds?

What are you saying?

I’m saying my kids don’t have mental health issues in contrast to so many posters who seem to ride their kids really hard so they make into a top school—despite the fact their kids have rather serious issues with anxiety or depression (or perhaps it’s a chicken or egg scenario…).

I went to school with a girl who literally busted out pills at school anytime she got stressed…which was a lot. She never dated. Never had fun. She worked her butt off because her parents pushed her. She graduated from an ivy. Single and childless today, struggling with issues. And she hates her parents for prioritizing the wrong things.

Aim to raise happy and healthy kids and everything else will fall into place.

Oh, so mental health issues are the result of bad parenting? If your child had been born with ADHD, you would have just parented them right out of that?

FTR I was referencing anxiety and depression specifically, wondering aloud whether it’s good parenting to push such kids super hard…given their diagnosis…particularly having watched so many kids move back home/transfer after struggling freshman year at pressure cooker schools.

It’s really hard for kids who have always succeeded to struggle for B’s or worse…especially when their parents have conditioned them to measure success by grades.

+100 it was clear the first time . PP is rather defensive, wonder why?

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congrats to your kid, OP!

And by all means go ahead and be proud.

But…

Denigrating your siblings and their children…or most kids, really…sigh…not nice.

Moreover, let me share some observations as a very successful DC professional in my 50s with a handful of kids and many dozens of relatives spanning from tweens to early 30s:

1. Tons of us landed amazing jobs and have fabulous lives despite going to state schools or no name colleges.

2. I know far too many kids who never did much with their fancy degrees. I think most people are either motivated or not. The fact that you forced your kid to do so much could mean they will fizzle out once you aren’t pushing them.

3. Anyone who struggles with anxiety and/or depression tends to struggle during their college years—especially the first year. I hope you will be nearby and frequently checking in. I know kids who quietly left top schools after the first year because they couldn’t live independently while managing their issues. And that’s okay.

4. Most of the financially successful people I know in their 30s own a business—and some didn’t bother with college. Some started in the trades and opened their own company. These people own the fanciest homes plus vacation homes and quickly became millionaires. It’s not for everyone, but it’s shocking how quickly they amassed wealth as Ivy educated kids are working harder for far less.

Your #4 seems completely made up. Only a very small percentage of people in the trades who own their own companies become millionaires…and that requires building a fairly large company of like 50+ employees (with lots of trucks and other assets which aren’t free).

All of the trade folks who do work on my house own their own companies and they would all laugh that they are raking it in. None encouraged their children to follow in their footsteps…which doesn’t mean not learning a trade, but rather go work for a large company as an electrician, don’t do it on your own.

On the other hand…every day we read about 25 year olds becoming billionaires by starting an AI company or similar tech company. This is DC, and we all know 30-something BigLaw partners that are pulling down big $$$s.

It’s a fact, pp.

I know, I was surprised too.

I know two young men who opted for the trades after high school. After learning the ropes they got union jobs and then built their own business on the side. After only a few years, they were launched and making excellent money.

Because they actually know how to do things themselves, they’ve invested in real estate and either flip or rent properties.

These young men have gorgeous homes, vacation homes, and kids in area privates.

Because I know plenty of people like this intimately, I know they personally net north of $1M each year (after paying out their teams). And the rental income is just gravy.

I know someone who owns multiple properties who told me he can easily pay for his kids’ college, weddings, plus a first home thanks to his real estate holdings alone.

DH and I are white collar professionals in Dcumlandia who have a very nice home and have college covered for our kids, but we missed the boat when compared to our blue collar peers…and the younger generations of men in the trades are on track to outpace given what they’ve learned from their fathers.

BS

Most trades men go out of business because they don’t have an education

My BIL owns HVAC company in Florida 90 percent if his hires never make real money they work hourly with little benefits

What can I say?

I know young men who got union jobs, ran a side hustle on top of it to build a business, then stopped working for others and ran their own business.

You don’t need to go to college to run a plumbing or hvac business. Or to be a contractor.

Trust me, your tradesmen in the dc metro area (and certainly your contractor) make far more money than you.

Plus, fun fact: anyone who deals in cash doesn’t report all earnings.

Except they don’t. This includes one parent who owns one of the more “successful” contracting businesses in upper NW DC and CC MD. His trucks are fairly ubiquitous.

He is not having any of his kids follow in the business.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congrats to your kid, OP!

And by all means go ahead and be proud.

But…

Denigrating your siblings and their children…or most kids, really…sigh…not nice.

Moreover, let me share some observations as a very successful DC professional in my 50s with a handful of kids and many dozens of relatives spanning from tweens to early 30s:

1. Tons of us landed amazing jobs and have fabulous lives despite going to state schools or no name colleges.

2. I know far too many kids who never did much with their fancy degrees. I think most people are either motivated or not. The fact that you forced your kid to do so much could mean they will fizzle out once you aren’t pushing them.

3. Anyone who struggles with anxiety and/or depression tends to struggle during their college years—especially the first year. I hope you will be nearby and frequently checking in. I know kids who quietly left top schools after the first year because they couldn’t live independently while managing their issues. And that’s okay.

4. Most of the financially successful people I know in their 30s own a business—and some didn’t bother with college. Some started in the trades and opened their own company. These people own the fanciest homes plus vacation homes and quickly became millionaires. It’s not for everyone, but it’s shocking how quickly they amassed wealth as Ivy educated kids are working harder for far less.

Your #4 seems completely made up. Only a very small percentage of people in the trades who own their own companies become millionaires…and that requires building a fairly large company of like 50+ employees (with lots of trucks and other assets which aren’t free).

All of the trade folks who do work on my house own their own companies and they would all laugh that they are raking it in. None encouraged their children to follow in their footsteps…which doesn’t mean not learning a trade, but rather go work for a large company as an electrician, don’t do it on your own.

On the other hand…every day we read about 25 year olds becoming billionaires by starting an AI company or similar tech company. This is DC, and we all know 30-something BigLaw partners that are pulling down big $$$s.

It’s a fact, pp.

I know, I was surprised too.

I know two young men who opted for the trades after high school. After learning the ropes they got union jobs and then built their own business on the side. After only a few years, they were launched and making excellent money.

Because they actually know how to do things themselves, they’ve invested in real estate and either flip or rent properties.

These young men have gorgeous homes, vacation homes, and kids in area privates.

Because I know plenty of people like this intimately, I know they personally net north of $1M each year (after paying out their teams). And the rental income is just gravy.

I know someone who owns multiple properties who told me he can easily pay for his kids’ college, weddings, plus a first home thanks to his real estate holdings alone.

DH and I are white collar professionals in Dcumlandia who have a very nice home and have college covered for our kids, but we missed the boat when compared to our blue collar peers…and the younger generations of men in the trades are on track to outpace given what they’ve learned from their fathers.

BS

Most trades men go out of business because they don’t have an education

My BIL owns HVAC company in Florida 90 percent if his hires never make real money they work hourly with little benefits

What can I say?

I know young men who got union jobs, ran a side hustle on top of it to build a business, then stopped working for others and ran their own business.

You don’t need to go to college to run a plumbing or hvac business. Or to be a contractor.

Trust me, your tradesmen in the dc metro area (and certainly your contractor) make far more money than you.

Plus, fun fact: anyone who deals in cash doesn’t report all earnings.

Except they don’t. This includes one parent who owns one of the more “successful” contracting businesses in upper NW DC and CC MD. His trucks are fairly ubiquitous.

He is not having any of his kids follow in the business.

Then I guess he’s doing something wrong because I can think of a handful of men who are wildly successful and whose kids are taking over the business.

I also know two young men in their early 20s whose fathers weren’t in the trades, and these men have union jobs plus their side hustle and they are socking away real money.

And my contractor friends are loaded. Big time.

But it’s my plumber whose lifestyle has floored me. He put a handful of kids through area private schools and fancy colleges and has a beach house, lake house, and a home in Greece (on an island—a legit beach villa). He’s made a fortune charging white collar professionals to renovate and fix plumbing issues.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congrats to your kid, OP!

And by all means go ahead and be proud.

But…

Denigrating your siblings and their children…or most kids, really…sigh…not nice.

Moreover, let me share some observations as a very successful DC professional in my 50s with a handful of kids and many dozens of relatives spanning from tweens to early 30s:

1. Tons of us landed amazing jobs and have fabulous lives despite going to state schools or no name colleges.

2. I know far too many kids who never did much with their fancy degrees. I think most people are either motivated or not. The fact that you forced your kid to do so much could mean they will fizzle out once you aren’t pushing them.

3. Anyone who struggles with anxiety and/or depression tends to struggle during their college years—especially the first year. I hope you will be nearby and frequently checking in. I know kids who quietly left top schools after the first year because they couldn’t live independently while managing their issues. And that’s okay.

4. Most of the financially successful people I know in their 30s own a business—and some didn’t bother with college. Some started in the trades and opened their own company. These people own the fanciest homes plus vacation homes and quickly became millionaires. It’s not for everyone, but it’s shocking how quickly they amassed wealth as Ivy educated kids are working harder for far less.

Your #4 seems completely made up. Only a very small percentage of people in the trades who own their own companies become millionaires…and that requires building a fairly large company of like 50+ employees (with lots of trucks and other assets which aren’t free).

All of the trade folks who do work on my house own their own companies and they would all laugh that they are raking it in. None encouraged their children to follow in their footsteps…which doesn’t mean not learning a trade, but rather go work for a large company as an electrician, don’t do it on your own.

On the other hand…every day we read about 25 year olds becoming billionaires by starting an AI company or similar tech company. This is DC, and we all know 30-something BigLaw partners that are pulling down big $$$s.

It’s a fact, pp.

I know, I was surprised too.

I know two young men who opted for the trades after high school. After learning the ropes they got union jobs and then built their own business on the side. After only a few years, they were launched and making excellent money.

Because they actually know how to do things themselves, they’ve invested in real estate and either flip or rent properties.

These young men have gorgeous homes, vacation homes, and kids in area privates.

Because I know plenty of people like this intimately, I know they personally net north of $1M each year (after paying out their teams). And the rental income is just gravy.

I know someone who owns multiple properties who told me he can easily pay for his kids’ college, weddings, plus a first home thanks to his real estate holdings alone.

DH and I are white collar professionals in Dcumlandia who have a very nice home and have college covered for our kids, but we missed the boat when compared to our blue collar peers…and the younger generations of men in the trades are on track to outpace given what they’ve learned from their fathers.

Again…you have made this up…why would you know “plenty” of these people intimately? Are you in the trades?

The residential trades are not in fact the path to great wealth. They have very high bankruptcy rates…contractors have horrible success rates akin to restaurants it’s so bad.

I have zero issue with the trades…but go work for Boeing or BMW or whomever as a pipe fitter or welder or electrician. You will have a much, much better life than 99.9% who decide to start their own trade business.

Do you even live in Dcumlandia?

And do you know any Greeks? Latinos? Albanians?

Fun fact: they are running very successful businesses and amassing legit fortunes.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congratulations to the OP. You put the work in, and it shows. Over the years, I’ve listened to folks whose kids have all done well - and all said parents emphasized that parenting takes a lot of effort. I’ve also paid attention to folks whose kids have not turned out - and in each instance, I’ve not been surprised.



We are doing the same as OP with our child, putting the work/effort in.

My kids (still teens) are doing fine in life if by fine you mean good grades. But I’m not arrogant enough to think kids’ outcomes are only due to parents’ efforts. Mental health issues, trauma, etc can steer “good kids” from “good families” off course. And “putting effort/work” in means different things to different people. I would like my kids to be happy, functioning adults who can support themselves. I know this is hard for some of you to understand—not every highly educated UMC parent is of the Ivy or bust mentality.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Congrats to your kid, OP!

And by all means go ahead and be proud.

But…

Denigrating your siblings and their children…or most kids, really…sigh…not nice.

Moreover, let me share some observations as a very successful DC professional in my 50s with a handful of kids and many dozens of relatives spanning from tweens to early 30s:

1. Tons of us landed amazing jobs and have fabulous lives despite going to state schools or no name colleges.

2. I know far too many kids who never did much with their fancy degrees. I think most people are either motivated or not. The fact that you forced your kid to do so much could mean they will fizzle out once you aren’t pushing them.

3. Anyone who struggles with anxiety and/or depression tends to struggle during their college years—especially the first year. I hope you will be nearby and frequently checking in. I know kids who quietly left top schools after the first year because they couldn’t live independently while managing their issues. And that’s okay.

4. Most of the financially successful people I know in their 30s own a business—and some didn’t bother with college. Some started in the trades and opened their own company. These people own the fanciest homes plus vacation homes and quickly became millionaires. It’s not for everyone, but it’s shocking how quickly they amassed wealth as Ivy educated kids are working harder for far less.

Your #4 seems completely made up. Only a very small percentage of people in the trades who own their own companies become millionaires…and that requires building a fairly large company of like 50+ employees (with lots of trucks and other assets which aren’t free).

All of the trade folks who do work on my house own their own companies and they would all laugh that they are raking it in. None encouraged their children to follow in their footsteps…which doesn’t mean not learning a trade, but rather go work for a large company as an electrician, don’t do it on your own.

On the other hand…every day we read about 25 year olds becoming billionaires by starting an AI company or similar tech company. This is DC, and we all know 30-something BigLaw partners that are pulling down big $$$s.

It’s a fact, pp.

I know, I was surprised too.

I know two young men who opted for the trades after high school. After learning the ropes they got union jobs and then built their own business on the side. After only a few years, they were launched and making excellent money.

Because they actually know how to do things themselves, they’ve invested in real estate and either flip or rent properties.

These young men have gorgeous homes, vacation homes, and kids in area privates.

Because I know plenty of people like this intimately, I know they personally net north of $1M each year (after paying out their teams). And the rental income is just gravy.

I know someone who owns multiple properties who told me he can easily pay for his kids’ college, weddings, plus a first home thanks to his real estate holdings alone.

DH and I are white collar professionals in Dcumlandia who have a very nice home and have college covered for our kids, but we missed the boat when compared to our blue collar peers…and the younger generations of men in the trades are on track to outpace given what they’ve learned from their fathers.

BS

Most trades men go out of business because they don’t have an education

My BIL owns HVAC company in Florida 90 percent if his hires never make real money they work hourly with little benefits

I know a HVAC guy in NYC who definitely pulls in $1m+ and so does my friend’s dad who owns a plumbing company. They have a gorgeous home. I do not look down at these people.

DH is a surgeon and we also pull a seven figure HHI.

Not all surgeons make seven figures and not all HVAC guys make seven figures.

[Anonymous]

This post is incredibly sad. Good job "winning" OP. Smug superiority feels a lot like losing to me.

[Anonymous]

How this started:

Anonymous wrote:My DS was accepted ED1 to an elite university. Husband and I have worked for years to help him with grades, encouraging increased in AP classes, motivation, ec's, supporting his varsity sport, helping with the mental toughness training/support required for the sport, requiring DS do volunteer work, etc. throughout high school.

Our parenting style differs from our siblings parenting style - they are more "live and let live." DS has also overcome struggles with anxiety and social issues (stress in his sport and around acclimating to a new HS), even us finding vape carts and getting him a therapist). A visit to the emergency room on prom after too much vodka. So many opportunities to veer too far off track.

I'm just feeling so grateful, his senior year, to be on the other side with him heading to a great school with amazing opportunities. I'm also feeling validated with our parenting style. Most importantly, DS is extremely proud of his accomplishment. He did it! We did it! Feeling proud and emotional about this next phase. Parents need to pat ourselves on the back sometimes🥹

How it ends:

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, you didn’t win. Tens of thousands of parents do this every year. The real winners are the parents who watched self motivated kids accomplish this all on their own.

The most successful people are the ones who can leverage a free or low-cost education (regardless of the school’s rank) to propel themselves into a job/career/life that makes them happy.

As a parent, my primary hope is that my kids will find a loving partner who will be loyal and make them happy for the rest of their lives.

Jobs/careers shouldn’t be the primary focus of one’s life unless it’s a noble calling that essentially forms the bulk of one’s identity.

My kids are happy. They don’t require therapy or daily meds. They have very active social lives and dating/relationships. They are kind. They couldn’t care less about labels or school rankings. And they would never pass judgment on their relatives for anything…let alone high school credentials and college degrees.

This is a good post. Thank you. Even though I must know, it still helps to read it.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, you didn’t win. Tens of thousands of parents do this every year. The real winners are the parents who watched self motivated kids accomplish this all on their own.

The most successful people are the ones who can leverage a free or low-cost education (regardless of the school’s rank) to propel themselves into a job/career/life that makes them happy.

As a parent, my primary hope is that my kids will find a loving partner who will be loyal and make them happy for the rest of their lives.

Jobs/careers shouldn’t be the primary focus of one’s life unless it’s a noble calling that essentially forms the bulk of one’s identity.

My kids are happy. They don’t require therapy or daily meds. They have very active social lives and dating/relationships. They are kind. They couldn’t care less about labels or school rankings. And they would never pass judgment on their relatives for anything…let alone high school credentials and college degrees.

This is a good post. Thank you. Even though I must know, it still helps to read it.

This is a good post. I am in a foreign land on this forum. My mother was a single mother, and an addict. She was a very nice person though and despite her problems and neglect I chose to frame her as a kind and generous person.

Left home at 18 entirely on my own. No assistance from anyone. Athletic scholarship at a top 10 school. Made it through and went on to be very successful at a top law school. Always worked at jobs and never incurred debt. No time to worry about anxiety or social life. Heck if I wasn’t anxious before an athletic competition I generally didn’t perform well! One regret was my mother never seeing me compete in college. You deal well the cards you are dealt.

I was not anything special in terms of virtue - I could goof off with the best of them and was by all accounts a tough kid. But a different era. The world thought I was athletically talented - I knew better. Never drank a drop of alcohol (worried about getting sick) and certainly never touched a drug of any kind. This made a significant difference in my life even though many assumed it had a religious motivation- wasn’t remotely the case and really had to accept social life wasn’t going to happen. I talked to Pat Summit the Tennessee women’s head coach years later and she confirmed to me my methods was sensible, although she suggested things I could have done better. She thought the absence of helicoptering was a great benefit. Life is wonderful. Figuring out you have 1/10th the mental resilience of Par Summit and feeling awed and respectful at that - could not have had it better.

My greatest thrill was discovering the rich kids did not think I was stupid.

The other thing was the ridiculous freedom I enjoyed. No one to answer to but me. I liked it. I lived off athletic travel expenses and every 2 for one Hardees coupon was a thrill!

I was at the top of the law school class, law review guy, many awards and so on. Trying to make up for my mother never having seen me compete, I flew her and my aunt to graduation. Ok, the right thing to do but also a product of my ego. I had a huge revelation at the event. My mother didn’t care whether I was an A student or a D student. Not an iota. She wasn’t educated, but really she just wanted to be sober enough to be a mother again and see me happy. I felt grateful that necessity was such a huge factor in my life.

I married very well. Luck plays a role.No illusions I was some kind of catch. We had two daughters and both went to Princeton. I think we helicoptered some but not a lot. My ego kicked in because I was happy I changed the trajectory of my family. My mother unlike with me did care about her grandchildren’s exploits. Hearing her brag about her grandchildren was one of her life’s high points, and a testament to sustained sobriety.

By the way I have a predilection in favor of young people and am on guard against selling them short. Take this for what it is worth.