I feel like I won the parenting wars

[Anonymous]

My wonderful parents were very involved, even though times were different back then. All three of us kids got the chance to attend elite schools, thanks to them. So, congratulations, Mama! So excited for you and your son!

[Anonymous]

The tone of this post is very self congratulatory.

It’s great that your part in the parenting worked out well, but please realize that some people are not as educated, healthy, rich, blessed or just plain lucky as you are.

Sure, compare to your siblings and pat yourself on the back. But sometimes people struggle and they’re just doing the best they can or that’s all they know. Have some empathy.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post seems fake and designed to elicit outrage.

It's not fake. Definitely not trying to elicit outrage. The process to get one's child successfully through high school and into the best university where they will have the most opportunities lasts for years. I imagine many parents feel this way when their child is accepted to elite schools. It is a marker of a certain level of accomplishment. Especially if there were bumps along the way. Why would this post elicit outrage?

Because your kid seems kind of f**ked up and it appears you helicoptered him to a top 10 school.

Most people reading your post (especially someone like me with an adjusted kid at a top 10 school) don’t see your kid having a great experience.

+1 They definitely helicoptered him to a top 10 school.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have twins who also made it into elite universities (freshmen at Ivies) after some reasonably heavy and involved parenting and a lot of ups and downs in high school: lack of motivation from time-to-time, anxiety, ADHD for one, some drinking (no vaping). Basically super involved parents and some good, bad and ugly of teenage life.

I remember the relief of thinking "huh, we did it" but I'm hear to report that it all still continues in college: mood disorders, struggles with self-motivation (not with academics so far but in developing passions/interests), drinking, etc. Sure they "made it" but in 2025, ATTENDING AN IVY is really not all that in and of itself. It's probably a good launching point but the rat race only continues on. For good internships, jobs, graduate schools the kids all need the top college grades, top clubs, top everything and a whole lot of self motivation and organization.

Relax, catch your breath and start crossing your fingers and praying. That's what I'm doing. I can't manage from afar so I hope it all works out.

Yeah, I think we're where you were when you thought, "huh, we did it." Yes, LOTS of heavy parenting to get him into top school and I realize the race continues. Celebrating the last 6 months of senior year and summer.

In a way, drinking too much that first time and ending up in the hospital (that was us as parents overreacting) wasn't the worst thing. It opened up the discussion around drinking. Allowed us to set strict rules for senior year (no drinking, no vaping - with drug tests and checks). So I'm hoping it will help with what we all know can be a rough entry to college life.

Oh, boy. And now he is going off to a hyper competitive college on his own…

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:I have twins who also made it into elite universities (freshmen at Ivies) after some reasonably heavy and involved parenting and a lot of ups and downs in high school: lack of motivation from time-to-time, anxiety, ADHD for one, some drinking (no vaping). Basically super involved parents and some good, bad and ugly of teenage life.

I remember the relief of thinking "huh, we did it" but I'm hear to report that it all still continues in college: mood disorders, struggles with self-motivation (not with academics so far but in developing passions/interests), drinking, etc. Sure they "made it" but in 2025, ATTENDING AN IVY is really not all that in and of itself. It's probably a good launching point but the rat race only continues on. For good internships, jobs, graduate schools the kids all need the top college grades, top clubs, top everything and a whole lot of self motivation and organization.

Relax, catch your breath and start crossing your fingers and praying. That's what I'm doing. I can't manage from afar so I hope it all works out.

Yeah, I think we're where you were when you thought, "huh, we did it." Yes, LOTS of heavy parenting to get him into top school and I realize the race continues. Celebrating the last 6 months of senior year and summer.

In a way, drinking too much that first time and ending up in the hospital (that was us as parents overreacting) wasn't the worst thing. It opened up the discussion around drinking. Allowed us to set strict rules for senior year (no drinking, no vaping - with drug tests and checks). So I'm hoping it will help with what we all know can be a rough entry to college life.

Twin parent posting again and yes, definitely enjoy this window. It is very sweet and goes by so quickly. And congratulations!

[Anonymous]

Don't let your kid pledge.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:My DS was accepted ED1 to an elite university. Husband and I have worked for years to help him with grades, encouraging increased in AP classes, motivation, ec's, supporting his varsity sport, helping with the mental toughness training/support required for the sport, requiring DS do volunteer work, etc. throughout high school.

Our parenting style differs from our siblings parenting style - they are more "live and let live." DS has also overcome struggles with anxiety and social issues (stress in his sport and around acclimating to a new HS), even us finding vape carts and getting him a therapist). A visit to the emergency room on prom after too much vodka. So many opportunities to veer too far off track.

I'm just feeling so grateful, his senior year, to be on the other side with him heading to a great school with amazing opportunities. I'm also feeling validated with our parenting style. Most importantly, DS is extremely proud of his accomplishment. He did it! We did it! Feeling proud and emotional about this next phase. Parents need to pat ourselves on the back sometimes🥹

Congratulations, sincerely. We have a similar situation in our family with free-range kids (cousins) who have crashed out in their mid-20s. Don’t let up!

So OP should continue to helicopter him through his 20s? Or beyond? Mmkay.

[Anonymous]

Congrats on getting into an elite college! It's quite an achievement for a middle aged person.

If you continue raising your child well for the next 25 years, maybe they will have similar success getting into college with their kid!

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:My DS was accepted ED1 to an elite university. Husband and I have worked for years to help him with grades, encouraging increased in AP classes, motivation, ec's, supporting his varsity sport, helping with the mental toughness training/support required for the sport, requiring DS do volunteer work, etc. throughout high school.

Our parenting style differs from our siblings parenting style - they are more "live and let live." DS has also overcome struggles with anxiety and social issues (stress in his sport and around acclimating to a new HS), even us finding vape carts and getting him a therapist). A visit to the emergency room on prom after too much vodka. So many opportunities to veer too far off track.

I'm just feeling so grateful, his senior year, to be on the other side with him heading to a great school with amazing opportunities. I'm also feeling validated with our parenting style. Most importantly, DS is extremely proud of his accomplishment. He did it! We did it! Feeling proud and emotional about this next phase. Parents need to pat ourselves on the back sometimes🥹

Great that your kid got into the college he wanted, but geez. Who are kids are and become as people has very little to do with what college they attend. My validation as a parent or how I raised my kid was never gonna be based on where he went to college.

[Anonymous]

Congratulations and all the best to your kid. It’s his journey now.

[Anonymous]

I'm so happy for you that you have suffering family member to give you a sense of superiority, inflated ego, and external validation for your petty insecurity.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I'm so happy for you that you have suffering family member to give you a sense of superiority, inflated ego, and external validation for your petty insecurity.

Something tells me the suffering family member’s kid will be far more well-adjusted.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:You got your kid to the finish line after high school in a winning position. That is great. Do you have older kids? I do and shit can really hit the fan in and after college no matter what 18yo parenting wars were won.

We'll be moving to a suburb near the college to prevent any mishaps during the next 4 years!
#ParentingFTW

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:You got your kid to the finish line after high school in a winning position. That is great. Do you have older kids? I do and shit can really hit the fan in and after college no matter what 18yo parenting wars were won.

We'll be moving to a suburb near the college to prevent any mishaps during the next 4 years!
#ParentingFTW

No need. They can farm out the drug testing responsibilities.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:This post seems fake and designed to elicit outrage.

It's not fake. Definitely not trying to elicit outrage. The process to get one's child successfully through high school and into the best university where they will have the most opportunities lasts for years. I imagine many parents feel this way when their child is accepted to elite schools. It is a marker of a certain level of accomplishment. Especially if there were bumps along the way. Why would this post elicit outrage?

Because your kid seems kind of f**ked up and it appears you helicoptered him to a top 10 school.

Most people reading your post (especially someone like me with an adjusted kid at a top 10 school) don’t see your kid having a great experience.

You should be far more concerned about kids mental health than the fact that kid got into an elite school. It does not seem like you are or, to the extent you are, you are thinking opportunities and respurces provided by an elite school are best for his mental health issues. 9 times out of 10, that is not the case.

This.

I was this kid. 1 trip to the hospital in HS for alcohol poisoning. Multiple times throwing up in front of my parents after drinking too much. But they thought it was all ok because I was getting good grades still and doing my sport. They said “no more drinking”, I said ok, and they believed me as if they never heard of alcoholism.

Fast forward to college and there was another - worse - trip to the hospital and an overnight in jail. That’s what finally made me realize no one else was going to care about me - I needed to get my shit together myself.

BUT college isn’t the end, it’s the beginning. His mental health issues are not gone, they’re there under the surface. You need to be tuned in more than ever and make sure he has the right supports where he will be.

I think this is the problem with the younger generations. Parents have taught their kids that getting into college is the end game. It is not. It’s just the beginning.