I feel like I won the parenting wars

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do try to have compassion not judgement for people like the OP for being so insecure with themselves they live for status and the vicariously with status of their children, but it is challenging.

Not the OP but by posting snark like this to a stranger on a Saturday morning you are demonstrating your own security?

Nope. Looks to me that you are triggered.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I do try to have compassion not judgement for people like the OP for being so insecure with themselves they live for status and the vicariously with status of their children, but it is challenging.

I suspect that for most of us browsing who don’t live in DC full time, the OP is a good reminder why we stay far away. Maybe you should try it.

[Anonymous]

I am glad your son did not descend into alcoholism but for real … parenting wars … who are you at war with?

(The stuff people reveal on anonymous boards)

[Anonymous]

Dear OP - I know that we won the parenting wars because we moved outside of the DMV and no longer are surrounded by Assh&$ls.

[Anonymous]

Aw c’mon- she is happy that things worked out with her kid. She doesn’t sound like a terrible person in all her follow up posts. Congrats, OP.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:I have twins who also made it into elite universities (freshmen at Ivies) after some reasonably heavy and involved parenting and a lot of ups and downs in high school: lack of motivation from time-to-time, anxiety, ADHD for one, some drinking (no vaping). Basically super involved parents and some good, bad and ugly of teenage life.

I remember the relief of thinking "huh, we did it" but I'm hear to report that it all still continues in college: mood disorders, struggles with self-motivation (not with academics so far but in developing passions/interests), drinking, etc. Sure they "made it" but in 2025, ATTENDING AN IVY is really not all that in and of itself. It's probably a good launching point but the rat race only continues on. For good internships, jobs, graduate schools the kids all need the top college grades, top clubs, top everything and a whole lot of self motivation and organization.

Relax, catch your breath and start crossing your fingers and praying. That's what I'm doing. I can't manage from afar so I hope it all works out.

That rat race experience sounds like a miserable experience. And for what? External validation? It never ends.

[Anonymous]

Sorry OP, you didn’t win. Tens of thousands of parents do this every year. The real winners are the parents who watched self motivated kids accomplish this all on their own.

[Anonymous]

Congrats to your kid, OP!

And by all means go ahead and be proud.

But…

Denigrating your siblings and their children…or most kids, really…sigh…not nice.

Moreover, let me share some observations as a very successful DC professional in my 50s with a handful of kids and many dozens of relatives spanning from tweens to early 30s:

1. Tons of us landed amazing jobs and have fabulous lives despite going to state schools or no name colleges.

2. I know far too many kids who never did much with their fancy degrees. I think most people are either motivated or not. The fact that you forced your kid to do so much could mean they will fizzle out once you aren’t pushing them.

3. Anyone who struggles with anxiety and/or depression tends to struggle during their college years—especially the first year. I hope you will be nearby and frequently checking in. I know kids who quietly left top schools after the first year because they couldn’t live independently while managing their issues. And that’s okay.

4. Most of the financially successful people I know in their 30s own a business—and some didn’t bother with college. Some started in the trades and opened their own company. These people own the fanciest homes plus vacation homes and quickly became millionaires. It’s not for everyone, but it’s shocking how quickly they amassed wealth as Ivy educated kids are working harder for far less.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, you didn’t win. Tens of thousands of parents do this every year. The real winners are the parents who watched self motivated kids accomplish this all on their own.

The most successful people are the ones who can leverage a free or low-cost education (regardless of the school’s rank) to propel themselves into a job/career/life that makes them happy.

As a parent, my primary hope is that my kids will find a loving partner who will be loyal and make them happy for the rest of their lives.

Jobs/careers shouldn’t be the primary focus of one’s life unless it’s a noble calling that essentially forms the bulk of one’s identity.

My kids are happy. They don’t require therapy or daily meds. They have very active social lives and dating/relationships. They are kind. They couldn’t care less about labels or school rankings. And they would never pass judgment on their relatives for anything…let alone high school credentials and college degrees.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, you didn’t win. Tens of thousands of parents do this every year. The real winners are the parents who watched self motivated kids accomplish this all on their own.

No, it’s the kids who faced actual real hardship and succeeded.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, you didn’t win. Tens of thousands of parents do this every year. The real winners are the parents who watched self motivated kids accomplish this all on their own.

The most successful people are the ones who can leverage a free or low-cost education (regardless of the school’s rank) to propel themselves into a job/career/life that makes them happy.

As a parent, my primary hope is that my kids will find a loving partner who will be loyal and make them happy for the rest of their lives.

Jobs/careers shouldn’t be the primary focus of one’s life unless it’s a noble calling that essentially forms the bulk of one’s identity.

My kids are happy. They don’t require therapy or daily meds. They have very active social lives and dating/relationships. They are kind. They couldn’t care less about labels or school rankings. And they would never pass judgment on their relatives for anything…let alone high school credentials and college degrees.

Don’t require therapy or daily meds?

What are you saying?

[Anonymous]

Congratulations to the OP. You put the work in, and it shows. Over the years, I’ve listened to folks whose kids have all done well - and all said parents emphasized that parenting takes a lot of effort. I’ve also paid attention to folks whose kids have not turned out - and in each instance, I’ve not been surprised.



We are doing the same as OP with our child, putting the work/effort in.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, you didn’t win. Tens of thousands of parents do this every year. The real winners are the parents who watched self motivated kids accomplish this all on their own.

The most successful people are the ones who can leverage a free or low-cost education (regardless of the school’s rank) to propel themselves into a job/career/life that makes them happy.

As a parent, my primary hope is that my kids will find a loving partner who will be loyal and make them happy for the rest of their lives.

Jobs/careers shouldn’t be the primary focus of one’s life unless it’s a noble calling that essentially forms the bulk of one’s identity.

My kids are happy. They don’t require therapy or daily meds. They have very active social lives and dating/relationships. They are kind. They couldn’t care less about labels or school rankings. And they would never pass judgment on their relatives for anything…let alone high school credentials and college degrees.

Don’t require therapy or daily meds?

What are you saying?

I’m saying my kids don’t have mental health issues in contrast to so many posters who seem to ride their kids really hard so they make into a top school—despite the fact their kids have rather serious issues with anxiety or depression (or perhaps it’s a chicken or egg scenario…).

I went to school with a girl who literally busted out pills at school anytime she got stressed…which was a lot. She never dated. Never had fun. She worked her butt off because her parents pushed her. She graduated from an ivy. Single and childless today, struggling with issues. And she hates her parents for prioritizing the wrong things.

Aim to raise happy and healthy kids and everything else will fall into place.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:Congrats to your kid, OP!

And by all means go ahead and be proud.

But…

Denigrating your siblings and their children…or most kids, really…sigh…not nice.

Moreover, let me share some observations as a very successful DC professional in my 50s with a handful of kids and many dozens of relatives spanning from tweens to early 30s:

1. Tons of us landed amazing jobs and have fabulous lives despite going to state schools or no name colleges.

2. I know far too many kids who never did much with their fancy degrees. I think most people are either motivated or not. The fact that you forced your kid to do so much could mean they will fizzle out once you aren’t pushing them.

3. Anyone who struggles with anxiety and/or depression tends to struggle during their college years—especially the first year. I hope you will be nearby and frequently checking in. I know kids who quietly left top schools after the first year because they couldn’t live independently while managing their issues. And that’s okay.

4. Most of the financially successful people I know in their 30s own a business—and some didn’t bother with college. Some started in the trades and opened their own company. These people own the fanciest homes plus vacation homes and quickly became millionaires. It’s not for everyone, but it’s shocking how quickly they amassed wealth as Ivy educated kids are working harder for far less.

Your #4 seems completely made up. Only a very small percentage of people in the trades who own their own companies become millionaires…and that requires building a fairly large company of like 50+ employees (with lots of trucks and other assets which aren’t free).

All of the trade folks who do work on my house own their own companies and they would all laugh that they are raking it in. None encouraged their children to follow in their footsteps…which doesn’t mean not learning a trade, but rather go work for a large company as an electrician, don’t do it on your own.

On the other hand…every day we read about 25 year olds becoming billionaires by starting an AI company or similar tech company. This is DC, and we all know 30-something BigLaw partners that are pulling down big $$$s.

[Anonymous]

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:

Anonymous wrote:Sorry OP, you didn’t win. Tens of thousands of parents do this every year. The real winners are the parents who watched self motivated kids accomplish this all on their own.

The most successful people are the ones who can leverage a free or low-cost education (regardless of the school’s rank) to propel themselves into a job/career/life that makes them happy.

As a parent, my primary hope is that my kids will find a loving partner who will be loyal and make them happy for the rest of their lives.

Jobs/careers shouldn’t be the primary focus of one’s life unless it’s a noble calling that essentially forms the bulk of one’s identity.

My kids are happy. They don’t require therapy or daily meds. They have very active social lives and dating/relationships. They are kind. They couldn’t care less about labels or school rankings. And they would never pass judgment on their relatives for anything…let alone high school credentials and college degrees.

Don’t require therapy or daily meds?

What are you saying?

I’m saying my kids don’t have mental health issues in contrast to so many posters who seem to ride their kids really hard so they make into a top school—despite the fact their kids have rather serious issues with anxiety or depression (or perhaps it’s a chicken or egg scenario…).

I went to school with a girl who literally busted out pills at school anytime she got stressed…which was a lot. She never dated. Never had fun. She worked her butt off because her parents pushed her. She graduated from an ivy. Single and childless today, struggling with issues. And she hates her parents for prioritizing the wrong things.

Aim to raise happy and healthy kids and everything else will fall into place.

Oh, so mental health issues are the result of bad parenting? If your child had been born with ADHD, you would have just parented them right out of that?